Been dating this girl who is educated and intelligent and successful. She's able to discuss deep issues that most girls her age don't give a damn about with depth even those that do don't. I really like being around her.
Yet the other night she acted like an absolute child when she didn't get her way. Then stormed out (I did not chase after her).
It's not something you'd expect from a young STEM woman who manages large groups, holds respect from her peers, and could probably be a high-ranking executive of some major tech company within the next decade.
What's up with this? Women who have their shit together acting like children?
Anyway, she apologized via text, but I've decided to just ignore her for the next few days at least so she understands this behavior isn't acceptable with me and that she's replaceable even if I like her. I think that's fair, but tell me if it isn't.
>girl
>>17173325
What are you implying?
>>17173307
Yeah m8 it's cool, hopefully she understands that she can stop wasting time with a person like you
>>17173307
You're fucking stupid
Periods and hormones aren't just a meme. Menism jokes aside, women just have outbursts sometimes. She feels more comfortable around you and doesn't feel the need to hold everything in constantly.
Be a dick and ignore her if you want, but don't cry like a little bitch like yourself when she finds a more mature guy who understands human nature and is capable of forgiveness
>ignore her a few days
You're no fucking better. Why not try this little thing called communication? It's fine to not need her, but you don't have to be a prick. She apologised, you should have used that opportunity to ask why she reacted that way and, oh I don't know, help her grow as a person?
>>17173331
What is wrong with me?
>>17173334
She had her period a couple weeks ago.
I'm forgiving, but I have some self-respect as well. She needs to know that kind of shit won't fly with me, especially if we get serious.
>>17173335
The situation was just so fucking dumb. There's no way it was the real issue, but she decided to express her feelings in a childish way instead of being clear about her problems. She needs to know that she can't just act like a little girl, apologize, and then have everything be okay. There are consequences. Is that not going to help her grow?
>>17173356
Just dump her. good luck finding a woman who never throws a fit from time to time
>>17173367
I can accept the fact that women are like this to some degree but that doesn't mean you don't manage it.
>>17173356
There's better ways than acting like a child yourself.
Ignoring a problem instead of dealing with it is childish. You should have used the opportunity, when she apologised, to communicate and tell her you were surprised and disappointed by her actions.
Also, you can't control what she chooses to do. You aren't her parent, so get that whole 'consequences' shit out of your damn head. If she does something that hurts you, ya, don't put up with it and don't let her walk all over you, but don't fucking punish her like some kid. She's an adult, and if you want her to act like one, treat her like one. Tell her to knock her shit off, and ignore it if she does it again.
>>17173356
>She needs to know that kind of shit won't fly with me, especially if we get serious.
Then tell her that.
>>17173307
Women are a meme, she's also probably unhappy because what she really wants deep down is to be a mother and housewife but can't admit it. You've failed to see through her and she got upset with you.
>>17173356
If a guy ignored me for "days" over something so silly after I apologized I would say bye and move on
>>17173373
Okay.... And ignoring her for days resolves this how? What did she even do exactly?
>>17173307
What's the age gap? You sound like a creepy old daddy Dom desu
ITT: Opie is a fucking manchild.
The tables have turned! He had tried to garner support for himself by painting his side of the picture only, but he really only made himself look like a faggot.
>>17173307
>she's acting like a child!
>proceeds to act like a child
>>17173375
>>17173376
I'm not ignoring the problem. This is solving the problem. She's acting like a child (rather than simply telling me the real problem) and so she gets no attention from me for awhile. You can call it parental or whatever but I see it as actions speaking louder than words. This is me letting her know I can easily move on from her if necessary (and I can) despite liking her so much. Words will not be beneficial here.
>>17173389
I won't go into specifics. It was just very childish (and she knew she was in the wrong which is why she apologized).
>>17173307
Why ignore? When you could say it in her face that her bitch attitude isn't acceptable.
>>17173382
The situation was silly, but her actions need to be nipped in the bud. If she wants to move on, fine. That just tells me she's not worth what I thought she was.
>>17173392
I'm a year older.
>>17173393
Whatever dude
>>17173401
It's not like I'm living or working with her and going out of my way to not talk to her. Simply not going to initiate contact or respond to texts.
>>17173421
I will tell her if it comes to that after. Words aren't enough.
>>17173434
You are so far in denial it hurts
>>17173437
About what?
>>17173438
Nope, not gonna play this go around game where you keep trying to get validation even though this is an advice board, and you asked if you were being fair or not and everyone has said no, and then you keep denying EVERYONE until you find the one person who agrees with you so you can point and say 'SEE! I WAS RIGHT! HAHA FUCKERS'
Leave cry baby. If you can't take simple critique like a man, then just get out.
>>17173441
Savagely put, accurate nontheless
OP you're not being cool. This behaviour is manipulative and generally stupid. Accept her apology you mong
>>17173307
You're one creepy fuck
>>17173307
>What's up with this? Women who have their shit together acting like children?
Everybody loses control. She could have had a stressing day, she could have been on her period, she could have been upset for reasons you don't know about and whatever happened just made her snap. Try to understand why she did this, and help her through it.
>Anyway, she apologized via text, but I've decided to just ignore her for the next few days at least so she understands this behavior isn't acceptable with me and that she's replaceable even if I like her.
She is not a dog or a child. Treat adults like adults. Everyone has a bad day and acting like this you're making her feel ashamed and pushing her away. She understands that her behaviour isn't acceptable, which is why she said she is sorry. Be a grown up and talk to her.
>>17173413
Kek okay I'm assuming that means that it actually wasn't that bad. It's hard to judge the situation if you can't tell me what actually happened.
>>17173307
From your OP alone I can tell that you're a patronising, arrogant bitch. Once you grow older you'll mature. Don't worry until then.
>>17173452
This so much. It's one thing if she does this every day, but you shouldn't make your partner feel alone and ashamed when they lose control. Why don't you just buy a dog? Or will you not feed it or play with it for a few days if it chews something up like all dogs do at some point?
>>17173441
This. Just as that dude pointed out, OP is solely seeking validation all the while ignoring the majority telling him how fucking retarded he is.
>she was bad so now I punish her
Good luck finding an intelligent and mature girl with that attitude. Protip: you can't.
>>17173441
THIS.
OP here.
I don't come to /adv/ often, but from this thread I get the impression the problem for guys wanting advice is it leans heavily female. This makes sense. Male 4channers certainly aren't regularly dating. So a lot of the advice is given by people who've never actually had a relationship with a woman before.
>>17173455
The situation itself was not that important. Her behavior was major in that it's never acceptable to act that way with me and I'm just not going to deal with you if you act that way. I'm not going to make a big deal out of it in words.
>>17173452
>She could have had a stressing day, she could have been on her period,
I know that these things were not the case. I'm positive that she had some other issue she didn't want to tell me. Okay, but she needs to know that's not how you express it with me.
>>17173489
>the problem for guys wanting advice is it leans heavily female.
>a lot of the advice is given by people who've never actually had a relationship with a woman before.
Holy shit OP.
You are the worst faggot I have seen here in weeks.
>>17173489
>The situation itself was not that important. Her behavior was major in that it's never acceptable to act that way with me
Then describe in more detail what has happened, so that we have more context.
>>17173489
I am beginning to suspect you're a troll.
Everyone knows 4chan is predominately male. /adv/ doesn't shun them like /b/ though
>>17173489
Getting advice from women is supposed to be a worse alternative? Your head is so far up your ass buddy
>>17173489
>Okay, but she needs to know that's not how you express it with me.
So instead of sitting her down and asking her why did she reacted that badly, if she has something going on and tell her that you don't like her behavioir, you turn into a passive aggressive manchild that doesn't express his emotions?
You're being as immature as her. Silence treatment is the best way to ruin a relationship.
>>17173489
I give up dude you're either a troll or a raging faggot
>>17173489
Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you. Being a whiteknight is NOT the same as not being a patronising bit fair person. You're trying to punish her for something that happens to all of us from time to time. Protip: You're acting like a child right now as well. Give me her number so I can tell her to ignore you for a couple of days as well. Maybe then you understand what we mean.
Also, arrogance
>is an immature bitch
>people tell him
>waaaaaaaaaah moma le biatches are all pussywhipped permavirgins
Yeah, nah man. Good luck with that attitude.
>why am I single I don't get it I'm so smart n euphoric
>>17173493
Dude, I came here for some genuine advice and get yelled at because I don't think your guys' "just communicate!" advice is 100% right for my situation. That's not how advice works.
I'm not looking for validation. I'm open to logical, substantial advice that isn't in line with what I'm doing. I would prefer to not be called a creepy manipulator though.
>>17173496
He won't because it's a troll. He didn't make up a full imaginary story and is le cornered
>>17173502
>So instead of sitting her down and asking her why did she reacted that badly, if she has something going on and tell her that you don't like her behavioir, you turn into a passive aggressive manchild that doesn't express his emotions?
THIS.
OP really needs to read "no more mr nice guy" by dr. glover.
>>17173507
>call her
>ask why she acted that way
>ask if she has something going on that made her snap
>tell her you really didn't like how she behaved and if it keeps up it'll potentially hurt the relationship
>>17173507
If you weren't so stuck up in your own ass you'd actually know that this is not what we told you, nigga
>>17173510
It has too many big words for him
>>17173496
I won't go into detail. I'm paranoid about giving life details here and I'm not just going to make up a story.
It was just really stupid female shit that any woman or one who has been involved with one would know. Let's say it was on the level of fighting over whether or not the air conditioner is going to be on setting 1 or setting 2.
>>17173498
Whatever dude. And /cgl/ is primarily women. /adv/ might not be primarily female but female 4channers are more likely to have been in relationships and thus more prepared to give advice. I didn't think of it until seeing the response in this thread.
>>17173501
Advice from women on most things are fine. Advice from women on how to deal with women is not ideal. They've never had to deal with women before in the same way a heterosexual man has.
>>17173523
>I won't go into detail.
Yeah, you are a full of shit troll, as expected.
>>17173507
>I think that's fair, but tell me if it isn't.
>>17173523
>Advice from women on most things are fine. Advice from women on how to deal with women is not ideal. They've never had to deal with women before in the same way a heterosexual man has.
Oh boy, you gotta be trolling us. No one is that fucking dumb, also get back to /pol/.
>>17173531
Not trolling. - It is just a known fact that women have in-group bias. Even so called educated ones.
>>17173533
Then again, women are the ideal match to have if you want to understand women - because men are not women.
>being this dense
>>17173533
As does every discourse community.
>>17173534
>>17173533
Also, I'm a dude.
>inb4 dickpic or it didnt happen
You may want to get that arrogance out of your personality before you actually try dating anyone. It will save you a lot of heartache.
>>17173502
It's not the silent treatment. I'm simply not going out of my way to speak with her. It's not like we live together and I'm asking my roommate to ask her if she can pass the ketchup while we're all at the table. Again, she needs to know I'm not going to accept her behavior and that I have other options even if I actually do want to be with her. Words aren't going to be effective here.
>>17173538
>, but I've decided to just ignore her for the next few days
>>17173538
Okay dude whatever you want. Let me know how that works out
>>17173535
Sure, but men to a much less degree than women. I mean there are exceptions, especially when they have a good education, but overall women are much more self and feeling centered, while men focus much more on facts, and are more selfless due to the gynocentrism their mothers imprinted on them from a young age.
Gosh, you are all vag orbiters in here.
>>17173538
The only thing not responding to her texts/ calls (which is not "not going out of your way to speak with her" - it is going out of your way not to do it), is making her realize you are an idiot,a and ending it.
as well, what are your "other options"?
>>17173546
>vag orbiter
>>17173523
It is not even an advice on women. Its an advice on people who are poor communicators about their emotions and snap when they bottle things up.
Even when I give you advice, I am telling you what I do with my boyfriend - let him yell and throw stuff while I'm minding my own business, wait till he calms down and apologises, and then talk to him to understand why he did it. Then we talk about his issue. Then we are okay.
No grudges, no silence treatment. I go with big smiles and making him feel loved and cared for.
It happens maybe once or twice a year, and always less and less because he is learning how to talk about things instead of bottling things up.
>>17173546
>>17173540
>>17173540
>>17173540
Dude, we really tried helping you, but you think you're so fucking smart it's literally impossible. I tried showing you your own logical fallacies (or lies?), but as it's been stated before, you only cherrypick answers ignoring those uncomfortable for you. So you are either the worst troll I've ever seen (I can't tell you the story coz muh privacy) or you're the biggest faggot even for 4chan standards. Good luck with that shitty attitude of yours, I hope that girl finds someone who doesn't just regard himself as le deep person, but actually is.
>>17173557
>your own logical fallacies (or lies?)
Kek
>>17173557
What if she gives him a second chance and gets stuck with him longer. I feel bad for it. OP, if she doesn't dump you within two weeks I'll agree she's childish
>>17173510
I don't care WHY she behaved that way as much as I do that she did. I am not the type of person to have a sit down "feels" session with other people. I would like to know if she has a problem, but she needs to know she should just fucking tell me rather than acting like a child and expecting me to comfort her like a parent whilst trying to get the real problem out of her.
>>17173512
You say don't treat her like a child, yet this is exactly how a mother treats a misbehaving one. I'm not going to be loving towards her when she's acting like a child+bitch as an adult woman. That's not going to stop this behavior it's going to enable it.
>>17173531
If I'm looking for advice on how to deal with a woman in a relationship, why would I want it from someone who has never been in a relationship with a woman?
>>17173569
Well, everyone's gotta learn to tell apart the shitty pretentious bastards (i.e. the "nice guys") from the truly nice guys. It will be a lesson for live if she gives him a second chance.
>>17173563
Well, what else would you call
>but I've decided to just ignore her for the next few days
>It's not the silent treatment
>>17173577
I have and I am right now, but you stupid fuck wouldn't be able to tell. I'm convinced you are a 17y/o virgin spastic.
also, to everyone joining this thread, this is bait. Don't keep falling for it any further.
>>17173577
Okay faggot, I've been in relationships with plenty of women and if I treated them like children using fucking silent treatments and demeaning token economy tier tactics I would have been dumped quickly
>>17173555
Yea, that's your personal experience with your boyfriend. But how would you feel if when angry your boyfriend let you break his shit, apologize after, and then have everything be okay? You certainly wouldn't respect him. You would think less of him and you would walk all over him.
I believe you're being completely genuine with your advice, yet your rationale here illustrates the problem with taking advice from a woman on this particular issue (no, I'm not a sexist). Men and women want different things.
>>17173578
No man I mean it was funny because it's completely true
>>17173590
>>17173583
THIS.
Always when my relationships went good, I communicated, when not, I didn't.
>>17173413
>and she knew she was in the wrong which is why she apologized
No. Women generally apologize if they feel that there has been thrown shit. It doesnt matter for her who was the stupid one or whose fault it was, they just wanna be fine with you, so they apologize. You dont know much about women, right?
>>17173577
>I don't care WHY she behaved that way as much as I do that she did. I am not the type of person to have a sit down "feels" session with other people. I would like to know if she has a problem, but she needs to know she should just fucking tell me rather than acting like a child and expecting me to comfort her like a parent whilst trying to get the real problem out of her.
You dense motherfucker didn't even get that the book recommendation wasn't mainly to fix her shortcomings, but your major character flaws ...
>>17173583
>Implying I didn't have two ONS before despite my age.
>>17173603
I'm convinced this was not OP, as this is too spastic to not be troll.
Still, 10/10. Would laugh again.
>>17173593
>your boyfriend let you break his shit, apologize after, and then have everything be okay
HOLY SHIT THIS MAKES NO SENSE AND ISNT THE SITUATION SHE DESCRIBED LOL
>>17173593
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 years.
I behaved poorly many times, just as much as he did, and he has always been very understanding.
I don't throw stuff around and I don't get angry at him, but I yell and cry a lot.
I learnt how to deal with it in a healthy way, mostly, but when I act like that he looks after me, and he calms me down and makes me talk about my feelings.
I don't think he doesn't feel respected, overall, and I do my best to please him in every aspect of the relationship (and he does for me).
Treat people like adults, you're really being unreasonable.
>>17173593
>You would think less of him and you would walk all over him
This is not how human interaction works, maybe you work that. But that doesnt mean we all work like that.
Why is this thread getting so many replies?
>>17173307
you are kind of just as bad for ignoring her. anyway, i dont know enough about the situation to really make a judgement. i mean, she had the decency to apologize to you, she clearly regrets her behavior and is aware that it was wrong.
>Read all the comments
>Cringe
How many women are on this board exactly? There are consequences if you act like a child. OP did the right thing.
>>17173647
because its about relationships. people on /adv/ predominately reply to shit that relates to relationships drama. if people are asking for advice that doesn't relate to relationships, it normally doesent get many replies, and most of the advice people give is quite shitty desu. "go outsiide" "just make new freiends" "work out". its retarded.
>>17173667
yeah but he was just as childish so it kind of contradicts what he is complaining about, plus there isnt enough backstory
>>17173669
Yeah, but the whole thread is just OP covering his ears and going "lalala" for every five anons calling him out on his shit. Repeat ad nauseum.
>>17173577
>I don't care WHY she behaved that way
And you go ahead and ignore her instead of coming to an understanding. You expect her to work for your attention. What I'm getting from this is that you enjoy her intellectually as a person, but you disregard her feelings because you don't give a shit about her emotionally.
OP, you're a pile of shit. I hope that girl has come to the conclusion within the four days you were ignoring her to dump you.
>>17173667
That's some mighty fine samefagging right there, OP.
V?
>>17173335
this
OP, it's pretty stubborn of you to insist communicating isn't a viable option without even attempting. I really don't understand why you think "hey, your behavior was not acceptable the other day and I'm not going to tolerate it again" wouldn't work. Instead of whatever passive aggressive nonsense you're doing.
If someone did to me what you're doing I would just leave them. You don't get to "teach me a lesson." I'm a person with whom you can communicate directly, not a dog to be trained and punished for bad behavior. Your behavior to me seems to indicate you think of her as a lesser person to you.
I don't blame her storming out since judging by this thread, OP is a fucking cunt and a now-it-all hypocrithatWhat exactly made her storm out? I bet it was probably you being a cunt like you've been this whole thread OP. She deserves better.
>>17173667
OP did nothing wrong she is acting like a bitch and op is just walking away until she calms down.
>>17173441
The thread should have stopped here.
Sage time? Sage time.
>>17173667
Shut up, OP.
>>17173683
>OP covering his ears and going "lalala" for every five anons calling him out on his shit.
OP is the one in the right though ...
>>17174225
He really isn't.
>>17174281
Wanna join me?
It's easy, just put 'S A G E' in that little options box up there.
>>17173307
>but I've decided to just ignore her for the next few days
That's behaving like a child too, you cretin
>>17174323
>>17173307
>respond by being childish
Nice one OP. I hope you're a troll or you're a gigantic fag
OP, I'm a physician. You know, as in Doctor.
My husband and I own part of a chain of clinics and I'm the lead at one of our locations.
Do you know what happens when me and my husband argue? Shit gets thrown, tears are shed and I end up calling him some ridiculous name like ass-hat or something along those lines. For fucks sake last night we fought and I told my husband to stop breathing because it was bothering me.
We've been together for 11 years and have 4 kids. We are beyond happily married and our relationship is amazing. He is my best friend and my right hand man. Arguing is part of a relationship and people don't always think clearly in the heat of the moment. What matters is what happens after tempers calm down. If all you can focus on is the fact that she threw a tantrum then please stop bothering with this woman. Clearly you two aren't compatible.
>>17173434
Everyone in this thread is telling you you're messing up, but for some reason you're fighting them desperately! Wtf is wrong with you OP?
>>17173657
>>17173697
>>17174099
>>17174323
>>17174391
I didn't say communication should not ever happen. It just needs to happen after a "cool off" period in which I don't communicate with her and she understands (though my ACTIONS) that I won't accept this kind of behavior and that I can easily just move on from her if she makes a pattern out of this.
This isn't an uncommon thing for guys to do which is why I find it odd that there aren't more people here giving their experiences doing just that. There are more saying "you should never do that" or "if someone did that to me I'd drop him." All that tells me is that the advice-givers in this thread are primarily women. Which, again, there is nothing inherently wrong with. It's just not entirely what I'm looking for as a man navigating a relationship with a woman, an experience none of you women have had.
I appreciate the perspectives, I've had time to sleep on it, and I feel comfortable sticking with what I'm doing. I'll see her at an event Wednesday and re-engage there.
>>17175327
What does not seem to be getting through to you is that in a proper, genuine relationship, communication is key. Acting huffy and trying to act in a manner which tells her, without actually saying, that she is in the wrong is really something you'd see in teenagers. It is one of the main reasons why so many modern relationships break down. Its hard without growing up with someone to "get" them so people decide to try to be smart and not communicate. This is also probably one of the most common problems on /adv/ when it comes to relationships, one party refuses to communicate with the other, get frustrated, and act out.
If you want the relationship to work, its important to get over this barrier and be open with your communication but also make it clear, through said communication, that you were not happy with the behaviour and why.
Its as simple as that.
But the fact you said she is replaceable speaks far greater volumes about you and the status of the relationship more than anything.
>>17175398
I want her to feel she's replaceable to some degree. I'm not going to keep toxic people in my life even if I like them (a lot).
>>17175416
You have a lot of rethinking to do if that's your attitude with dealing with people, especially a potential long term partner.
>>17175416
well OP after reading most of the thread, I have come to realize 2 things;
1) In my experience what you did wasn't wrong, nor was it particularly right. You conveyed your point, she apologized. At this point the cold shoulder is moot.
2) you need to communicate to an extent. Like I previously stated it`s pointless to carry on. Briefly say that it was unacceptable and move on. I realize that this has mostly been the advice given, but you need to find a middle ground in the sense that this doesnt need to be an ongoing punishment.
My point is, if you view her in such a way tat relationship is something you want to pursue, then pursue it. stop with the silly fucking mind games, You`re a man. Act like one.
>>17173307
You are more childish.
>>17173334
She is allowed to have outbursts and OP is just supposed to take it with a smile? Nice try, cuckold.
>>17173335
Asking 4chan "bros" for advice is much better
> she apologized via text, but I've decided to just ignore her for the next few days
Talk about messing up. I wish I had a gf who apologized out of her own volition. The women I've been with would mess up, stop talking to me, then start talking to me like nothing happened or I'd pretty much have to force an apology out of them
