I think I have a problem. I'm starting to feel very obsessive about someone who's precious to me. They're my only friend in the world, and the only thing I care about anymore. I've spent a lot of my life around the wrong people, getting backstabbed and betrayed far too often. It's gotten up to the point where I keep my pool of friends small and don't even bother meeting new people, or acting as friendly as I usually would when others approach me. And whenever I don't get to spend time with this person, I feel horrible. All kinds of negative thoughts flow through my mind, especially jealousy. Thinking that they're spending time with better people than me. But it's mostly depression/loneliness. And I don't know what to do anymore. I can't bring this up with them because they genuinely wouldn't understand. They have less emotional response than the average person, and I don't want to bother them because we've already been through so much. I need to have someone in my life to survive, I can't stand the thought of being alone. Isolation is death to me, and I bear many emotional scars from losing good friends due to negative and/or unfortunate circumstances. I honestly can't even begin to explain how it makes me feel. It's so awful that just the thought of being alone makes me want to curl up and cry. I'm insecure, I have no willpower and I'm not very perceptive. I used to be much different, much better than this. But I'm scared that I'm walking down a path of self-destruction by letting these feelings get to me, and if it doesn't stop something bad will happen. We share a very platonic relationship and they're really the only person I can trust at this point. I don't think this obsessive mindset is too extreme just yet, but going an entire day without getting to have a small chat or hearing them saying they don't want to hang out (either for a while or the whole day) is painful. When I shouldn't be feeling this miserable.
cont.
>>17189885
I can't figure out what to do, so here I am. If anyone thinks they can guide me in the right direction, I'd appreciate that. I apologize in advance for this massive wall of text, and there's probably more I'll need to talk about before anyone can help me. But I'm desperate to get this pain to stop so I can spend less time being a sad sack of shit, and more time doing anything else. And uh, I don't have any friends in real life. Never really had the chance to connect with anyone like that. So yeah, I'm just some troubled loser who only really talks to a few people on the internet these days...hope you folks are tolerant and considerate enough to understand. I just want solace in...anything, at this point. I don't even know anymore. I used to be a good example of positivity, but now I'm in the same pit I've dragged so many people out of.
I remember hating, breaking up with a clingy friend and getting jealously insane with another one (a bit romantic though).
Yeah, that, "if he didn't text me today, he must be laughing with the girl he recently added or his besties" and it was crazy. I thought 24/7 about that possibility, cut all contact, while numbing inside, because I am a hysterical bitch. That guy had a sort of "hate being alone" mindset, got upset, I regretted that heavily.
Well, I told you some unrelated shit, because I love being alone more than anything else. Talking from the opposite side of the problem.
Hate that psychology self-diagnosing, but the condition of yours is similar to dependent personality disorder. At least look at causes and treatment get some ideas, not consider it seriously. Met people who can't stand being on their own as you can read, and they all had self-loathing or self-esteem issues.
>I'm insecure, I have no willpower and I'm not very perceptive.
That must be the root of the problem. They were like that too.
Like you need another person to validate yourself. As meme as it sounds, learn to love yourself, feel like you're strong and worthy enough to exist. Focus on your victories, become the best friend you seek.
It is hard, but it should do the job.
The family could be the reason, childhood, it must be deep-seated.
Won't go away easily.
Please, don't put responsibility on solving your issue on your beloved friend, nobody would like such a pressure. And don't write that you can't breathe without him/her. It's your fight, and you should have the courage to fight it.
>>17189956
You bring up some good points. Thank you, I'll try my best. And I suppose childhood and family issues were some factors, when I reflect on why I'm like this. I'll tough it out and try to make myself a better person. I understand that it won't be easy and I can accept it. I'm probably still gonna cry like a bitch at night and suck at fighting anxiety, but it wouldn't feel right to just give up completely. Deep inside, I'm better than this and I know it. Even my few friends know it, and they like being around me when I'm...y'know. They just somehow see the me on the inside that I haven't accepted yet, or something. The me that I've always wanted to be but never thought was possible. But I'm still me no matter how much I go through. And if I conquer this thing, I can be happy with myself and become a more desirable person. Maybe then I wouldn't have to worry about being alone.
Thanks a bunch, I think I've got the energy to relax and get through another day.
>>17190084
Hope it is of some use, anon!
Don't push yourself too hard, lessening the intensity of anxiety is good enough.
Going against your nature is too much, and I'm sure you'll have a person by your side, who'll bring the best of you!
It really pains me to see all of these sad people on 4chan.. I wish I could do something, but I don't know why, as I'm not and never have been in that situation.. How old are you, by the way, Anon?
I think the advices are good, and maybe it could help you to force yourself into situations where you need to meet other people, just to help with the loneliness? I'm not saying make friends or anything, but if there's a crisis, it could help to have basic talk to or to chat with from real life.
>>17190124
I turn 21 in August. I suppose I still have my whole life ahead of me, but I need to study and finish my education before I can really do anything.
I want to make new friends and have fun with other people, but after all I've been through I just can't. I keep my friend pool as small as possible because I'm afraid I'll get hurt if I have too many friends. There were also a few incidents that happened in the past that gave me reason to stay with what little friends I have. But, I do try to interact with others from time to time. I suppose it helps a little. Thanks for the sympathy I guess. This thread's pretty much done already, unless someone has something important they wanna bring up. But I dunno how much longer I'll be watching this thread.
>>17190179
First anon. Similar age, it gets tough at college psychologically, but you can make great friends totally randomly. Maybe someone great is waiting around the corner, anon, cheer up
