>>17294915
I've only experienced death in the family twice. Once was in sixth grade when my grandfather died. My greatgreatgrandmother died several years after that. About a year ago I was panicking at random just remembering that I was mortal. The best I've been able to deal with it is to try and accept that eventual death is the price we pay to get to live. It's not perfect, I know, but it's helped.

>>17294915

I've experienced it a couple times. The only time it really ever hit was when I was 17/18. My grandfather died, I spent a lot of time at his farm with the family. I'm normally a very, very reserved person but I was crying with my whole extended family at the hospital and at the funeral. It was a very strange experience. It was easier when we left back home. We still visit my grandmother regularly at the farm for days at a time. We're at peace with it.

It's very weird though, looking back at when he was alive, he tried to talk with me more, he knew what was coming. He wanted to get to know me more, I'm not the best talker but it's nice knowing that he was comfortable with what was coming, at least at the time.

I'll never forget though, on his deathbed, he kept moaning over & over "Take me back to the farm, take me back to the farm" almost like he was a little boy.

He passed some hours later right in front of us.

I lost my father, and older brother because of a drunk driver. The way I managed to get over it (and this may sound cheesy) by getting a notebook and write everything I remembered of them. The notebook felt like a huge release for me, and it might help you. As for the feeling switching between being numb and sad, it's natural. Try to go out with friends, push yourself to be with anyone who supports you since it'll be hard. Losing someone close is never easy. Best wishes man.

>>17294915
Most of my family is dead and all I can say is that only their bodies died, think about all the things your grandma taught you, it doesnt matter if its a quote or something mundane, notice that there is stuff you do without even noticing that was taught to you by your grandmother, I can be something as small as using a fork correctly, whatever it is its a part of you now, everything that makes you YOU is all the little pieces placed together by every member of your family.

Even if you forget her face at at times, or cant hear her voice, remember that she is with you always, they are still alive THROUGH you.

At times you will cry YES, you will be so pissed off that you could kill someone literally but dont let those emotions control you, its normal, the world seems fucking weird without a grandma, I mean she's been for every episode of this shit and now they cut her out? Why not that lady thats like 100 from around the corner?

Just dont try to figure anything out, we all have a time on this dimension.

Keep going for her, because I can fucking assure they are watching you. Now chin up and be special, like she told you, it was for a reason.

>>17294985
Not OP, but my grandpa passed away recently and this really helped me, thanks anon

>>17294915
I lost my grandpa a few years back. I usually cope with it by distracting myself from thinking about it until the feelings eventually disappear. Basically, shove it all under the carpet.

It night not be a healty method though.

>>17294915
My grandfather passed away about 2 months ago. I felt like utter shit at first (I read the email, my response was, "Huh, well that's shitty", went to reply to my mother's email and got about 3 words in before bursting into tears for a good hour.)

Later in the week I had a long chat with my mum, tried to sort out the guilt I had for not seeing him in over 10 years (circumstances not entirely in my control, so I had no choice but to accept it), and within about 6 days I could function without feeling like a zombie.

Does it still hurt? Yes. I miss him lkke crazy. But it isn't eating me up inside. I don't obsess over it.

The hard part is coming to terms with all the missed opportunities. When you realise that the guilt is doing you no good and your loved one wouldn't want you to cause yourself that kind of pain, it starts to fade.