my father died 1 week ago.
I didn't see him for 15 years, he abandoned me when i was 13... never talked since then.
at first i was... "sad"... but then nothin else. it was just like when you spill water on the floor.
i took some days off from work because i thought it was the right choice. but couldn't be able to feel sad.
Now i'm "normal" but at the same time i feel like i can't completely enjoy anithing else..
everytime i'm at a party, playing, making love, drawing there's this voice telling me "he's dead. you should be sad".
i feel more "angry" than sad thou...
not sure what kind of advice i'm looking for, probably i just wanted to write this stuff down.
>>17165314
It sucks that your father died. You'll never have the chance to establish an adult relationship with him or tell him to "fuck off" if that's what you wanted to do. You probably feel that loss.
On the other hand, he hasn't really been a part of your life. His death actually isn't going to affect you any way. People expect you to feel a loss that you're not going to feel. Ironically, some people start feeling guilty because they don't feel bad enough.
Don't.
Grieve any way you need to, but don't beat yourself up about it.
>>17165314
Can I ask what you are angry about?
First of all, sorry for your loss.
It eventually gets easier to deal with as times goes on. I'm 30 and I lost my dad at 26. We were really close though. Frankly I haven't been the same since that day. I couldn't enjoy anything for the longest time. I stopped talking to a lot of my friends. Stop pursuing relationships and didn't care too much for sex anymore. In the past couple of months I've slowly started to become the person I used to be but it's still kind of awkward because a lot has happened in 4 years. So even if I didn't have to deal with that all this time I would have changed a little anyway, but him passing had a major influence on the change over the past 4 years.
I can tell I'll never fully be over it but soon life for me will go back to normal. He'll just be a thought and very fond memories that I'll cherish but they won't have much of an impact on how I live my life anymore. I guess it's all part of the acceptance.
I'm sure some people have gone through this process a lot sooner and some a lot longer. There is really no universal. It's different for everyone. Just do and feel whatever you want and don't worry about what anyone says or thinks. No one can fully understand what you're going through or how to deal with it except you.
>>17165341
that's wise, thanks :)
>>17165314
Probably don't want to hear this op, but are you sure he abandoned you? I thought that of my Father until I realized it was my mother who stopped him from seeing me.
Goto a shrink.
This is a common issue.
Society tells you you should be sad when your parent dies. But your not , because that man was your biological father but he wasnt a parent. He left you and had been out of your life for most of it.
Goto a shrink. They will help you work through it. And move on.
Be a better parent then he was
>>17165609
well yes. not gonna share the full boring story. we were living alone in a city, just me and him and he fled to peru to have a "dental operation" and disappeared, found out later that he had a completely new life in there.
