I really don't know why I should keep going.
I know I shouldn't feel this need for affection and validation from others, but I do. I've tried to get rid of it for the past two years with no success. Life just doesn't seem worth living just for myself.
But I'll never have anyone. It's just the truth. Even I wouldn't date myself, let alone go anywhere further. I'm a mess of disability and sickness with absolutely no social skills due to near-isolation in my childhood, and I have to actively force myself to care about the feelings of others.
Not to mention I'd be a burden for anyone I'd get involved in, not even just because of my physical state. I just can't seem to handle life beyond the most basic of fucking requirements. I mean, no surprise, I guess, until I was an adult everyone just did everything for me, then they suddenly expected me to just figure it out. I did, except not really, because while I'm not starving or homeless, anything beyond ensuring my survival gives me a near panic attack. I can't even force myself to see a shrink about it.
There's no one I can ask to help, because I have literally no friends, and my family is stuck in the attitude of "just man the fuck up". Thanks I guess.
The only time I even feel happiness is when indulging in intense escapism. Every time I go back to reality, I want to die.
When I think of where I see myself in a decade, it's either exactly where I am, or a fucking cemetery.
If no one would truly care if I died, not for more than a month or two, is there really a reason to stick around?
You have a choice:
Wallow in self-pity and self-hatred, accepting your fate as a social pariah
or
Ask yourself how you can change the things you don't like about yourself, set goals, and make every effort to achieve them
If you're not willing to take option number 2, then expect more of the same. Just know that you have a choice, and right now you are choosing to be miserable and pathetic. You aren't an unsavable victim of society
>>17264205
>victim of society
Of course I'm not. Aside from the independence issues, which may very well be me trying to subconsciously shift blame, every single one of my problems has its source in myself. I'd have to be retarded to fail to realize it. But that's really the problem.
I don't know, maybe I'm just too weak. It all seems insurmountable, just straight up impossible to deal with alone. Every time I tried, it got overwhelming and I retreated back to where I am.
All goes to prove my point. My death would be no loss whatsoever. Just natural selection, or some shit.
>>17264227
It sounds like you've already given up. Why bother coming here for advice? You know what needs to be done, yet you refuse to do it. Nobody is going to pity you or care about you if you refuse to help yourself.
>>17264254
I'm no sure. I guess I was either just looking for further confirmation, from someone else, or maybe hoping for some miraculous message that will give me inspiration. I don't fucking know.
Guess you're right, though. I'm just wasting people's time again.
I'll just get it done with. A call or two to put some things straight, then I'm out. Thank you, Anon.
>>17264190
Don't feel ashamed for feeling need to for affection. It's human nature. You can trascend those emotions, but it requires a lot of training and effort.
Nobody wants to be near needy people, and you obviously don't have the tools to attract people to you like other people who spent their lifetime socializing.
You posted here, so obviously you still have faith or still want to try something. Sadly there is no fast way to develop those skills or make you attractive for others, nor for getting rid of those desires.
All you can do is cope right now while you work on either of those.
We can be online friends OP.
Quick update. Just found it funny.
Made those calls.
Got literally hung up on because they didn't have time or inclination to deal with me.
All the confirmation I ever needed, I guess. So much easier to do this when I know no one will give a fuck. I really should've just done this months ago.
>>17264340
Anon, you need to realize that people aren't going to care about you if you don't care about yourself. Your self-worth doesn't come from others, it comes from YOU. The only person who can save you is you.
>>17264190
OP, every time someone describes my life this close my paranoia gets triggered.
The best advice I can give you is, try setting yourself some life goals, it doesn't matter if they are realistic or not. Then just live and see how far can you get in trying to achieve them. At least that's what I do, it's fun in it's own way.
>>17264351
More like nobody cares about "you". Society cares about workforce. "Friends" care about company and emotional backup.
Only parents, and sometimes your life partner truly care about you because they spent years reinforcing that bond.
Pills should kick in soon enough. May as well waste the remaining time here.
>>17264351
Well, that's a shame, because I see no reason to.
>>17264360
There is nothing I really care for enough to pursue it, at this point. And I'm just so tired of forcing myself to keep going.
>>17264362
And in my case, even my parents don't give a shit. Being literally worthless is a hell of a feeling.
>>17264362
So what? All relationships that aren't based on unconditional love are worthless?
>>17264385
I wish you would've at least tried. If you gave an earnest, persistent effort, things wouldn't have turned out like this.
>>17264414
Why the fuck would I work my ass off for something other people just have
>>17264385
>There is nothing I really care for enough to pursue it, at this point
Are you sure you have tried everything?
Also, have a video of a Japanese fisherman, maybe he will cheer you up. If he doesn't you might want to try one of those suicide hotlines.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxGRhd_iWuE
goodnight
>>17264423
Very few people "just have" it. Most people work their ass off for it. I used to have terrible self esteem, suicidal thoughts, and no friends. I made a decision to turn that around, and I did, and I'm very proud of myself for it. That's how I know it's possible for other people.
Why? Because, imo, fighting to be happy is better that giving in to sadness, and being alive is better than being dead.
Where Do you get those pills?
