Everything in my life is sour. I try to make lemonade, but life keeps breaking the pitcher and pelting me with more lemons.
1) I didn't get into any phd program, and though I only applied to high tier schools, I applied to so many, and not one took me in.
2) An ongoing problem since I broke up with my ex 4 years ago: I am a sexual failure. All I had since then were 2 random hook ups with a thirsty fat chick. Wasn't even hot-fat. So in the last year I've started trying, and it works for a while until something goes wrong. First girl this year, my friend said is into me, pushed me to go for her, only to have him sleep with her. The rest of the 5 girls I struck out on so far this year, it can be summarized as me waiting too long/not going in at the right time when it was obvious.
3) like I said, I am abroad, and all my friends I made here went home for the summer, so here I am alone. This is getting to me a bit.
4) I have a huge piano performance at the end of June that I am preparing for. I can't get the pieces to be as smooth as I want, and this is a lot of stress.
5) My downstairs neighbor (in a n apartment) told me that my piano is bothering him like 4-5 months ago. Hasn't said anything since. Today, he banged real loud on my door and almost yelled at me to stop and that he would report a noise complaint to the maintenance or whatever. I was really tempted to yell back, but held it in. Instead of trying to calm him down a bit and talk it over, I gave in. This just happened a bit ago.
Now, I just cried for the first time in about 6 years. I feel like such a bitch for crying after just having gotten yelled at, but my anger at the guy just turned into that. I am so sick of everything. I'm not one to give up on life, and I am still giving it my all, but I am so emotionally exhausted.
All this failure after I try so much, it's getting to me. I try to bring up my esteem, and it works up until something or someone brings it crashing back down. What do I do?
>>17257790
By "almost yelling" I mean that he wasn't full on screaming. But he was speaking with a shit ton of aggression and loudly.
Op here, sorry for wasting space on this board. I should be posting on r9k
>>17257790
take a short break, do something you really like that will bring your mind far away from all this. maybe take a walk, hike, cycle around the park. basically pull back. once that is done sit down and reevaluate everything that you are planning to do and try to see if it's really worth it and see what you can do to improve.
>>17257996
this. take a break from everything and do stuff you enjoy or just cry until you feel better
i know life can be a bitch sometimes, but it gets better
>>17257790
1) I'm sorry to hear that. Do you have any idea what went wrong?
2) It soubds like you know what you need to do However, why is sexual "success"/"failure" so important to you?
3) That sucks. Is there a reason you can't make friends with some locals too?
4 and 5) I'm sorry to hear this, but it sounds like you need a keyboard: something with the full set of 88, of course, but more importantly, with a headphone jack.
That said, I also wouldn't worry too much about the smoothness of the pieces. Assuming you can get them from beginning to end without any glaring problems, anything else will be handwaved as letting your own emotions come to the piece (which is close enough to the truth).
I'm sorry. I make things sound so simple, and I know they are not. But I'm not sure what else to tell you, other than to hang in there. This all will pass.
What do you want to do?
>>17258052
1) Tons of competition. I have high marks, and credentials, but even my buddy who did 2 years of esteemed research in our field, and got nothing lower than an A- couldn't get in. Dafuq am I to compete?
2) idk. I just really want someone. I'm moving back to the US in a month, so I don't have time for any long term thing. Maybe having a woman in my life seems so important cuz I lost my mom at a young age, and everyone else in my family consists of 3 old people.
3) I've been trying for the last year. It's a touristy city, so locals don't try to make friends with foreigners.
4&5) ya, I should put on a headset. Weird how no one else ever complained tho :S
And thank you so much. This all doesn't sound that simple. I appreciate all your advice. There is more that I need to do to sort it out tho, but I really appreciate what you said.
>>17258069
I want to get my doctorate and teach/research.
>>17258023
>>17257996
I already spent so much time and effort getting good grades, let alone my degrees. I don't want to give up this far. Also, what I'd want to do right now is have a drink with a friend or something. I've been going on walks, exercising daily, etc. But it's all the same and I'm tired of it. I want to relax and chat with someone over a beer, play a game or something.
>>17258079
Meditate.
>>17258079
Stress alone can botch your coordination. Consider meditation: 1 hour a day actively observing what causes you to feel tense and learning to relax profoundly while considering it. When you notice you're daydreaming pointlessly, become alert again and look at the causes of tension.
>>17258200
I've been doing something like that. It helps me ease myself, but I just can't get any answers from it.
>>17258232
It's about the process, not so much about answers. If you can relax the tension you feel, even if you've failed to observe the cause, which is normal in the beginning, you've improved your general ability to handle stress and that will have longlasting effects.
You know about performance anxiety and what putting too much weight on your goals does to you. Don't try to manipulate these mental processes, simply observe them as you gently relax your body and mind (by letting go of the emotional attachment a bit, not by modifying the content of your thoughts).
What you have to remember is that the contemplative state is both alert and relaxed. As soon as you notice you're daydreaming, come back to the object of your meditation.
Everything else will flow naturally from this.
>>17257790
OP, you sound like me a few years ago
>Failed getting my PhD
>Love life declining
>Friends disappearing
>Stress of life struck
>Aggressive people were magnetic to my passive self
Until it happened. I just cried.
There's no shame in it, everyone feels. Pressure and stress force it out of someone somewhere every 30 seconds.
My advice?
-Don't invest too much feelings in a person if they're not going to do the same.
-Keep up with your self esteem building, even if something knocks it down, work your confidence and self esteem back up like muscles, it'll get stronger. watch inspirational videos. an anon or random person on a video complimenting the viewer is quite boosting.
-Trying and failing is still a win. You've proved to yourself that you took the first step and many more will come.
-Getting punched in the face sucks, but it'll happen. So!
-Man the fuck up, defend yourself. You'll find people who just like getting into fights.
And most importantly - Don't think too much. This is probably what's stressing you the most.
The world expects you to live then die. Nothing else. So make your own goals.
My life now is great, but I won't go on about that. This post is just for you.
I wish you luck, anon.
the whole idea is to pull back. do something out of the routine. do something that scares you. do something that excites you. travel. climb the catskills mountain. do you follow a religion? if so, get in touch with the spiritual side of the religion.
>>17258314
This advice sounds good. I am gonna take it to heart.
Hate to squeeze more out, but for the 2nd thing: I don't put much thought into it no more. But that's maybe my problem. Example: I went on a tinder date, girl was going back home (states) in a few days. Clearly, she "wanted the d". I took her to really beautiful places, showed her all these things, and I missed every sign to make a move. It's like I forgot how. She got close to me, put on lip gloss, and I did nothing. Me before my ex, I would've been all over that.
That being said, the second point is probably the least important, though I feel solving that would help the rest fall into place.
Anyway, I am taking this to heart! How did your life get so good, what finally happened?
