After 5 years, my wife wants a divorce.
I thought everything was fine, so this has completely blindsided me. We have a comfortable life, never argue, I love her, and she says she still loves me as a friend but isn't in love with me anymore.
She wants to travel and doesn't want to have kids. I on the other hand would like to have kids one day (but wasn't pressuring her to do it) and do not feel the need to travel. She loves nature, and I love indoors. And I guess I just wasn't giving her the romance or excitement she wanted or needed.
Now I am completely devastated. I can't fathom how someone can think so little of commitment or loyalty to just suddenly out of the blue say she wants out. But it is what it is, and no amount of crying or asking "why" is going to change it.
Now we live in an apartment together which we are in a lease through February. We have separate bank accounts which are tied together in the same "master" account and we split all the bills. I'm basically not sure what to do at this point to either fix the situation or make it go away.
But I am in great emotional pain and in need of any advice anyone can offer. Thanks in advance.
>pic not related
>>17299621
Try therapy. It helped me when my gf of 8 years left me. Legally make sure she can't screw you over. You can ask her if she'd like to come to therapy with you but don't expect anything from her. A lot of times couples therapy ends up being grief counseling for the one not ready to leave the relationship.
Book a trip to Thailand by yourself and then Italy buy a dog and go hiking
>>17299621
Holy shit it's totally like my ex-future wife. She did something similar just before the wedding.
It was also about traveling and no kids, are they being brainwashed somehow to do this?
And she was the one pushing for wedding and happy family in the first place. She confessed love to me in the first month of our relationship (yeah a red flag).
I can't imagine changing your feelings just for some shitty reason like that after many years, this always freaks me out in people, I can't even relate to this way of thinking.
Fucking females. What the shit?
>>17299677
She also did it once to me earlier before, but since we've been living together, we made up and continued relationship.
Don't try to save this OP. Don't repeat my mistake. Even If you fix that temporarily, it will happen again at worse scale, she might even cheat on you. It's done, believe me.
>>17299621
Why don't you travel with her ?
I'm still young (23) but totally would want to settle but I'd find it sad to "waste" my youth/the time I could spend with my lady for children or just for, as I understand, not wanting to get out. Travelling is like a love of change. I believe she is just bored and want to try/see new things ; the trick is she doesn't see these with you so you should show her she can hve them with you.
>>17299621
>>17299677
I doubt it's being brainwashed as much as traveling the world and not having the prospect of children is pretty much the ultimate freedom fantasy. The issue was probably more feeling unfulfilled and suffocated in the relationship, which would make the idea of ultimately lack of commitment amazing.
>>17299781
Why is it always a guy who has to cope with female mood swings and random unexpected needs like a fucking clown. What about him, his life, his plans and his needs? Did she even consider them?
I say drop it, you can still find someone compatible with you.
Let her choke on 100 dicks during her travels and rot after her 30's when she may finally start feeling need to settle down. You may still fulfill your own life plans without her.
>>17299827
I was just saying that so that he could save the relationship he may like being in. Also, I might have taken the girl's party because of the fact that I want to travel around the world too, it would have been a guy, I would have said the same.
>>17299847
Traveling is some perverted female fetish I hate with passion. I'll never understand this.
Every time I hear girl speaking that she wish to "travel" I know what kind is this and put her on my banned list. It's not like a guy's wish to travel because for man this might be a hobby, fun thing to do, way to learn something. For female it always looks like a way to fill the void of her life, escaping from something, etc. I could never stand this.
#1 - Make sure all YOUR accounts are secure. Make sure she doesn't have access to your checks or can transfer money from your account.
#2 - Destroy any credit cards in both names but don't cancel the accounts yet. Get cards in your name before you do.
#3 - Secure all financial documents. The lease, bank statements, past tax returns.
#4 - See as many lawyers in your town for a free consultation. This will force her to look further away.
#5 - You can try counseling.
#6 - Be prepared to learn that she's got someone on the side. You may want to check her facebook, phone, computer, cell bills for evidence. If you find something, document it but hold it in your back pocket for later.
>>17299621
>she doesn't want kids
>I do want kids
You're both complete dumbasses for marrying in the first place. A couple should NEVER get married if they can't agree on this.
>>17299871
>#6 - Be prepared to learn that she's got someone on the side. You may want to check her facebook, phone, computer, cell bills for evidence. If you find something, document it but hold it in your back pocket for later.
This. But I'd say do not dwell into it. Go no contact. Sometimes it's better not to know.
>>17299621
Reason #37 why I will not get married
Similar situation.
>monogamous relationship for 4 years, been living together for 3 of them
>gf loves to be outdoors and travel, I like to be indoors and read
>had a conversation literally yesterday about us being incompatible if I couldn't find motivation to travel with her, as she wants to be able to travel together with our kids and it'll look stupid if dad stays home playing video games
I've given it some thought and found some motivation to travel, mainly to hear quality orchestras and visit meditation retreats. I mentioned my ideas to her, and she was positive. Looks like I'll be able to keep her.
I still don't get the concept of travelling for the sake of travelling. Is it a thing Western women do because it's hip and cool and makes them look cultivated?
for all dudes wondering why so many females want to travel, read this
>>17299867
it is because they want to escape from reality.
when you travel you are a completely new person in the foreign country and you're there with "zero social responsibility"
by social responsibility, I mean the female competitiveness: they'll always want to be hotter than their friends, richer, to be fucking a "better" guy, they will compare themselves IN EVERY SINGLE ASPECT and that is what validates them as females (in other words: brings them true happiness!!!)
obviously this is not always true. most girls do not hold a hobby or significant self interests so the travelling still solves the "escape from reality" but not in such deep aspect - it is just to be free of daily routine, deadlines and whatever expectations a working healthy citizen has.
so to summarize, girls that want to travel a lot, in most cases, are the ones that wanna flee from their reputation!! they are "losing" in the context of competitiveness and they are giving up on it but playing it cool (i.e.: "i wanna live abroad because i'm independent / i travel a lot because i don't care about the material world")
summarizing even more: red flag
and yes, I am dating a girl that lived abroad....
and recently she mentioned that she misses travelling.
i am confident i will defuse this bomb without getting blown up
wish me luck
