Last week, I found out I'm pregnant. The father is a grad student at my college. I'm a junior and should be graduating next year. We dated from December-April. I really liked him and think he's a genuinely great guy --- smart, responsible, kind. But we were just too different and drifted apart. In fact, we never really "broke up", we just started seeing each other less and less until we weren't seeing each other at all. He admitted to being preoccupied with school (working on his PHD) to fully commit to a relationship. I felt the same way, so we parted ways. We have seen each other a few times since then and usually wave/nod at each other.
Anyway, ever since I found out about my pregnancy, I've struggled with how to tell him. I'm still figuring out what I want to do. I don't know if I should let him know before or after I make my decision, or if I should even involve him in it. I actually ran into him on Thursday in the elevator. We had a polite conversation about finals, and then I burst into tears as soon as he got out. I honestly don't know how to tell him, and the fact that I see him so often is making me nervous. It feels wrong to walk by him so casually now, but at the same time I'm scared of his reaction too.
That being said, when and how should I tell him?
>>17145325
>We had a polite conversation about finals, and then I burst into tears as soon as he got out
If this is how you are now, imagine how much of an emotional mess you'll be if you don't tell him, no matter whether you decide to keep it or not. He needs to know, definitely tell him, though I think the ultimate decision of whether or not to keep it is up to you.
>>17145325
Abortion
get that abortion, you don't want to fuck up 3 years of expensive schooling with one kid
>>17145331
>though I think the ultimate decision of whether or not to keep it is up to you.
>"you totally shouldn't ask the dad if it's okay to murder his baby"
This is why the world hates you liberal cunts.
>>17145387
This /thread
>>17145396
faening christfags
>>17145325
Make your decision. If you want to keep the baby, tell him. If not, it's your body and your business. No one else's. The only reason to tell him would be if you want him to help pay for the abortion or drive you to the clinic.
Be more careful next time, for your own sake.
How likely do you think you are to have an abortion? What do you think you'd do if he was adamant that you DON'T have an abortion?
If you tell him, you risk opening up a really ugly can of worms. If you end up determined to get an abortion and he's determined you don't, then you've basically told him "hey, you're gonna be a daddy! Actually nah imma kill it no matter what you say" and put him through a horrific emotional roller coaster for no reason, when you could have just quietly gotten an abortion with him none the wiser that you were ever even pregnant.
This is a really tough situation. Just evaluate your reasons for telling him. Are they for his sake or yours? Do you just want to absolve yourself of the guilt of not telling him? Or do you actually care about his input?
>>17145406
I think I want to tell him because he's never really given me a reason to not want him around. Yeah, we weren't together very long, but I have no bad blood towards him. At the same time, it's the fear of the unknown. I guess I'm just afraid of him flipping out. As for having an abortion, I actually have a feeling he would be understanding because we're both in school and don't know each other very well. I am also strongly considering adoption too
>>17145402
>you have to be religious to not want to murder babies
That's how fucked in the head your logic is.
>>17145394
Well, if I do keep it, I'll be delivering the semester before I graduate (due date is in late December/Early January). So there's that.
>>17145420
>As for having an abortion, I actually have a feeling he would be understanding because we're both in school and don't know each other very well.
It's not just about what's likely, it's about a worst case scenario.
If you tell him about being pregnant when you're only going to get an abortion regardless of anything he might say, then telling him might be a selfish thing to do. The possibility that he'd be cool with you doing that doesn't make it ok, it just means you got lucky.
Emphasis on 'might', though, because it's a complicated problem.
If you want this person in your life in some capacity though, then yeah, there's probably not really any getting around telling him.
>>17145435
>>>17145394
>Well, if I do keep it, I'll be delivering the semester before I graduate (due date is in late December/Early January). So there's that.
you clearly have no idea what it represent to be a single mother with a newborn. the baby will need regular breastfeeding constantly for months. You won't have time to study or attend classes. You will barely sleep, if you get any.
Even with the father helping you, it'll be hard: it's always harder with the first-born. you won't sure what to do, always worried. always checking if the baby is okay. when it's not crying, you'll check if it's still breathing.
Abortion is a hard decision. But keeping it is going to be way worst in the long run. Give yourself a chance to finish school and get your life started before you have a child. For both your sake and the child's.
>>17145481
Oh bullshit.
I know several graduate students with young children and they're having no issues keeping up with their classes, acting as lab TAs, and taking care of their newborns.
>For both your sake and the child's.
Don't act as if it's some noble decision to kill the kid because it takes a little more work. Goddamn some of you people are fucking stupid.
>>17145402
It's always hilarious when the pro-abortioners fall back on any number of insults or baseless "arguments" after being called out for their unreasonable bullshit
>>17145487
lol. why even take the time to come here and lie?
>>17145487
>kill the kid
You seem to be under the impression that it's a living being.
>>17145490
you are a false prophet and god is a superstition
god doesn't exist. but abortion is fucking wrong. christianity is bullshit. but abortion is a logical issue and should be up to the person.
drink nail polish remover always makes me feel better
>>17145505
>I have a wife's son and sex is a superstition
That's you. :^B
>>17145481
Formula feeding is an option, and a fine one at that.
That being said there is a tremendous amount of support out there for single mothers if you take the time to educate yourself on them. It's not the end of the world should you decide to keep it, but it should be what you really want. Do you want a baby? Decide that first, then go from there. The rest will sort itself out.
Oh great, yet another upcoming single mom who ends up being waitress or retail drone, who whines when there's never enough money and where have all the good guys gone because nobody wants to take responsibility of my accidental spawn.
>>17145539
This. You could probably even get a free ride through the rest of your schooling if you have the baby and become a single mom. Not that that should be your reason for keeping the baby, but it's something to consider.
>>17145325
If you are black (or father is black, unlikely given he is doing his phd) then have an abortion if white then have the baby.
>>17145325
Hi OP. My mother had a similar situation to you when she was young. She wasn't even in college yet, and her mother threw her out of the house when she began to show.
She carried the kid to term and sent her off to adoption. So I have a half-sister. My mother went on to get a BSN, get hitched, and is still married to my father.
Don't let anyone tell you, "oh, it'll ruin your life, you should abort." It doesn't have to ruin your life. You aren't facing a binary decision.
You can tell yourself whatever you want, but my mother didn't regret her choice.
Abort it and move on.
>>17145504
You fucking shitheads grow up before you walk around spewing nonsense opinions. Have you ever been pregnant? Two weeks into the pregnancy, as soon as you can see the baby itself, you can see it's fucking heart beating.
So yes it's a tiny living baby you shithead.
Don't get pregnant in the first place if you don't want to be a murderer.
And what's about this shit poster over here? >>17145481 the fucking baby is fucking innocent! Nobody asked them to be created in the first place. Shouldn't have sticked your fucking dick in there if you didn't want it so direct your fucking anger towards your own fucking dickhead.
Just to be clear on this one, I couldn't give less about the fucking huge lies which the world calls religion.
Don't have sex if you don't want to be murderers. If you get called a murderer, yes you are so deal with it. Your actions will always have a consequence, welcome to the adult world. if walk around doing adult stuff you take the adult consequences.
>>17145582
christfag pls take it back to facebook comments
>>17145325
>talk to the father
or
>talk to /adv/
look it sounds like you're not really in a position to have a child, you're young, still studying, the guy isn't in a better position and you don't know if he would stick around.
morally it's a sensitive area
you could sit down with him and talk to him about it, try to gauge what he wants. The law doesn't give men any rights in these matters, but the law isn't about what is fair and you should probably give him the chance to have his say
not telling him I think would be a mistake, your decision would have huge consequences for him and if you don't even tell him at the very least you can expect to feel tremendously guilty
trying to have a baby in secret is impossible and would be a disaster, don't even think about that
>>17145325
Rather than just killing the baby perhaps you could kill yourself? Two birds with one stone.
>>17145556
>and her mother threw her out of the house when she began to show.
Based grandma
>>17145596
get out newfag, this isn't /b/
Just an advice from med guy. having a baby will affect your academic life and your future. You'd better get an abortion. If you are afraid to be called a murderer don't, cuz killing a baby at fetal period is just like we kill a cow or ship and eat it. We are taking its life, and its not as terrific cuz its mind still didn't develop enough. Don't let this issue be prolonged more, or you will get more attached to baby and it will be hard for you.
I'm not telling you having a baby will surely fuck up your life, but if your financial condition doesn't allow it, i'd advice you better abort. Cuz u shouldn't trust father now. You aren't even married, and if your relationship is this shitty, don't expect him to be near u all the time. Just calm down and make a wise decision. If abortion might cause you some psychological issue just go to psychiatrist once. Once will be surely enough.
As coming to reply the guys who are agains abortion, i support you, but life is a hard thing, and u sometimes need to make hard decisions. Emphathize sometimes I guess.
>>17145325
Head to dr deletus and abort that fetus
>>17145719
Yah, the dead baby will thank you. Really. It would rather be dead than alive and poor because being able to afford all the fancy brand name stuff and being a fat overfed fucker is everything that matters.
>>17145719
>cuz killing a baby at fetal period is just like we kill a cow or ship and eat it. We are taking its life, and its not as terrific cuz its mind still didn't develop enough.
Did you even listen to what you're blabbing? Do you really believe this? Would you really kill off your own son/daughter that way? Are you even a father already?
I am. So don't give advice about things you don't know shit about. And don't give advice you didn't think through and you'd not follow yourself.
To be honest it sounds to me that your working in the abortion industry. And with the bullshit you're spewing your trying to ease your guilty conscious. You really try to believe it hard because it haunts you at night.
>>17145325
Start calling him dad any time you see him. And when he'll tell you he's not a dad you can answer "you bet?" and get 10 bucks out of it too.
>>17145873
>ONLY A PARENT WOULD UNDERSTAND
Fucking hell I hate douches like you
>>17145325
Tell him and have the baby.
Dont fall for the population control propaganda, I am going yo tell you something.
Its actually amazingly normal to have kids and no they wont destroy your life or something.
Its the meaning of life, having kids.
People do it all the time. Since the beginning of time.
And it doesnt cost tons and tons of money I mean come on it will just be a baby who need a breast some clothes and a crib.
Dont follow advice, do what you really think is right and want. A lot of people really dont want others to progress or wish then well.
I am sure you'll graduate as well as the father. And when it comes to him applying for jobs it will actually be a plus.
Because graduating a Phd and having a kid means you stand strong in life and are a real person with character. It means he is a real man not scared of having a kid.
I am sure you will get some help during those last exams and that there are special arangements. Plus when you graduated you actually can say that you did it while having a kid wich is also a plus and sign of tough real character.
Being a real human not scared of real life.
Abortions are done because people are made to believe they cant handle a baby and it would destroy your life. Its just killing of a part of you two.
I also advise you to make sure the kid gets to see both parents equally on a routine shedule if you guys will live separated.
Or you could just get the unborn pulled or sucked out. I dont really know how different abortians go in different stages. But there are some videos of it on the internet.
Best of luck.
Just be a normal person and dont believe the hype
Be human
I do want the anti aging creams to go down in price. So go on why dont all woman get as much abortians as they can. I want to smear those good fetal cells all over my narcissistic face and if enough woman become fetus farms It will be cheap enough to eat that life elixir.
Usa! Usa! Usa! Usa! Usa!
>>17145325
Get a time machine and use birth control
Please involve him in the process. Don't be one of those women who has all the power and doesn't even ask. The two of you made this child to be it is a choice for both of you.
>>17145873
No i don't work in abortion industry, if there is such thing at all, and no I'm not a father. I wouldn't do this to my child if I had a married wife and normal financial status. But if I had left my gf pregnant I would recomment her have an abortion and support her on that topic, because my current financial status would not be good enough to keep 3 people on go. Cuz if mom keeps the baby, she doesnt work and only one bringing money to house (if there is one) will be me. And my ass as a student can't handle that much of fucking. And that's why even though it sounds crazy and wild to call a fetus a developing animal with no mind, even though it would have been my child, I wouldn't want him to live a hard life with fucked up parents who are still going to uni. So even though if my gf and i abort the baby at that time and kill a developing life I think it is better than taking three lifes and fuck their futures at one go and slowly as the baby grows. I would agree with you if I lived in a village or mountains with all nature around and a nice shelter where noone gives fuck about working and earning money and deggree or aome crap. Again i want to mention that i dont support abortion, and fuck the ones who go have abortion every time they get pregnant. But i guess once in such a situation is understandable and i would recommend you to be careful and use contraceptive methods next time. Don't get me wrong on descriptions of fetus, i just use it as scientific expression, or something like that. I dont want it to sound offensive or some shit, but it still does, so im sorry.
>>17145898
Yeah. Ever seen the first heartbeat of the tiny little dot on screen? And known it's YOURS? Shut up. I'm not a douche for telling the truth. You don't know anything and never will until it happens to you.
>>17145910
>Dont follow advice, do what you really think is right and want. A lot of people really dont want others to progress or wish then well.
This most people are just evil and I'll thinking.
>>17145325
>But we were just too different and drifted apart.
I am sure you'll have a much closer bond after you offer to fuck up his future and ruin his academic pursuits.
Just what every smart, responsible, kind, grad student wants. A child!
Whatever decision you are making is 99% chance going to be for yourself only. If you keep it do not expect even in the slightest he will be interested in being a father. Though as long as he isn't doing women's studies or some bullshit he should at least be able to give you child support.
Oh, and expect that 50% of future males you date will be completely disinterested in you because you have a child. And the other 45% will be shit fathers even if they try because they wont be invested. Good luck with that.
Nobody is going to hire a woman right before she goes on maternity leave. Enjoy shitty single mom life. If you survive the birth that is.
>>17145946
>, I wouldn't want him to live a hard life with fucked up parents who are still going to uni.
Yeah. Ask any person who grew up being poor, if they'd rather not be alive instead of growing up poor.
I grew up in a poor household, my partner did too. There were times we even didn't have plain bread at home. Hunger was routine. Ask me if I'm still glad that I wasn't aborted. That I got the chance to live. Hell yeah. I love my life and growing up poor made me even appreciate and love the smallest things in life. I am happy and I love my life. I am very thankful to my mother.
>Don't get me wrong on descriptions of fetus, i just use it as scientific expression, or something like that.
Yeah. Defense mechanism, just to ease your guilty conscience. I'm really starting to doubt you're a med guy.
>>17145969
>Whatever decision you are making is 99% chance going to be for yourself only.
that is the risk that comes with sticking your dick in a vagina and ejaculating. Deal with it.
Call him up, ask to talk to him in person. Meet somewhere nice and semi-private, like a tucked away corner of a park. Tell him there. If you both got along as well as you say, I don't think you need to be too scared of his reaction.
When I got pregnant by accident, I chose to keep it, and I let the father know that I wouldn't pursue him for child support if he didn't want to be a father, and I was willing to do this alone. He pleasantly surprised me and stepped up, and we're still together. He loves this baby so much, it's amazing to see them together.
It's ultimately your body, but I think you should decide what to do together. I think he'd probably appreciate being a part of that decision.
suck that thing out and stick it in an omlette
>>17145972
I see ur point, but shifting from a normal student life to parent life is really hard. The statistics show that most kids end up fucked up this way.
Just to be clear, Parent's psychology is important.
I bet your parents happened to be caring ones and gave their all to just let you grow up. And I believe if they were poor in this world they suffered quite a lot to earn money and keep the family on its feet. Not all parents are like that. Its just my suggestion to op to not add hardness and suffering her life.
And I'm anon here, so I need no defense :)
Again, thats still up to op what she decides to do. Noone here can decide for her to abort or keep it cuz we don't know the details, like what kind of person the guy is, she is etc.
>>17145972
>I doubt you're a med guy
You know the time interval for a humane abortion was consulted, advocated, and peer reviewed by a committee of doctors, yeah? Not politicians.
I guess you wouldn't have wanted to have been aborted, but that logic would mean any potential zygote wold want to be made as well. I assume most sperm, if consulted in the future, would have wanted to become a zygote. That just doesn't make it the right choice.
If you disagree with what counts as alive, take it up with the trained professionals, not the individuals.
>>17146001
you have your point to, still dont give advice on a matter you dont have experiece with. on a complicated on the top of that.
>And I'm anon here, so I need no defense :)
i meant its your psychological defense mechanism. to protect yourself. Who cares what others think.
>>17145993
THIS.
Informing the person, at the very least, is a sign of politeness.
>>17145325
So... because you couldn't use contraception and act responsibly you are now considering killing what could be a perfectly healthy child because "m-muh college!", "muh empowerment!"
>>17146014
yeah i think the professionals are wrong. just because majority thinks its right doesnt make it right. few hundred years ago they thougt the Sun is spinning around earth, not other way round. were they right? no.
the moment sperm and egg melt with each other,life is created. very few days later it even has visible heartbeat in ultrasound
>becoming a single mother
>>17146045
One google of a first heartbeat would tell you the first heartbeat occurs at about 6 weeks. If very few days is 42 days to you, sure man. And it isn't visible on an ultrasound until 8 weeks.
Personally, I find that the professionals are almost guaranteed to be accumulatively more intelligent that your opinion on the marter of fetus viability and life. So you really don't have a leg to stand on criticising people for giving advise if they haven't 'experienced' it, since you clearly are loudly telling me false facts when you aren't a physician.
>>17145582
>Your actions will always have a consequence, welcome to the adult world. if walk around doing adult stuff you take the adult consequences.
Orly? Me and my gf just had an abortion (i.e. took pregnancy stopping pills) like 3 weeks ago and no 'consequences' yet.
It was kinda sad to see the embryo and thinking of the potential future, but it would have been even sadder to cut our youth and freedom short just to /maybe/ fulfill some ambiguous moral obligation.
tl;dr
gtfo trying to scare people way from their freedom
>>17146075
kiddo. do you even know the time the girl knows shes pregnant (first day of missed period) shes two weeks in to the pregnancy. the child is two weeks old the moment you know its there.
i dont know why youve Googled such bullshit but i saw the heartbeat six weeks into the pregnany (we wanted to get pregnant so we calculated so we ARE sure, also the doc approved)
so yes 30 days are very few days.
>>17146045
Since when does heartbeat count for shit?
The mosquito I squashed on the wall also had a heart & sucked nutrients from me, just like an embryo. Guess I'm a murderer according to you people now.
>>17146081
>and no 'consequences' yet.
>It was kinda sad
yeah, there are your consequences. itll get even better :)
wait until you see the first ultrasound of "the wanted child", wait until you hug your first wanted child. wait until you see the first smile. until you hear the first mom/dad. and all the times you remember the other one. what would the other one have been like now? what eye color? what character? would they be similar?
enjoy :)
>>17146091
>kiddo
Nice way to start a post, without even a capitalization, attempting to demean my position. I see now that you're an absolute moral authority on what makes a fetus viable, physically feeling, or sentient. You sir are a gentleman and a scholar.
I hearby redact my trust in the international medical community endlessly peer-reviewing every aspect of fetal development. Science is crazy man, arguments to pathos are the only rational moral high ground in this ambiguous planet.
Why would you bring a child into the world wjth such a fucked up family? Its obvious his father will never be in the picture, and it's likely you're going to spread your legs for some other shmo, and give this plenty of more "siblings".
Christmas will be a ton of fun
>>17146104
maybe one Day youll grow up and see that the world very often truly is not what it seems. until then keep thinking what youve written is sarcastically exxagerated.
the non capitalizations is from writing with my partners phone. He has only German autocorrect which messes with my typing. its not to mock you
>>17146101
>Guess I'm a murderer according to you people now.
yep :)
but why do you even care about what i think? if YOU can live with it go ahead. get twenty more abortions if you please to do so. i mean, why not?
>>17146121
Epic post bro, you got me.
>>17146112
The world may not be what it seems. That's an excellent point to raise. Things are much more complicated than a heartbeat. The presence of a circulatory system appears long before development of the nervous system that people feel. A fetus until a certain point can't feel pain, has no neural independence, and lacks very basic organs. Comparing this to animals we kill every day, a fetus isn't a black and white label of a living human being.
It's also pretty condescending to insinuate that your opinions come from wisdom. Wisdom you also believe to have over female physicians that have had children and agree with there being a valid choice until a certain point in pregnancy. While you have valid beliefs--they don't "trump" another's conclusions and life decisions. Morals are subjective to reason. The world isn't black and white.
>>17146130
very nice post anon. i start to really like you now.
i wont comment your post directly though. only wann to tell you something about myself.
when i was 18 and my mom told me how her mother in law forced her to have an abortion before she gave birth to me i said. meh? why is she so sad? it was only a lump of cells anyways?
ive always had that mindset until i saw the first ultrasound of my Baby. everything, EVERYTHING in my life changed after this Moment and from then on i fully understood my mom and her other friend Who was forced to abort by her husband.
also i think abortions are absolutey ok if the child is defective. if it has mutations, If its siamese twins, if it has an open spine. even then the earlier the better. and even then id be endlessly sad and sorry to the kid. still giving the healthy sibling the Chance is the better option.
>>17146103
I'm actually there, having aborted one and kept one, and it's not a big deal. A little sad from time to time, but that's it. I'm not exactly fucked up about it. A lot of people abort after they already have children, having already gone through the precious moments and knowing exactly what having a child entails, and are cool with it.
Now, I'm iffy on how I feel about abortions after the first trimester, but when it doesn't even resemble a human, it's not so bad.
>>17146182
For some people it hurts more, for some it hurts less. You won't find out until you really are in the situation. That's why I hate it when people who can't relate give advice.
So when I posted this last night, I didn't expect to get this much of a response. I fell asleep after about reading three or so. Anyway, I still haven't made my decision, but after talking about it on here and with some friends, I've decided to tell him and take it from there. He's a good person and deserves to know, and I trust that we'll be able to make the right decision, together. He's out of town until Friday, but hopefully we'll be able to meet up when he gets back.
I think its messed up that ppl abort just because they were irresponsible. It was both your faults for getting pregnant, not the childs. You'll eventually have a kid in the future anyways, so just keep it. You dont have that long to go school wise.
Your own stupid fault for not using protection. There are already TOO many foster kids in the system and its far from perfect.
>>17145331
oh shit nigger what are you saying
OP, if you tell him, he's bound to have an opinion. Everyone always does. Make up your mind before you have someone trying to sway you one way or another, because ultimately, you're the one who has to deal with the consequences.
When deciding, plan on raising the child alone. Don't pretend he'll be there for you or marry you. He might, but it's far from a certainty. Imagine yourself alone with a baby, because that is the likely outcome. Btw no one will date single moms except for single dads and drug addicts/ugly milf hunters.
>>17146290
>Btw no one on the chans will date single moms
FIFY
Plenty of people date single moms.
>>17145555
I'm Hispanic and he's white, but race isn't what I'm worried about here, idiot.
Just tell him. He's a man so he needs to be responsible (or at least know).
Cry a bit too. No man I know can resist tears.
>>17145441
>>17145406
This, desu. Make up your mind first.
I wish there was a way I could have avoided telling my ex I was pregnant and going to get an abortion. Unfortunately, I was broke at the time and had to stay at his mom's house when I went to the city to get it. He didn't fight me on it, I was lucky there. Just suggested a few times that maybe we should keep it. He believes in a woman's right to choose, so thankfully he was supportive and understood why I made the choice I did. But he still cries about it. It's been almost two years since it happened, and he still cries about it sometimes. It was really hard on him. Don't do that to a guy if you don't have to.
And don't assume that he will feel one way or another about it. I thought my bf was more pragmatic and would be less sentimental about a clump of underdeveloped mush, but it really affected him.
OP, I'm the only other pregnant woman in this thread. By the 19th I'll be hitting the five-month mark.
Just let the baby have a life. Just put it up for adoption if you feel unfit as a parent, but don't listen to all the 30 year old men in this thread telling you to abort. Consider it.
>>17145582
Two weeks in and the "baby" is a clump of mush the size of a grain of rice
>>17145864
Poor people are likeliest to be fat idiot.
>>17146424
This. I've felt worse about killing sugar ants in my kitchen than I did about having an abortion. The ants were actually fully functional, living beings.
>>17146431
This. What country do they live in where health=being fat? Or where they convince themselves where healthy food DOESN'T cost more?
>>17146437
Yeah. You'll see when you ever decide to have children. If you never want any then keep out of the discussion.
>>17146475
Are you fucking kidding me. Only amerifat can be fat and well fed and complain about being "poor". I don't even want to begin with how healthy food is a fucking fortune cheaper than the shitty package shit you're buying. Head over to /ck dumb amerifats
>>17145325
Scramble its brains OP. Don't tell the guy.
