>if you want to get a girlfriend or have sex, you have to stop caring and go on with your life, it will happen
>if you want something really hard and apply yourself, you will get it.
How to solve this conundrum, /adv/? I want to get a girlfriend and lose my virginity (24 years old) but a lot of times people say that you have to stop caring and that it will happen. But how do I achieve something if I don't care about it and don't apply myself?
>>17171240
girls are attracted to confidence and security. If you are confident with yourself and secure with your life, girls will find you attractive.
If girls think you need a girlfriend to be happy, they will not be attracted to you.
Focus on achieving everything else first, make getting a gf/losing your virginity your lowest priority. Once you've established that you don't need a girlfriend to be happy, girls will take notice.
>>17171252
that's the point: I have to not care
Maybe I can learn to simulate my not caring.
But for example: when you are in a group of people with girls in the group, if you talk about "that beautiful girl you saw the other day", would it be considered needy or alpha?
>try hard or not care
Neither, go out, have fun, don't be boring and don't expect to get laid. Just wait for it to happen.
>>17171240
You have to care, but you have to care about the right things. How you look, how you compose yourself, how you live your life and you have to care about what you want in your partner.
You have to hit on girls without caring about the outcome. AKA flirting.
>>17171273
Fake it
It never ceases to amaze me just how terrible the advice on this board is. The OP clearly wants to learn how to reconcile the contradictions in your shitty opinions, but no honest man can do that.
Hey, assholes, the thread started with this guy asking how to navigate through opposites because he believes you're trying to help. And all you do is regurgitate the poison you've been fed by friends who don't care about you and spit it in the OP's direction not because you think it will help, but because it makes you feel powerful to spew these worthless platitudes.
OP, get off /adv/, it is poison or the mind. These selfish pricks are an order of magnitude worse than what you'll encounter in real life because they're anonymous.
Your situation is a lot more common than you'd expect, and it waters down to developing social skills. Unfortunately the only road to that is through the chronic and sustained suffering of exposure.
You'll have to start going to parties you don't want to, start initiating meeting up with people, join some interest group, make smalltalk with cashiers, start using your microphone in video games, whatever it is, but it has to be consecutive. The best would be if you could go on a 14+ day trip with a bunch of students somewhere without electricity, but that may be a lot to ask. Suffering is the currency with which we buy a better personality, I'm afraid.
Most importantly of all, stay away from any kinds of gurus, coaches or heroes. The point is to meet as many different and new people as possible. Good luck out there.
This may not be the dad you never had kind of advice, but it's something I wish I knew at your age. If anyone finds a less painful method then please do share.
And to the rest of you, put some fucking effort into what you say because what goes around comes around. People with your mentality are to blame for what happened yesterday last year, and it could very well happen to you if you don't break the cycle.
1. Get money
2. Fuck bitches
Not that hard.
Frigging Rappers understand this shit man. I'll break it down.
Focus on acquiring money, and getting fit. Then bitches smell money and fit-dick. Bitches love dicks and money. The bitches will come running.
>>17171273
it doesn't matter what is considered what. what counts is what you feel to be right deep down and always stick to your gutt feeling with conviction
>>17172233
>it's a shit advice being needlessly hostile and hypocritical because that's the new edgy thing to do on /adv/ episode
>>17172233
what are you even on about exactly? your actual advise was not that different from what everyone was saying. The rest was just you ranting about how superior you are to the rest
>>17171240
I'd work on stop wanting to have sex, and focus more on a long term goal. You can achieve both, by the time you get your long term goal.
>>17172274
money is a magnet for shallow golddiggers but not really necessary to get laid. while getting fit can shape your mindset into a more goal orientated one, most girls i've met weren't really into overly muscular gymbros as they are seen as chavvy a least by relatively classy women. whores might probably dig the tanned muscle look and sportscar though, idon't really know
>>17171240
Both of those sentiments are normie advice which basically comes down to "I don't know how to help you and I don't care about your problems."
Tbh they both have a little grain of truth. If you really wanted to lose your virginity you would have lost it by now.
>>17171240
>But how do I achieve something if I don't care about it and don't apply myself?
Most ofmthe things you will achieve in ykur lifetime are not all that closely tied to the thoughts and feelings of other people. People are weird, and many of the usual rules break down when you try to apply them to things intimately tied up in human behavior.
In this case, the problem is that your attempts to "apply yourself" to getting a girlfriend involve jumping straight to the end of a much longer process. Women like men who have their lives more or less together. More to the point, they like men who will be okay if they're turned down or when the relationship ends, and having one's life together is seen as a good indicator for how likely you are to survive that.
Exactly what it means to "have your life together" changes as you grow: we expect different things of a high school student, as opposed to a college student, as opposed to an adult. If you're in a relationship already, this is not such a problem: relationsips survive these "transitions" all the time. But if you aren't in a relationship with a transition hits, it's almost impossible to get one going until you've got your life together again.
Back to your particular problem: your obsession with getting a gf/sex has gotten to the point where it distracts you from getting your life together, and this pushes women away. You don't need to stop caring, but you do need to keep it from distracting you so. You do need to be applying yourself, but you need to be applying yourself to getting your life together, not to "getting a girlfriend". Once your priorities are in order and you've made some progress in your life, THEN getting a girlfriend becomes possible. Not sooner.
>>17172233
>Most importantly of all, stay away from any kinds of gurus, coaches or heroes.
Can you expand on this. You're one of the few people who give decent advice lol.
>>17172760
He had bad advice you dumb dumb. Also that comment was so straight forward if you can't figure it out you're beyond help
>>17172540
Would you elaborate on "getting your life together"?
>>17172233
I already go to parties whenever I'm invited. I also use microphone on online games. At least I used to. I made great friends that way.
I don't do smalltalk with strangers though.
The point is I'm not a shut in. I have friends. Not many though.
I think I have to fundamentally change something in my behaviour. Maybe go to MORE parties. Take every chance I get to know new people.
But... I don't know, in my current situation I find kind of blocked
>>17173127
Ops, wanted to quote>>17172739
>>17172540
I didn't REALLY care until 1,5 months ago, after a certain event. I had a kind of spiritual shift.
I also just realized that I never actively pursued a girl, never in my life. Never asked her out if I didn't get unmistakeable signals that she was into me.
>>17171252
I don't think this has worked for me at all. I'm a software engineer, not bad looking, making great money, working out 3x a week, lots of friends, great relationship with grandparents and family, doing lots of stuff after work/weekends, always looking to the future, but girls just don't seem to find me attractive.
The worst part is my friends' girlfriends are all confused when I say I haven't got a girlfriend and have said I'm lying when I say I've never really had a girlfriend.
Idk I guess I second guess myself lots with girls, but I just don't really know a lot of them. Where should I go? Bars? I don't get the club scene, I love dancing there but trying to get a girl there makes me feel like a rapist because you basically have to force yourself close and they always seem to be pushing me away.
I've tried not caring, I don't really care because I'm generally really happy, but I do get lonely at night.
>>17171252
Firstly don't go to bars or clubs if that's not your jam, you must have some kind of hobby or interest that could have a social aspect to it? Even if you have to start a book club. A common interest will help as you have something to talk about and that isn't creepy at all, also it will mean there is a higher chance she will be a personality match. As you get older you realize how important personality really is if you're a nice guy and you want a meaningful relationship.
>>17173729
I meant to reply to this
>>17173701
>>17173701
This is exactly what I'm talking about. Being "ok with your life" does not guarantee a girlfriend, while of course it helps.
I think you really have to care after all. You have to think to both things.
People say that you "don't have to care about girls" because if you care too much, you appear as needy, and it kills attraction.
But on the other hand, just leaving your home, having fun and working/studying, isn't enough.
You have to properly balance both things with the general rule of not being too needy.
>>17173734
Dude, you can care, but you have to pretend like you don't care. You don't come across as sounding happy with your life, if I can sense that then girls definitely can.
>>17171240
>if you want something really hard and apply yourself, you will get it
We can start by reminding you that the real world doesn't work this way.
>>17173749
No, I'm definitely not happy.
I have to pretend then.
But for example, should I lie about my virginity if people ask?
>>17171240
Backpages??? You will save yourself a whole shit load of embarrassment, You don't want to appear anymore pathetic to someone that is willing to have sex with a pathetic loser like yourself... Honestly, by saying you dont care, you are psychologically focusing on the pussy too much, You do care, but you won't feel upset or stop looking if it doesn't happen.
Be confident in yourself, only smile when it is actually funny or makes you happy, Don't put your hands in your pockets, when standing always keep your feet firmly planted on the ground sholder width appart, Point your feet and sholder at the person you are talking too, use any opportunity to show the palms of your hands. Most important, Dress like you actually care about youself.
>>17172233
this
even /b/ has better advice
>>17172834
In a thread with >>17172233 and
>>17172274 side by side you probably shouldn't attack the first one because it kinda shows the guy that he hit close to home. Makes you look butthurt or that you're the mastermind behind the second post.
