I'm a girl with quite severe agoraphobia who very rarely leave the house (and have few to no friends) - is this something I should actively hide when dating?
tl;dr back story: A year ago I met a guy and while I didn't shout it out it became quite apparent for him early on as he picked up signs and I didn't lie when he asked questions. Things never succeeded as I had hoped, maybe partly because of this. Now when I'm ready to retry I'm wondering if I should have a different approach.
I'm uncomfortable being deceitful but on the other hand maybe it's more about not taking out your dirty laundry before you've had a chance to form a deeper first impression of each other (other than me being the "mental case").
>>17262583
Post pic, don't show face and delete EXIF.
>>17262594
Why would I ever do that? Are you insane?
I'm a guy with pretty bad agoraphobia, and I've pretty much given up on dating until I get over it. I would imagine not wanting to go out and do things can be a real downer for people.
Personally, I wouldn't come right out an mention it. Maybe talk about how much you prefer being at home instead. Just don't come off as mentally ill and don't desperately try to hide it.
My long term girl freind has agoraphobia, and she super hates leaving our place. When we met it was pretty bad, she lived half a block from the gas station she worked for. Since she was working I didn't know at the time, but after I took her out on a dinner date she told me and our dates started happening at her place, which lasted for a while. It isn't that big of a deal anymore, she rarely goes out aside from school/work, but she does go with me to the store/other errands if she's not having a bad day. Also we've recently gotten comfortably into a routine of eating Sunday dinner at my parents. It was bad at first, but she is brave as hell and wants us to work. You have to be honest, but that doesn't mean going out and trying to have fun in spite of everything is deceitful. You don't have to say anything until your comfortable saying something, but honestly you'll have to put yourself out of your comfort zone to somr degree to have a relationship.
>>17262627
>Personally, I wouldn't come right out an mention it. Maybe talk about how much you prefer being at home instead. Just don't come off as mentally ill and don't desperately try to hide it.
But it's so difficult finding this balance.
I didn't outright mention it to this guy, but did tell him I mostly stayed at home. And he asked questions such as if I have any friends, if I was a virgin, if he was my first visitor in my apartment, etc. And I didn't lie. And then bam, I was the mental case.
I don't really know how to avoid it other than plainly lying in those cases. "Yes, I do have friends". But of course, that lie will burst at some point...
>>17262639
Either way, the fact that you have agoraphobia will be brought to light.
Bringing it up too early makes it harder to accept, but if the guy is super into you and sees that you are more than your agoraphobia, it may still work out.
But as that other anon mentioned, being in a relationship will require you to get out of your comfort zone. You'd have to be willing to try too.
>>17262639
Your sincerity is commendable. I'd be more inclined to date you because of it.
>>17262583
Guys only care if you're:
>hot
>not a golddigger
>have a nice personality
If you aren't Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction type mental, no-one will care
>>17262639
>And he asked questions such as if I have any friends, if I was a virgin, if he was my first visitor in my apartment, etc. And I didn't lie. And then bam, I was the mental case.
Erm... If those were the questions he was asking... he sounds like he was a bit of a douche... That is NOT a normal line of inquiries.
Anyway, imo you shouldn't actively hide shit when you're dating because:
1.) it's going to come out eventually
2.) no one likes it when they're tricked
3.) you've already said it would bother you to do so
However, that does not mean you have to air all your dirty laundry and extra baggage from the get go. Go at an organic pace. Don't hide it, but don't shirk away if asked. The worst reaction you can have is be embarrassed or ashamed. Overall, just don't think about it or make it a big deal, and they won't either.
P.S. Dating is a numbers game.
>A year ago I met a guy
>a guy
>one single guy
You are going to date dozens upon dozens, possibly even hundreds of guys before you meet someone you really connect with. It's kind of premature to be freaking out because one date didn't go the way you wanted it to.
Relax, you'll figure it out, everyone does, the important thing is you just keep putting yourself out there so you can learn, so you can grow, and so you can discover what it is that you really want, who it is that you really are, and what it is that you actually need--because that changes a lot more than you'd think as you date.
