I've been married for a few years. Great relationship, she's cute and we get along well. We're planning having our first kid mid-next year. I love her and want to raise a family together.
However, I've met a another girl recently who has put me in a precarious position. She's an attractive girl in another state, where I travel regularly for business. Long story short, she wants to be my FWB during my business trips.
I've never been a normie nor a chad--far from it--so I'm not accustomed to a situation like this. It feeds my ego and it's exciting, hence the struggle. But I feel guilty as fuck whenever I think about exploring it.
So after much thought, I just want to cut it off, and forget I ever met this other girl. But I'm struggling. I feel like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, so it's so hard to discard. It would be retarded for me to open my otherwise stable life to risk/guilt/regret by fucking this girl, right?
You better start saving for a divorce lawyer.
>>17250187
>It would be retarded for me to open my otherwise stable life to risk/guilt/regret by fucking this girl, right?
Yes. You know this. Just jerk off and then see what clear-headed you thinks. Cheaters are pieces of shit, who spend the rest of their lives regretting it, even when they don't get caught.
>I feel like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity
So is your wife, who you are ALREADY cheating on by having let this escalate to the point where this woman is offering to be your FWB. Because unless this woman's batshit insane she didn't proposition you out of nowhere. And since you're interested in her and conflicted she's likely not batshit insane.
Cut contact. And from now on, do not physically touch any woman who is not your wife or family unnecessarily (ie. touching them or brushing against them when handing them a piece of paper or walking past, hand on them to redirect them, or general touchy feely stuff - even if innocent). Do not flirt with any women who are not your wife. Do not share overly intimate details of your life - sexual or romantic or otherwise - with women who are not your wife. And try to not spend time with women who are not your wife while alone.
Infidelity is unjustifiable. You gave your wife your word that you would be faithful. A man that can't keep his word is worthless.
>>17250212
The delivery of this is a little bit too Amish or Islamic for my tastes, but I agree with the sentiment. Don't cheat, and fulfill your duty to protect your marriage by keeping yourself out of risky situations.
How hot is this girl on the side?
>>17250228
I'm not saying don't have friends of the opposite gender, I'm not saying it's the end of the world if you - in a legitimate accident - touch another woman. Or have perfectly genuine reasons for doing so, but you don't need to be touching her to be her friend. And in day-to-day life you don't need to touch acquaintances and strangers. And I'm well aware feelings won't spring forth from touching another woman once.
But people like the OP either make excuses to themselves when it wasn't accidental or don't realize how crushes happen and what they've put into the relationship they have built with this other woman. They do it more than once, and it starts to get deliberate- and oh it wasn't cheating because it was just brushing against her hands when I was passing her this piece of paper, what's the harm? They need this spelled out in clear, cut and dry terms how not to get a crush or how to lose a crush if you have one. If you don't spell it out clear as day, they'll be in this situation again after some amount of time. If you spell it out like this, the ball's in their court. They have the ability to change if they want to follow this, because now they know how.
>>17250244
hot, in a different way than my wife. wife = shorter and petite. other girl = a bit taller, with large breasts, which would be a first for me
>>17250194
>>17250212
>>17250224
>>17250228
thanks guys, you made me realize how idiotic i've been. cutting contact.
Imagine yourself in 30 years time being able to say with complete honesty "I've never cheated".
This is a goal like any other, and visualising the future does help with goals.
>>17250187
I have been married for 7 years and find myself in a similar situation. Instead of one woman, I have three women (one at one of the local offices, which I travel to everyday and two at the regional offices, which I go to every once in a while) who want the same thing from me. I'm also not a chad, I have also not been very sought after in my younger days (highschool, college etc).
You are in a terrible spot because you have been together for such a short period of time.
I have been doing things like meditation and mind exercises which helps me curb my sex drive. I have so much control that I can prevent wet dreams (especially when I am away from my wife for a few weeks), don't masturbate, don't even think about being with the other woman.
I was once where you are, without all this mental control and finding temptation everywhere. What I found was that I needed an alternate outlet. I was physically fit (mountain biking, distance running), but was not lifting. Whenever the urge came over me, I would take 20 minutes and go work out. Luckily there is a gym less than 5 minutes from all the regional offices, except one. For the one without a gym nearby, I would climb stairs.
Before you cry LIES, think about this for a moment, you want to have sex with someone because you are experiencing a bodily function which is preparing you for injecting your semen into a woman and these preparations involves having stamina and greater physical exertion. If these are used elsewhere, your urges will be suppressed. Albeit only for two days, those two days allow enough time for you to recover (as long as you drink plenty of water and eat properly, stay away from soft drinks especially coca cola).
Do some research on lucid dreaming. That will help you get rid of the wet dreams and there will be plenty in the beginning.
If you already are lifting, change to a program which requires greater physical exertion weekly - something like stronglifts 5x5.
>>17250398
As for the meditation, think about how much you love your wife, and care for her. Think about how much you would be hurting her every time that you even consider looking at another woman. Eventually, you will be so strong mentally, you will be able to do all those things that >>17250212 says you shouldn't do.
Yes, I have been to the home of one of the women (the one from the local office). I have gained so much control over the carnal urges that nothing happened. She was upset because that was her motivation behind me coming over. But she does understand and we are still very good friends.
Best of luck anon.
>>17250398
>>17250410
>Eventually, you will be so strong mentally, you will be able to do all those things that >>17250212 says you shouldn't do.
If you were right then you wouldn't be in the same situation as OP three times over. You're there for a reason. You might have the self-control to not consider escalating to FWB, but make no mistake what you're doing is still wrong. The line isn't drawn once the penis enters the vagina or the clothes come off. It's not magically not cheating before then.
>>17250187
Just do it. Don't be a fucking idiot and throw away this opportunity as it may never happen again.
Just make sure you don't allow her to intrude into your normal life. No chats from home, nothing that can be found by the wife.
Once you have kids your life is fucked as far as personal satisfaction and adventure goes. At least if this new woman is more fun and a better match you can dump the wife and take up with her.
Live your life, don't get fucked over by other people's moralistic hypocrisy.
/adv/ is full of virgins and personality disorders.
Nothing wrong with a little flirting on the side. Keeps the relationship fresh for both you and your wife.
And also, upwards of 70% of marriages feature infidelity at some point. Do you want your wife to cheat on you first when you're at work and she's at home?
Cheating isn't the end of the world. People do it all the time. More than youd think. There are no absolute morals in stuff like this. Do what you gotta do to get by.
>>17250448
Female detected
>>17250503
Democrat detected
>>17250523
Most women are more hurt by emotional infidelity than they are sexual infidelity, whereas the reverse matters more to men. You're married to a woman, even if emotional infidelity sounds like nonsense to you, it's her you need to respect. If you're actively doing things girls would take interest in and she wouldn't be okay with that if she knew, you are cheating and it is dishonest. If she knows and doesn't care, by all means, go for it.
>>17250527
>>17250448
Definitely female. You obviously did not read my post properly. When I said looking at another woman, that means even thinking about being with another woman (not just sexually)
Emotional affairs are devastating to any relationship, regardless of who is having the affair.
I recommend both men and women google "the affair you don't know you're having". Click on the webmd link at the top of the search results. I read this when I was implementing my mental control element.
>>17250448
If you knew me personally, you wouldn't have said that. My wife trusts me unconditionally. Granted, it is a trust that was earned, not just blindly given. That's not to say that you don't trust your SO. It just means that you're not there yet or may never get there.
>>17250569
I said what I did because you say you could learn to do things which include flirting and discussing particularly intimate topics. Condoning those two, at the very least, will always be sketchy at best. There are some couples who don't mind that and some people who do it infrequently enough that it doesn't verge into emotional infidelity, but those two are quite often inherently dishonest. The others admittedly aren't automatically bad. If you're not having any affairs nor verging on them or if you follow what boundaries your wife is comfortable with, then I apologize. All too often people on /adv/ seem to have the attitude that if it's not sexual in nature, it's not cheating.
>>17250607
No need to apologize. I take no offense. There is great truth in what you have said. I am the only one in my group of friends who is capable of what I have said. This is a rarity among member of the male population. Most take on the attitude of this guy >>17250503 which is wrong.
I am the exception, rather than the rule. I just wish that lived in some fantasy world where I could somehow make the opposite true.
That doesn't mean that I shouldn't try for OP.
>>17250626
I'd still hesitate to suggest to people that they could be doing that at some point. It's easy to fall into the trap of making the same mistakes again, especially if someone gives you "permission" to. Some people can flirt and do it in a way that's so minor that few people would ever be bothered by it or consider it in any way questionable, even a would-be partner for instance. If OP's already having problems with it then I really don't think he should be told he could go back to it. He could easily take away the wrong information from it, like I did.
>>17250635
You're right. OP probably shouldn't. I guess it's a case of OP knows himself enough to know that he should probably just cut off contact and be done with it.
>>17250187
>how do I curb the urge to cheat I my wife
By reminding yourself what a selfish, twisted, heartless sloot bitch this other girl is to have such little respect for you, for your wife, and the promise you made to her.
I'm the other girl I'm a different scenario, overcome by determination to get this man because we only live once. Figured the wife would understand if she ever found out because if he was driven to cheat then they obviously weren't that happy, right? If you value you're marriage then talk to your wife about this.
>>17250696
Fucking brilliant. Giving both sides of the story in one post.
10/10. EPIC!
>>17250519
C u c k
>>17250519
Spotted the virgin with the personality disorder.
t. A happily married man.
>inb4 my wife cheats on me
She doesn't.
I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO STAND CHEATERS
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>17250187
Cut off contact with the other girl immediately. When you're home, take your wife to buy some lingerie. It's a good investment. Also, talk to her about sending you nudes when you're out of town.
Above all, stop being a douche.
>>17251170
This.
On one hand, you have to consider that your relationship with your wife may end sooner or later. You really have to gauge how well the relationship is going and her crazy factor, to determine whether or not she's someone you can spend the rest of your life with. If she really is and you firmly believe that, don't cheat - you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it and it will eat you inside out.
However, if you're not much of a looker and you have a good idea that your wife and you will separate sooner or later, by all means don't pass this up.
Women ALWAYS find out the truth. DON'T HAVE KIDS if you feel you are going to cheat. Tell your wife you want to fuck this other chick really bad and work it out.
It's normal to have wandering eye syndrome, but don't let that shit escalate beyond flirting. This potential side bitch has no respect for you, your wife, and especially not your marriage if she's proposing such a thing.
>>17250626
Oh my god, are you for real? What's your favourite fedora? Has your mom made you dinner yet or didn't you hear her calling through the basement door?
Take it from someone who's lived a rich, fulfilling life including still being married to the same woman for over 25 years - do not overlook gift pussy, even if it only makes you appreciate what you've got at home, because you only live once.
