What are you supposed to do when you've tried everything to beat social anxiety and failed miserably? Suicide? This life is truly tiring.
>>17293473
what have you tried?
>>17293473
theres like 18 fucking threads on this topic a minute here. but the whole reason why im here is cause ive nothing better to do.
so why do you think you "fail" and why are you scared of being social
>>17293473
you have to be more specific about your issues if you want to have a better discussion
>>17293473
Smoke weed, hang out with other people who smoke weed.
Not ideal, works for me.
>>17293482
Counseling, alcool, cold approaches (not pickup, just interacting), meditation, self imposed cognitve behaveoral therapy.
>>17293503
why do you have to be social? why is that so important?
>>17293514
Because it's part of the life I want to have. Being alone (or just with close friends) is stagnating and leaves me with a massive void I feel everytime I go to bed
>>17293489
I fail because I don't go through with the commitments I have made with myself. I block and I freeze everytime. It's like I can't even cntrol myself. It's frustrating
>>17293522
>just with close friends
uh, what?
>>17293544
I hang out with a couple that are great friends, but they cannot help me get through this.
>>17293539
what the fuck are you going on about?
what commitments? working out? passing classes? work projects?
block and freeze when it comes to what? follow though? starting?
control what? your will? determination? motivation?
also asked you what are you scared of.
>>17293564
Just talking to a random person. It's so hard it's actually ridiculous.
I'm scared of a lot of stuff, mostly what people will think of me. It's automatic and unconscious.
>>17293551
facepalm
all you could ever ask for in life is a few great friends OP. socializing with randoms doesn't matter if you have great friends.
many people don't have 1 friend. my advice to you is to count your blessings.
>>17293591
I feel a great void and I cannot explain it. It's all I know. Those friends cannot fill it.
It is, it's horrible. I'm 31 and I still have it. It's gotten better though as I've been forced out (i'm a mom). I don't trust other women a good god damn, might be projection, but I've also just never had a good trust-building experience with another woman. I'm afraid of their judgment the most.
There was a point in my life where i was social anxiety free completely. I was forced out onto the streets by my parents. I became enraged by the way people treated me but I had to get things done or risk starving or being homeless. It was at that point that it clicked that people are mindless idiots whom you could mostly walk all over, exceptions being bureaucrats and government workers developing the same complex.
I remember, when I got myself back on my feet, I stopped by a grocery store to get myself lunch. The guy behind the counter was being ornery and couldn't follow a simple order. I looked that oaf dead in the eyes and I said, without any hesitation, "Do we have a fucking problem?" he got all you know, spaghetti like.
I think of the way I am now, when I've become complacent again in my isolation, I couldn't have ever imagined being the way I was back then. I was a real asshole, a real piece of shit, impolite to everyone, generally no fucks given, and I don't have the looks to get away with it. I am not a pretty woman.
But nothing ever came of it. I was the shittiest person ever and it had almost zero impact on my life.
So, maybe that would help your perspective.
>>17293646
oh yeah a caveat: don't be a dick to drunk people
>>17293586
>I'm scared of a lot of stuff
well you need to get that "stuff" together and figure out what that "stuff" actually is. if you just label it as "stuff" then there is no solution for just "stuff".
and besides, you dont talk to random people. if you share the same classes or work in the same building or go to the same places then theyre not random. you talk to them because they more than likely have shown you that they have similarities that interest you. and you of course dont see value in yourself.
on that note there is no solution, no words to help you find value in yourself, thats supposed to happen naturally. you more than likely think you have nothing to offer others so why bother to offer your friendship and what not.
am i close or do i shut the fuck up?
>>17293473
Focus on your interests that aren't destructive
>>17293662
You're close. People keep tellin me to stop being a pussy and just deal with it, but sometimes it's so hard I simply do not have the strength. When that happens I wonder if I'm simply weaker and should just dissapear.
The stuff I'm scared of is pretty clear in my mind when dealing with the situations in particular, but I can't rationalize it. It's too strong. I have tried countless times.
>>17293700
well bud heres what youre telling people
>im scared
why?
>of stuff
ok what st-
>i dont know im just scared
...i-
>help me
i-uhhh...
i understand social phobia and most of it stems from "what will others think of me" and for the longest i cant get a straight answer from anyone who makes these threads when i ask them-
>why do you give a shit what they think?
>>17293514
Being a penniless little shit, I'm certain that I'll need to interact socially a whole lot.
I'm not OP, but I'm sure that society and interaction are in my near future regardless of what I want.
>>17293662
>you more than likely think you have nothing to offer others
Too close to home, anon.
I just reinforce this by getting into social situations and then both reminding myself how little I have to contribute and being critical of every little thing I do.
I honestly enjoy listening to people talk without having to reciprocate; sometimes I join a Skype call with people I know and just sit there and listen for a few hours.
>>17293897
>how little I have to contribute
do you not have your own opinions on things? your own ideas, thoughts? and you somehow think they hold less value than the other guys?
>>17293503
what medication have you tried? did you try increased dosages of it?
if so you're full of shit.
>>17293473
Alright OP i was the same. And to a certain extant still am in certain situations .
>Public speaking.
>large groups
So i'm 26 now, but from about the age of 6 or 7 until 5 years go when i was 21 i was shockingly socially anxious.
no eye contact, one word answers, mind goes blank can't think of anything relevant to say.
From 16-21 i had 2 jobs doing trade work so it was literally just me and my boss. So this didn't help, i felt comfortable around them but their interests were far different. So i didn't speak to them that much.
wasn't until i was 21 that i got a job in a factory that had 50+ employees as well as dealing with 100's of clients a day (truck drivers, couriers ,other deliveries, customers etc)
That i started to gain better social skills. I lucked out, because i wasn't trying to get better with my anxiety it just sort of panned out that i had to be exposed to it in my new work.
First 3-5 months i was still my shy minimal eye contact pleb i always was. Being an introvert with social anxiety i spent a lot of time evaluating situations in my head with potential outcomes and majority of those potential outcomes were negative.
The longer i worked the more i picked up on how people talked to each other because i started evaluating. I now Greet everyone i meet with a friendly Casual "Hey, hows ya going?"
People i have to interact with i use small talk topics like weather, news,Something local like a new store being built etc something relevant to my work or the situation.
So the point im making OP is you need to expose yourself to people.
Throw yourself in the deep end. And i found being in ajob with so many people i didn't have a choice but to learn to do it so i could function in my job.
>Smile and say hello
>keep eye contact
>If you can't think of anything comment on the weather
Small talk is stupid, but it's meant to be stupid. it's there to break the ice.
It really doesn't matter what you talk about.
>>17293907
I'm honestly not sure; most times, when it comes down to inputting my opinion, I don't have one.
I've never had much of an opinion on film and music and it's only become less of an interest over time.
I think "The Simpsons" is fun and I like "The Beatles", but I don't really watch or listen to anything.
I don't care about about politics or weather or media enough to have anything to input, at least not anything substantial.
I feel like my scattered and sparse thoughts on whatever the topic is wouldn't add anything more to the conversation than what is being/has been said. When I listen to people talk, they base what they say off of the experience they have had with the topic and I never care enough to finish something to have more to say than "it seems nice so far".
The longest game play I have ever experienced is an unfinished game in Civilization IV.
>>17293473
Tbh I got a job at a retail store that's branded as having friendly staff. The first couple of days were rough and scary (seriously I had work nightmares), but I broke through a mental barrier really quickly. You realize how much of a conversation you can have just by asking questions and making eye contact. I actually feel extroverted and extremely socially competent now for the first time in my 25 year life.
I wish I had a less "just bee urself" answer, but this is in all honesty what worked for me. If you can trust yourself not to freak out and run away, forcing yourself into low-risk, low-exposure social situations regularly will do a lot to take the fear out.
