How do you go about explaining an issue that has been going on for an unreasonably long time?
I've been dating a close friend for about three years now because I thought there was no harm in humoring him. I assumed that he would grow to dislike me before I had saved up enough money to pay my debts, at which point I could die without bothering or disappointing anyone.
He's not leaving. Help. I would really like to die, and am starting to resent him.
How do I get out of this one or adequately explain what is going on without disturbing him too much?
Jesus
>>17217958
just break up with him you fucking faggot. if you wanted to kill yourself you'd be dead already
>>17217958
I'm confused what is going myself. Why do you wish to die? It's going to happen eventually anyway. What's so pressing?
>>17217965
It's a bit more difficult than that. I could always lie, but he knows that I generally have no problems with him and have enjoyed the time we have spent dating. There would be questions I couldn't answer without being cruelly honest, and I was asking here for ways to avoid this. Do you have any relatively painless breakup advice? What would be the best-case scenario here, if you were him? Would it bother you if I died right away? Would you feel relieved, knowing that the breakup wasn't really your fault at all?
>>17217967
I've never really enjoyed being alive. It's one problem and bother after another, and I mostly do things because other people would be bothered if I did not. I don't have anything to offer the world, and have spent most of my life being something of a parasite. I finally have enough to square my debts with various schools, banks, and family members. I don't have anyone I'm close to besides this one man. I'm mostly ready to go!
After that last problem is taken care of, I'll take a bottle of sleeping pills and a good, semi-airtight tent to a national park and get properly lost. The tent will serve several purposes-- it will help keep larger animals from eating my poisoned meat, hold in any mess and smell until I'm mostly desiccated, and keep anything from looking obviously wrong during the act just in case I have the bad luck to encounter a park ranger.
I know how you feel, and had similar plans before some recent events made it pretty impossible for me to do this.
I'll let you know how I was going to do it, though. I was going to lie to my bf and tell him I was cheating on him so that he'd break up with me, then wait a while (like a year to make sure he wasn't suspicious of it and think he was the cause) and then go and die.
>>17217993
it isn't worth it. ride it out.
you fucking let him on OP. The fuck is wrong with you, you're the biggest cocktease.
>>17218017
Thank you very much.
What happened?
>>17218025
I've been waiting to die for 25 years. Granted, 35 is younger middle-aged, but I think I've given it the old college try.
>>17218032
it's not that uncommon for couples to break up after 3 years dude, people change
>>17218032
Cocktease? Do you think adults date for multiple years without having sex? Underage b&, etc.
If I tell him what is happening bluntly, he will become distressed and make dying more difficult by calling the police. I would like to stop knowing him in the kindest way possible.
>>17218039
Well, I got pregnant. I have a baby now. I didn't want it to happen, I was on bc and we used condoms too, but improbably I got knocked up. I'm stuck because there's no way I can depart without putting a burden on somebody now, and I don't want my kid to be without a mother, either, I think that is cruel. So until my child is grown I'm stuck here.
>>17218040
This is what I was planning on. It didn't work out.
>>17218039
You say you have fun with this person, and enjoy their company. Why not just keep doing that? It won't really matter that he's "not the cause" of the breakup, it'll hurt him just as much, if not more to find out that he wasn't enough for you to stay alive for.
>>17218039
OK. you want to die. that's great. Go do something you never thought you would.
I've been an incredibly defensive driver my whole life. I wanted to kill myself. Couldn't bring myself to do it because of my parents. So i got a motorcycle. And you know what? I'm loving life. It's so interesting. Engaging. Sometimes you just need to challenge yourself.
You want to die? that's fucking great! the world is your oyster.
someone post the pasta, because it's fucking true.
>>17218049
Ick, that's the worst. I'm very sorry. I suppose you don't believe in abortion or adopting it out? People would have understood-- it's not like you wanted a child, and were taking every precaution not to have one.
>>17218049
Jesus Christ you're mentally ill. You and OP both. Seriously look at methods of help rather than this cold and resigned outlook. As it stands, I feel sorry for your child
>>17218053
you know what, fuck etiquette. i found it myself. read this.
>>17218055
Please kill yourself as soon as possible.
>>17218052
Perhaps I could disgust or bother him enough to where he wouldn't mind?
I was just enjoying myself during a necessary waiting period. I don't have to wait anymore, and don't want to. Do you loiter in your doctor's office after your appointment to keep reading the magazines?
>>17218053
I'll enjoy the getting lost in a national park part of my plan. Does that count?
>>17218057
I've always thought about something like that. I'd like to become Punisher and just kill people, only thing is my family is alive.
Solution? Kill my senpai, amirite guise?
>>17218055
It's complicated. No, I personally don't believe in abortion (for myself, I don't impose those beliefs on others). As much as I wanted to die, I couldn't bring myself to end the life of another being in the process. At that point I'd already seen it and heard the heartbeat, so to me I considered it a living thing. My boyfriend always wanted kids so we kept it after the birth.
I don't really regret it. I like my child just fine, I just also wish I were dead, if that makes any sense.
>>17218065
think bigger. you are up against a 100% mortality rate right now. what is something you;ve always wanted to do that you've never done before? go do it. live your life. there's always time to off yourself afterwards if you still want to. what are your dreams, anon?
>>17218071
Give it to loving parents to adopt you heartless and cold psychopath
>>17217993
Get treatment for your depression instead, dumbass.
Think about those of us who've actually fucking tried, who have the treatment-resistant kind, who've seen multiple shrinks, who've taken 2 dozen psychiatric medications
don't be lazy, do the work before you decide it's hopeless
>>17218045
OP, you said humor him, NOT you loved or cared for him. You used him to pass the time for you, like some fuckin' game that you thought you were guaranteed to win.
>>17218075
I do love her. I definitely don't resent her, none of this is her fault. She's very well cared for and will continue to be. I'm the best mother I can be, which others have said is pretty good.
I think it's made me feel a bit better. Every time she smiles at me, I feel like I have a reason to live, just in that one moment. So I'm not going to leave her while she's under my care, and maybe by the time she leaves the nest I'll be a happy person. For once, that seems like a possibility.
So I think the other poster is right, OP. Now that you're debt free you can take a completely different direction in life. I can't guarantee that it will work, but it's worth giving it a shot.
>>17218057
Nobody cares about double posting. It's a fun thought.
To address the copypasta, though, it fundamentally doesn't understand the usual situation. I do care about my family and friends, so I waited for them to all die and/or leave, as relationships with other people tend to do. I just didn't replace any of them with new friends or rebuild bridges with family that grew distant.
I don't really believe in any cause that would be helped by a lone actor, have no interest in casual sex, am not interested in extreme sports, and find motorcycles obnoxious and impractical.
Speaking of which, if none of the following relates to you, you are fortunate, shining, and unusual.
Please stay away from my lane while I am driving. I'm sure you're having fun, but I am uninterested in killing you and then dealing with manslaughter complications. The white line is not your personal lane. Also, stop revving your engine in your driveway late at night. This is why most people hate you and don't invite you places.
>>17218060
Are you bothered by the fact that some people view a shitting, noisy clot of meat as a burden with a social security number? Looking at that useless thing every morning and remembering that social mores were the only thing stopping you from continuing as you were must be the worst feeling. I'm genuinely sorry.
>>17218065
If you seriously don't give a shit about anyone but yourself please stop pretending that you care about your family.
If you want to seem so cool then tell him outright straight to his face. I'm sure you would find that actually funny and you would be entertained.
Next you could actually attack him. Maybe stab him with something. I'm sure you would enjoy that too. I mean, you don't see him as a human being (more like a puppy) so it doesn't really matter. Just do whatever you think is fun because that's what you were going to do anyways.
For the record, if you have any sliver of self dignity left just kill yourself now and save other people the anguish.
Or leave a letter with a simple sentence that says your feelings and disappear.
>>17218112
(this bitch trying to start a fight)
Filtering is illegal where i live. So i don't do it.
I work nights, and i choke my engine very conservatively until i leave the complex, out of respect for the neighbors.
I get only head nods and waves, not hate.
My point was, find something you never thought you'd ever do, and do it. anything. I thought people hated bikers as well, until i started riding. It helped me learn about he compassion that humans have for their fellow humans. Worst case scenario, you die. that's what you want anyway, right?
Out of curiosity, you a boy or a girl OP?
To be perfectly honest, you sound to me like a very kind soul who I wish would stay around.
Lots of suicidal people stop giving a fuck about those around them, but not you.
Perhaps your boyfriend wants to stay with you because your a caring person? Maybe you should talk to him about how you feel.
Hope you stay safe, OP.
>>17218071
I understand. I'm glad that part of your situation is going well for you.
>>17218072
I don't have any ridiculous or dramatic dreams that are inherently dangerous.
>>17218088
I'm glad that you fought for results you wanted, and had the social and medical support you needed to continue for as long as you wanted. That's important.
I just don't have the same goals as you. Am I somehow lazy for being uninterested in taking on a strenuous hobby I don't enjoy?
>>17218109
I liked him as a friend, had a few years to kill, and assumed he'd be well on his way before there was a timing issue. I was wrong, therefore I am searching for advice to fix this problem.
>>17218140
Why not just tell him a half-truth? Tell him that you have mental illness and that you want to break it off while you seek treatment. Then, disappear like you want to. Then he won't know it's his fault.. he might even have a bit of closure knowing why you did it.
>>17218155
Meant to say, then he won't think it's his fault.
>>17218140
Then find a dream. Anything. just go out and do something, anon. Stagnation is what kills us. Do not fizzle out. If you must go out, do something amazing.7
>>17218140
>had the social and medical support you needed
my story isn't inspirational (i don't actually have any social support or any of that shit either), it's not over yet. Still fighting and hoping.
the point is that when you have a problem (eg not being able to enjoy things), you go to the doctor and get it fixed (then go and enjoy things).
>>17218112
You seem to be missing the point here.
SHE HAD SEX CONSENSUALLY. She chose to fuck him. She decided it was something she wanted at the time.
To indulge in her selfish choices and for her to act like a child that won't take responsibility for her actions afterwards makes me sick.
The trait of not seeing children and other humans as humans is a large red flag of mental illness.
That child should be put up for adoption.
>>17218115
I actually like him as a human friend, and would not like to harm him. I've gone to great lengths and inconvenience to make sure that my death would bother no one. None of my family still alive has seen me in years or calls. I had friends, good friends, but we grew apart or they moved for work. Everyone who would have been bothered left or died long ago. Except for this last one.
This thread has mostly derailed from its original purpose. The mom-anon posted her plan about lying about cheating, then waiting for about a year. Everyone else wants me to be cruelly blunt or is too busy telling me to live.
>>17218136
I have many bike-owning neighbors who are the exact opposite of you. You seem like a nice and considerate fellow, would neighbor 10/10.
It's a good idea, overall. The only damper is that I don't want to ride a motorcycle.
>>17218137
I'm a girl. You're kind, and I thank you, but I don't know if just telling him about everything is the best option. There will be tears, self-blaming, and demands that I attend more/better therapy instead. The conversation will escalate, he'll grow angry, and I'll end up having to lie to the police about our conversation or run off in an awkward manner that sounds close to a worst-case scenario.
>>17218140
>I liked him as a friend, had a few years to kill, and assumed he'd be well on his way before there was a timing issue. I was wrong, therefore I am searching for advice to fix this problem.
Well anon, you obviously played yourself there desu.
I remember your behavior though, if you act 180°, then it looks sketch as shit.
>>17218175
man fuck you and your rules about who can have kids and who can't. The adoption system is a fucking meat grinder anyway and there's no guarantee it'd go to 'loving' parents. many probably don't.
There are plenty of people who aren't mentally ill who abuse kids and rape them. It sounds like she cares as much as she can so take your indignation and shove it up your judgmental ass.
>>17218155
Soft-balling the truth isn't a bad idea. In a darkly funny sense, it's not even a lie.
>>17218163
Any ideas? As long as your proposed adventure ends near a state park, there's no reason not to attempt it if it's a good idea.
>>17218175
Well, yes, the sex was consensual, but that no longer means that she automatically wanted or needed to get a baby out of the matter. If anything, her desire to not make long-term obligations before peacing out seems completely reasonable. The mentally ill part is that she wants to die.
>>17218195
I really did play myself.
You're right, the breakup has to look organic. No sudden, obviously fake arguments or claims.
>>17217958
Reading the thread OP I think there is only one real solution posted so far that will really work: the one where you breakup for "reasons" and then wait a full year before the suicide. That is tge only way to let him drift out of your life like everyone else. You could use the time to raise some money to leave to charity or something. If its been 25 years, what's one more to make a clean break from this mortal coil?
>>17218205
idk anon. hike across the US? You seem to like outdoors, so hike from one coast to the other and just have fun.
i could be wrong, but i think you'll find a reason to live if you just "throw it all to the wind".
i don't want to see you die, anon. i want to see you thrive. i sincerely believe that you can do this if you set your mind to it. you just need to find a reason to live.
because when it comes down to it, we all just have "reasons to live". if we didn't, every person on earth would an hero right now.
you got this.
>>17217958
Also you've a good suicide plan, but you ought to take a backup in case the pills don't work, like a gun. Dehydrating to death in the woods is not a nice way to go.
>>17218191
You make me cry, OP :(.
I dealt with severe depression for four years, and I really wish there was some way I could help you. Like, at a visceral level I wish I could reach through your screen and tell you everything would be ok.
Is there any chance you might increase your therapy frequency? I really wish you would give this some more thought...
>>17218251
i'm
>>17218243
and i feel the exact same way. it's hell seeing people go through what we've been through.
thank you for trying to help them, anon.
>>17218202
Not the same anon but I also have to disagree with this.
What I disagree with is not so much the way OP has used her boyfriend (we all use others in some way).
But your description of a newborn is alarming. You called the child "a shitting, noisy clot of meat" which is a tremendous lack of empathy.
Lack of empathy is a common symptom used to diagnose an array of mental illness. Many serial killers were very average individuals.
If you are envisioning a psycho like in the movies, it really isn't like that most of the time (i'm sure you know that much but i'm just being thorough).
Rather, they will comment on their murders calmly and with tact.
Also, taking responsibility for your actions is the sign or a mature individual.
Raping a child, like you mentioned, makes you a pedophile which is a textbook psychiatric disorder. (You wouldn't do this unless you wanted to, which makes you a pedophile or you were forced to which would mean you are a victim.)
If she is bitter about having a child and does not like the child, then she is currently a child herself and isn't fit to raise the child properly as of this moment.
You seem to have the idea that others shouldn't be able to tell you how to raise your child or if you are worthy of having one either way. The thing is that there are standards in place to make sure that most kids can have a healthy and safe chance at a good future. Yes, many children in first world countries still face sickening hardships but this is inevitable. If you wish for anarchy and want a society the allows parents to treat their offspring any way they feel like regardless of the child's well being, then maybe you should live in a third world country if you already are not. This is just my opinion though.
Overall, you just seem like an abusive person that is very selfish. I type that without disrespect and simply by my observations of what's typed here.
>>17218256
Thanks to you as well, anon.
This is my first time on this board, and it's surprising how upset I got about OP's problems. I'm glad there are other people out there who want to help.
>>17218287
Don't give up. This board needs more people like you.
Take the philosophy i have: If i can help eve n one person tonight, it was a good night.
>>17218057
barcelona is a trash city full of pakis
whoever wrote this has no fucking clue of what barça looks like
