How do I stop being needy in an online long distance relationship?
Hey /adv/. How can I stop being so needy in a new online relationship? I'm finding that lately my moods are so affected by whether or not he messages me. I feel pathetic. I lead a pretty busy life and so does he, but I can't help that I want to talk to him all the time. When we don't talk, tons of insecurities flood in and I don't want them to come in between us or drive him away.
How often should I message him? Are any of you anons in a long distance relationship? How often do you talk to your s/o? How can I be happy on my own?
Break up. Online relationships are terrible and break you. (Talking from experience.) It's also clear already that he isn't as invested as you are.
>>17208948
Yikes. We live close enough to meet eventually so hopefully it won't be online forever. How can I gauge his investment other than messaging. Some people aren't good at texting. What were your experiences anon?
>>17208948
This OP
You can't get that pussy online
>>17208955
Hopefully we will meet soon.
>>17208958
I'm too expensive for you
>>17208972
Hah. I mean my boyfriend, not you. Although I'm sure you're lovely anon.
Just make time to meet up. Online chatting only shows you a small portion of someone you might not even like them when you meet.
>>17208982
I've already expressed interest and he did too although we haven't revisited it. Thanks for the advice anon.
>>17208975
I'm dying OP
You made my day. Hope everything goes well for you two
>>17208988
Did you meet on a dating site?
>>17208996
Thanks friend! Hope things go well for you too!
>>17208997
Nope. Online forum.
>>17208942
>online
>long distance
lol
>>17208953
You haven't met and you're calling it a relationship already? Are you 16? You should message him as much as you like to.
>>17208953
My experience was loneliness. You're still alone behind the screen. It's just pointless. And you're anxious already. If that's not a red flag then I don't know what is.
>>17209012
Not 16 but thanks for your advice.
>>17209017
Yeah I understand how that could be a problem but we skype a lot and plan to meet. I am an anxious person generally but not usually needy. Any advice to help with the neediness?
>>17209029
Have you asked yourself the question why you're needy? Why do you assume there is something wrong with YOU?
>>17209029
Have you been in a relationship before or is this your first. Did they leave you because you were too needy?
Well.. long distance relationships are a pain. You can never know what the other person really feels when talking to you and a " :) " is really easy to type but representative at all..
The other downside of a texting-only relationship is that... well you get disappointed in the person you are meeting. What if he doesn't match the image of him you imagined in your mind by what he wrote to you?
It's a trap really.
The first few weeks of my relationship was a sort of LDR. I was away on a vacation when we started talking, so the first four was a texting only. This was great, but when we finally saw each other again, it wasn't what I nor she had imagined... And talking person to person was really hard. I managed to overcome my habit of texting to her and made the transition of talking to her directly slowly, but it was a close call.
Arrange a meeting really soon. And if you are really serious about this guy, make sure the LDR is a short one and plan to make arrangements to live nearby so you can meet daily or at least much more often. Otherwise, a LDR isn't really recommended since it hurts more the more time goes by.
>>17209049
To be honest, I'm not 100% sure what you mean... I have asked myself that, and I have no idea. I am very low maintenance in every other relationship in my life. I think there is something wrong with me to some extent and I would like to change.
>>17209055
This is my third proper relationship. No they didn't I broke up with the first two and the last just fizzled off. I am worried about being needy though. I don't like relying on people for anything and the degree to which he affects me makes me very uncomfortable.
>>17209065
>You can never know what the other person really feels when talking to you and a " :) " is really easy to type but representative at all..
I agree with this, and we try to skype/call as much as possible.
>Arrange a meeting really soon. And if you are really serious about this guy, make sure the LDR is a short one and plan to make arrangements to live nearby so you can meet daily or at least much more often. Otherwise, a LDR isn't really recommended since it hurts more the more time goes by.
That kind of living arrangement is impossible for now at least. I have the time to visit him about once a month for a couple of days at a time. Do you think that's enough?
>Internet relationship
End it before it ends you.
>>17208942
how far are you? i was in an online relationship for about a month, so it was not long at all. the girl became incredibly needy near the end of it and i ended it. She would get pissy if i stopped talking to her because i was busy. was annoying.
how close is your bf exactly? i suppose it could work if you're reasonably close.
>>17209079
I can't really say if that is enough or not. Do you feel like all your needs are satisfied for the rest of the month? Does he feel the same? A relationship takes two to work, and if you guys are fine with this, then who am I to say otherwise?
But from my experience, being on skype or always sending texts might (I am saying "might", because this is really tricky territory) become more of a hassle than a joy if you understand what I am saying. Sure, it is fun to talk and keep the line open, talking about everything, but somewhere along the line, you will want to have that physical part. The part where you know where your partner is when you want to cuddle, when you feel depressed or down, when you are sick and need someone, or even the simplest thing as a familiar face after a long day at work/school. This is the most basic of relationship needs, and I am sorry to say that in LDR, these needs will become apparent after a time.
And going by your post on this site, I assume that you have doubts about if this works.
And also, to answer your questions on the OP post, talking every day is really natural when you really are interested in the other person. As long as the your boyfriend shows interest in actually talking to you, you shouldn't worry too much, but if you notice that interest is fading, well...
Why isn't it possible to change living arrangements?
Sorry for replying so late, was making some food.
