So I confessed to my best friend and roommate that I liked her and now I'm not sure what is even going on anymore.
The whole story is that I recently moved in as her roommate to get away from my parents, she helped me get through my depression and overall made my life better in every conceivable way. I've had suicidal thoughts for a long while until she helped me through it. I liked her for the longest time since she was the best thing to ever happen to me but she had a boyfriend who was long distance.
I only met the guy once and he was pretty cool. Anyways, I always wanted to tell her how I felt but was afraid it would damage the friendship we had together, so I always kept my mouth shut and told myself that just being her friend is enough for me.
Now, I knew in my gut I wouldn't be her roommate forever. She has a boyfriend far far away she'd eventually move in with so I always prepared for the day we'd have to say goodbye. But I also knew I would have regrets on never telling her how I really felt about her. Naturally, later on her boyfriend did eventually start conversations with her about getting her to move out and live with him, but she was always hesitant because she said that moving out would mean leaving behind everything here. She'd also have to go through immigration shit and get papers done and even after that she'd have to look for a completely new job. There was a lot on her mind and she was not sure if everything would work out despite the fact she really wanted to be with him. I supported her every step of the way, as I was one of the reasons she didn't want to move out immediately (she was not sure about how I'd do once she left, if I would be okay by myself). I just didn't want her saying goodbyes to be difficult for her.
After a while her boyfriend started getting impatient, I don't know the exact details but she told me something I thought would never happen: her boyfriend broke up with her.
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>>17251734
She was absolutely devastated. She told me she had messaged him a lot begging him in hopes to work something out but he refused every single time. I did what I could to make life easier on her, but she'd always eventually space off just trying to cope with the breakup. Deep down though I felt a little happy that they had broken up and I felt bad for feeling that way. Isn't it a little wrong to be happy that her best friend of whom you feel strongly for is now a complete emotional wreck because her boyfriend broke up with her instead of being there for her as support?
Eventually though I caved in. After a month I told myself I don't get another chance like this fucking ever so I went and told her how I felt about her. I had doubts in my mind that she'd ever have the same feelings I do so I wasn't exactly confessing hoping she'd date me, but rather I confessed so that she would reject me and I could move on with my life. Things got a little awkward for a while, especially since we were roommates but strangely enough she didn't tell me anything anywhere close to that of a rejection. She said she didn't have an answer and would tell me later. For a while I thought she was just trying to find a nice way of saying that she didn't like me that way and would just like to stay friend, so I was always just trying to tell her that I'm fine if she didn't like me. But she just told me to wait for her to come up with an answer.
>>17251736
Eventually, after a long while she told me something I couldn't really believe. She told me she liked me back. But she also has lingering feelings for her ex-boyfriend and didn't want to hurt my feelings because of that. Even more, her ex boyfriend wants to get back together again, saying that he regretted breaking up with her. The cherry on top is that her ex boyfriend wanted to get back together BECAUSE I confessed. She told me that after I confessed, she told her ex-boyfriend about it (just to let him know and stuff), and then right after that he said he regretted breaking up and wanted to get back together.
He still wants her to move in with him, naturally. But the same problem remains, which is moving out. She has a job here, and she has friends, and she has me. Moving out would mean leaving all that behind her and starting a brand new life. She said that her family used to move a lot and she didn't quite like the experience of always having to start a new life somewhere else and leaving friends behind, so the thought of moving in with her boyfriend always brought in hesitation.
She also had worries of whether her relationship with her boyfriend would work out after a while. She didn't have this worry before, but after the breakup she just didn't want to have her heart played with again. She was worried if she would still make him happy and stuff like that. So for about two months she's been thinking literally every day about whether to move out or stay here. I didn't try to do anything that would sway her decision, since I didn't think that would be right of me to do so, and always supported her decision to move out instead, and constantly telling her I'd be fine with that if that's what would make her happy.
>>17251750
She's had a hard time deciding because she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, even though I constantly tell her I'd be okay she still wasn't sure on what to do. She's basically deciding a large part of her life, at least that's what she told me anyways. Deep down I wanted her to stay, but with how she was and everything, putting my wants before the person I loved would be selfish. Every time I told her I'd support her if she moved out I felt like I was taking a gun and shooting myself in the foot, but I felt like it was the right thing to do. She's done a lot for me, a fucking lot. So I really wouldn't have minded if she moved out.
After the longest time she finally decided to come up with her answer. She felt like it would go on forever if she didn't decide, because she always kept going back and forth on whether to move or stay. So she finally decided to ultimately stay. She likes living here and she felt like she was actually making something for her life here. She also said I make her happy and to leave all this behind just for an uncertain future isn't worth it. But she was also devastated because this would mean hurting her ex-boyfriend's feelings. Even though she made a decision she's still emotionally wounded and I feel bad personally that she decided to stay, because I myself is unsure if I'd be able to make her happy all the time, what with all the personal problems I have and the fact she has to help me through it all the time.
She's always asking if she was a bad person for choosing something that she wanted. and she's always asking if she made the right choice, if staying here was the wrong choice. I keep telling her there was no right nor wrong choice but personally I don't even fucking know myself. It feels weird for my best friend to decide to stay here with me instead of moving out to stay with the guy she's literally been with for the longest time (albeit long distance).
>>17251767
I guess the problem is that this whole fiasco is hard as shit to wrap my head around. I feel like someone was in the wrong and I can't help but feel bad for something. Perhaps because she's been going through a tough time deciding all because I confessed to her, which prompted her ex-boyfriend to change his mind about the breakup and talk about moving in with him again.
I always wonder if it would have been better if I didn't confess in the first place, I wonder if she would have gotten back together with her ex with enough time. Though I wouldn't know. I'm not sure what exactly I'm trying to get advice of, I'm simply just not sure what is going on, and if anyone would like to throw their two cents on this please feel free.
>I didn't try to do anything that would sway her decision, since I didn't think that would be right of me to do so, and always supported her decision to move out instead, and constantly telling her I'd be fine with that if that's what would make her happy.
You're doing fine in my book. Everyone takes hard decisions, whatever it is it should be entirely made by her without being afraid of backlash (e.g. of hurting any party and growing resentment against her) so at least you're doing what you believe is right above all your desires which is great.
You can't control or force a person thoughts in favor of your interests without injuring that person long-term. What you're doing right now is a selfless thing despite your wishes to be with her so if she really helped you through depression and you helped yourself too then it means that you have become a better person and no matter the result of this situation you've grown enough to do such things for love, a love that if it's not reprocicated the way you want from her it will be from another person.
>I guess the problem is that this whole fiasco is hard as shit to wrap my head around. I feel like someone was in the wrong and I can't help but feel bad for something. Perhaps because she's been going through a tough time deciding all because I confessed to her, which prompted her ex-boyfriend to change his mind about the breakup and talk about moving in with him again.
What you've done (confessing) has already taken effect (her ex-bf's reaction) and has been completed (her reaction) so don't feel too bad about it just act and think in the present situation.
Man, I've been there but that is another story.
>>17251734
Stop being a pathetic fucking bitch. christ, you're more of a woman than a fucking man you weak beta low tes nigger
