Long distance ex
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Pic unrelated. Making coffee.
My ex and I broke up officially three weeks ago after she was in depression for four months. She wouldn't talk to me and she said it wasn't for any reason.
I've tried everything to help her feel better everything from talking to her to giving her space. The last thing I suggested before the breakup is that I would fly over, if only for two days. To help her. To fix us. She said it is a bad idea.
I tried to get over her, I really did but I still love her and when we broke up she still loved me. Every time I see something that makes me smile all I think about is send it to her which I can't.
Every part of me scream to talk to her but at this point I feel like it would be pathetic. It has to come from her...
I just have no idea what to do about it anymore, I wish there was something to do to fix it...
It really really would be a bad idea to message her right ?
Augh
Also I've been trying to avoid her but we are I'm the same skype groups and mutuals friends tag us on stuff. And no they don't know we were a thing.
Why are you making coffee on a pocket rocket?
>>17304656
Lel wat
>>17304672
Ow. I'm in the field. Sorta. I don't like our kettle and making it this way passes the time
Hey OP.
Having a girlfriend with depression is tough, to say the least, moreso when you're long distance.
For the sake of brevity, I'll say this: first and foremost, you CANNOT "help" or "fix" her in the way you're thinking. Especially in just two days... Your presence is not enough to make her depression go away. I used to feel this way too, and sometimes I still get hurt when my partner is acting depressed (little/no talking, no affection, being cold/mean). The simple truth is that she has a mental illness and it makes her act this way. Imagine waking up, and the thought of messaging her (or anyone else) seemed like running a decathlon. Just doing day-to-day things is exhausting for people with depression. Dealing with emotional problems (or emotional people, such as you and me) feels the same way.
The most you can do is offer to stick through her with all of that. If she tells you that she doesn't want it, you can only offer again or move on. Don't be pushy. That won't help either of you.
>>17304786
I hate this.
I hate that she feels bad.
I hate that it being difficult for me makes her feel bad.
I hate that I can't do more.
I hate the thought of not having her in my life.
I hate that we don't fight for it.
Im not the type of person who just sends her messages until she blocks me. I don't want to feel like I'm obsessed. But its just so hard to give up.
I don't know what to do. I wish I was stronger for her and not this needy whatever I am.
>>17304786
This guy's so right. It's not the main reason we broke up, but I dated a wonderful, brilliant, amazing girl for a couple years who was struggling with severe depression. I gave her advice and tried to help where I could. Didn't have any real impact since the motivation has to come from within before "being normal" feels like a realistic goal to the person in question. Depression is basically a state of mind where success has no reward and failure has no penalty.
Oddly, after we broke up she got treatment and turned her life around (apparently following a lot of the strategy I always talked about) so it's not like it's a terminal condition.
>>17304923
Thing is she never had a history of depression, she had a tough one but she always dealt with it like a champ. I have a bit of history with depression myself which i learned to deal with. She even said that she went to see someone about and he was just a waste of her money...
Hey op.
Your situation seems a lot like mine. My gf became distand and cold and when i talked to her about this she said she had troubles of her own that i couldnt help. I wont mention the problems but i felt terrible afterwards and being the emotional idiot that i am i broke up with her but quickly regreted it. I still love her and really tried getting back with her but she doesnt want it as much as i do. Now im trying to get over her.
If she doesnt want you around her theres nothing more to be done.
