My boyfriend doesn't seem very interested in sex most of the time, and I want to approach him about it but I need help on how to go about it.
A bit of background: live together for 2 years, I'm mid 20s and he's early 30s. Almost certain he's not seeing someone else, and isn't gay. I work office hours and he works evenings.
I would have sex with him almost every day if he'd let me, but it seems like he only wants it once or twice a week. When I indicate I want it at night, he'll not reciprocate and state how we should sleep. In the morning he's usually fast asleep, but sometimes after he rejects me he'll promise morning sex instead, and maybe half the time he'll keep his word.
It's really destroying my self esteem, and I want to discuss it with him but I don't want to make it worse by putting pressure on him.
I can either just say "wouldn't you like to have more sex?" But I'm doubtful anything will change, based on on a past attempt.
What I really want is to ask him "why don't you want to have sex with me?" And tell him it's making me feel unwanted. I'm dying to know the reason.
What should I do? Anyone been in a similar situation?
He's an old fart. People above 30 have way less sections than people in their 20-s.
Maybe you could put more into your sexy.
But gotta tell you, I hope my next girlfriend is like you. Nobody needs to ask me twice for morning sex.
>>17237272
Talk to him. Don't accuse him and make him feel like it's just his fault.
Ask him if there's something you can improve, or if there's a way to make your relationship better.
Work out on a schedule that allows you to spend quality time together, and fit sex inside this quality time. Work on your intimacy and your relationship.
I think that the lack of sex is more a symptom than the cause of problems.
>>17237272
Troll post?
You've lived together for two years, and yet your communication is this poor?
If this is real, then you need to work on *that.* This sex stuff will sort itself out once you're able to actually talk with each other.
>We talk to each other just fine.
You claim your self esteem is being destroyed by something that can be summed up in a handful of sentences. You don't talk to each other just fine.
Tell him that you feel like there's a distance growing between you that's making you unhappy. Tell him that you love him and aren't trying to end things, just the opposite. You want to feel closer to him and have both of you know that you can talk about anything.
>>17237280
I hope this isn't the main cause.. My sex drive isn't going to die for a long time.
>>17237283
I put effort into my appearance. I'm just really discouraged from surprising him or really putting myself out there because being shot down would make me feel so awful.
>>17237284
I considered this, but he seems very happy with the relationship and we're very affectionate, which makes it more confusing.
I once asked him why he didn't want sex with me after rejecting me several times in a row, and he just said he's very attracted to me and wants sex... Then after a week back to 'normal'
Thanks for the advice so far!
>>17237297
I never wanted to bring it up because I assumed putting pressure on him to have sex with me would make it less enjoyable for him. Also, I feel like he already knows I'm dissatisfied...
We're very close otherwise, but I suppose our communication could be improved.
>>17237299
Peak testostetone levels are at 18-24 after that, sexdrive only declines with age. Stress and sedentary lifestyle only worsens this.
>>17237272
I have the same problem...
>>17237299
Talk to him. Really. Not in a nagging "OMG TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG" but discuss what is going on.
Point out that there's something different in the relationship, and then try to understand what the causes are and work on them.
Sex will sort out itself.
>>17237299
Appearance is one thing, behaviour is something else.
>the way she walks
>the way she talks
>>17237317
How old is your boyfriend?
>>17237326
I understand. I do try to act seductively, but attempts to be too sexual get side stepped (e.g. starting to undress him, he'll tell me to stop or clearly not see it as sexual)
Sorry to break it to you dear but he got bored of you. This has nothing to do with your attractiveness or seductiveness. The thing that supposed males most is novelty.
>>17237401
He's old too.
>>17237345
You sound like you have been through alot in your years
>>17237432
Thank goodness I'm only leaving from my friends and colleagues mistakes. 7/10 men I know cheats on their wives with some young fresh pussy.
>>17237451
Learning
>>17237451
It living nature for males to want to plant there seed into they see fit.
>>17237280
>teenager thinking he knows about life in your 30s
Bullshit. 30 year olds have just as high a sex drive as 20 year olds. As to what causes a lower sex drive, it could be any number of things. In this situation age is not one of them.
>>17237513
>Thinking I'm a teenager talking out of my ass
Men can have low sex drives, too. It's not his age. It's likely not you.
I'm a single guy with a lower sex drive, which is part of why I'm still single. Maybe some of it is anxiety, but I don't really think so... It just seems like a lot of effort to me.
I enjoy a good fap, but that's because I can roll over, flip open my tablet, jerk off, and throw a Kleenex in the trash. A lot less effort than worrying about someone else's pleasure, having to keep up the endurance and stamina part of things, not accidentally kick them in the head or something...
I've had sex before, many times, I'm just not as big a fan of humping someone I guess. Love me a good blowjob, love making out, love fingering a girl or going down on her... But actual penetrative sex is more of a chore to me.
Not sure if that helps, just saying this might have nothing to do with how much he desires you or not.
a guy on his death bed will still want to have it. somethings wrong with him
>>17237272
Don't worry about it too much. Men have libidos, too. I've found women with high libidos in LTR are often worried their partner isn't interested in sex with THEM, when really, they're just not interested in sex.
Do a relationship check-up and if everything's fine, just relax. When he doesn't reciprocate at night/in the morning, he's probably just tired and questioning him too much will put him on edge or make him feel insecure about your satisfaction.
You'll probably just have to initiate sex more often if you want sex more often. It sucks, but that's the burden of having a higher libido than your partner.
If you two are totally incompatible sexually, break up, or you will build resentment.
>>17237649
It helps when you explain, but then so many people come along and have an opinion like:
>>17237732
I just really love him, and I hate the idea of having to insinuate something is wrong with him.
How do I even open the conversation? Without being too wishy washy (he will reassure me he finds me sexy/nothing is wrong) or too harsh?
>>17237272
>I envy him
I am 31 and want to fuck everyday. But maybe is the routine and is bored.
>>17237272
Play with his dick until hard and start sucking it... that's what my gf does to me when I'm not really in the mood. And within a few minutes I'm ready to bang the shit out of her pussy
Ok, I'm going to say something that might be unpopular:
You are not entitled to sex. Just as a man is not entitled to sex from his girlfriend or his wife, the same applies to a woman.
With that being said, in my opinion it is your attitude that needs adjustment. Everyone's sex drive is different and it could be for a multitude of reasons. The fact that he doesn't want sex everyday has almost nothing to do with your physical attractiveness. The problem here is that you're getting obsessed with the absence of sex rather than enjoying sex and appreciating it when it does happen. 2-3 times a week is close to every other day. Is it not having sex that is running your pysche and affecting you physically? Or is it just the thought of him wanting sex less often than you that is bothering you?
Try just teasing with no expectations of sex and make it clear that sex is not a requirement that comes with physical intimacy. He will eventually be more relaxed and comfortable (without feeling pressured) and when it does happen the sex will be better because no one feels frustrated or anxious.
>>17237649
Pretty much the same and I am only 20 though
>>17237898
I understand, but I really want to know why he's less interested in sex than most... We don't know for sure if it IS just as simple as a low sex drive.
And trust me, I've spent plenty of time encouraging him with little expectation. He will reciprocate to a point, like touching breasts, but then if I offer him a blowjob he'll turn me down.. He won't be hard either, usually
