I wan't to hear your experiences in having a relationship, guys or girls.
I'm 20 M, virgin, and I've been struggling to find what seems to come so easy for others, and a lot sooner: a girlfriend.
I've done the whole dating app thing Tinder, POF, etc, nothing. I've tried talking to girls in public, nothing. Getting involved in activities, nothing.
I mean I've been on dates, but nothing ever came of anything.
I could ask the age old "what are some tips on finding a gf" type shit. And by all means feel free give any, you may tell me something I need to hear. But I've heard it all before.
I mostly just want to hear stories of your relationships /adv/. Right from not knowing each other to calling each other your bf/gf. And all the steps in between.
I just feel the more stories I hear, the more perspective I'll have.
But really, feel free to rant or whatever, any relation ship advice in general would be appreciated too.
>go on dates
>find a girl (or guy, I don't judge) you click with well
>hope they feel the same way and also want a relationship
>talk to them about being in a relationship
>there you go
Well I guess I can tell you my story OP.
>in the same major at college
>don't really pay attention to each other
>go to a conference with a group of people
>get way too drunk and go back to my room early
>next day really hungover, getting sick, can't go to the conference
>he decides to stay with me and take care of me
>bond all day and get really close
>back home we start texting and hanging out all the time
>eventually start dating
The story is slightly more complicated than that because at the time everything started happening between us he was in another long term relationship, but that's the gist. I've never had any luck actively pursuing people, I've always been rejected. At least for me it's always been better to let things happen organically.
Anyways I hope you feel like this increased your perspective. Good luck OP.
It really just kind of happens.I would say continue trying, keep going out and keep talking to girls in your class. Also don't insist on the girl being your girlfriend, that'll turn off a lot of girls, but just show interest and escalate.
>>17142634
I never had a girlfriend either, just wanted to reply that there are more and more of guys like us who are late to the game.
I have never even been on a date. Most people will says "It just happens". I can't understand it, people like you and me will overanalyze our situation to bits and still nothing, while people just do it without thinking about it. A friend told me "just don't focus on girls whatsoever, focus on your passion and career and girls will come naturally". So I did
And now I'm 24, have a job, car, apartment, go to the gym regularly, play guitar in a band and generally like everything about music. And still a kissless virgin. So the only thing I can tell you don't just expect things just to happen like I did.
>>17142634
>Girl likes a bunch of my instagram pics one day
>She posts a desu on instagram and I like it
>She dms me, saying some shit like "desu I don't know you but that should change"
>I tell her that I think so too
>She gives me her snapchat and phone number
>A few days of talking later, she asks me to start calling her
>I ask her if she wants to hang out and she says yes
>One day we meet up and start driving around
>I got bored after about an hour and a half of driving and talking that I ask her if she would rather just come over to my house
This was really fucking ballsy and I don't know if it would work for most people.
>We started making out and feeling each other up for a little while
>When we're done and she is about to leave, she says something like "I am so attracted to you"
>We start hanging out much more frequently
>We start posting pictures and shit on social media
>One day she asks me were in a relationship, and I ask her if she thinks so and she says "I don't know"
>I tell her that I feel like we are and she smiled
>I asked her how she felt, and she smiled and said "okay"
This was how my first real relationship started, and it happened when I was 18. We were together for two years.
What you need to do is quit caring about getting girls a girlfriend and focus on becoming an awesome person first. Responsibilities come first, but you still need to be open to women and talking to other people on general. Making friends and having a large circle of acquaintances makes everything easier as well, since it puts you out there more.
>>17142822
I meant to say desu, not desu. My autocorrect doesn't work properly.
>>17142827
Okay, I didn't know that this site had a filter for the abbreviated form of "to be honest" that changes it to desu.
You're literally playing the lottery OP.
This is why I respect sex workers.
>>17142634
Op If you want a gf, it will come to you when you aren't looking for it and you least expect it
also no pain no gain you humungous pussy
>>17142839
Also this, sex workers are highly respectable people they are providing an important service
>>17142634
If it doesn't come to you easy you'll have to play hardball. Be pushy and expectant. If the girl gets offended it prolly won't work. Don't wait for God to grant you a gf, there is no God looking out for you. Put your trust in fate and you'll end up at the very bottom of the barrel doing the dirty work no one else wants to do.
You need confidence and you need to be pushy.
I can see this but I have no confidence myself. I choose to let myself die.
>>17143786
There is actually, god has our lives all planned out just sit back and relax
>>17142634
>i struggle to find what comes easier to tohers: a girlfriend
wrong. others find connection. the yare not looking for a girlfriend.
thats the issue a lot of single people have is they focus on finding a girlfriend, not a connection. and yes there is a difference. you are not looking for a connection. you are lookign for anyone of 'reasonable value' to date.
advice
>dont just hit on a woman
its no secret that women are the ones who are approached, and they make decisions on which men to keep in their lives. that being said, desperately drooling over each and every girl as if they are a potential love interest is silly.
give yourself more value by not letting a woman sway you on first impressions alone. before you ever begin to say anything remotely flirtatious, talk to the girl. see what she actually acts like when you interact with her. have a normal conversation. if there isnt anything special there beyond her looks, friendzone her. or simply stop talking to her. you do not need to hit on each and every girl that looks good enough to be your partner.
doing this gives you more value, and the psychological effects are great. in addition, women will take you more seriously. instead of being 1 of 500 men in new york who went straight for the kill, you took the time to get to know them. whether it goes anywhere or not, this approach also just gives you practice talking to girls in a casual context. its less pressure than trying to impress them.
>>17143801
>only ever use dating apps as a supplement to your real life dating.
dating apps are toxic. consider the following
>people use dating apps because they arent having much luck in real life
>they go to a dating app where they are introduced to an entire smorgasbord of men who want nothing more than to bang and/or date them
>after just one day they will have seen everyone in their area
>within one week they would have talked to everyone they are interested in
so anyone who has been using the app for more than a few weeks clearly has some sort of issue. likely, they are the female equivelent of what i discussed in my first post.
they want a 'bf' but because they have a very specific idea of what a bf is, they arent finding it anywhere. instead of seeing if they have real chemistry, they are simply walking down the aisle, trying to figure out what is the ONE thing at the groccery store they can buy, based solely on pictures and labels.
if a woman is on tinder for too long, they are losing their ability to feel chemistry.
you as a man can fall into a very similar pattern here, but with the added harshness of constant rejection.
it is an app made for people who want to date, yet no one seems to have success there for very long. that should tell you something.
>>17143808
>but anon, how do i use it as a supplement to an existing dating life if i dont have a dating life.
effort. lots and lots of effort. and also, doing what you like. going out is in no way restricted to bars and clubs, though if that is what you enjoy, by all means, go to bars and clubs.
the truest way to find chemistry is to experience your life in the most enjoyable way, and see how you match with the people who come into it. interacting with someone in a casual way shows you how you ACTUALLY get along, not how you hope to get along cuz you really want this to work cuz you need a gf.
so write down a list of all your hobbies, and find a way to externalize them. most people live at least near a city these days.
go to any and all hobby shops and ask about local events. gun shops might have hunting trips. or you can just go to a shooting range. comic book stores have game nights. or live commentary movie nights. if these shops do not host events, offer to host one through them, after all it will only lead to more money through them.
you can even go to a more casual store, lets say, a book store, and stand in your favorite aisle (lets say, horror). talk to everyone who comes by looking for a book. ask what book they are looking for. tell them what book you are looking at. try to spark a conversation abotu your favorite author. maybe take some suggestions. if you really hit it off, try to trade numbers.
its okay if it doesnt pan out. this isnt a scoring system. there is no man in a cloack in space making down on a cosmic chalkboard how many failed conversations you had. 99% of interaction is dumb. you are waiting for the 1% and enjoying talking about your favorite things with strangers until then.
>>17143897
>but anon, going outside somewhere to find out if maybe they have an event doesnt suit my lazy lifestyle!!1!
and for those who simply cannot bring themselves to get up out of the house without a guarantee go to meetup.com and look for something of your interest. no matter what your interest it is on there in a group you can meet with. and if not, you can start your own meet up.
Now, some of you may argue that these sorts of tailored events are attended mostly by men. yes. mostly. but some women too. whats important here is you will be doing something you love, with people who love what you love, and when the right ladies come along you'll know they love it too. you will have that common ground.
>>17143897
Do boyfriends and girlfriends usually meet each other because of a common interest?
>>17143904
if by 'usually' you mean by the majority of the time, id say no. or at the very least, that its hard to say. according to this its 'through friends'.
but you have to wonder what does 'through friends' meet. as the idea of 'hey set me up with one of your friends' isnt popular these days.
generally if oyu are hanging out with friends you are doing some mutually shared interest, are you not?
and if you are meeting your partner online, its pretty likely that you are meeting because you share some sort of shared interests yeah?
and at the very least, meeting someone who you know shares this interest would serve for a better relationship than the many many millions of couples hwo cant figure out what to do outside of traditional dates and watching TV.
i met my current girlfriend at a board game night. before that I met my last girlfriend at the no pants train ride. before that, online.
>>17143916
So my best bet is to pursue an interest and hope I meet girls that way
>>17143939
>hope
unless you are doing something amazingly unbelievably male like monster trucks you WILL meet girls.
but ultimately the advice is that as long as you enjoy hobbies in an external way you will be happy cuz you are pursuing your interests and meeting people. girls will be inevitable, and you will be able to form a connection.
stop using words like 'hope' cuz this isnt a dire situation. you gotta stop obsessing, otherwise this advice is just going to be used wrong.
>>17143943
OK I'm a good snow boarder so I'll join my university ski team
>>17143949
that certainly sounds fun as fuck regardless of girls. though if it skiing im sure girls iwll be there to.
at the very least you will attract girls from outside of the club i woudl think. time will tell.
There's still hope for you yet OP. It really does kind of just happen... it becomes kind of obvious at some point to both parties when there is mutual attraction. From there it is just about breaking the touch barrier and then moving on to kissing, etc.
>be me, at uni and never had a gf
>acquainted with this girl, she's been in one or two of my classes
>new semester starts, she's in three of my classes (turns out she's in my major)
>literally have entire days where our schedule is the same so we hang out a lot
>this one class in particular is difficult as a motherfucker
>exchange numbers in case one of us needs homework help
>I'm crushing on her hard, overanalyzing shit and I think there's no way she's into me
>Semester is ending and I don't have the balls to ask her out in person
>Final exams approaching; motherfucker class is the very first one
>meet up the night before to study
>actually study like hell
>I walk out of the exam thinking I've failed
>I end up passing with a ridiculous good mark
>exams end, I ask her out to lunch via text and she accepts
>I'm happy whether she thinks it is a date or not.
>after lunch we walk and talk for literally hours. >end up back at my place
>end up sitting *right* beside each other on the couch
>I'm awkward as fuck and can't figure out how to put my arm around her without elbowing her in the face
>I chicken out and she has to leave
>next day I text her "Hey Anon, I really enjoyed hanging out with you yesterday. Would you like to go out on a date with me?"
>she accepts
>first date goes well
>I manage to put my arm around her. I close the date with a kiss.
>Schedule more dates, eventually fuck and then later become gf/bf
>>17144001
Why do you need to overuse the word 'literally', it's implied you're serious why do Americans need to do this
>>17144228
Not him but we treat everything as a joke
Everything
Politics, state of the economy, and our own existence.
Everything
So we say that to clarify we are actually not being flippant, ironic, sarcastic, or cheeky.
Everything about America will make more sense once you see it this way.
These posts give me hope in getting a gf for the first time when I start college in the fall. Was terribly quiet, insecure, and so many other things during high school and I'm working on fixing all that. Social skills are still autistic but not as before.
>>17144322
Anon, sit next to people and talk to them on your first day otherwise you're fucked. Don't end up like me 2nd year with no friends, by 2nd or 3rd week people have already established cliques and so on so you need to get in their fast
>>17143795
As a different anon who called his ceiling "God" for 4 fucking years, and asked it for a break, a sign, a message, FUCKING SOMETHING, ANYTHING....
Fuck you.
>>17142634
Stay away from dating apps. I had a pretty good conversation with a tranny at 2 in the morning I meet off of okcupid.
The only people who go on dating apps
>guys who are looking to get laid
>guys who are socially inept/beta
>girls who are just looking for an ego boost
>girls who are still living that disney movie fantasy
None of those personalities are compatible. It is just a bunch of getting rejected. I can spend a night on tumblr or Facebook and get a phone full of girls sending me nudes or wanting to meet up for sex.
On okcupid I can get the conversation to move to text, but like you, either they flake before or after that first meeting.
I've gotten laid a couple different times on okcupid. Both girls were tumblr types so most of the pursuing was on tumblr and kik.
If you want tips, find a subculture to assimilate, and live that lifestyle. for me it is pop punk. Skinny jeans, snapbacks, vans, etc. I have no trouble finding sex. I'm also 5'9 and overweight. Inb4 you say you won't sleep with a fat girl. If you don't like curvy girls you're a faggot and need to stop whining about your non-problems.
>>17144322
Talk to people, even if it's just small talk. If they aren't in your major, you might always catch them at some point later and have a second chance.
Speaking of majors, if you're in something like engineering, take advantage of your freshman electives to meet girls. Having done MechE and ChemE, there's like 8:1 ratio of guys to girls and every girl has had a ring since high school. Even the "2/10 would not bang" ones.
Also, I find that the more serious the degree, the less of a chance of a relationship. Find a frosh in the least respected major in your college and she'll probably be down to fuck. It'll likely be her first time away from mommy and daddy and it's not like she's stressed out and needs to focus on her studies. Those people are just at college to have fun.
>>17144322
Like >>17144372 said, even if you like a girl who is not in your major you still have a chance, and small talk is your best chance at getting to know them.
>studying a degree in civil engineering
>see this 10/10 qt in the hallway, i needed to talk to her
>too much of a pussy to approach her, i mean we didn't even have any mutual friends
>find out girl is studying nursing, still i don't even know how to approach her or what to say
>physics teacher makes fun of nursing students cause they take class in the same classroom
>one day as she is leaving the classroom i finally have the balls to approach her
>"hey did you know our teacher makes fun of you guys?"
Fast-forward we have been dating for 3 months now and i'd never known a girl as fun and loving as her, so yeah as long as you have the courage to approach a girl, the rest is a piece of cake and if the girl is in any of your classes this is much easier. You can do it anon.
>>17144620
Not the guy you replied to, but you're were probably just another attractive guy who was nervous to talk to the girl, which is why it worked out when you did.
When you ugly and 5'5" it's a whole nother thing.
>>17144715
Haha well to be honest i don't consider myself *that* attractive and i did consider my girlfriend was way out of my league too, but my point here is that girls really like confidence in guys, i guess i got lucky and found someone with almost the same interests as me.
Not every girl has an issue if her partner is shorter, also if you do consider yourself ugly you can always work out, dress well, get a good haircut, that and having confidence will most likely get you a girlfriend in no time.
Some people dream of success, while you're gonna wake up and work hard at it, nothing is impossible.
>>17143943
>unless you are doing something amazingly unbelievably male like monster trucks you WILL meet girls.
You would be amazed the amount of normal hobbies that seem gender neutral, yet are male dominated.
I enjoy cycling. I have about 2 grand in my bike, accessories, tools, and apparel. I ride for fun and have no intention of competing. In the 10 years I have been riding I have seen 10 women who had a real interest in riding. It is no harder than running, yet I have seen 100 times more female runners than cyclists.
That being said hobbies are a must for keeping you sane and giving you new and unique things to talk about. Other cyclists won't find a 30 mile ride all that impressive. Everyone else thinks it is an impressive feat given the last time they rode a bike was 16.
>>17144372
>Having done MechE and ChemE, there's like 8:1 ratio of guys to girls
ChemE has one the best girl:guy ratios in engineering. My classes were 30% women. Bioengineering was very close to a 50:50 ratio. EE was the worst with 1 or 2 FOB Asians trying not to disgrace their family.
>>17144322
The first few days of college are the most important. It's also the easiest to meet people because, like you, they don't know anybody there.
I remember the beginning of my freshman year was awesome. My roommate (who I didn't know until I got there) and I were chatting it up and just walking around the resident halls. We'd see other people and just start talking. Then we'd have a huge group of everyone just getting to know each other and sharing stories from high school.
It was a really cool energy, you can collectively feel the nervousness of a whole room of people get washed away.
Keep in mind: you will meet most of the friends you hangout with throughout all of college in the first few days of freshman year, so don't miss out.
Not saying it's impossible to meet people after that, but it is honestly like 90% easier to make a friend.
>>17145063
>>17144620
>>17144372
>>17144348
Thanks guys, I know I can fucking do this!
Jiggy??
Well this thread certainly depresses me
>>17142634
My story till I moved from my hometown
>highschool
>ask about 5 girls a month out
>most I can get are hang outs and hugs
>couple of girls give kisses on cheeks
>was able to sext with one but only cause she moved away
>kept getting feminists and other females cursing me out for dating their sisters or doing bad shit to girls even though I don't do anything
graduate highschool without a single date under belt
>move to houston
>talk to female friend on facebook remembering highschool
>"it's amazing to talk to you anon, though I will not sleep with you"
>wut
>"You had all those women around you all the time and everyone said you slept with them all"
>double wut
>"You were the biggest playa at school, and it frightened some people"
I missed out on girls because people thought I got with girls alot, I have a close to gf from england now and still talk to some girls, but that whole highschool thing fucked with my mind.
>>17142634
And for those outside college, they are fucked right?
>>17145615
Not really, you can still meet people at work
Not OP but there is some good stuff in here, so for someone in a nearly exact same situation as OP, I have a question:
How much should you play games vs. Being straight up?
I got to know a girl in my class and she was really cool. I asked if she wanted to go out one night and we got coffee and watched the sunset and talked, we both had a great time. Then I came here to ask for help because I would ask if she wanted to hang out again and I was getting work / busy excuses. You all said to just stop trying so hard and let her decide. So I did, and after about 2 weeks of us not talking at all, she started randomly talking to me again, snapchatting, etc. We talked for about a week more and I asked if she wanted to go to a friend's concert with me. She again said she had to work and since then we haven't talked, it's been a few weeks.
Wat do? How do I save this.
Just keep going on dates. Not every date ends with a relationship. People date and move on so don't expect casual dates to turn into commitment.
After 16 you're more likely to get laid before you have a gf. I've never heard of anyone getting into an exclusive relationship before having sex outside of freshman year of high school.
>>17142634
>Be me, 14 in Highschool.
>Transfer student from a different school, didn't know much anyone there.
>Most of the time I didn't interact with a lot of people, did small talk with the class but never fully interacted.
>School had a soccer program, I signed up immediately.
>Started bonding with class more, got to know a lot of people.
>That said, I couldn't discuss vidya or anime with anyone, never really discussed in public, didn't want friends calling me a faggot.
>At one point, the school had us join clubs so every friday, our last subjects would be a hobby club, this was to involve jockeys to other interest.
>Fuck it, joining art club.
>This shit was filled with aspies weeaboos that were fucking obnoxious, I mean this was the time period where the popular anime was fucking Naruto, spice and wolf, hetalia, and other cringe shites.
>Class was almost unbearable, but still stuck with it because I wanted to learn how to draw.
>One day we were learning how shade and also a brief glimpse of perspective.
>Got seated up with a partner, let's call her max for now.
>Easily 6.5/10, frizzy hair, braces, some acne but she's okay.
>Started discussing video games, anime and other unusual shit.
>Max was pretty cool, plays demons souls, CoH, tf2, cod4 and watched non normie anime.
>Started hanging out with her more, every other day I'd invite her to play some games after soccer practice.
>Friend and mates start to notice, started calling me out, teasing and asking me if she was my gf.
>She herself was okay, but since she was hanging out with aspies she was ostracized.
>Started hanging out less and less.
>One day she confronts me, "Anon don't you wanna hangout?".
>Avoided topic, told her busy with practice.
>One day, she just stopped pming me, stopped asking to hangout.
>Graduated, move to a different state to study some art shit course.
>From time to time, talk to her in Facebook.
>I've been introduced /fit/ girls and 9/10 from my mates from the club (we still hang out)
>>17145785
>Started to talk her up from Facebook, every now and then chat up.
>Said sorry that I was a fucking asshole for leaving her behind instead of being a good friend.
>We play games every now and then.
>She has a boyfriend and she looks like a qt.
I blew my chance, the times I spent her with was the best, but I chickened out and lost a great girl. I've been into a couple of dates and met girls, but they're so fucking pretentious and shallow that they're not even worth the time.
I fucked up op, don't be like me.
