Im a fat lazy fuck who does nothing all day but try to get myself to go for a walk. I have clinically diagnosed depression but now I feel I'm just a whiny, lazy, and self entitled brat.
I try to work out and eat healthy but I cant hold myself very well to it.
I try to go get an education but frankly I've dropped out of college first semester and am on an academic and financial probation that the only way I can clear it is by being a full time student for 1 semester with a 2.5 average gpa without financial assistance.
I'm contemplating killing myself without fucking up this time. This time I will go to the twin cities and go to the top floor of at least a 20 story building then jump to my death.
I feel I know how I can make myself better. If I lose the weight, get in shape, and actually do stuff outside I will be better. I think at least.
No I can't join the army, I'm too fat for the army.
I'm too poor to afford boot camps near me($2000 for 3 weeks for fucks sake).
Im too unreliable to hold myself accountable.
I just wish I could be happy again, I don't know what happiness feels like anymore.
>>17274074
Get a workout buddy, or a trainer. The trainer's job is to help keep you motivated and moving along in your program.
How much do they cost?
>>17274074
>I'm contemplating killing myself without fucking up this time. This time I will go to the twin cities and go to the top floor of at least a 20 story building then jump to my death.
Don't land on anyone.
>>17274074
>twin cities
fellow minnesotafag and fellow depressedfag here. are you sure you're not me?
look into mental health treatment through county human services or mental health department. they usually use sliding fee scales so it's ok if you're poor. in the county I'm in, you get free access to a mental health caseworker if you're seeing a shrink or therapist with the county. some are better than others, but they might be able to help you.
fuck, I hate even saying that, I feel like I'm writing you off. I am also fat and depressed and need a walking buddy, and if you lived in the greater mankato area I'd do walks with you.
idk if you've lived elsewhere or just in mn, but there's a reason there's so much drinking up here. it's not just the winters, this place is emotionally repressive while pretending it isn't. everybody is so encouraging of getting help, not bottling up your emotions etc. etc. but if you actually show emotions, they act like you just crapped on the floor. now granted, everybody has their own shit to deal with, I'm not saying people should just act out all the time. but there is a fakeness here, a fake friendliness and a fake concern, that is so fucking alienating that it's almost worse than having someone genuinely tell you they don't care. I understand why mn nice exists, but honestly I think that level of fakeness is not helpful to mental health issues.
OP please don't kill yourself. I can't say for sure everything will be ok, but please give yourself some more time to try and work things out before pulling the plug.
also I think most tall buildings in the cities have restricted roof access anyway, as well as security cams. don't get arrested.
I do live in the greater mankato area. Do we know each other?
>>17274112
probably not, I kinda keep to myself. I don't even know my neighbours' first names and I've lived here like 4 years. am not actually in mankato itself but in one of the surrounding towns.
I went to msu in the 90s but dropped out due to health shit (mostly mental). haven't done much in the way of school since.
>>17274121
samefagging to add: I gotta get some sleep but will check this thread in the morning.
OP you still there man?
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MOL822Z70BLJZNmDsVQeB5PEeFCFgpIbVLFkfb5eELw/edit?pli=1#
>>17274074
http://time.com/3394589/slumping-makes-you-sad/
This is only one article, but there are others like it.
http://lifehacker.com/the-science-behind-posture-and-how-it-affects-your-brai-1463291618
This one is a bit better.
In all, start sitting up straight and having a really good posture. I did, and it helped me out immeasureably. Of course, every once in a while i slip up and forget, but if you can do it consistently it will become a habit.
OP is kill? or abandoned thread?
damn, I actually wanted a walking buddy.
