Can you ever really love again when you have been fucked up by a previous relationship?
I feel like I can't trust woman anymore after the girl that I thought was one of the best people I've known and the first person I ever truly loved turned out to be a cheating slut.
I can't stop thinking that I really can't see the true nature of a person and I can be easily fooled again
>>17167183
Yes you can... But... Give yourself time to heal. Take it slow with the next one and keep your heart guarded for a while. Slowly let down that guard but don't be mean about it. Explain to the next one what happened and that this time you want to move slow. Again., don't close her out and be mean just try not to fall in love too fast and put all your hopes and dreams on her for a while.
>>17167202
Pretty much this. Time will heal all wounds, however it can leave some real hard scars too, that will keep others out.
You really just gotta come to terms with what happened. I know for me it took like 3 years to reeeeeeally get over it and then another 2 to feel like I could be in a relationship again. Things do get better, but you WILL get hurt again, just accept it, as the road to love is a bumpy one.
>>17167202
>>17167265
Right now I can't even have muster to have any interest in a girl
I've been working with a girl that is objectively beautiful and every man would be interested in having her, but I can't even feel sexual interest in her and I'm afraid it will be like this for a long time
I want to believe you're right and I'll snap out of it as soon as possible
>>17167183
Anon I feel ypu and I can tell you it will change
My first girlfriend cheated on me so did the third and my fourth one went batshit crazy
But as previous anons stated time heals all wounds
>>17167293
did you find someone you can really trust?
>>17167183
I got feels from this. I was the same way I got cheated on by what I thought was my soul mate. I took the next month very slow and did things that made me happy and I met my fiancée at a frozen yogurt place and she was willing to talk to me and it gave me a true friend and we began dating after that and a year later I proposed.
Moral of the story is take time to yourself and do things you want to do and you'll find someone who will love you more and treat you a helluva lot better
>>17167370
I really hope so anon
I really cared and loved this girl. I could listen her for hours and never get bored and now everytime a girl talks to me I can't stand any of her whiny bullshit
I think deep down I'm afraid that even if I find another girl I can't find one that I can stay with and listen to her problems without wanting to cut my wrists and be one of those anons that is always complaining about her nagging gf
>>17167297
The fact is you can never REALLY trust anyone.
Humans are dynamic creatures, we grow and change. People still get divorced after 40+ years of marriage.
The only thing YOU can do is have faith in that person. Faith, not trust, that they wont do you wrong. Sure you might get hurt again, but if you never let your guard down you will never get to that deeper level of intimacy.
>>17167183
I got fucked over by women aswell, girls who openly admit they only want to play with your heart as a power trip
My advice is build a wall, an imprenetrable wall around you and dont let those assholes in because one way or the other (if its unintentional or intentional) girls will break your heart again
Play a role anon, if you get good enough you can let them close enough so they think they are close to you but when they try their stupid shit you can break it off quikcly and without too much pain
I know this feel.
I tend to fall in episodes of "I never want a man to touch me ever again and I want to live alone till I die" but physiology tells me to get horny and look for attractive men.
>>17167183
>I thought was one of the best people I've known
She wasn't. Move on. All of us have been here but you need to move on and stop whining about how you'll never find someone like her.
>>17167424
The thing is, I want to fall in love with someone else and be able to trust that person, but I've created a mental block that I don't know if I'll be able to get over
I remember just the day before I found out seeing one of the many threads about cheating and thinking to myself "thank god I'll never have to worry about this because she is a decent person", so I got fubar when I found out
I spent way too long building walls around myself because of trust issues. It worked, I kept people at arms length, but it wasn't good for me. I drew depressed and frustrated and would have severe and sometimes violent blowups when the pressure of keeping myself together became too much. Yeah I was safe but I wasn't happy.
It took a lot of work to break those walls down, and I am the better for it. Trust is a hard thing to give, especially when you have been bitten by it. But because you were bitten with that person doesn't mean you'll be bitten by another. You are not condemned to a life with no trust, and you should not condemn others based on the actions of someone they have never met.
It's hard to stay open, to stay soft, but I am the better for it. Every single person in my life knew that I was keeping them at arms length, and appreciated me letting down my walls. I have made better friends now than I had for a long time.
Shit happens, and you have to fight against that shit making you hard and bitter. That bitterness hurts you as much as it hurts those around you.
>>17167471
People wont notice if youre good enough at acting
Its a better chance for survival than trusting people
>>17167476
>People wont notice if youre good enough at acting
This.
But some days, it's just too much to even try acting.
>>17167183
if she cheated on you youre probably a jerk and felt like she couldnt leave. no one does cheating for fun anymore.
>>17167202
keeping up a guard from a shitty relationship sounds pretty depressing. why should we have to do that when they were the jerk.
>>17167482
Because its all too easy to just fall completely into another person who can fuck your shit up again.
This is where all that "you cant love someone until you love yourself" comes from. Because if you dont love yourself, when someone comes into your life and loves you it feels like a drug, and when its taken away you have nothing left but the lingering want for that feeling again. A healthy level of self-love is necessary to keep yourself stabilized no matter whats going around you.
>>17167183
>Can you ever really love again when you have been fucked up by a previous relationship?
Yes, but I've found that it doesn't always just happen to people. Sometimes it takes deliberate effort: a conscious refusal to distrust when the old fears come back up.
This feels really strange, and it's something that has to be done repeatedly and consistently (which can take a long time, depending on how frequently the aftershocks come). But it does work eventually.
>>17167183
>can you ever love again
yes. literally everyone does. dont be so dramatic
>one girl cheated on me
>therefore the entire race of women must be cheaters
no. stop being so dramatic. that being said, dont be so high and mighty. you dont know where life is going to take yuo. never thought id cheat, but i did once. kinda. i got guilty while it was happening and quit and called my girlfriend.
>>17167476
People notice. They just don't say anything.
And it's not like trusting ruins your chances of survival. It's that it can sometimes get you hurt. But I've found it's better to live freely and get hurt sometimes than to spend forever living a lie.
>>17167202
don't listen to this faggot learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others who got cheat on don't bother with relationships. you spend your hard earn money,time and love for nothing. don't make that same mistake again.
