My partner says she enjoys anything anal related but now she hates talking about it, or doing it due to past trauma.
Her last partner came home drunk one night, knocked her around and eventually raped her anally while she was screaming for help.
She knows I would never treat her like that so I'm not sure how to fix the problem.
How do I deal with this so she can heal and be comfortable with me ?
>dating damaged goods
find someone who's not ruined
>>17280068
how long have you been together and how long ago was has that happened ?
>>17280068
well good luck with all that OP
>>17280090
Been together 1 year. Happened 4 years ago.
I'm her first partner since.
Honestly, therapy.
>>17280068
> woman doing anal
> self respect
pick one
>>17280118
>you
>not a virgin
pick one
>>17280110
Says she tried but I honestly think she gave up after only a few visits.
I don't understand. I've had bad shit happen in my life and I don't let it hold me back.
I hate the idea of an ex of hers having any effect on her while we are in a relationship.
>>17280103
stop mentioning anal and slowly start including some anal play and see how she reacts.
Get her drunk make a "mistake"
>>17280142
Maybe she just doesn't like anal enough to get over this particular mountain, and just going without it is preferable to the effort of getting back there.
That might just be something you have to either accept or walk away from, sort of the same as a partner who's not motivated to get in shape. At the end of the day, it's their choice, and the decision to change has to come from them.
>>17280132
heh
not a virgin at all
Dump her. She is used, damaged goods. Find a pure virgin qt 3.14 who won't limit your sex life because Chad Thundercock used her too hard. Don't be a cuckold, man.
Works both ways. Open her heart and mind first before you try opening her ass.
>>17280190
Makes sense. I've been on the unmotivated fat chick train before and your analogy helps.
It's not so much the act itself. I'm ok if she doesn't want to do it.
The baggage is the real concern.
I just want her to get over it or heal and not have any emotional baggage in our relationship.
>>17280314
Already have and it's not about just opening her ass.
>>17280073
<current year>
we're all damaged goods
>>17280459
Anon. She was ANALLY RAPED. That's hard to just "get over". You said you've gotten over shit, and good for you for being strong, but have you been ANALLY. RAPED? While screaming for help the whole time and receiving none? While your anus is being torn open and bleeding everywhere? And having all this done by someone you previously loved and trusted?
She probably could use more therapy. Do you have some sympathy for her underneath your "Wahh my dick wants anal" feelings? If so, please tell her that you're worried about her and want her to get help for this. Otherwise, kindly fuck off and get an anal fleshlight or something.
>>17280801
Kinda gotta second this.
You've said, OP, that you've had bad shit happen too, so I'm sort of giving you the benefit of the doubt that it's somewhat equivalent and you can empathise with her. Because if not then... jeez.
But even if you feel it is equivalent, just remember that everyone processes things differently and has different priorities etc.
The whole way you talk about this as being baggage and something you don't want, it sounds very self-interested, like it's just a drag to deal. Rather than, you know, being concerned for your girl's wellbeing.
It sounds like you're too focused on the 'end goal' of everything being fine, rather than the reality that she's in a certain state and the actual process of getting better (which might not occur).
>>17280801
Read the fucking thread you fucking tard. I want to help her get over it.
I don't even want anal.
>>17280871
>it sounds very self-interested
Well that is wrong. I want her to heal so we can have a better relationship.
>>17280884
>get over it
>>17280891
>so we can have a better relationship.
These are the sort of things that make you sound self-interested, like you're telling her to heal with the same tone you'd tell a kid to clean his room, just something to get over with so you can get on with the day already.
I'm not saying this to judge you, I'm sure you do care about her well-being. I just think you might be looking at this in too goal-oriented a way, when it's going to take not only a lot of patience, but an acceptance that this is out of your hands and might not actually change. There's no #-point plan with this sort of thing.
>>17280068
My gf is a petite asian and we can't even do analy desu 'cause my dick won't fit without literally ripping her ass apart.
We both want anal.
But OP, your thing is different.
You both want anal, but she only needs time. Maybe you both should smkoe some pot, get a bit drunk adn when it gets hot and steamy just try to slide in.
>>17280142
have you been assraped? go have that happen sometime, and see if you're keen on doing it again. if you want to stick it in an ass so bad, buy an anus fleshlight, rub some shit on the inside, and go to town.
This whole story reeks of drama queen.
Firstly. It takes a LOT for a guy to actually rape someone. Especially someone he presumably loves. Not to mention analy. It's not THAT easy to hold down a struggling girl whilst simultaneously getting your cock inside her CLENCHED asshole without lube. All this whilst trying to keep an erection and forget that you are raping your gf right now.
I doubt that an intoxicated guy couls do that. I also doubt that she could not have done shit about it. It wasn't like he was holding her at gunpoint or so. He probably just went away with it whilst they already had anal sex. That happens. Especially if you get to the point of no return. If she can't handle getting her ass pounded she should not have had agreed on anal in the first place. I also strongly doubt that she has made it clear that he should STOP. NOW. SERIOUSLY.
i've had anal that turned painfull too. It's not a big deal unless you make it so. She should have brushed it off as "he just got into it a little too deep" and talk about it with him later so it doesn't happen again. She's just being a drama queen in my eyes. She loves that victime role a little too much. If she actually got raped, she would have called the police and also gone to therapy seriously. This way i call bullshit
>>17281049
You don't even fucking know this person, and since you can't imagine yourself being able to ass rape someone, you think it can't happen. Take off your fedora for a little bit and maybe you'll see that there are some fucked up people in the world that do terrible things. Not every woman is some lying whore or drama queen.
>>17281054
This one sounds like it. And you sound triggered.
There's only a really small percentage of actual sociapaths. Those don't rape their gf. Thei abduct little girls, use them and then kill them. That's rape. Everything else is not. Stop labeling everything you regret as "rape".
Own your mistakes and learn from them instead of screaming rape.
>>17281049
>Especially someone he presumably loves.
>All this whilst trying to keep an erection and forget that you are raping your gf right now.
wtf do you think rape is?
>>17281066
I just think that if someone says they got raped in a relstionship it's mostly because they can't voice their needs, csn't stand up for themselfe and are in an abusive relationship to start with. Which is also your fault for letting someone do that to you. It's not lile you have a perfect relationship/sexlife and then out of the blue he comes home and tears your ass open. That's nonsense and you know it.
>>17281070
>>17281063
>>17281049
Fuck off you crazy cunt, this thread isn't about you and your weird issues with rape, go make your own thread if you're so desperate for attention.
OP here.
Not sure what kind of retards have been posting in this thread but seriously, fuck off with your assumptions.
I may not word it correctly but my goal is to help her heal.
I'm not being selfish.
Any advice regarding that is welcome.
Seems /adv has turned to shit.
>boyfriend
>rape
