How do I be more intimate with my mother?
>inb4 wincest
Let me give you a brief summary of my mom
>She came to the US from China when she was 20 something year old to marry my dad who was 30 years older than her
>She did this because she wanted to get her family into the US
>However, she did try giving my dad a shot at loving him
>But my dad was still in love with his first wife (who died from cancer) and never trusted my mom or gave her much freedom
>this lead to a loveless relationship, eventually divorce
>her own family that she was able to bring to the US through the marriage used her and abandoned her
>tonight, when I came home back from a semester at college she cried to me how alone she feels
>told me how we never talk as much, how I'm always in my room playing games
I feel so shitty. I wish I was a better son and could be more open and communicate with her. But I honestly am not good at spending time with her. Mainly because we have no similar interests and the slight language barrier (she can speak English, but some things she doesn't understand because it is not her first language). I want to spend more time with her, but I just don't know what we can do. I'm terrible at having a conversation with her, I don't know how normal sons and moms interact.
Do college kids spend time with their moms alot? I kind of thought the dad and mom kept themselves company. I feel like it's my duty now to keep my mom company because my dad isn't here for her.
>tldr: How do I spend time with my mom without feeling awkward about it?
How about threating her with homecooked meal? Talking might not show enough affection but actions speak more than words.
>>17180721
That's a good idea. I'll try that.
My mom wants to go on evening walks with me. I'm not really into that and I don't know what to say when we do. I just feel uncomfortable at the thought of hanging out with my mom. And I really wish I knew why.
She once planned a trip to Hawaii with just me and her. I felt really weirded out by it, so I was able to convince her to bring her god daughter along who is closer to her age. I don't wanna do vacations with just my mom, it's weird isn't it? Isn't it weird?
>>17180780
Go on a walk with her. Dont go for the activity/food/event, go for the people.
>>17180780
And she's obviously fucked up. Grown ass woman should be independent and realize her son is now an adult. But ahoy! She probably didn't get enough love from her parents and want to ensure that you are receiving your fair share. Unfortunately she doesn't know how to express her.
As with every relationship issues since the beginning of man kind, talk to her.
>>17180786
I'm afraid I won't be able to connect with her. I don't have any common interests with her. I was raised in America and she was born in communist China.
>>17180794
Maybe. Her father died when she was 15-16 from cancer.
What are some things a son can talk about with his mother?
So what if /you/ feel awkward - she's your mom and she'll appreciate spending time with you. Ask her about what she finds different about America from China, go on those evening walks, help her out at home. She raised you and got you into college so give her some love back.
>>17180715
Accept that some of what she needs from you will be not the sort of thing you normally do (like evening walks) but do them anyway, as gifts of love.
Actively look for things she might like. Don't wait for her to suggest. Is there a theatre (or cultural center, or church) within a hundred miles that runs Chinese films? Does she like gardening, cooking, music? Even if those things bore you, suck it up and go with her, to enjoy watching her enjoyment. I absolutely guarantee that it will be an investment in time together and in memories that will be precious.
