abortion advice
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
So, I have dated this girl that I met in college for two years. I used to think she was perfect to me. She is studying to be engineer, she is atheist and she leans left just like me. One day we got very drunk and we found of she was pregnant. We decided we might have a kid or two if we were still together in our thirties.
I wasn't bothered by it because I could pay for it and I was 100% confident that she realized a fetus is only a worthless potential human. The thing is she actually said she wants to keep the "baby". I don't even know if I want to be with a girl thinks a parasite is somehow a baby. Anyway, I don't wanna do something illegal so I want to ask what are some good ways to convince a girl reluctant to have an abortion to have one? I was thinking of shaming her in our group of friends but I think it could backfire against me. Any advice?
Shaming is a terrible idea.
My partner and I have had one abortion and it is something that we both agreed to. That said, I was much keener on keeping it than I let her be aware of. It's something that you can live with but it haunts me.
If she really wants to have a baby, convincing her to do abort will probably only change her mind until after the procedure, she is likely to end up resenting you for it.
I'd talk to a GP at least on your own and family health clinicians. You are not alone in not wanting a child and there is a lot of material and helpful resources to mediate the issue with your partner. Most people can handle it but it can seriously fuck people up. Do not cripple her emotionally to get the job done, because it will come back to bite you.
Also, COMMUNICATE!
I don't mean arguments, I means D&Ms and honest explanations of your feelings.
>>17319449
The thing is, I don't care and I though she didn't either. I understand religious people worrying but we aren't religious.
>>17319512
Its not about religion. Shes a female and has a baby in her. She is most likely feeling maternal and thats why she wants to keep it. Its not an easy decision as you make it out to be OP. This choice affects mostly her cause it has to do with HER body. My sister had one and she cried, even though she was 100% sure she didnt want it. She hurt for a couple days after too, physically. She threw up when they where doing the abortion cause it does affect your body. Even the abortion pill can cause pain too.
>>17319357
don't try to. it is a baby, she already loves it and can feel it's little life growing inside her. I'm not trying to be all pro life, I'm a girl my ex forced me into getting an abortion. I'm glad I don't have a child with him but it's a really profound thing to give up your potential child like that. it's something you will think about for the rest of your life. if she wants the child that's her choice. if you don't want the kid then just brake up and don't be a part of its life. you should have been better about pulling out or using a condom if you really didn't want kids yet
>>17319538
Except it is my wallet that will pay for it and a woman with a science background should know a fish- shaped 7 week creature is not a baby. If only I had a choice about letting her be happy with her baby while I am not required to have any responsibility without leaving the country I would be okay with it, but I can't run away from it without leaving my future here.
>>17319512
it's not a religious thing, I'm an atheist to and it still really bothers me. not because of morality or fear of judgment but because I have children now with my husband. l hold and look and me sweet little 9 month old daughter and then the thought that of what that other baby could have been. how he or she would have looked, how holding them would have felt, it makes me feel so sick and sad. like I said don't force her even if you don't want to be involved in a child's life right now that's fine just if she wants that child you should be OK with her having it. she can choose to parent on her own. it's harder but if she wants to do that she should be able to
>>17319580
is she the time to try to burn you for child support? not everyone dose that, I have full custody and never went for child support at all.
>>17319580
Should of been better with proction then. It doesnt matter that you think its not a life yet, to her it might be. To many woman it is. Like i said, its a maternal thing that you guys just dont understand.
Also, its disturbing that you just ignored the facts i gave you about it affecting her body. Dont you care about that? It is painful. Seems like your just heartless and should nvr have children, even in your thirties. Smh
>>17319600
the emotional toll I'd way way worse then the physical one. also not that it's unimportant but she's in for about 100x worse if she keeps it. the 3rd trimester and then labor itself are a bitch
>>17319607
Depends how you look at it. I think having a child is amazing and very rewarding as a parent. So funny and cute, and yes, they do have their moments of annoyances but its a lot better than some ppl make it out to be.
>>17319607
Only be 100x worse if your a complete dick about it the whole time.
Just let her be if you dont want it that bad. Sounds like she'll be able to take care of it fine by herself.
>>17319600
Well, it is alive but it is not a person yet.
>>17319589
Then you might be in the minority. All the research I have read points out that the vast majority of women don't face big consequences, or at least lasting ones.
>>17319599
Yeah, I still have hope that she won't put the burden on me if she decides to keep it, then I just wish her the best trying not to sound like an asshole and nothing more. The thing is, I feel I don't know her anymore and don't know what to expect.
>>17319357
>a worthless potential human.
>parasite
>I'm so smart, so is she.
Either she was smart enough to trick you into knocking her up or you are both retarded but that potential human/parasite may one day become better than you and all it has to do to achieve that is learn how a condom works. You are just afraid your offspring will surpass you at the age of one when it figures out how to put a bag on something.
>>17319621
o no kids are great, I have two myself they are a joy. they can be little butt heads at times but seeing your kids grow and learn is the best thing in the world. I don't think I'd feel like I had a good life if I never had children. I was just saying that the actual physical tole of carrying and birthing a baby is harder on your body then an abortion is.
>>17319627
well some women don't seem to care of be bothered by it at all, how else do you explain girls who get more then one, they use abortions like birth control.
my whole life is my kids tho so I guess it had more of an affect on me then most. >>17319633
that's really hard to feel so unsure. I hope if she keeps it she doesn't go after you for money. child support I'd a scam and if she wants the baby then she should recognize it's her job to support it. and since she's getting a good degree she should be able to do that
>>17319357
look dumb ass, give her the money it would cost to have an abortion and take off. The rest is up to her. You are an adult and still using abortion for birth control
>>17319643
I actually don't think I am very smart at all. The think is that I though people that share our background don't usually have babies went they don't plan for it. Either I was very wrong about how the world works or I am one of the few exceptions to the rule.
>>17319357
It's not a religious question.
A human being is as such upon conception according to objective scientific measures in that it is fully and undeniably human and is fully and undeniably living by every metric used in biological and medical science.
If human lives hold any kind of intrinsic value, which even an atheist should hold to be true, then humans at all stages of development hold value and should be preserved.
As for the parasite argument, it is not a parasite. I'm not sure what your college requires of you, but if you somehow managed to avoid any kind of introductory biology class, then that would explain how you don't understand what a parasite is. Note that you will never seen anyone educated on the subject or with any amount of prominence in the medical or biological fields argue that any organism at any embryonic stage of development is a parasite. It is simply incorrect and betrays a severe lack of knowledge on the part of the speaker.
That said you probably won't listen to anything I just said because biological fact and moral reasoning don't seem to have much bearing on you, as you're attempting to force your girlfriend to get an abortion and are only refraining from extreme measures because you "don't wanna do something illegal". So then my advice would be to leave her - she'd honestly be much better off without someone like you in her life and when she has the kid it won't be poisoned by a backwards, morally bankrupt father that will serve only to stunt its development.
>>17319627
If it has a heartbeat, it is a living person.
Also, most woman are affected by having an abortion. Idk where you got your research from but its wrong. The majority of woman have a sadness that stays with them for the rest of their lives.
>>17319929
>a sadness that stays with them for the rest of their lives
it's true, didn't think it would affect me this way but it does, everyday, despite believing it was the right thing at the time
>>17319580
>a woman with a science background should know a fish- shaped 7 week creature is not a baby.
More like you should know that there's a risk of pregnancy, and therefor a risk of you having to be responsible and pay child support for a baby, every time you have sex. You're dumb dude.
>>17319580
>biologist here
>human dna, human cells...not human?
Yeah who the hell is not being scientific again...
>>17319627
Like these statistics? Your stupid OP. Smh
>>17319950
Oh the first neurons form at around two weeks, just thought I would throw that in as well.
Also you sound like a manipulative little bitch.
The most has already been mentioned. You took the risk of potentially getting her pregnant - no birth control is 100% foolproof even with perfect use. That is exactly why people say that you should be an adult to have sex, to be able to deal with the possible outcome and/or take responsibility for anticonception. You are in no position to act like this has nothing to do with you when you're half of what created this situation to begin with. Not like you didn't know that walking away would not be an option beforehand.
As for rational arguments, her hormones are already changing now that she's pregnant. It is one thing to theoretically know how life starts and another to realize that another person is in the process of forming within your own body. Whether or not it is already a person (not like science has an answer to when a fertilized egg cell becomes a person), the blueprint for a specific person with a specific combination of your DNA is already there. The sex has been determined. She's carrying either a pre-boy or pre-girl. If you sincerely cannot understand how this would affect her despite other rational arguments, that is not a matter of lack of religious belief but lack of basic human empathy.
And as >>17319953 posts, an abortion does take an emotional toll on the majority of women. Let alone on one who was very much against it.
>>17319971
No it doesn't.
Dude, you have no idea what it's like to be pregnant, you have no idea how she feels right now. Thinking that "it's just a parasitic microbe" is very reductionist, you're ignoring all the implications on her mind.
It's not your choice whether she gets an abortion or not and if you want to convince you need to put yourself in her shoes and be more sympathetic. If you tell someone "that thing you care about is stupid and I want it gone", it will NOT work.
And if you didn't want to pay for a kid you shouldn't have gotten her pregnant, you knucklehead.
>>17320681
Yeah, she should be sympathetic and think that she is probably going to ruin my fucking life. Why nobody thinks about me.
