Basically, I've been with my fiance for 3 years, I love him to pieces, but his family is awfully rude to me. I've never really figured out why, I've never done anything to deliberately upset them. This is both his intermediate family and extended family. They make fun of personal things that happened in my past even though they know it's a sensitive subject, they say he's too good for me, deliberately try to hurt me. They will go as far as to make fun of my friend's suicide.
I obviously can't tell my fiance to stop being around his family, so how do I cope with this? It's made me feel worthless and like a punching bag. And then they get mad when I don't come to family reunions. It's exhausting.
>>17163958
Have you tried articulating any of this at all to your fiance? It could be as simple as getting him to chastise them.
Sometimes families aren't supportive of a relationship, and when that happens sometimes you have to break off connection with them for a while.
My mother cut off all contact with her family after they refused to show at her wedding (because she married a jew). It took them a while but her sisters came around pretty quickly once they were out of their mother's house and her father convinced her mother to get over it so he could see his grandkids
>>17163961
He tells me "what am I supposed to do? They're not going to stop if I tell them to, it's how they are."
I find it so odd that's he's related to them, they're nothing alike (he was always a nerdy shut in growing up.)
He also says that's their way of joking around, but i know it's not just joking.
>He also says that's their way of joking around, but i know it's not just joking.
It probably is though. His family sounds very similar to mine. Very tight-knit and slow to welcome newcomers. Fortunately, hubby could take it (and dish it back). It took awhile, but they eventually came to like him.
>>17163965
>He tells me "what am I supposed to do? They're not going to stop if I tell them to, it's how they are."
He's supposed to stand up for you when you're feeling reasonably uncomfortable around people that are supposed to be your family.
>They will go as far as to make fun of my friend's suicide
If this is true and there's no way to get through to them or change their behavior then you have two choices:
-Put on a brave face, disregard everything they say as stupid bullshit that shouldn't effect you, and interact with them as little as possible
-Cut off contact
The former only works for some people and against some people; if their antagonism ever goes beyond words it obviously isn't the right course of action.
The latter is tougher initially, especially if your fiance isn't properly processing how his family is treating you (or both of you, I don't know how badly they treat him), but easier in the long run.
>>17163972
>They're just joking
Obviously we can't know exactly what's going on from just one perspective, but I don't know of any family where it's ok to joke about someone's friend's suicide. My family jokes around with each other too but if someone brought that up they'd be berated in front of everyone.
Kinda the whole point of a family is for people with disparate personalities to work together and support each other. Part of that is knowing what lines not to cross.
>>17163972
I know they're not joking though, they talk shit about me to other people (my fiance and I have the same friend group, live in a very rural area) and they tell me some of the stuff they say. I've even seen screenshots.
>>17163982
>Kinda the whole point of a family is for people with disparate personalities to work together and support each other.
lol no
OP here again, a weakness of mine is that I'm also very passive, so if I do stand up for myself, they mock me or get defensive and berate me more. I feel like I can't win...
>>17163965
Have you told him that their "jokes" deeply hurt you? If they really were only jokes he should be able to explain that they hurt you and they should stop.
If they wouldn't stop being rude just don't go anywhere near them. Let your boyfriend spend time with them, just don't go with him.
>>17163985
>>17163995
>make fun of someone who committed suicide
>make you feel like shit
>are apparently like this so often that your fiance has no hope they can change
>talk behind your back to your friends and acquaintances
Sounds like they're shitty people that you and your fiance should cut out of your life.
Legitimately toxic behavior like that doesn't go away.
Have some self respect, or at least demand that your fiance respect you. It's entirely possible that he doesn't realize just how bad things are or refuses to see because they are family.
Seriously though, if anyone in my family ever made fun of someone who committed suicide they'd get punched in the fucking mouth.
>>17163992
Sounds like you've got a shitty family
I almost wonder if there's something you aren't telling us. Something you did to your boyfriend that hurt him that he told his family, that you aren't aware they know. Did you ever break up for awhile and date another guy? Text someone cutesy stuff that you know your fiance wouldn't like?
If his family ever caught wind of that they would think you were basically a page in his life and they are trying to help the page turn by treating you badly.
![I+didn+t+know+you+can+sing+anime+_8596c1b2a92dadc8fcfad9c4f428ec6c[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/xoeS8Fb.jpg "I+didn+t+know+you+can+sing+anime+_8596c1b2a92dadc8fcfad9c4f428ec6c[1].jpg")
>>17164007
Anon, for fuck's sake, they apparently made fun of someone's suicide.
I don't give a fuck what OP may or may not have done, people who do that belong in the fucking garbage.
>>17164012
> humor is mean and scary and hurtful
>>17164018
Just because it's funny to one person doesn't mean it's funny to everyone. The internet seems to forget that sometimes.
>>17164018
I know you're just being a facetious little cunt, but OP seems pretty shy so:
There are things you do not joke about. People who committed suicide is one of them. Especially if someone in the room knew that person. Someone who is willing to do that is toxic. People who are completely ok with someone doing that are similarly toxic.
I bet you're the same guy who posted >>17163992
>>17164007
I've never once done anything like that. He's my world, I've never flirted with anyone else, never broken up, I'm a firm believer that relationships are serious things and it's important to be a good wife. I'd never do something to hurt him.
>>17163958
What did you do for them to say such things
You'd be surprised if he stood up to then how they would shut up
Just dont go to family reunions, you dont have to if you don't want to
You know what you are and who you are
Nothing they say will change that
Wear that as armor
>>17164021
I know his family got really mad at me and called me a dramatic bitch when he had to take me to the ER instead of spend time with them
(I had a blood clot from my birth control and could have died)
>>17163999
I know they are also mad at me because I suggested calling social services on his sister because she may be doing meth around her children. They told me if I called, I wouldn't be a part of their family and it would tear them apart, and to stay out of it because it's not my life. All I want is for the children to be safe.
>>17164031
>>17164034
They sound like real winners. But seriously, you might have to make him choose and from your side of the story you are the right choice. If he can't make it, make it clear too him that you won't be around them anymore.
It's starting to sound like you're making this up. Do they beat their dog too?
If all this is true just stay as far away from them as possible.
>>17164034
>>17164031
>got mad at you for a medical emergency
>made fun of someone's suicide
>sided with a meth user endangering her children and literally browbeat you into not reporting a serious crime
Jesus tittyfucking Christ
Cut off all contact, these people should not be in your life. That's absolutely despicable.
I mean, I know some people can be overly demure or end up as doormats but god DAMN. That is clearly no ok.
Does your fiance know about the meth use?
>>17164031
>>17164034
Uh-huh, sure.
>>17164064
>It's starting to sound like you're making this up.
Yep.
>>17164064
Ironically, yeah, his mom is a dog hoarder and his dad often shoots them. I swear I'm not making this shit up, I wish I were.
>>17164078
Why would I make this up, especially on an anonymous message board? There would be no point.
>>17164071
Yeah he thinks she may be using too, but we're not positive. She has a huge history of meth and the father of one of her children just got out of prison for it. Really classy bunch..
>starts out as "family is rude"
>gradually morphs into "family is horror movie material"
Okay.
>>17164125
You've obviously never been around Hicks
>>17164133
The escalation of the thread isn't realistic. "They are rude to me" is on a level so far below "they shoot dogs for fun" that if it had started with the latter, the first advice would have been "call the police like a rational person."
>>17164139
They don't shoot them for fun LOL they shoot them because they become too overpopulated and they're not willing to spend the money to nueter them so they keep reproducing. I've considered calling the cops but I know they won't do anything, they live in the country so the police around here literally don't give a fuck. I have no reason to lie about this stuff, I'm not trying to prove anything, I just want advice because it's unfair to ask my fiance to stop being around his family, he believes that "blood is thicker than water" or whatever
>>17164133
Half my family are rednecks. If you had included this other stuff at the beginning, I might've believed you. But starting with "these people are rude" and then ramping it waaay up later? No.
>>17164161
I assumed if I started out with "they're the family from hell" everyone would just say I was overreacting
>>17164153
>it's unfair to ask my fiance to stop being around his family
It is not unfair to ask your fiance to stop being around abusive drug addicts and enablers. Stop being a doormat and tell your fiance to grow a pair.
Unless you want your entire life to be this.
One advice and one is enough, that is:
LAUGH IT OFF AND JOIN THE BANTER. That's it. Thank you.
>>17163958
Do you really want to be with a guy that doesn't respect you enough to stand up for you? Do you want to be with a guy that picks his family over you? Do you want to be with a guy who thinks it's okay to make fun of someone dying even tho it hurt you greatly? Do you want a family like this? If your guy can not stand up for you then he doesn't respect you enough to marry you. Go find a real man.
