I knew this guy for a long time and we hung out/chatted frequently but we were both seeing other people, I knew he liked me because after the first time we met he sent a really enthusiastic text telling me that he wanted to see me again.
Anyway, 5 months down the line we happened to be on the same night out and I was upset, and he spent time looking after me and giving me advice.. eventually we kissed. Then we carried on talking for a month or so and we hung out once, he asked me at that time what I thought was going on with us and told me that he fancied me a lot.
We ended up hooking up with each other and he told me that he's 'never met a girl like me' and asked me if we could be exclusive; in his words he wanted to 'not see other people'.. I agreed to that.
Two weeks afterwards when we're chilling he comes out with "I don't do relationships" .. then tells me I'm the "best person he's ever met" and even used the word love, but said he can't commit because he has trust issues from a past relationship. I'm really upset by this because I feel I've been led on, but I'm also confused - why would he say all of this stuff just to take a U-Turn?
I expressed how upset I was with him and we had a mild argument (actually he was mostly apologising to me and I was annoyed), I deleted him on Facebook... But I want to talk to him again.
Is it worth my time to try to speak to this guy again?
Should I wait for him to speak to me? Considering he most likely thinks I hate him now. I'm really unsure of how to approach this situation.
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>>17140516
>"I don't do relationships" .. then tells me I'm the "best person he's ever met"
He is either playing you to get between your legs or maybe scarred from that past relationship. But as it stands you're just a fb.
First thing is what do YOU want out of this?
Was he seeing someone when you two kissed and hooked up? Were you?
He sounds like a total douche.
>Exclusive
>Love
>Can't commit because don't "do" relationships lol
And then he feels apologetic so he knows he was in the wrong. The onus is on him to correct wrongdoings. If you crawl back to him after he was in the wrong following his being an asshole, then he'll lose all respect for you and you'll probably lose some self respect.
If he contacts you, fine. If not, well, there are other cool guys out there without fucked up ideas about relationships. Tons of normal guys. Thousands. Guys that won't sucker punch you at the last second with bullshit like he did.
Forget him. He sounds like a total dick.
I have had the exact same thing happen to me recently. However it's gender swapped, so you're a guy and your dude is the girl.
It is strange, isn't it? They throw words around like "love" and say things like "I've never been with someone like you" and yet, they freak out and display Hollywood levels of drama and blame it on past relationships. As if we all have not been hurt.
I certainly feel for your confusion. I would perhaps let him know that you're not mad, if you are still interested. Communication is best in all things. However I would certainly keep your wits about you.
I told the girl in question on my end that I had no desire to talk after she continued to blow me off and would not even spare 5 minutes of her time. She confessed love and said mostly the same things. She contacted me a few days later explaining herself, blaming most of her actions on a past relationship. She expressed the desire to meet and talk however would be busy that day. I contacted her a few times throughout the days following. Seeing if she would like to get together so we could talk and sort things out. She then said " I said we would hang and talk. Not right away. You need to chill". Absolute insanity.
I would not waste your time. Honestly there will be people out there that will actually want to be with you. Granted I'm still talking to this girl. We'll see what happens.
I suppose the key word is patience. Speak your mind and move on.
>>17140516
Why do you react as if he's doing something to you, to spite you, to get back at you- instead of reacting with compassion and working through these insecurities?
I'd ask him what he defines as a relationship. Being involved emotionally and sexually, paired with being exclusive, sounds pretty relationship-y to me.
I'd bet you $20 that your definitions and his definitions of "relationship" and "not a relationship" are not the same.
Find out what you want, and what he wants.
>>17140774
Ugh, this much effort is worth it if it's the post-apocalypse and the male population has been reduced by 75%.
To be honest OP I'm one of these people. It's why I tell people straight out "we will never be in a relationship".
If I had to say why, its because of fear.
Fear of losing someone. Fear of someone getting close enough to hurt you. To see all the worst and most embarassing parts of you, and the possible rejection because of it. Fear that you'll get close and dislike the bad things about them. Fear of being trapped, and that you could hurt someone because of it. Fear of knowing how fucked in the head you are and knowing accepting a relationship will thrust it all on the other person.
The fucked part is it makes you act and perceive things differently. You start looking for things to dislike in your partner to push them away and make them hate you.
Basically just the terror of knowing that the closer you get, the more you're going to get hurt when it ends. The more they'll get hurt when it ends. And it will eventually end. And you'll lose that person. So we chicken out even when we feel things about people. So it feels like we're just doing everyone a favor by sabotaging our relationship because it's easier to be alone than constantly afraid.
>>17140813
These are the people who die alone and are only found by their landlords when tenants complain about a strange smell a week following their death. The only thing to grieve their passing is the potted plant they kept that the landlord will probably just throw away.
OP, these are the people you want to avoid. Look how fucked up and autistic they are. Why would you pursue one? Be glad that you cut your losses. Try to find regular people that will give you happy companionship and will reciprocate your love.
>>17140836
That's pretty harsh mate, I'm not saying it excuses the behavior but if you wanted to know for a lot of people this kind of situation is because of fear. Not everyone wakes up saying "I'm going to be a huge asshole today and fuck this person over". Chances are he has feelings for her and that scares the shit out of him. He wants to be with her but he's afraid. And that makes him act in a way that reaffirms he shouldn't be in a relationship anyway. So if he really cares about her, its better to stop it now. Because at least if he stops in now he can blame it on himself being an asshole. That's easier than it ending because she stops liking him or betrays him.
I've been infatuated with a few people. But to me I know I'm just going to fuck it up so I don't want to set that ball in motion. I don't want to hurt them so I keep my distance and just enjoy yearning for them, appreciating rather than possessing.
We don't necessarily die alone. I wouldn't say it's any more likely than for anyone else. I mean I choose not to lead people on, so I have really good friendships. I mean if you had to say which would be a lonelier existence between not having romantic relationships or not having platonic ones, not having friends would be way worse for most people. I mean most relationships fail, and you lose that person. So if you're 75 and have no friends or family and your partner leaves you or dies, you're alone too.
>>17140891
It's one thing for your autism to keep you from social gatherings so you stay home and watch anime. Fine. It's another thing for your autism to affect other people like OP who just want to find happiness with other people but because of your rampant faggotry end up getting stressed and upset instead.
You let fear dictate your life to the point where fear is your comfort zone. What a pathetic pussy you are. Why even step out of your house? Any moment a truck might come speeding by and run you over, right?. Why even get out of bed? You might slip in your shower and break your neck, right? Where is the line drawn where the expectation for something bad to happen becomes so great that it prevents an action? That's your life. You don't deserve to have people around you and just about everyone deserves better than you.
>inb4 I've been hurt
No, I haven't, but I can't stand this social hypochondria seen in today's society because everyone's suddenly become such a huge faggot.
Now we just sit back and wait for you to become a moldy carpet stain.
>>17140891
This sounds kind of right, he said something along the lines that he doesn't want to fuck it up and regret losing me from his life because he feels "too immature" for a relationship - he said something like "I want to still be talking to you when I'm 70 years old not sitting there wishing I'd treated you better"
Which makes me wonder if by not talking to him I'm being a little harsh, I mean he was honest? But I've honestly been feeling really hurt by the situation as I have pretty low self esteem anyway.
>>17140965
Don't fall into this trap OP. You sound young and naive. Don't do this whole thing where you'll try to get with him, "heal" him and make him realise he wants a relationship with you and think that it'll actually last until the two of you are 70. Just move on. You're a girl - it's easier to find someone new and better. If you stick with him, he'll either constantly keep you at this distance with his "I'm too hurt, but I like you" woe-is-me narcissism, or he'll stick to you like glue and think you're cheating on him every time you go to the bathroom to pee and the stress of constantly reassuring him will drain you like a disease.
