How can you look someone in the eye when you're talking to them and have it not be weird? I can only seem to do it with people I see as equals or friends, but people I interview with and my counselor I find it hard to look them in the eyes and when I do it feels intensely uncomfortable.
I know its a bad habit but I also need help on making natural eye contact (you know, not glancing around all the time)
Practice.
Observe your friends who you think are good at eye contact.
>>17255488
This.
Also, focus and control of your own thoughts and feelings.
Embarrassment, uncertainty, self doubt, etc are all in your head.
Confidence can be natural because of environmental factors, but for those who lack it or lost it long ago, it must be worked back up to.
Force of will brother.
>>17255484
This is something I've struggled with for a long time. I have autism, but I'm very high functioning. Most people just think I'm weird. But anyway, eye contact is one of the hardest things for me to pull off in conversations. Since I don't interact naturally, I have to observe and force myself to emulate other people. Some things I've learned are: Don't sustain eye contact for a whole conversation. Look left or right, when thinking about something, like if you're considering something they've said. Don't look down a lot, even if you're inclined to do so. I had a very hard time breaking that habit. Try to be somewhat animated. Use had gestures, try out appropriate facial expressions. Also, try emulating actors you admire. Watch interviews with them and watch how they interact with people in a non-movie setting.
>>17255666
>tfw you, as a non-autist, get help from an autist on how to deal with a social situation.
Personally, I look at them between the eyes or slightly above or below
Also, satan get witnessed
>>17255484
A teacher once told me a trick, you can look at a person's forehead. Works for me.
>>17255684
lol, I didn't notice the satan trips. I've been an autist for over 30 years and I pass off as mostly normal these days so I must be doing something right.
>>17255666
>Look left or right, when thinking about something, like if you're considering something they've said. Don't look down a lot, even if you're inclined to do so. I had a very hard time breaking that habit. Try to be somewhat animated. Use had gestures, try out appropriate facial expressions.
Great tips.
Other things along the same lines would be, while you gesture, to look at your own hands. If they gesture with their hands, look at their hands too. Don't stare too long at hands though, maybe like two or three beats. Glance back up at them, as if you're checking their facial expression for understanding.
>>17255484
I used to think sustained eye contact was weird as well, almost like we were having a staring contest to see who would blink first but that's not how it works at all. Sustaining eye contact shows that your interest, engaged, and listening to what the other person says, it also shows confidence as well, but it's perfectly okay to break eye contact frequently in a conversation like when you start speaking or vice versa. I sat down with a professor during office hours to ask some questions about homework and we had a good 5 minute conversation where he didn't look at me once and it felt strange, almost like we were having a phone conversation
>>17255484
Here's what I did OP because I was in the same situation.
First recognize how your face is when your not nervous or doing anything exciting or scary. This is your resting face. When you look someone else in the eyes you imitate that even though you get anxious.
Next look at the amount of eye contact other people have when they are talking. Take notice of any other body language. Try for the same ratio.
Lastly practice as often as possible. You'll get more comfortable as people stop reacting to your lack of social skills.
>>17255484
Stop being 18 years old.
I struggle with this a lot too. I'm a bit shy, but I dont even think thats the main reason. I have a really tough time focusing on the conversation while maintaining eye contact. I've long suspected that I may have aspergers.
Anyway, one thing that really helps me is to look at their mouth, nose, or forehead instead. Much easier and people cant tell the difference as long as you're not within 2 feet of them.
>>17256106
op here
I DO have aspergers, lel
Making eye contact is different from staring someone in the face. Hopefully you're smart enough to know the difference.
>>17256258
of course I know the difference, but when we're going over a technical document I keep breaking eye contact all the time so it's a bit unnerving. I think I'll try the suggestion of watching others do it though
You don't maintain eye contact all the time
