So... i have been dating this guy i know from the internet since half a year now. I agreed on going out with him because he was such a nice guy and literally everything i wished for while we just texted. But I only realized he is a total cringy loser now and i totallly realized i dont have any feelings for him. Not being mean here. I just don't know how put it in a nicer way.
Here is my problem: This guy changed his whole life for me. He started to study on a university because i told him i like guys who have a decent education and when i told him i like guys with abs he started to hit the gym for me. Basically he threats me like a goddess. He did all this things for me and i feel like a total douch for not developing any feelings for him but i can't help. He is just too clingy for me and in someways really cringy and creepy. I want to break up with him. But i know that when i will do this he wont have any reason to go on with his life (he told me this a thousand times). I really don't want him to kill himself or fall into a deep depression like i did when my ex left me (Long story...but all in all i once fell for a guy he fucked my life up and i needed 2 years to recover from this)
I don't want this relationship anymore. It's just not making me happy. I want a man who knows what he wants and not some dog who changes his life according to my standarts.
What should i do? Just go on and make him happy or break up and make myself happy? And if you think i should break up how should i do it best without hurting him too much?
I understand you, but I would consider other options in your case. Since you pretty much have godlike pretty over him, you can mold him whatever you want him to be, and yes that includes being not a clingy loser. You have great power, use it well.
>>17185638
*power, not pretty
you can't stay with someone out of obligation.
what are you going to do pretend to be happy for the rest of your life? and you cant so you'd just be passively upset with him as opposed to directly.
no matter which way you slice it its a bad situation. so whats best, staying and faking it and destroying him when he learns his whole life is a lie? or breaking up with him and letting him cope while its still a fresh relationship?
men like to say 'you make me a better man'. but you only make him a better man if hes still better when you are gone. otherwise you only make him a fraud.
you cannot date someone hoping the wont kill themselves. everyone dates. everyone breaks up. if you are willing to break up over a relationship of just six months, then you are not healthy enough to have been dating to begin with.
just break up with him. as bitchy as you may seem from the post, it is life that people are going to break up with you. you are not responsible for anything he does.
>>17185626
Introduce him to any slutty girlfriends you might have,( that would fuck him)and let him fuck his way out of the relationship with you. Problem solved
>>17185626
Fuck you and everything you represent. "I fell in love with a guy but he did everything I asked so I'm bored now."
>>17185638
That's exactly what I don't want. Even if i tell him i don't like him the way he is now he will change because i told him to and not because he wants it. It's a hard concept but I don't want a puppet as my partner.
>>17185651
Thanks for the words! And I know that i sound bitchy thats why I am so insecure about this whole situation...
>>17185655
I fell in live with a person he pretended to be not with the person he really is. I am sorry if you can't read this from my post. Not native english.
I know i am foolish for even considering to date a guy i never even met online but i was so lonley back then but as i look at it now i just don't love him.
>>17185673
*love
>>17185673
Don't puppet him, give him confidence. Your power is greater than just of a puppeteer's. All you need to do is maje him realize that his own ideas have value and are worth fighting for. Change him for you and he will realize that this is the best thing that happened to him in his life and he will go on and do things for himself because being a cringey loser doesn't feel good, being a strong, confident, imaginative man feels good and he will feel the difference.
>>17185626
well, OP, you chose to go out with a mental I don't blame you for wanting to break.
This is why you friendzone creeps. They act like nobody could ever love you the way they do but the truth is they can't even love themselves.
Anyway, I'll teach you. You ask him to go to a restaurant, a restaurant you enjoy. You tell him
>Hey, anon! I've got a good and a bad news.
>The good news is the profiterole of this restaurant is marvelous!
>The bad news is you're going to eat it alone. I'm leaving you
it always hurts
>>17185673
It doesn't come off from your first post that he pretended anything. You only said that he was nice and everything you wished for and in the next paragraph you said you don't love him because he gives you everything you wish.
What did he pretend?
>>17185702
Ok i see it now. Well he basically act like he had a total different character now. I can't really describe it. During the time we were just chatting he seemed as if he would have a character at all. Being a bit quiet and arrogant (yes... you can judge me!) but now he seems as if his only charactertrait is that he is my bf. Also he seemed like he wasn't the jealous type at all but now even when i consider meeting my friends he gets really upset and tries to make me feel bad about it.
Also he has this thing where he always talks in a way it annoys me. I can't really describe it but when we were just chatting/skypeing he seemed normal but now he sometimes talks like a really corny 40-year old who talks to his wife. Somehow like this: "My little bunny when I am gonna see you next time i will squueze you till you squeek " I cringe so hard everytime i have to hear him talk like this. I told him multiple times that i just laughable when he talks like this but he just doesn't stop. I could give more examples now but i think you can get the point.
>>17185673
So you like his personality, and for every flaw you think he has he's willing to change himself to be everything you could want, but this is not what you want? You want an abusive jerk who doesn't care about you and just does things around you that occasionally involve you? You're a nut case and deserve misery if getting what you want doesn't make you happy.
>>17185737
Honestly, this doesn't sound pretending to me. More like the guy fell for you really really hard.
Man I had a crush like this on a girl once, never again. My brain just went blank.
>>17185755
I want someone who doesn't centers his whole life around me and forces me to do the same! I have my own life. I will gladly accept a person as a part of it but i wont dedicate my whole life to someonelse. And yes i know it's wrong to not value him like he deserves to. If i could i would tell my stupid heart to fall in love with him because honestly thats what he deserves. But you can't just feel a certain way because your brain tells you it's the right thing to do. Or am i getting life wrong?
>>17185756
Really? Now i feel even more guilty for thinking like this about him.
>>17185792
You should feel guilty. You're rejecting a guy because he's too interested in making you happy.
>>17185821
Fuck i am a bad person. Thanks for making me hate myself now! I guess i deserve it.
>>17185792
>Really? Now i feel even more guilty for thinking like this about him.
Yep
One advice. Just be honest with him and tell him that you feel that he's strangling you with his emotions and clinginess, and that you liked him the way he used to be.
When people have a huge crush like this, they don't have a realistic picture of what they are doing and sometimes they just need honest feedback.
When I had that crush I did really crazy things just to please her, acted corny and did what she wanted, but the funny thing is that it wasn't even sexual attraction that made me crush on her. She was a bit naive but very decent and so extremely kind and caring that I never met a person like that before and that just made me lose my mind.
>>17185824
Here's a thought. How about you work harder at changing yourself? Why don't you decide what you actually want instead of only wanting things you don't have until you have them?
>>17185821
She shouldn't.
The guy should feel guilty because he never had any self steem to improve himself and treats her like she's saving his life.
She isn't a saviour, she's just a regular cumdumpster.
But he believes that he's is worthy because he's allowed to cum inside her. He's just a beta who thought he would never be able to have regular sex. And he knows when she's gone he might never be able to.
>>17185792
Both your heart and brain is right but they view the situation from a different perspective. Your brain tells you the justice and empathy part that he gave a lot for you, and was very decent with you, so he deserves a lot back. Your heart is telling the practical perspective whether you can have a happy and stable relationship with a guy like him which is a no because he's emotionally way too dependent on you, and as a result out of touch with reality. Both are right but the solution lies in the middle. Help him get in touch with reality in exchange for what he did for you and as an empathetic act because that's the best for him, and after that he may even be able to have a relationship with you, or not that's an open question.
>>17185839
He should feel guilty for wanting to make someone he loves happy? That's retarded. You're retarded.
>>17185851
yes, he should feel guilty for loving someone else more than he loves himself.
you're retarded and you're like him. love is a reward, not a goal.
>>17185756
Problem with that is it makes you harden up your personality and you never give as much to the next girlfriend.
Ironically if she does dump him he'll probably turn into a complete douche which is what she wants in the first place.
>>17185854
The fuck does that even mean? You sound like you've never been in love desu.
>>17185863
Like pottery
