my boyfriend of a year is a super solid guy with great character and morals. he's very honest, considerate, responsible, smart, loving and sweet... he's been a volunteer for helping autistic children, willingly participates in charities, he would without fail hand over whatever change he's carrying for any homeless people he comes across, also he's a generous tipper, and just an amazing guy over all.
but his biggest flaw is how easily angered he gets. he gets angry at his cat meowing at his door and threatens to beat it up (he obviously never does otherwise it wouldn't go near him), when something of bad luck comes his way he rants and raves about it like it's the worst thing ever, and in some cases he would punch walls or tables if he is angered badly enough. like one time, when some drunk chick kept being really rude to him at work, he managed to punch a hole in the wall at his work place. (which he fessed up to to his boss even if he could've gotten away with it)
he has gotten short with me once when i gently suggested that he looks for another job (because i know it causes him so much stress) but he still said "i love you" before ignoring me for several hours while at work. later that night, he returned a text telling me he understood my concerns and knew i wasn't trying to make him mad. (basically his way of apologizing... he's the type that only apologizes when it's absolutely necessary)
i gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship 2 years ago, and have been extra cautious since... i actively try to avoid starting fights and am very careful with not trying to escalate things. (thanks to the conditioning of my abusive parents and ex...) i'm afraid of his temper and want him to improve on it but i don't know how to bring this up to him... and to be honest i'm a little afraid of his reaction even though it's more likely he'll try to re-assure me that he wouldn't harm me.
also i'm not quite sure how to judge him... am i being excessively paranoid?
>>17209810
It sounds to me like he is expressing his anger just fine. He's not yelling or screaming at you or even intimating he would get violent. Frankly, I scream when I am angry so sounds like you got lucky.
>>17209824
If you kissed another guy, you deserve to be hit. What would be better for everyone if you just ended things.
I'm sorry I need to make a new thread for my problem
>>17209826
thanks for the re-assurance... i guess it's scary since for myself, it's extremely rare for me to express such anger in that volume, and even then, i'm able to sort out my anger in a civil manner like taking a run or writing in a journal.
he has a naturally loud/booming voice, so i can't really tell when he's not yelling to be honest, but yeah he's never been intimidating in front of me. i'm mostly concerned about his punching and the fact he's been involved in fights... i don't really know the details here, but his policy is to try and avoid physical fights if he can. (especially after losing a tooth; he wears a fake one that he's very self-conscious about)
>>17209810
Sounds like you grew up in abusive household and you are attracted to abusive guys.
Some day this will be your downfall when some guy goes nuts and kills you in a fit of rage.
/warned
>>17209852
i wasn't attracted to him because he was abusive. i was attracted to his good qualities and because he seemed like a good guy. i go out of my way to try and date people who i hope won't end up like my parents.
even my ex appeared that way; who looked like a small, scrawny nerd by the way; until he started chipping away at my self esteem and trapped me in that relationship for a little while along with blackmail. that was easy enough to tell because he started showing his true colors a couple months in, and i was naive enough to trust him.
my current really seems to try and make me feel happy, and he is very considerate and a traditional gentleman... but i'm just trying to see if his anger will explode on me and result in something more dangerous...
>>17209810
>he's been a volunteer for helping autistic children
You're saying he posts on 4chan?
>>17209810
Do you think it's possible he volunteers helping autistic children because he can relate to their struggles?
>>17209891
lol no, he studied psychology and was volunteering to get experience to be a social worker. he's a factory worker now, but he is very empathetic towards kids especially with disabilities.
U seem like a person who cant tolerate fully with someone that is easily angered. I think u shouldnt tell him to control his temper, as old habits die hard, and even if he can suppress his temper, this isnt a good long term solution except some circumstances. U have to accept this is one of his traits. I think he also awares that his temper and try to surpress it as u've said before. I cant say what exactly what u can do but for me, accept his temper first, when he starts to love u more, the better chance he will be able to surpress temper to secure a relationship. Hope u two will be together forever :)
>>17209810
a person who gets angry is only going to be able to calm themselves down when they let them. if he's been with you a year and he hasn't actually hurt a person and he loves you he's not going to hit you if you talk to him about something if you show that you are serious and don't try to get him to change something like his job, ask him to change the way he is when he is angry and talking to you, because that's what really matters here and that's all you should ask of him. it might be a waking up call for him and that's all you can really hope for in my opinion.
>>17210024
thank you anon
>>17210039
thank you, this makes me feel a lot better... i guess i needed to know if his behavior was normal and that he's a safe and decent person to be around. i just don't want to be abused again.
