So I'm 20 and my mother is slowly dying of cancer. I live with her and my dad.
Me and my dad have never been close. We have never really talked to each other and my mother has been my everything, and seeing her growing weaker and weaker every day really tears at my heart, and I don't know what I'll do when she passes.
I don't think I can handle the shock and I don't think I can handle the aftermath.
Does anyone on here have some tips/stories about how they dealt with the death of a loved one?
>>17140047
this isn't technically 'advice' but what you are going to realize is that literally everyone loses their parents. its rare to out live them. its not the natural order. you are not goign through any thing unique. you are not going through any thing that everyone else doesn't go through. you go through it earlier than many. later than some.
that isn't to say i dont feel for ya. i was in the inverse situation (lost my dad) and it sucked the sucker for sure.
but something isn't beautiful because it lasts.
your mother didn't raise you hoping you'd stop living when she died. she fully expected you to move out soon and live your own life and just try to let her be a part of it. to give up on life becuase a parent dies would be a mistake.
and it would stop you from achieving what you learned most from her, which is to be a good parent. you still have that to look forward to. and one day you'll die and your child will be as sad as you are. its bittersweet. but its what makes life so interesting.
My case is different because my mom died when I was so young. She passed away from cancer when I was 6. At the time it didn't hurt me too deeply because my parents were divorced, I hardly spent time with her and at the time I couldn't even process what was happening.
But as I grew older, it was clear how much it tore away at my soul. My dad also shut off from us to cope in his own way. He went on business trips often and left us (2 brothers and me) to fend for ourselves. When he was home, he played video games all the time and rarely cooked for us or ate with us even, just left us to play games or play outside. Over the years the death of my mom processed slowly. So, it hit slowly over time rather than all at once like it may be for you.
All I can say from my experience is, it hurts and it will stay with you forever. But you will recover in time. Like they say, time heals all wounds.
Try to also take a lesson from this. Remember to appreciate life so much more because of this. Make sure to not get involved with unhealthy coping mechanisms like drugs or alcohol, just let it hit you and learn to effectively cope with it on your own. I promise it will get better in time
>>17140076
>its bittersweet. but its what makes life so interesting.
I was with you up until this, lets cut the crap. People die because they're forced to, not because they want to make life interesting.
>>17140114
That's not what he was saying
>>17140076
She was a bad parent, which is why my brother abandoned our family despite my mother desperately trying to contact him afterwards and see how he is doing. The hospital she got transfered to is in his city, and he never even came to visit her. He's a real asshole who hates her, but I love her because she's still my mother, even if she did a poor job in raising us.
My main problem is my extreme social anxiety and depression that I was suffering from even before I knew of my moms condition. I honestly don't see how I will keep myself from suicide when she's gone. It's a gloomy, eerie, unrealistic yet...real feeling.
>>17140114
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4p_Cd62cF0
>>17140136
Don't kill yourself specifically for your mom, in her memory stay alive and keep moving forward
>>17140114
>because they want to make life interesting
i literally never said anything remotely resembling that. people dying makes life interesting. seeing how life continues and how they effected it and where its all going with what we take (And what we leave) from the previous generation is very interesting.
if you dont find it that way, fine its subjective, but i hope the rest helps.
but the fact that we are forced to is interesting.
>>17140136
then you have the chance to be a better parent than her. again something you cant do if you off yourself.
and considering your mother was not that great but kept you from killing yourself should tell you that you dont actually want to die, you just wnat to find reasons to live. there are likely better ones. dont let anxiety hold you back.
if ur gonna say
>ITS NOT THAT EASY
i cant help ya. im not saying it will be. but you have to actually want something first.
>>17140149
Not specifically. Her death will only be the last nail in the coffin for me and my miserable, pathetic life.
I don't know how to find help for these issues, it seems like no one cares, I have no friends, no siblings and no father to turn to. Doctors and my therapist don't take me serious either. They just say I'm overreacting, which I probably am, but I don't know what else to do.
Do I have to deal with all this on my own? Am I supposed to? If so, how?
>>17140164
Ocourse it's not easy, I've struggled with these issues all my life, but is there ANY concrete tips you have for me?
If my mother dies in 1 week, what should I do?
>>17140167
You just deal with it. I suggest taoist philosophy. It's about being at peace with yourself and reality
>>17140047
The most important thing you can do right now is enjoy the time you have with her. Make the most of each day with her Op because truthfully you cannot prepare for death. No one can because none of us are promised tomorrow. A relative of mine was given 6 months or less, and he ended up living another ten years. Ten years later it was still just as hard on the family when he passed even though we knew it would eventually happen. It will eventually happen to all of us.
Also, do not look at your mom as a disease or treat her differently. It is going to be hard on you, and I know I wanted to put distance between myself, and several relatives that I knew were dying but I am glad that I did not after they had passed. The fact you are there means so much. Don't give up on hope either because even if she has been given a horrible prognosis the fact that you and your family are there for her, and love her means everything. Not even death can separate love and the impact it has on our lives, and I believe that Op.
If you or your mom are religious then prayer can provide comfort, and times like these are when we draw close to God, and develop more of our individual spirituality. Crisis and hard times can bring growth Op for you and your family.
Just continue to be there for your mom, and take each day as it comes without trying to get ahead of the situation. My heart goes out to you and your mom Op, and I will keep you in my prayers.
>>17140047
Don't be a bitch about it, because you'll hate yourself for it. At 24 I left my mom when she was on her deathbed because 'I couldn't handle it, ' and now it is by far the most regrettable thing I've ever done. What I'd give to stay by her side now those last 2 hours until the end. I'm never going to let myself miss that for someone I love ever again.
It is rough, but bearable. My stepdad just watched his dad die last week, and he said it was a powerful experience that helped settle his own fear of death (he's 70 so it could be aby time, really). I want that experience.
