Ignorance is bliss
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Is my husband lying to me about his coworker? I'm 99% sure he's lying about it and secretly fantasizes about her. She just started last Monday and he also stopped talking to me about work the same day. He usually tells me the stuff going on, it's a small but popular deli shop and the coworkers always have drama, plus he just likes to vent cause I know them and vice versa, he's been there 3 years. I knew a new lady started but he "didn't see her face" when I asked what she looked like. He also started going into work earlier that week. So I go to see him with our 3 month old infant on Friday, and she was there, and fuckme she is cute with a nice body. When I arrived I had to ask her if she knew where he was, his name's Peter, and she turned around as he came by and giggled at him "I thought she said where's the beer lolol." He drinks a lot but didn't laugh back and announced me as his wife n baby to her which made her shut up.. still, she thought they were cozy enough. Come to find out on trash run he asked her her story etc, she's 2 yrs younger and has a boyfriend, so he says. The strange thing was he said he showed her pictures of our baby, but when I came by with the baby he invited all the other women over (they're all fat and old) and not her. She made no move to come over either. He says she's not cute and he only talks to her about work shit, yet made the observations her head is flat and she has a mustache? She didn't tho. She has olive skin, light green eyes, thick but shaped nice eyebrows and long straight dark hair. Average sized with medium boobs and big hips. 7 or 8 I'd say. And thinks they're friends? Since we had the baby he says he's not interested in sex with anyone, but jerked off in the shower instead of doing me even though I haven't been mean or unavailable. I lost the baby weight immediately and look good. Says he hasn't gone solo in 3 weeks but I don't trust him because the girl he says isn't cute IS.
If I was your husband and if I knew you get this worked up over nothing, I'd also preffer to say "no" over "yes she's cute" and probably start and argument with you.
Just trust him, even if he finds her 'ok', it's no reason to feel jealousy, and its no reason to think your husband will start fancing someone else, He's with YOU, and a co-worker will definitely not change that. Plus, this situation still seems pretty fresh, so, just try to be more understanding and trusting.
And it doesn't make sense to me because he's been a lot more distant, and showed her baby pictures! But wouldn't invite her to see the real thing! He said she's annoying because she's slow. This whole thing is fucking with my head, how much attention he's already given her and taken from me, and her stupid giggly attention to him. I don't know what to think but it hurts
He probably finds her attractive, and that's it. He likely know you'll get worked up about it, hence his looking for flaws to keep you from freaking out like you're doing.
>>17301987
Wow, you're a bit psycho, you know that?
>>17301980
If he is fantasizing or having sexual thoughts about her at all or encouraging her attention then I'd deserve to know and him beine honest and stopping would help our marriage. I do not want to be with someone who objectifies and fantasizes about other people, esp while turning me down for sex. How do I get him to stop lying to me if he is? That's another thing, the lying. It's just wrong and hurtful.
>>17302003
How would you react if he told you that he thinks she's a piece of ass and has waxed his carrot while thinking about her a few times.
Be honest, since you claim to want honesty.
>>17302003
Oh like you don't fantasize about other people... You need to calm down, the jealousy I do understand, yes. But I'm pretty sure you fantasize about other people too. Don't worry about him leaving you for her, if anything she is probably out of your husband's league and plus she has a bf. It'll be okie... I understand your paranoia, though. Maybe he's just not in the mood for sex right now?
I think he just knows if he's honest and keeps working with her, while being distant with me I'll feel justified in also getting attractive male attention and he won't like that because DUH IT HURTS our relationship. Hypocrites the lot of you that would keep it secret and keep fantasizing. I mean that's what I'm asking here. Finding her physically attractive is one thing, that's fine, but is it likely he's fantasizing about her?
>>17302017
Considering how crazy you're coming off in this thread, I'm assuming you act crazily towards him as well. Continuing to act in this manner is likely to increase the possibility of your husband beating his meat while thinking of porking her.
>>17302010
I do. I would leave him before he passively teaches our little girl she's an object created for selfish male pleasure by avoiding intimacy with his wife and seeking it elsewhere. By not being open about his feelings and working on things with me.
And no, I fucking don't fantasize about other people, that hurts intimacy in a committed exclusive relationship.
>>17302027
I'm not coming off crazy, dick. I'm coming across as a woman who's been lied to and kept secrets from over and over.
>>17302033
You would leave your husband for choking the chicken to some hot chick?
You really are a psycho.
I think I'm calling bait now.
>>17302011
I have zero fear of him leaving me for her and I'm not jealous as I'm p attractive myself, also everyone at work would hate him cause they love us. The issue is him lying and giving her positive attention but only when I'm not around. That is suspicious. Then he called his friend and then dad the other day to bitch about me he told them both I accused him of trying to fuck her, very far from the truth which makes me think he does want her. I didn't accuse him of anything except leaving the door open for drama by showing her bb pix but not inviting her to meet us up close. He doesn't want us to meet or be friends but will take the time at work to show her fucking pictures of my child. He doesnt even like to hold the baby. Men are fucking pigs.
>>17302041
Not bait, this site isn't just for guys who don't know how2relationship. We didn't have this issue of no sex+masturbating before the baby, he was very committed and made it clear he didn't jerk off to anyone else when he did "choke the chicken." If he was lying then, and all guys are the same, then I and every woman are fools for ever getting involved with men. No sane person wants to be with someone who doesn't find them satisfying.
>>17302035
Nope definitely crazy
>>17302071
Nope. Nice gaslight attempt
ITT: OP has a meltdown because her husband finds another woman attractive and tries to jump through hoops to keep her from freaking out over it
>>17302091
It's not about him finding her attractive, faggot. It's about him lying and possibly being unfaithful and also really lazy and selfish in bed by turning me down for his hand, or fantasies of others. I'm freaking out over all that. You idiot virgins post shit wondering if your girlfriend of 2 weeks is into someone else and give solid responses of "yes" or "probably not" just tell me if he's imagining her naked or wondered if she's good in bed etc. I haven't talked to him like this about it I've mostly kept it to myself. You want him to keep finding fulfillment outside our marriage and me to keep freaking out?
>>17301969
So you should have domain over his mind and he cannot ever be free to think of another woman, or a kinky situation even when he beats off?
You have confidence issues, trust issues and control issues. You can't trust him no matter what he does, and even if he's not interested in cheating, you'll find some girl you deem 'attractive' that you will pair him with. Your husband won the crazy wife lottery.
If you find these women attractive enough for him to bed and you want some from him as well, why not have a threesome if you're so insistent on him screwing women who you are projecting your taste onto him with?
>>17302108
If the relationship is monogamous that means sexual exclusivity as well as romantic. That means thoughts as well as body. To be faithful in one and not the other is destructive to oneness and true intimacy.
>>17302107
>assuming I'm a virgin
>using virgin as an insult
Listen, you crazy bitch, I was engaged, and we never had this issue because we were both rational. We both understood that there were other people we found attractive and just didn't make a big deal about it. This very fact kept it from ever escalating to the point where you two are, with this insane paranoia that's hurting your relationship.
You want my advice? Go talk to your husband instead of coming here looking for a hug box to validate your mad bitchrant. Tell him you understand that his coworker is attractive, but you trust him, so there's no reason either of you need to be weird about it. The reason he's being weird about it is because he knows that you have a tendency to act crazy, and he just wants to avoid that, which is causing the overcompensation you're bitching about.
As far as your sex life, that is a different conversation that needs to be had at a different time. Do NOT have these conversations together. You will be tempted, but you must resist this temptation, or shit will blow up.
In order to fix your sex life, talk to him about how you want intimacy to be back in the relationship and see if you can plan a weekend away with the kid at grandma's house or something to try to jump start the process.
Once again, do NOT conflate these two issues, or shit will blow up.
And stop acting so fucking crazy.
>>17302137
Look dickbreath, we've never had this issue before because we are aware other people are attractive to each other, and it's not a big deal. We used to (like 3 months ago) talk about this shit all the time. I have talked to him about being lazy when it comes to sex with me while masturbating instead and it worked for a few days, now I have no idea as he hasn't shown interest once since new girl started. That was 5 days he went back to ignoring me while I didn't know she existed or anything. That tells me she's a problem and he's encouraged it. He made it a big deal and I'm trying to navigate the waters. Talking to him hasn't helped so I'm here. Deal with it.
>>17302150
Er tells me she had something to do with it. That the two are related. I deserve hugs and to be treated better, if he's stopped being sexually into me because new girl is bubbly and nice to fantasize about.
>>17302125
Lack of faith in ones partner and paranoia is also harmful to oneness in romance and intimacy. While I can appreciate your sentiment, it is practically impossible to verify the cerebral actions of another as well as maintain a singular sexual desire. The mind is the realm of escape and fantasy, if unable to act out there, where else can we?
Your radar is cranked up to 11. If you are dissatisfied then leave, but know that having dominion over the one place where anyone can retreat but does not hold absolute power over is impossible. Even more difficult will be willing to find a partner that so explicitly is willing take such a 'vow'. If he is constantly fantasizing about a coworker then it could be a problem and more so if he is not being sexually active with you. Your subconscious has power over you that you consciously do not.
He desires what he desires and nothing can change that. If you are unsatisfied and do not believe you can trust him, then leave. He seems uninterested in bed, but you should talk to him and make sure that it is not your insecurity valid or otherwise at the root of the problem.
If it is not the root of the problem, then there is no reason why he should not be laying with you as it is part of a healthy relationship and again I say: If you are dissatisfied then leave and find happiness elsewhere.
>husband works at a sandwich shop
if hes not the owner then fuck off for MARRYING a scrub in the first place, i dont get you retards
also you sound like a clingy psycho, i'd divorce the fuck out of you if i ever saw this thread
>>17302166
Dubs of truth
>>17302070
This is bait. Everyone bail.
>>17301969
You're fucking psychotic, bitch. Your husband must be retarded or you're baiting. I'm assuming it's the latter judging by how fucking idiotic you sound.
>>17302160
"The mind is the escape of realm and fantasy... where else can we?"
Uhhh Reality, duh. Stop living in fantasy and make reality better. You're not a fucking prophet.
>>17302188
I see. So you're a fool with no sense of anything but yourself and seek to control others to give yourself worth. I speak the truth: You will never find someone worth having that is truthful about you having control over their mind. You are the one living in fantasy.
I hope he has fun with his coworker, because I can see why he has lost all interest in a closed minded psycho like you.
>>17302160
Basically you're saying oneness and complete intimacy are an illusion, and marriage is a trick. There are plenty out there open to love in its purest form with only one other human being, mind body and soul for the rest of their lives. The problem is those who lie to protect themselves from facing that they are not really being loving or to accept love because fantasy and being selfish and immediate gratification feel good. For a minute. The real lovers are rare because real, intimate love is rare. I seek that. I need my husband to stop lying and also stop avoiding me to reach that but if I bring up one thing it goes back to the other. I don't want anyone but him, I don't want to be with someone too lazy for sex or uninterested in only me. So I guess I'm fucked either way.
>>17302210
*fucked if I stay and he doesn't change. I'm fine being closed minded, it keeps me from being a hypocrite like you neckbeards. You can fantasize and fuck all but God forbid a woman happily do the same, esp one you love.
>>17301969
All men fantasize about pussy they haven't had. Nature of men. You want him to stay loyal, put out on the regular and maybe think up new and fun ways to put out.
This is obvious bait, but I'm going to bite.
I hope he cheats on you, you borderline cunt.
Rest assured that his hand is much better than you.
OP, you have mental health issues.
OP:
Your arguments are shit. You keep saying he is lying but you cannot come up with solid examples of that actually happening.
You are projecting your thoughts and insecurities on him, that does not mean that he actually is doing that. This method of thinking is toxic for your relationship. Relationships are founded on trust and openeness, and the fact that you come here for ''advice'' and not pick up any, and keep complaining and argue when people tell you what you don't want to hear, says enough about you.
You do not deserve him for being so distrusting and not open with him. You hold your mental images for true without proper reasons and are led by fear and self doubt. Work on yourself.
If I were him I would have left you a loong time ago, or he is just dumb and didn't see the red flags when you manipulated him into marriage.
Dear probably bait OP
I'm am older anon. Was married at 25. Had a son at 26. Divorced at 30. I'm about 40 now
A lot of anon are calling you batshit or hypersensative. You are. You just had a baby. This is normal.
Your husband just had a baby too. His actions at work are normal. This minor whatever it is...is normal. Jeking it in the shower is normal. Fantasizing is normal. You cannot rule every beat of his heart or neuron in his brain. Be realistic.
If your go hard mode frothing bitch at something like this, then you're the one rocking the boat. I can only imagine and worry for the sake of your child when serious shit happens. You seem the type that will go totally unhinged.
Interpersonal office friendships , social circles that don't have you in them...are good. And healthy.
Everyone keeps secrets.
So let's test your theory about keeping secrets. Show your husband this thread. Show him you're posting intimate concerns and sharing specific details about your marriage, sex life , and relationships on a message board filled with atypical socially Maladjusted internet perverts. You know...the kind that would want pics of you with a sharpie in the pooped then find out who you are because you're a fuckwit who doesn't know how to ungeotag her picture metadata.
Marriage is about the long game. Not the little bumps in the road. Admittedly , yes, I was married for 5 years. I also booted out a batshit crazy bitch for being a lazy worthless lying whore who didn't know how good she had it before she had to start over again at rock bottom. I chose not to remarry and remain content to this day.
So test my theory. How hypocritical are you about secrets. Show him the thread, or shut the fuck up and remember how to handle things like a couple and not a frothing territorial shrew. Because , believe me, your fuck hole ain't so good that a man would stay while you continue to go off the deepend. You'll get your ass booted out if your keep this up. Quit internalizing
>>17301969
With a picture like that I'm calling bait, however if its not, you wonder why he isn't honest with you when your acting like a complete psycho about a new co/worker. Clearly this isn't his first rodeo with you taking the emotional reins. Stop being so toxic and trust him, you will never get through life in a relationship with an attitude like this. However if you don't want to realise your own faults and fix them, I can recommend a great cat sanctuary, cause I'm afraid they are all you'll end up with like this.
