Do long distance relationships work?
>>17192472
No.
You're welcome;
umm yes as well. The answer is they can. You just have to face facts that it will suck.
The truth is this, if a couple breaks up because of distance, it wasn't really the distance that broke them up.
/adv/ quality relationships - no.
actual good relationships - probably.
You wont hear the good stories as often as the bad ones. Especially since 4chan is full of retards who'll have been burnt.
From personal experience, they can. But only if you force there to be an IRL connection early on. You need to meet the girl/guy in person otherwise one of you will most likely get bored of the relationship due to lack of attachment. Also it's hard as shit to figure out whether you actually like someone through Skype/phone calls alone because you don't see their entire personality.
>>17192483
what was it?
>>17192536
it was the quality of the relationship. Both have to be all in and really want it to work. young relationships or uncommitted members will just cause it to do more damage and most likely end.
>it's never the fault of the distance, only the quality of the relationship.
Depends on the people involved. My parents met in Abu Dhabi and dated over 4 years while they each traveled the world seperate, writing letters and calling each other. However this was in the 70s when people were used to going a while without talking and they were both mature adults when they met. A lot of people these days, especially those under 30 rely on an excessive amount of social contact and as a result have become a very weak-willed and insecure generation in regards to things like fidelity and diligent integrity. Basically, if you can both agree to it without doubts and understand what you're getting into, it can work. I would say if you are under 20 it has little chance of succeeding.
They can work, but they are hard work are require utter commitment.
Met my girlfriend online, we didn't meet for 20 months, turned it into a face to face. Wouldn't recommend it for the average person, it takes giving up just about everything to keep it going.
That said I don't regret it, we are still together 6 years later.
>>17192587
Yeah I read your story on the other thread
>>17192607
That obvious huh? Haha.
Playing games together
Watching movies with skype in the background
Talking and texting
And if youre able to like i was i had the girl come live with me but before she would come over every weekend for few days
Sure, they can but only if you both have strong willpower to keep it working.
There's way more cons than pros to it, but if you can stick it out then more power to you and it will strengthen the bond.
I've been in one before where she was across the country and it kind of got me down when I saw happy couples walking down the road and holding onto each other, it was just bitter jealousy because while I wasn't single, it was rare I could spend time with her like that, but it made it feel all the more special when we did get a chance.
Its funny and doesn't help your cause when you say you're in a relationship but people question who it is and if they can meet them, just makes it seem like you're lying until you can prove it.
TL;DR yeah it can work, but be prepared to take on whats to come. Depending how far apart you are, it might not be so bad.
>>17192587
20months until meeting is a rare exception. Normally if you meet online you want a real life meeting as soon as possible.
>>17192472
They can work, allthough it's not easy. Let's imagine relationships are like jobs:
A regular relationship is like doing a 40 hour week and getting £600 in the bank every friday.
An LDR is more like doing 120 hours a week in return for someone giving you a post-dated cheque for £20 once or twice a month. There's a vague offer that at some unspecified point in the future the contract will be upgraded, but it's a coin flip as to whether you get the 40 hour/£600 a week job or you just get fired on the spot with no notice.
>>17192658
What happened in the end with her? Were you able to meet?
>>17192472
It worked for me and my partner. He lived all the way in New Zealand, and me in The Netherlands. After a year he flew here and we live together for 6 years.
If you both have the power and trust, It will work, just try to talk everyday. Send them something like a teddybear.
>>17192675
Thank you. That is a great analogy and perspective. I haven't seen it that way.
no point in being involved with soaking up a womans bullshit without being able to see and touch them in real life
>>17192472
They can, but they're exceptionally brutal and difficult. I suggest you not even try it unless you're already seriously considering getting married.
Im in one now OP and were very happy. The one thing thats driving us is that the distance is only temporary and that well move together soon.
I think its harder if you dont have goals to look forward to in ldr, and it will definetly be more difficult if you dont
>>17192728
>The one thing thats driving us is that the distance is only temporary and that well move together soon.
>I think its harder if you dont have goals to look forward to in ldr, and it will definetly be more difficult if you dont
This. It is absolutely vital that you have a date when you can be together again once and for all, or at least know exactly what has to happen before you can set a date. The end can be far off -my then-girlfriend (now wife) and I survived six years long-distance- but it must be in sight.
>>17192728
mind telling me when do you plan on moving together and how long have you been in the relationship?
>>17192472
I'll share my little story with you
>Be with girl for 4 years
>We're in NYC
>Her family lives in CA
>She misses her family badly
>She ends up going to visit them
>Tells me over the phone she's staying
>Only for a "little bit" though
>She ends up staying for over a year
>Nights get worse and worse
>Sleeping alone
>Eating alone
>Being alone
>Knowing that I love her and she loves me
>But we can't hold each other
>Made every day more and more painful
>Fuck it, I'm going to move out there
>Call her up and tell her I'm coming out there
>She says the long distance relationship has changed her
>She no longer has feelings for me after being away so long
>Hangs up
Haven't spoken with her since 2012
Long distance relationships work for a little bit, but once the crippling realization hits that you can't ever touch the person or BE with the person, that's when it starts hurting...badly, now if you met the person online to begin with and you're just in a long distance relationship till you can meet, that's fine, but keep in mind you're on borrowed time, sooner or later it'll hurt too much to want to continue going, so meet up and meet up quick, before it's too late.
>>17192742
We have been together since Lucia last year so about 6 months. We plan on moving together in a year or so when I'm more financially stable.
>>17192749
Maybe the signs was showing as early as when she said that she missed her family? Maybe she just didn't want you to feel bad about her not having feelings anymore
Must've felt awful anon :(
>>17192756
Well she has missed and visited her family plenty times before, our relationship was really healthy and we were both happy, but we let long distance get a hold of us for WAAAAAAY too long, I admit I made the mistake of waiting a year before going out there when I should of gone within the first month or so, but honestly it would of been really bad for me to move to CA, we had a studio apartment in NYC with a ton of fucking stuff I would of had to somehow get rid of, plus my job was here in NYC, I was willing to give up everything for her, even if it would of been a pain in the ass
I dunno, sometimes things just happen, I'm not too bent out of shape about it, it hurt for a while but friends helped me get through it all, lots of booze and partying and stuff, and my best friend became my new roommate so that was pretty awesome
As for long distance relationships in general, like I said, just meet as fast as you can, because it will ruin you slowly if you don't.
>>17192678
She just decided to end it one day, saying the distance was "too much". We didn't even live that far from each other, she was in Cornwall and i'm in Ullapool so flying over was pretty short and cheap, so every 2-3 months or so depending on the occasions e.g. birthdays, etc. Felt just a tad broken after that almost two year thing we had.
>>17192769
Yeah, some things aren't meant to be. Easier said than done but it would've have gone worse if he kept forcing it and lying to herself that she was happy. Stay strong anon
>>17192472
I've never known one to work.
>>17192769
Did you skype her as much as possible?
>>17192806
Oh yeah, we spoke every single day, we were on Skype all the time, she had talked about missing me and wanting to come back, but being away from her family hurt her too much, and being away from me hurt her as well, when we had our final conversation together she told me that she felt compelled to pick her family over me because her family gave her everything, they were paying for her schooling in NYC and helping pay half the rent as well, she had a really nice family
I did notice that every day we spoke together she seemed more and more sad, I did all I could to cheer her up, we played games online together, I mailed her some random gifts and chocolates and stuff, told her how much I missed her and wanted her back, it was almost like she was held hostage there now that I think about it, I know she wanted to be with me, she would tell me how much she missed me with tears in her eyes
The thing is, her family highly approved of me, I met them multiple times and the dad even asked me when I was going to pop the question, to this day I still have no idea what really happened.
>>17192479
/thread
>>17192814
That is so strange. Do you have any guesses as to why? I am so sorry for you anon.
I'd hate to have things get really good and then having it all fall apart like that.
>>17192835
My only guess is this;
Her parents were extremely nice and hardworking people, they WANTED her to enjoy life and not have a single person, so they paid for everything, when she originally moved to NYC, it was as a simple as saying "Mom, Dad, I want to live in NYC!" and they paid for everything and let her, she was spoiled rotten, but by no means a spoiled brat, she was very nice and caring and always worried about other people first, and never expected to get her way with things despite growing up spoiled
What I think happened was, her family back in CA must of told her at one point that they miss her, and this made her feel like total shit, so she moved back out there just to visit like always,but while she was there they must of guilt tripped her so hard that she felt forced to stay, it's really the only thing I can think of, I was never able to talk to her after we broke up, she deleted her Facebook, changed her number, and her friends in NYC came and collected most of her things, and not even they knew why she did it, they were just as hurt as I was
It's 2016 now, and I looked her back up on Facebook which she seems to have again now, looks like she's living with her parents still (We're both 28) and is still single, all her pictures look depressing as fuck, no I don't plan on reaching out to her, it's been years and there's no point in reopening old wounds.
