Advice welcome on how to keep a girl interested/pining after you in a relationship.
I have this serious problem where I go hot-and-cold in a relationship, which does drive my girlfriends wild for a short-time, but eventually makes them fed up with me. I'll do something romantic with them, but then I'll go cold and distant a few days afterwards. I guess I'm scared to open myself up fully and I consciously fear driving them away with intimacy.
Outside of this I try to live my own life outside of the relationship, stand up for what I believe in, not put them on a pedestal (difficult when enamoured), and just generally try to have a fun time with them. I've been reading online about "spinning plates", but I'm not sure this is for me (although I could do it).
Thanks.
Sounds like you're doing everything right so that can't be the whole story.
>>17170563
>Advice welcome on how to keep a girl interested/pining after you in a relationship.
Be a good partner. Stop acting like a douche.
/thread
>>17170572
Obviously relationships end for a lot of reasons, but I've had it explicitly told to me I was too "wishy-washy" and inconsistent when I went into my "cold" phases by two of them, resulting in the break-up. I dunno, I just feel like I don't want the excitement and mystery of the relationship to die or they'll find their fun elsewhere.
I'll go NC afterwards and some will come back, but my gf the love of my life at the moment (I think she knows) and I don't want to go down this same childish Red Pill shit and derail it that way, but at the same time I don't want her to get bored.
The relationship is great atm, but I've read too many LTR horror stories which are fucking my shit up.
>>17170588
Define "good partner".
I am a good partner, (in my eyes). We support each other lots through our issues, we have fun together, we can both talk about anything, we've shared amazing moments, arguments are never petty - it's a really great relationship, we're both growing a lot.
I just don't want to scare her away or anything. It's this weird anxiety I have. She's starting to pick up on the fact I'll get distant as fuck for a while. "Stop acting like a douche" isn't helpful, unfortunately.
>>17170592
Well it depends. If you go distant because you're fishing for a reaction it won't go very far. But if you do it because your life is more than your gf you're on the right track.
>>17170592
There's nothing to say she will get bored though. You being distant is much more likely to cause issues than you guys spending time together.
>>17170609
It's a bit of both, honestly. I'm busy some days, but I could make time, except I consciously don't. Other times it is fishing for a reaction or, rather, to let her cool off. I hate this emotionally manipulative shit, but I'd hate to drive her away.
This was helpful, though. Then again, how does she know the difference between me fishing for reactions or if I'm genuinely busy?
>>17170617
>Then again, how does she know the difference between me fishing for reactions or if I'm genuinely busy?
It shows up in how you talk to her. Girls are extremely sensitive to shit like that.
>>17170623
Hmm, noted. I think I react usually the same in each way, but there's obvious body language stuff that can put doubt in her mind, I guess.
I honestly want a relationship where I can leave this sort of anxiety behind - like the movies, I suppose - but I know it'll likely end w/ her going off with someone else or whatever.
I think maybe this distancing thing is me trying to exert some control on the relationship, but to an extent where it damages it.
>>17170563
You should exchange her for a newer model
