I know you guys presumably see hundreds of these daily, but I have a question... why go on? Like, why go on in life? I don't have it too bad in terms of wealth, or anything material, but ever since about last year, I haven't had much of anything to look forward to. I have no one to love, no one with whom I can share my feelings, I have very unloving, impersonal parents, and I have never been liked at school, I have always been the type of individual to sit down in the back of the cafeteria with my hood over my face until lunch was over instead of socializing, so what do I have to live for? To look forward to? The only thing I ever find any joy in, staying in my room playing video games and browsing self-help forums, is tearing my life apart, and with it comes more apathy than fun nowadays. Listen, guys, I'm 14, I could certainly do without the lecturing, and 'underage b&' posts in this thread, I've browsed this site for years, and I'm just one of you, looking for help. I don't think I want to go on living a life this pathetic anymore. I come here today finally testing the function of this board. Please try not to disappoint me. Feel free to ask personal questions, I'll be here all day, without a doubt, again... :^)
>>17176918
>but ever since about last year, I haven't had much of anything to look forward to
Time to add to your life, shake it up somehow can be anything from starting a buisness, to a new hobby you were always interested in, to moving to a new place.
Specifics will vary for you but you need to shake things up and start moving forward.
>>17176918
The only alternative is death which is inevitable anyway. So, might as well do the whole living thing than take the shortcut to oblivion, yeah?
>>17176927
I've tried to find things to actually look forward to, to no avail, alas. I've dabbled in piano since, and creative writing classes, but everything I actually get into always ends up sending me back to where I began. Piano, for example, the sadness of its history, and what it's most known for, the players and music style. The inability to fulfill its prime objective of making you relax with beautiful music and culture, and its inevitable stress causing in playing professionally, or the scary fact that you'd be shunned and booed if you were even to screw up on one note. Or creative writing, which causes me to dive deeper and deeper into my conscience, causing me to reassess and overthink my own life more and more, in turn causing me to sink deeper into my depression.
>>17176928
But the overwhelming curiosity mixed with the depression and fear of it all only makes me want to end it more...
>>17176972
Have you ever considered that maybe you have a chemical imbalance and need to speak to a doctor?
>>17176980
Perhaps, but I've always believed I would... notice something like that, as absurd as that may sound. I've never actually brought myself to seek professional help, but maybe that's what I need. But I have one problem, however, my parents only tell me that the feelings will pass when I tell them about this stuff... I've asked them so many times that it begins to anger them, and I can't work up the courage to ask someone at school, for I feel as though no one will have what I'm looking for.
>>17176997
>Perhaps, but I've always believed I would... notice something like that
You form your pespective from how you feel inside so if youve felt that way long enough you may not.
I dont wana share my story anon but speaking to a doctor helped me and i didnt know how bad it was or what it was like to not be that way until i wasnt that way.
No shame in it.
>>17177000
I never thought of that, my friend, damn. That's kind of exactly what I needed to hear. I know it won't be easy, but I believe I may actually navigate through this rough patch... tell me something, bro, how did you get in touch with a doctor? How should I? Do you think it would work to talk to my school?
Why go on? Because when you sit for twelve hours with the gun against your head, but just can't bring yourself to pull the trigger, you realize that that door is closed. You're out of options. You have no choice but to go on.
>>17177011
Wow...
>>17177010
School or you family doctor, I personally talked to my family doctor.
>>17177016
Cont*
Whoever it is will be able to at least refer you to the right places, just talk to a doctor preferably one youre comfortable with.
Good luck man, i promise you it does end.
>>17177016
Haha, I know it's only been a short talk, but this has really helped me, anon, more than you'd think... I'll do that, I'll seek help, I'll make the most of the life I've been given, but do you really think a doctor could help me through my... self esteem issues and such? I'm aware that's the job of someone in the field, but...
>>17177019
:^) Damn, anon, you really think so?
Thank you for your input, comrade.
>>17177020
>but do you really think a doctor could help me through my... self esteem issues and such?
Yes just be honest with them and they will at the very least be able to refer you to the right medical professional to help you.
Think of it like any other specialist, you need open heart surgery you may first let your local doctor know you have chest pains and he may start checking you out but in the end theyre not going to be the ones doing the surgery if its beyond them they will get in contact with the proper specialists.
Its the same idea.
No worries glad to help, im crashing out now so if i dont answer I didnt snub you.
>>17176918
>why go on? Like, why go on in life?
A sense of duty. I want to help the other poor fucks stuck on this rock with me. I can't abandon all of you.
>I haven't had much of anything to look forward to. I have no one to love, no one with whom I can share my feelings, I have very unloving, impersonal parents, and I have never been liked at school, I have always been the type of individual to sit down in the back of the cafeteria with my hood over my face until lunch was over instead of socializing, so what do I have to live for?
Same here buddy.
>I don't think I want to go on living a life this pathetic anymore.
Why do you think it's pathetic? You're only 14, nobody expects you to be saving the world.
And remember that we are shit at judging ourselves and our own lives. For example, I think i'm pathetic because I'm probably going to graduate as a doctor who's afraid of people and needles and hasn't ever held a girl's hand.
But some people would probably even be jealous of that, it's better than being a NEET after all.
Same with you. Some would consider you more accomplished and more well-adjusted than they are. Maybe they're dropouts, junkies, or idiots. Pathetic is really relative, there's no way to judge it with objectivity.
>>17176972
Try art (visual art, especially abstract and geometric and such).
Computer programming is also a good one, since it forces you to think logically and simply and doesn't allow room for philosophy, sentimentality, or emotion.
Sports are also good, as is calisthenics. Often when I get these feelings, I drop down on the ground and go through a quarter-routine.
Got a pull-up bar too. Went from 0 to 3 chinups in 2 weeks, feels good.
>>17177020
>do you really think a doctor could help me through my... self esteem issues and such?
The doctor (psychiatrist) is in charge of the whole thing, but they don't have enough time with each patient for that. They'll refer you to a therapist, it's their job to deal with that shit.
>>17177026
I am forever grateful, my friend. Godspeed.
>>17177032
Dont be grateful i didnt do shit, just fight this battle cus its worth the fight.
>>17177027
>>17177033
I came here expecting to be pestered and shit, I expected this to merely be another board on the cesspool that is 4chan, but this was a very motivating, and humbling experience. I must sleep now, but you two are in my my thoughts, and your words shan't be soon forgotten. Godspeed, and thank you. OP out. I'll do something with my life. For you guys.
https://vimeo.com/107395294
