It just seems like all anyone talks about is improving yourself to "be good enough for" a partner. What's the fucking point of hanging out with someone who is only attracted to your status in the first place.
Like I want someone to care about me and love me and instead there's this dumb system where she allows you to have sex with her if you meet her requirements but will drop you at any time.
Everyone always saying lower your standards. Then it's like no some fat gross slob won't love ME, she'll love that an average guy loves her below-average ass.
Every time I try to talk to girls I just feel lonelier at how fake the whole thing is. I used to dream of a happily ever after marriage and now I feel like women just tolerate your for the money and you tolerate her for the sex. How fucking shitty is that.
Spot on, it fucking blows.
Girls are pretty ruthless when it comes to dating, and they will drop you if they find someone who has more status than you. Even if they supposedly "love you".
I essentially just opted out of the whole thing and stopped caring.
You sound like a shitty person, you deserve that shitty dynamic.
>>17235711
You're not mad about dating. You're mad that you're so low worth that not even average women give a fuck about you unless you're going to bankroll them or you're willing to be their emotional tampon. Dating is a fantastic way for attractive people to meet people they can fall in love with but not so much for unattractive men. I fall into the latter category, OP, so I too am mad at my own lack of worth.
>>17235725
He isn't wrong though.
>>17235711
It's not always about how you look, some women prefer men who are fun to hang out with. Having a pretty face and/or money will give you some headstart but it does not define everything. Of course if you're talking about hookups then pretty faced boys will be favored but for dating it depends on their personality.
You need to work on your confidence, then go from there. Just focus on yourself and find some hobby that entertains you and you can also do it with other people. Things will eventually happen.
>>17235711
The point of looking good for people's standards is something that helps you out also. You can complain about this whole fucked up process of working out, looking good, working hard, etc but your gonna complain by yourself while other people have the drive to better themselves. There is a girl I really like but I know im not good enough for her and by the time I change it will be too late but I am still changing myself because she makes me want to be better and if I can be someone she is attracted to then other girls will find me attractive. I agree with >>17235738 but dont give up, dont just say fuck it im not worth anything. Take the pain you feel now and let it drive you forward in life to make yourself better. The looks that people have are a reflection of themselves usually. So like a fat smelly slob of a guy you can tell is a shitty person deep down so you would avoid them. This world is about looks when it boils down. Girl A won't care about what you do or have done just how you look and if your approachable. Its good that your aware of the system now but don't be a spiteful loser and complain about something you can't change. Learn from this and grow up and make yourself into something you will be proud of.
Consider the hypocritical nature of these statements:
> What's the fucking point of hanging out with someone who is only attracted to your status in the first place.
> Then it's like no some fat gross slob won't love ME, she'll love that an average guy loves her below-average ass.
The first statement indicates that you want someone who will be entirely without judgement and instead love you for nothing other than that you deserve to be loved (???)
The second indicates that you judge women based on some criteria (probably almost entirely their appearance) and reject many of them based on this
Are you ok??? Do you want me to tuck you in as you cry in your bed with your head fogged up with this crazy delusion????? Get a grip and realize that if you want to be with someone of value then you must also be of value; if you are not at that point yet then you'll have to get there ie "self improve"
>>17235913
He is. There are plenty of women out there who want a genuine connection with a man they love but because he's been unsuccessful in finding it he's become bitter and resentful.
Resentment and anger seem to be the main contributing factors to mindsets like this because dismissing all women as blood-sucking opportunists and heart smashers is much much easier than accepting any personal responsibility for your toxic view points and behavior.
Its definitely society's fault OP can't find a genuinely nice girl who loves him for him and has nothing to do with the fact that no genuinely nice, intelligent girl would be attracted to a bitter, angry guy who views her as a parasite.
>>17235938
I think OP just lost to someone and he is hurting, which is good. People grow up through pain.
>>17235947
hate women -> they don't want you because you hate them -> hate them more
It makes sense but at the same time how can you be expected to stay optimistic when you've just been shit nonstop for years
>>17235711
>What's the fucking point of hanging out with someone who is only attracted to your status in the first place.
There isn't one, but that's not the point of self-improvement anyway. You don't do it to be "good enough". You do it to be prepared: physically, mentally, socially, and so on. You do it to get your life together. You do it to function.
>Everyone always saying lower your standards. Then it's like no some fat gross slob won't love ME, she'll love that an average guy loves her below-average ass.
What does that say about you?
>Every time I try to talk to girls I just feel lonelier at how fake the whole thing is.
You have missed the point entirely.
Wizard in training here. I've decided the risks are too high to bother with any relationships. On top of that my social skills are terrible. I've come to the conclusion I'm just incompatible for any relationships. It's been hard but I've come to accept it. People drum up sex to be this huge thing but I really don't think it is. Not that I would know. But choking the chicken gives a pretty good impression I think.
Confucius say, reality is illusion created by mind.
>>17235938
No, that isn't want I meant
The point was that it's always about status. And if you were to find a girl of lower status (instead of trying to improve yourself for a better girl) it's still not an answer because they still don't care about you, they just like the attention from someone out of their league.
I want to feel the same way about a woman as I do towards my lifelong friends or my siblings, enjoying their company and real love, and that just doesn't exist
>>17236059
>Every time I try to talk to girls I just feel lonelier at how fake the whole thing is.
>You have missed the point entirely.
How's that?
>What does that say about you?
I didn't say I wouldn't love her because of her looks. But that I wouldn't feel like she loves me back
>>17236102
When was the last time you got to know someone?
>>17236125
Idk a few months ago? Haven't been looking for dates or anything lately
>>17236275
When was the last time you made a good friend?
>>17236285
Good friends are only a few in a lifetime
Although I have been in a relationship for a while now, I greatly enjoyed dating.
some girls are indeed very superficial and just want to fuck you because they like your body, that's fine though, have a little fun with them and then leave.
Other girls are really nice to be around and you'll enjoy their company.
My advice is to start working out hard. Once you're buff, you'll attract a lot more girls and you'll see dating as fun
>>17237319
Thanks Chad
>>17235711
I've never even been on a date but the whole idea of a date seems completely incompatible with me and others on this website. It basically forces you to be outgoing and charismatic and make her laugh and do all these things that you could never otherwise do outside of it. I'd rather just hang out alone and kill myself desu. Theres no way in hell i could ever live up to a girls expectations of a date, dates scare the fuck out of me. thank god girls never ask me out on them.
>>17237342
you don't have to be """chad""" to enjoy dating.
try working out, dressing fashionably and going to events you're interested in.
you'll see there are a lot of available girls
>It basically forces you to be outgoing and charismatic and make her laugh and do all these things that you could never otherwise do outside of it.
it really really isn't that hard
>>17237354
for you
>>17237346
>>17237354
I think the most important part is, to not be shy/ to talk to people.
I´m 6'4, looking/dressing reasonably well, am pretty fit(do MMA and lifting) doing pretty well in college and 20 years old. I still never had a gf in my life, mainly because I´m shy as hell and never initiate contact.
I´m pretty sure of some girls had interest in me, but I never managed to make a move.
I know guys who are wayyyyyy uglier than me, have tons of gf´s.
So my conclusion is: The most important part is to initiate contact, if you can´t do that, it doesnt matter how attractive you are.
Learn from my mistakes fellow anons. I´m working on my shyness but it´s a long road ahead of me.
I have one question: Where do I meat girls? I honestly hate partying and don´t have many friends.
>>17237493
>The most important part is to initiate contact, if you can´t do that, it doesnt matter how attractive you are.
true
>I have one question: Where do I meat girls? I honestly hate partying and don´t have many friends.
how can you hate partying? anyway, i not that, try concerts or salsa dancing classes
>>17237502
> how can you hate partying?
I don´t like big crowds of people or loud music
Life´s not easy as an introvert, but at least I don´t get bullied/stepped over anymore.
I guess everybody has his problems
>>17237534
>I don´t like big crowds of people or loud music
yep, that's definitely the reason you aren't getting laid.
Otherwise, as a fit 20 yo in college 6'4'' you would have been slaying everything
Agreed, but if you want a caring partner she needs to be your good friend, so maybe you need to start approaching women with that mindset instead of this juvenile "muh money muh average looks" bullshit because in the end that's just media inspired insecurity, and you won't be happy with anyone while you're resenting yourself.
>>17237541
this was response to
>>17237266
>>17237539
Maybe I should bite the bullet and just go to some parties, at least I would be getting laid, if what you say is right.
I know it sounds weird, but I´m really not used to being "attractive". Like I grew A LOT in the last 2 years and got really fit(not to get laid, just for fun). I lost my really terrible acne in this 2 years as well. So I basicly transformed from a omega nerd, to a reasonable attractive guy without a phase inbetween, and I have no idea how to deal with that lol.
The people suggesting working out or dressing well are missing what those activities do for your sense of self. It isn't muscles or good clothing, but the marked improvement in self worth people feel after excercise and self-expression through their clothing choices. It's unlikely that you will transform in to a big hunk if you pursue these activities, which if you expect to you'll be disappointed. Don't buy in to the 'ugly duckling' syndrome that is peddled to you through destructive media and salesmanship (capitalism, paying for a gym memebership or shelling out for very nice clothing) thrives on insecurity. By all means work out, dress nice, do these things if they'll improve your sense of self worth, but OP I think you believe the world is against you, and this 'daring/attraction' myth has been an anxiety pummeled in to you for too long in your young life. There are billions of people around you who don't conform to this narrow view of the world you've accepted as some Great Truth, there are cultures and subcultures on this planet completely untouched by this societal disease of isolation and distrust.
>>17236074
>and that just doesn't exist
Just because you haven't found it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
>>17237556
it'll feel awkward at first but you'll fit it by the end
