You know what to do.
I'll start ,
>i'm so lonely and just want someone to talk to that i pay a cam girl to text me good morning , Have a nice day at work , and good night. Along with weekly skype calls. where she has a store list for what to buy that week.(Food ect) i just want someone to care and i'm okay with this being as good as a relationship i'll
ever get.
>feel lonely in romantic/relationship way
>think to myself that I probably could and should do something to change that
>remember all the failure and rejection, and how nobody would ever want to be with me
>still feel lonely, but also resignation
God damn I have a massive crush on this girl, but I am far too scare to tell her that I like her. We have been hanging out together for a while now, most recently yesterday. I tried to muster up the courage to tell her that I like her, and that I would like for us to have a relationship, but I failed.
What the hell should I do?
>>17139118
just ask her, the answer is always gonna be no if you don't.
>>17139127
>the answer is always gonna be no if you don't
Yeah, but if the answer is always going to be no anyway, there's no reason to bother.
>>17139131
sure but you never know.
i made the same mistake, said it's always gonna be no yada yada the girl dug me but i never made the move and she moved on to date someone else now i pay a cam girl that looks kinda like her to pretend to care about me.
>>17139142
>sure but you never know.
Some of us do know, though.
I should say I'm not this guy >>17139118. I wouldn't ask for advice then shit on it immediately after.
>>17139087
that's sad af dude, why don't you make friends with people here?
every now and then I like the flaunt my "fame" by talking to other well known e-celebs on twitter or facebook.
I do it because I feel like a complete fucking failure 99.99% of the time but hey at least I'm well respected.
>>17139087
I have a scat fetish and I really want my girlfriend to shit while I fuck her but I could never ask in a fucking billion years.
>>17139173
Why do you feel like a failure?
>>17139182
You could try bringing it up in other ways (not related to her doing it to you) and gauge her reaction or at least warm her up to the idea.
>>17139173
>well respected
You have no respect from anyone if you cannot respect yourself.
Also for me
Trying to pull off what an anon said I should do for cash, scared buy confident I can do it. I fucking despise a lot of my job, and yesterday I was close to a meltdown, so hopefully the anons advice will help me out
Also I remembered a girl I knew in high school and was gonna contact her but saw her political views and now I just wanna tell her she's wrong and an article she wrote is fucking biased and takes quotes way out of context
>>17139198
>Why do you feel like a failure?
I am the least successful yet well known person alive. All my peers respect me and are in shock when they learn I am completely broke.
They are like "wow, with how good you are you must be making bank" and I'm like "olloolol nope"
>>17139199
>You have no respect from anyone if you cannot respect yourself.
This is a terribly simplistic "motivational" quote.
>>17139210
You are Naive and foolish
If you do not respect yourself you show weakness, no true confidence, simply just a person who puts on an act.
But then again you're an e-celeb so you're already a huge faggot, so I wouldn't expect you to understand anything outside of the most basic realms of simplistic ideologies.
>>17139210
to add as an example.
If I wanted, I could just tweet someone like egoraptor or dodger and either one of them would be ecstatic to talk to me and happy I messaged them.
I use to piss my ex off with this all the time. She hated how people like me were "cliquey" and would only talk to other well known or talented people,
Which made no sense to me. Isn't that like.. what anyone would do? If you're hard working, talented, and earned your respect wouldn't you talk to other like minded people?
As for why I say this it's because it's one of the few things that make me feel better about my self. So yay anonymous GOYC
>>17139214
>If you do not respect yourself you show weaknes
you're a retard.
>But then again you're an e-celeb so you're already a huge faggot
>If you do not respect yourself you show weaknes
And incredibly jealous.
>>17139228
>Jealous
>guy hates himself and thinks he's a failure and even admit he's broke
No seriously what's there to be jealous of, maybe if he had a shit load of money but guy sounds like a baby desu
>>17139225
also I'm not an e-celeb. I don't run a youtube channel or stream or whatever those people do.
I'm something completely different and have been around for more than a decade.
>>17139229
>guy hates himself and thinks he's a failure
You know, there are lots of celebrities that hate themselves and think they are failures that ended in suicide.
Or painters that were broke as fuck, sold few works, but very well respected.
But I guess you can't understand anything outside of the most basic realm of simplistic monetary ideologies.
>>17139236
Inb4 keemstar
>>17139229
Who is more respected?
Picasso?
or
Cezanne?
Who is more "successful"?
>>17139238
And those celebrities are babbies just like keemstar over here
>>17139241
I think at this point their work is more respected than the people themselves
You also can't really judge success because of how vague and subjective the term is
My grandmother was murderd by my grandfather, she was the only family i cared for. My father is dying because hes an alchoholic, my mother is borderline, cant talk to her, she always gets angry and starts screaming. Broke up with my girlfriend because she never understood me. Feel confused and numb.
Not drinking alchohol isn't curing it
get this sealed in poison out my mouth, that'll be one less thing my body is crippled under
one less infection to fight I'll a better chance
I don't know what it is but it might be my body is always having to work to fight lots of little things that are draggin me under, which is why I'm drinking so much as well my messed up head
"hi we're your kidneys and liver and all the rest of you, ouch we're flat out"
yeah, mouth, ears, thrush psoriasis then try sobrity
>>17139275
you're your own person, love the people you love
Are you going to do what your told?
God man I was dead, wires on my wrist wide open, I was like, die here under a tree and here was what I could do
like how Gericho on his bed
fuck, but they still pull me under
fucking ...words I'd say
I was thinking that, die here, least you see it
say goodbye, dude did good
right
back to work
"you put your adress up"
well it'd been a beautiful moment if I'd died
Last night was the first time in a long time I couldn't sleep purely off of an emotion being too strong and having to hold it back. In retrospect that means I have more control than ever before. But, whatever is causing it is still a mystery. It is a very intense hate/anger that might not even be mine. If it's pointing in the right direction that's just unfortunate. I really don't trust anybody right now. It makes me upset. I truly only blame myself. I chose this reality or rather I didn't get a choice at all. Is that the lesson? Is that the "point"? Just take what I want? Stop getting in my own way? Is that how they see me? Because I only see them in my way. Shall I strike them down? They call you weak for being merciful until they're on the wrong end of it. I'll no longer listen to these conflicting words. They're ugly. I'll make sure all of the ugly faces turned towards me will have there eyes burned out set to wander without a second thought from me. To be the beautiful monster they all want. It disgust me.
being with you makes me miserable. it's probably over and that's probably for the best.
i hope you'll be happy, but also fuck you
I'm really uninteresting and I'm supposed to talk to a girl that's also sort of uninteresting
I mean she doesn't say much, she ain't popular or anything. But last conversation made it clear she cared about me more than most people.
So now I'm sitting here wondering what to talk to her about. I have it so easy with other people.
I think I have terribly mommy issues and I don't know how to revert the damage
My father has emotional affairs (never up to sex because country's not progressive enough) with other women and this leads to my mom feeling lonely most of the time going into timesinks like the TV and YouTube and absolutely fears me getting hurt
She was literally in tears when I had to travel with my pal in his motorbike because she thinks bikes will be the death of me and also when I asked to borrow the car
She'd get really defensive even about me taking the car for a spin and I hate it. I want to start taking fucking risks because you don't get to an omelette without breaking a few eggs, and she is replacing the kitchen counters with a bouncy castle so that I won't hit myself on the head
Her intentions may be on the right track but her overprotective ways feel like it's ruined my life. Hell, my fave fetish is pov mom/son incest. Doesn't help too that when I was younger I had to live with three other additional mother figures (aunts and my grandma) and they had the brilliant idea of giving me dolls and puppets to play with. Not to mention that back then I lived in a neighborhood with almost no children and instead was brought up on video games.
I don't know. Maybe this is all just uneducated ramblings of a boy who's just pointing fingers at the reasons he feels that his life is shitty. I just don't want to grow up into a neet or a Nice Guy (tm) because I had shit parents. I still love them, but I can't help thinking that the way they brought me up leads me emasculated and confused.
I keep saying "kill me" whenever something bad happens, I'm anxious, or I remember embarassing memories
Is this healthy? Even typing this a part of me is saying "kill me" repeatedly
I've never had any love or confidence in myself since the day I was born.
I have no real hope or dream for the future. If I don't end up getting murdered in some upcoming war then I 'll be alone until the day I kill myself.
The thing is I have everything to succeed, but i' m too much of a crybaby beta with no self esteem. I think that I have potential to succeed in life, but I'm afraid of everything.
I should have known it would never work. There was too much history that couldn't be undone, and rose coloured glasses on both of our parts. I'm not him, and I'm not your parents; but I still have a way to go, and for that I'm sorry. I love you so much, but I know that us not being together is probably for the better. You need more emotional stability than I can provide right now. There will always be a part of me that misses you, you're still the most amazing woman I've ever met.
>>17139483
You mean the part when you said to take you out back and shoot you in the fucking head?
Sure, if that's what you want.
>>17139611
You gotta at least feed me and fuck me first right?
>>17139168
I was thinking the same thing, anon. But then I realized that some of the people here might just want to talk about relationships and emotionally draining subjects.
I'd give my skype away to people here if that wouldn't be the case.
>>17139543
Are you the Zodiac killer or what?
>>17139483
>No longer submissive to you.
>>17139087
I got a short bj (it was my first bj ever) from a stripper last night (maybe 20 seconds total before she stopped because she was afraid of getting caught) and I don't know how I feel about it. To be honest I was a little disappointed. It just felt like wet tongue and hard teeth which makes sense because that's what's in a mouth and everything... But I'm also conflicted because I paid for it. I'm so fucking ugly in both mind and body that I have to pay an attractive woman to the use of her mouth. Fuck...
Guess what, you skanky, shallow, idiotic little bitches, some day YOU are going to be over thirty too, and I hope you get laughed at, made fun of, and ignored by servers just like you thought was so fucking funny last night, you fucking little rotten-cunted disease carriers. You have no idea how badly I wanted to kick your pathetic little asses, you fucking pieces of shit.
And to my waiter, I hope you enjoyed that 1% tip, you deserved every penny of it, you piece of shit. Your punishment for being such a shit tier person is that you have to work there, and will never be anything better. Maybe you should pay attention to ALL your tables instead of only paying attention to the brainless, diseased twats at the next table, but since you apparently don't know anything about business and only think with your dick, you'll be stuck in that shit job forever.
>>17139727
How much did it cost? Also what country?
I'm in a foreign country on my own and I'm supposed to move out in the next few days and I'm scared to death
>>17139560
I do this all the time while over-analyzing things and when I'm daydreaming about stuff but then start wondering what other people would think if they could read my mind.
>>17139560
What you're doing is actually a form of OCD. I used to think things like that repeatedly as well in those same situations. It's gotten better over the years, especially since I had a therapist explain that it was a form of OCD, which was frankly a great relief to know.
>>17139767
I've been doing business with her for almost two years so keep that in mind. She charged me 100 plus whatever time it took for the dance.
I live in the US.
I've been wildly depressed for about 4 years. About a year and a half ago I started drinking and now I'm at an average of about a 12 pack a night. I have $13k in the bank from my dead end job working in an office alone and I hardly have to do anything. I don't like the job. My boss is a guy I used to work for at my old church who ended up being the priest at my ex's wedding.
The ex is the main reason for all this depression and led me to start thinking about other things in life, like my faith, family, etc to the point where the only reason I won't kill myself is because suicide would negatively affect the few friends and family I have. So I'm stuck living just because I have to.
My body physically hurts from all the drinking, I can cut back for a few days to make the pain go away, but then start drinking again when I feel better. I have trouble finding any motivation to do anything. The only reason I'm not NEET is because my job is so easy.
I have to move out soon because my parents are moving out of state and I don't know where to live. I'm honestly scared not to live in my house anymore.
>>17139872
So I'm 24 with no drug problems, so might not be the best person to teach you how to live, take this as you wish. I also haven't lived in one place my whole life, so I don't get that attachment either. But I wanted to give my two cents on the ex ordeal. I fall in love easily and balls deep if the person is nice to me long enough, so I have had couple bad breakups. What always seems to help is a new crush. The new crush never actually becomes my partner, but they are enough to first of all shift my attention and also realize that the ex was a human, nothing extraordinary. Last time I seemingly chose to have a crush on an acquaintance I had added on facebook long time ago- good looking, studying abroad in a top university, I just hit them up and we had very softcore flirty conversations, and it was enough to keep my sanity. Maybe give it a shot.
>>17139592
A bit defeatist, no? For the most amazing man I've met, I won't give up. Unless he won't me halfway there
>I am interested in someone, they dont care
>Someone is interested in me, i dont care
Fuck me,why does this always happen.
>>17139915
Like I said, I work alone in an office. The only girls I know are just my friend's girlfriends (or ex girlfriends). I've tried Tinder, I'm not ugly or fat, just don't have any good pictures of myself or a decent bio.
I just don't have a possible social circle anymore really, not ever since I stopped going to church. Not much can be done about that.
I'm 20 and graduating community college on Tuesday. I feel stuck in a rut. I've sent out about 50 resumes and haven't gotten any calls. I don't want to work anywhere near here. I don't know how to sell myself to these employers. I try to think of the future after college but I just draw a blank. Some kind of existential brainfart is what I'm having right now.
I should be happy that I'm graduating but I'm just stressing myself out even more!
I don't want a hug or a pity fest, I just need to figure out what the hell to do.
To do list:
Work on a genuine cover letter
Perhaps trim down resume to essential things?
Don't forget to study for certification
BREATHE DAMMIT
Don't forget to get rid of empty/piss filled bottles of booze
>>17139920
You and me both, bud.
R
I fell for you
D
>>17139927
Yup, back when I first had that issue tinder didn't even exist, but okcupid did. There was another weird social site I used that was for meeting new people, but it was aimed at younger people. Also used penpals dot net with little success, though I would suggest to google some not-so-popular sites for making your pond smaller. But okc is a good start.
I see what you're trying to do.
I'm just going to sit back and watch it blow up in your face lol. Well, maybe I'll be a bit proactive, I won't necessarily sit back. Kek.
When I'm happy, I feel bad for being/posting here.
>>17140094
... I feel like I don't deserve to be here and feel like I can no longer relate to the people when only a little earlier I was able to empathize with everyone. Feels weird. Not to say I'm exactly in that position now. I feel like I will always be around here.
I want to break up with my GF because I cannot stand her fucking mother.
You're 24. Stop hanging out with that cunt and making me be around her as well.
>>17139920
>I am interested in someone
>They are interested in me.
>They have a BF
Fucking every time. Multiple girls have went out with me, talked with me over skype, sent me dirty pictures, talked about doing sexy things, and then break down in guilt and say they have a boyfriend.
Fucking START with that shit you fucking bitches. You don't fucking "forget" to mention that shit. You purposefully don't tell me only to feel guilty about it a few days talking with me.
My girlfriend that I live with is really principled about paying back anything and everything that is spent on her behalf by somebody else. This might sound like a great thing to some people, but it is actually pretty horrible when we are both generally broke students, and we have to spend quite a bit of our money on school and work related things. Right now she is in a broke period but she doesn't get paid for another week. She insists she needs to pay me back right now for an emergency that I covered a couple of weeks ago. But she is broke, and it was an emergency. I never ask for money at times like this, I always just want to write it off as "helping out", but she refuses to accept any money period for anything. I can barely even treat her to lunch. She has to pay me back.
So now I'm trying to convince her to either accept it as help or just push the debt back to a time when she has more cash flow and pay me back then, but she insists she wants to pay it off now even though she is already close to $0 in her bank account anyways. It's fucking driving me crazy. I want her to just chill the fuck out because her preoccupation with paying off everything, especially at inconvenient times, is becoming detrimental to her financial situation. Even if I refused to accept her money all the way to the point of her shoving it in my hands and me dropping it on the ground, we could both refuse to take it and it would sit there for months. She is incredibly stubborn about it.
My grandma is probably gonna die in the next 2 weeks. Shes in hospital now. She got a tumor.
What am I supposed to do. What should I talk about with her when I see her next week? She can still hear and maybe talk a bit but she is already hallucinating.
Just started taking Zoloft. Two days in and all I feel is nausea and mild confusion. I'm sticking with it, though. It takes three to four weeks to before the therapeutic effects set in.
I'm tired of this. I've been on more than 20 medications and fuck all has come of it.
>>17140115
>You're 24. Stop hanging out with that cunt and making me be around her as well.
>You're 24
>Stop hanging out with your mom
That sounds dumb as shit
I want force my cock into your big mouth while I lick your crippled ass.
>>17140143
Talk to her about life. Her life, your life, the past, the future. Reminisce. Make plans for yourself with her. Listen to her wisdom. Listen to her advice. Express your love for her.
And if you feel like you're going to walk out of the room for the last time, or you will be there when she passes, for the love of God, say goodbye. Maybe do it when she can't hear you or whatever you feel is more appropriate. Sleeping/unconscious or what have you. I wish I had that opportunity with my mother.
I built up a wall and told myself "It's not a good time for us", now your free and I have a girlfriend who I'm not sure is the one. We talked and hung out a lot in the past two days and honestly we've only been apart for a few hours and I miss you more than I ever missed my girlfriend.
Now you're moving across the country and you said I should follow. I don't think you feel how I do. I think maybe you also feel it's not "the right time". But I want to pack my bags just to be with you, even though I hate Cali.
Me and my crush rarely talk irl, but we chat a lot on messenger.. I hate this, I feel this relationship too virtual and I can't break the ice. Everytime I call her, we speak like 2-3 minutes then we stop because she never asks anything, she just only responds then shuts up. Fuck Facebook, fuck messenger, it ruined my chances.
I have not posted in a while, as my life has been going relatively well, and I do not know if you are still here, lurking. And yet...
I do think of you, still, despite it all. I wonder if my mind will ever truly be free of you. The memories do not pain me, at least not nearly so much as knowing we will never make more.
Over a year has passed. I wonder if you are happy, now, and if you feel that you have made the right choice.
- R
>>17140186
Fuck. It hurts to read shit like this. It truly does. I don't want to say I'm sorry for you or any of that, but I just truly hope you don't stay like this...or that it gets fixed in the best way possible, and most of all, I hope I don't end up in the same situation.
>>17140162
I'm fucking scared
>>17140192
Of what? Her passing or her talking to her?
>>17140153
Also been on a shit-ton of meds. Gave up on SSRIs, they do nothing for me at all. Never even got any side effects.
Amphetamine works at least, but what i need is a fucking anxiolytic. Too bad literally every single one of them (benzos, antipsychotics, etc) make the anxiety worse.
I have no idea what to do. This feels like some dark curse that will never let me relax.
>>17140196
Both
I know that without a doubt I was sexually abused when i was younger. I can't smell sweat without thinking about my father. But I don't know how to confront my parents about it. It stopped when I got older.
>>17140227
Well, of course. How are you supposed to take that in? That someone right in front of you is about to leave the world and never come back? You can only steel yourself by trying to accept it. That's it. As long as you enjoy the moments you have with her and don't expect to get more time than is left in her life, you should be okay.
>MFW sitting here being verbally abused by ex I'm still in love with
>Not insults and slurs
>Shit she knows gets under my skin
>Shit she knows hurts me
>MFW feels amazing man
>>17140229
Go for it but without a doubt it will be denial denial denial. And if they hear you they will continue to act as if it didn't happen or will have silly justifications for it.
I worry every day that I might wake up one morning and some how be a child molester just because my uncle is a pedophile. Certain smells still make me sick. I can't even hug my neice. I dont see myself having children. Goodluck. Be prepared for an outcome not in your favor
>>17140229
>I know that without a doubt I was sexually abused when i was younger
What's wrong? You literally can't remember a thing?
>TFW $1000 in debt on things I need like groceries, gas
>I actually need to start helping out my dad with rent because he has 3 kids and he lost his job due to the company he worked for being bought out
>Haven't paid my phone bill from last month
>Job I have is giving me literally 0 hours
>Aggressively looking for another job, no calls back
>Even older sister can't find a job and she has a degree
>Little sister to take care of
Feels awful. I don't know what to do anymore. My resume isn't bad so I thought I'd be getting more offers.
>>17139711
Not yet bro. Honestly I just find humor in turning negative and painful emotions into characters and just writing it down here. It's an art. I also like to play into people's perception of me because I'd rather not have to explain myself. Some people see this as being a coward, which is fine because I know I'm not a coward. But those same people who try to impose their own perceptions on to me never really see what's inside because they only look at the surface and never ask questions or take the time to understand. Lastly, I've seen how this behavior has an effect on my life and it's starting to cause problems. I'm so good people really believe what they see and like I said I don't like explaining myself. So no corrections are made. I often expect people to understand me as I do them but most people don't really pay attention. So it's partly my fault. But I've always known assumptions would be the death of me.
>>17140281
>has an effect
affect.
>>17139722
...ok, didn't know you were my slave. I never got the memo.
>>17140291
Oh boy thats even kinkier.
>>17140289
No an effect. It is a noun.
Why the fuck is no one responding to me all of the sudden
Am I secretly a sperg all the sudden despite that we've known each other for years?
Even my s/o is suddenly distant
Am I giving off fucking crazy vibes or some shit? This is frustrating
>>17140301
I think it's a verb because it's describing an occurrence.
I am act starting to believe I may have a mental illness like everyone keeps saying
But it seems like that's just the end of it. Even with meds and therapy there's only adjustments to make you more society functional, it doesn't really fix these feelings
This boredom
This intense desire, this impulse to do foolish things just to feel free from the boredom for a moment
Nothing is entertaining for long
Everything gets so boring
I'm so frustrated with this insatiable boredom
I just want to talk to him.....
I want to know more......
>>17140301
>I've seen how this behavior has an effect
>Has an
>Present
In this context, it is affect.
It seems like you're mixing up tenses, which is why it feels awkward reading it. Technically you could argue both ways, but judging by the last tense used before the word in question, it would be affect because it sounds like it's having an influence on.
If you want to state it as a result of in order to use effect, you would have to have typed
>I've seen how this behavior has HAD an effect
for it to make sense.
because I want to know more
If you really feel that way about me and didn't keep following me for the last 2 months for nothing, since I liked your stuff, let me know.
Yeah. I suppose you've "guessed" by now I'm madly into you - extremes or not. And the elusive part of me you always make your way into so sublimely, I'm into it.
I Love you
I just want her for myself...
I want to be her to be mine.
>>17139087
Fuck I miss you so much. Half of me wants to send you a message, but I don't want to face the possible rejection of you ignoring me. I've done so many things and traveled to so many places since we stopped talking, but I still feel empty without you. Fuck you for making me an unhappy single. I was just fine being alone before I met you. But now you're on my mind even though we haven't talked in a month. I don't want the guy from work, I want you. Even if that means loosing my virginity and being heartbroken.
>>17140439
If this is K, I miss you too and I really want to be with you.
>>17140154
wait.. are you FOR hanging out with your mother like shes your best friend? And wanting her to stay over weekends?
At 24 you're a fucking real life adult. You are done with school, graduated from a 4 year college by 2 years. You should be into your career and living your own life.
How old are you? When did you get off your mother's tit? 15?
>>17140481
Not K. Sorry :(
>>17139087
hey thats better than most relationships these days consider your self lucky
>>17140411
What the fuck, how do tenses have anything to do with it? Affects affect effects. Its a noun.
>>17140381
>I am act starting to believe I may have a mental illness like everyone keeps saying
If you seriously think there's something wrong with you, go to a doctor. This applies whether it's genital warts or schizophrenia.
>Even with meds and therapy there's only adjustments to make you more society functional, it doesn't really fix these feelings
Bullshit, most are fully treatable.
What you're describing is common in a variety of things (from ASPD to ADHD), but even ASPD (aka "being a fucking psycopath" can be substantially managed with enough effort and skill).
>>17140504
It's ok. Best of luck.
>>17140526
Thanks. You too.
>>17140439
You're the girl version of me. Talk to him. Just do it because no matter what happens, even if he ignores you, it'll feel better than not. And you will most likely have to continue talking to him to feel good, like a medicine. You'll go a few days without talking and start to miss him again, and it'll hurt, then you'll talk to him again and feel better. It'll be like that until you finally somehow spark his interest again or he really hurts you.
>>17140488
>At 24 you're a fucking real life adult.
WOW! Really? I had NO fucking idea. I also had no fucking idea that being an adult means fucking off of your parents. Perhaps her staying over is a bit much, but it definitely depends on the situation. I can think of a few where it would be perfectly fine or even necessary. You need to work on that head of yours.
>>17140546
I will give you the short version of our relationship.
>Met on /b/
>Talked 24/7
>Developed feels
>Things got sexual
>I wanted a ldr
>He didn't
>I pushed him
>We stopped and started talking a lot
A month ago we stopped talking for good. He blocked me on everything. I feel that by messaging him, I'm just pushing him more.
>>17140512
Because CONTEXT. In that sentence, it's actually possible to mean effect or affect and still be correct. So we look at what's being intended by the sentence, IE. the context, to figure that out. How do we do that? By looking at the tenses in this case because it denotes the context.
>>17140061
You are fucking stupid.
I just don't know anymore.
I've been feeling like shit eversince I can remember, I'm only 18, so this entire post can be dissmissed with a simple cliché; "you're just a kid, you're still young, your problems don't mean jack shit". Which really only hits the nail on the head
I grew up in a family where my parents had separete bedrooms since I was born, they yelled at eachother all the time, I thought that was normal, but it reflected on my social life, I was a cunt to everyone; but I wasn't a bad person, I remember saving stray kittens, birds fallen from their nests and all this goody hearthy shit. So as a result, nobody liked me, people bullied me, laughted at me, good stuff.
It's all got to me when my parents divorced 3 years ago, I failed a year and switched schools, been living in dorms eversince. Depression started getting worse by that time too, I remember breaking down and crying ever since I was 12, but from this point it's been nothing, just an empty feeling, with suicidal thoughts here and there.
I like to think I got over it as I got older, being 18 and something now, I realized wallowing in self pity won't get me anywhere, I've quit doing drugs, I got new hobbies, but still every night I go to sleep wishing I wouldn't wake up.
I like to think I'm not completely useless, I started my own company at 15, made a shit load of money, I've been going to the gym, at 16 I was deadlifting 170 and squatting 150, but I gave up, it seemed useless. I hitchhiked across europe, with no money, at 17. Thought I'd get something out of it, but it's a hoax, all I realized is that the problem is still in me, and also realizing people are not as shit as I thought didn't really help my mental state; how can I hate them all when I have evidence of their great being.
should I cont or am I rambling to myself?
>>17140563
>I feel that by messaging him, I'm just pushing him more.
Yeah, probably. But this is where it depends on you. It depends on how you come off. You basically have to casually sneak your way back in
>Things got sexual
>pushed him
Verbally or physically? If you wanted LDR then I assume it's just cyber.
So essentially you have to decide what you want to do with this. Clearly you won't change him to want a relationship, because once you bring it up he'll back off. You'll lose this battle every single time so don't even bother. He just wants sex and you want a relationship so you're at an impass. One has to give in and it doesn't seem like he'll bend, so you have two options:
1) Talk to him and give in to what he wants, which is what you don't want. Maybe you can change or convince yourself that you want the same thing and you're okay with the relationship you would have. I don't recommend this but if you want him that badly, then I can't convince you otherwise
2) Just talk to him in a way to keep him around and to just say what you want in order to make yourself feel better and run with it as long as you can. Until you get over him/move on/you change or he changes in a way that allows you two to work out.
>>17140587
I realize how sensitive you are as a teen and I don't mean to come off as a completely apathetic cunt, but what is it that is making you sad here? What's the problem? I'm not dismissing, I'm actually asking so I know what to say.
>>17139087
Dude, I'm a 24 y/o perma-virgin with no IRL friends since I've been 13 and never will because I absolutely despise socializing, but even I keep a ton of bro-tier friends on Steam to talk to.
>>17140611
I tried being chills. The last message I sent him was basically:
>Sorry for being a dickhead. How are you doing? I hope you're doing okay.
He read it several times and went back and re-read all our emails but never replied.
Just cyber yeah.
I just want to talk to him and take nudes for him and maybe meet up so he can be my first. I know he will eventually want a relationship, he likes monogamy bland commitment and all his past relationships were long term.
I convinced myself I was fine, but now that my life is full and busy, I still miss him and that must mean something.
>>17140587
>I've been feeling like shit eversince I can remember, I'm only 18, so this entire post can be dissmissed with a simple cliché; "you're just a kid, you're still young, your problems don't mean jack shit". Which really only hits the nail on the head
That's the kind of mentality that let your mental state get this bad.
Your parents didn't give a fuck: you need to do it for them.
Continue.
>>17140622
To take a guess: the problem is that he's still miserable and has no idea why, since he has no reason to be miserable.
>>17140660
He's no longer interested. Just move on, I guess.
>>17140676
The thing is that I WAS SETTLING for him. And now I'm crawling after him like a pathetic slut. Life sucks.
I need to stop...
facepalm.jpg
Why can't you at least respond? Why do i feel like i lost myself? No matter how much people tell me to just move on i can't do it, why do i feel like this for someone that is practically a stranger.
illuminatis tried bribing me $50T and unlimited access to pussies. I declined and gave extra orders to my army of terrorists to resume killing them all.
Am beyond the point where life matters after all my family and friends dead by pissed off illuminatis. Let Akadawa "Juhayman" save them if he can.
You did it. I finally fucking hate you.
Congratulations.
I do not think that I am capable of having a romantic relationship with a woman. I think of what it would be like and can't ever picture myself being able to deal with it all. On the flip side, I can't ever imagine a woman dealing with me on such a personal level. All I'm really interested in women for is the sex. Disclaimer: I don't lead anyone on and they are fully aware I'm not looking for a relationship.
I am more than capable of having normal friendly relationships, though. Do I have done weird form of autism or aspbergers? I see all of my friends/family and how they act and I just can't understand how they do it. I feel like there's a hole in my mind where those feelings are supposed to be...
>>17140706
Schizophrenia, everyone
>>17140682
Holy Christ you are literally the girl version of me. Me too, plus at the start, she was running after me and I wasn't interested. Don't listen to >>17140676 he has autism. Just try getting back in contact with him by interesting him somehow. In a way that will get him to talk again and then slowly creep back into his life. Keep it cool. Not like you want something from him. Like you're just there. Asking him how he is and saying you hope he's doing well doesn't work. Think of something yourself that you think would be guaranteed replies. Not a big bang that'll guarantee one reply, but something that will lead and extend to more replies, and next thing you know, you're conversing.
>>17140675
>>17140587
> the problem is that he's still miserable and has no idea why
Well, fuck. Then looks like he just needs to really do some introspection and evaluate his life. Just really think about his life and what's going on. The good, the bad, the future, hope. Maybe that'll solve his problems. Or, at least, it'll uncover a real one so he can fix it.
>>17140741
Really? Is your situation the same? How are things going for you?
Like what!? We kinda had a dynamic in our relationship that he instigated sexual stuff and that I "totally wasn't interested". So last time we stopped talking I humbled myself and confessed that I missed his dick and that started stuff up again. I just don't know how to grab his attention like that again without pressuring him.
Nothing I say matters to you. You just dismiss it for whatever reason you see fit. Even with all the support I get from friends and family I feel more alone than I ever have.
>>17140791
You'll have to find a way. He was your partner. You know him best. What makes him tick, what makes him react, what triggers him, what appeals to him, what repels him, likes and dislikes. That's all on you. It took me a while.
My situation? I've been through a lot of shit in the past few months. A LOT. And I also went 1 month without talking to her. It fucking sucks. Do your best though. If your hope never dies, then don't let your persistence, thoughts and actions die either. But make smart decisions. These are humans we're fucking with.
>>17140798
Maybe they see right through your lies.
>>17140808
We never actually were official. That's what makes this so shitty. Plus I don't really know him best. We only ever talked online. He could have been lying about everything.
Why did she stop talking with you? Thanks a bunch anon. Really good advice.
Huh, I guess I will post here finally.
I am full of doubts and anxiety too, just graduated HS and did my finals, it went somth I guess but I would rather start some IT job, family is trying to push me into university but I don't want to and also I don't have enough money to do so. I've failed my practical driving exam three times in a row, It's almost 1 a.m I lost some motivation to learn programming or watch some shows due my free time.
>>17140818
The thing is that I haven't actually been lying. I used to a lot during high school for academic reasons but after I moved out I started being more honest. I realized the effect it can have on relationships. I realized this too late apparently. Now they dismiss the truth as a lie just because of old habits.
>>17140834
Wanna talk about it somewhere else? I'm going through some really hard shit because of someone's constant lying and maybe we can vent?
>>17140397
Then talk....
He might be waiting
>>17140866
Sure man but I'm at work and as a delivery driver it can be tough to talk online. What's a good medium to contact you?
>>17140824
Why...well, we broke up and she stopped caring. Didn't want to try anymore. She lost interest because we don't have anything in common (apparently). It didn't matter that we enjoyed one anothers company or liked being together, she Didn't want any part of me anymore. After trying for a long time to get her back, I got frustrated like a kid and said fuck it if I can't get it Im telling her off because there's no hope. So I did. And after that she was done. Shit got worse. It was stupid because she only reacted to what was in front of her and her thoughts. The truth was irrelevant. She genuinely doesn't give a fuck though, and I know that.
For him, it shouldn't be nearly as hard. You should essentially present to him something he'd logically desire. Make it seem like there is nothing required from him, no strings attached. Something. But do NOT take my word as gospel. Again, you know best because you knoe him better than any of us. You should know what works or not
>>17140689
Are you me? I realize how pathetic it is to get so attached to someone I've never physically met but still, it's not like I don't know a lot about her and we've talked for hours on end. It just fucking sucks because she sent me all these signals then I don't know what happened
I AM FUCKING USELESS
I feel like i am literally incapable of being good at anything no matter how hard i try, while everyone else seems to either not care or they are pretty good at a lot of things with ease, it frustrates me and makes me not want to invest myself in anything.
>>17141052
Mine does not even have the decency to answer me.
Why am I so sad today?
I should be happy...
No matter how much i try to change my life i always come back to this state, i'm pathethic. Today a teacher talkwd to me about my performance, i saw pity in his eyes and i wanted to kill him.
>>17139087
Anon pay me I'll do it for you
I had been thinking about this girl that I fell out of contact with so I messaged her tonight. Needless to say, nudes are always a good end to a good night.
>>17140186
Relative to what?
There's two albums I listen to every time I'm drunk: Astral Weeks by Van Morrison, and Rock Bottom by Robert Wyatt.
What does that say about me?
>>17141881
You have shit taste.
Sometimes I wish the scenarios that played in my head about attempting suicide weren't just thoughts.
ill never be able to take enough showers to clean my dignity
>Met a girl thursday night at pre party
>Chatted, hit it off
>Too pussy to kiss her then as I shouldve
>Ended up losing her at the party
>Too drunk to remember much about her or the conversation
>Manage to find her on fb friday, added her
>Send message to let her know where we met but not friends yet
>Message ends up stuck on sent
>She accepted the FR later
>Sent her another message today because I figured the other one never got delivered
>Stuck on sent again
>Not sure if she's just offline or if Im blocked somehow which would be weird since it's the first message Ive sent after she accepted
>My insecurity takes over and now I feel like shit
I just want to be OK with whatever happens and not be affected but fuck me I can't.
>>17141900
Nigga fuck you
>>17140567
found the psychiatry major doing research on 4chan.
little known rule that is more common when speaking in psychiatric babble. i.e. how his way of thinking affects his life.
desu no one gives a fuck if you use affect or effect and technically that sentence structure is incorrect for the usage of either words, actually being MORE awkward using affect because anon is correct and in that case it is referring to a vague idea or force upon his life, as a noun.
seriously though, who gives a shit. props on getting anon to kinda sorta explain themselves though if that's what you were going for.
also
>>17140281
it's not so much that explanation or correction has no worth anon, it's that if you're dealing with someone that refuses to close their mouth and open their eyes to see clearly, and has others' words in their ears on subjects those people couldn't possibly be credible about.... exactly what good would that expenditure of time, effort, and emotional energy be?
show them, drop interesting things every know and then, get their attention. if they still can't get on track with actually knowing you at all, its certainly not worth it to explain anything.
also careful playing into peoples' perceptions, you don't know all of their thoughts.
lastly, get to a point in life where you are what you want to be, damn what they want you to be, think you are, see you as, whatever. get to a point where you don't have to explain because your conviction of self is so self evident in what you do that there can be no misunderstanding. why burn their ugly little eyes out when you can burn through their little projector screens? I mean if you want to hurt them there is nothing that hurts more than truth that tears at a persons core perceptions... there's also nothing that helps people more. some men just want to watch the world burn, some monsters want to rebuild it.
It has been so good seeing you again. I can't believe how much I've missed your smile and your voice. I literally can't stop smiling when we visit and I look like a nut job. But you are so happy to see us (me?) as well. I guess you are quite lonely, with only your mother by your side 12 hours of the day with random visitors. I wish I could see you every day, sit by your side and chat and watch movies. But I still have to be a mum and a house wife. I'd rather be with you. You look so different, small and younger all shaved. You still have that beautiful smile and big eyes. Your voice is quiet and raspy but I love to hear you laughing. I'm so proud of your recovery. You are my hero. I think I am reading into things incorrectly but that 'I love you' in conversation made no sense... did you mean it about me? Otherwise I did not understand your comment... would you ever love me? I think I love you
I think I might actually end up marrying this girl
Fuck
Stuck in the middle of nowhere.
Surrounded by old people and farmers.
Get met out pls.
It's only 10:39 and I'm down a bottle of wine due to the extreme boredom.
Wish I could live in a city and not some shithole desolate town nobody gives a shit about, and that is rightly so.
>>17139118
Start putting yourself in situations that make ypu feel uncomfortable. The more you do it the more you get used to it and you'll be able to do whatever you want without worrying about what people think about you.
>>17140411
Sorry I'm late for the grammaticaust your right. It should have been effect. But wrong in your reasoning. Tense has nothing to do with it. Effect and affect depend on the one being acted on. The drugs are the subject putting effort on him yet not effecting him. If he is the subject of the sentence construct, then he would be unaffected. That's the best way I can explain it since I didn't read it too well and I'm not an English major.
>>17139087
i want to die
Bf hinted that he got an engagement ring yesterday. Holy crap, i'm actually going to get married
>>17142336
Where are you from anon?
So, close to thirty. Too close.
I realize now how much time I've wasted. A few years doing precisely nothing productive, simply floating from place to place.
No higher education simply because I didn't feel like it.
No friends, aside from some people I've never met and only call such on account of them being the closest thing.
No relationship - never had one. Never really felt anything stronger than a brief crush for anyone, anyway.
No job, existing purely on the money I receive from the state on account of my medical issues.
No goals. I don't even have anything I really want, beyond a vague 'something'.
Is there even a point in trying to change? I know I won't. I haven't in the past ten years. I've had wake-up calls like this before, and it meant nothing.
I just get increasingly bitter as I see people who actually seem to know what they want from life and pursue it; people who have families, do something meaningful to someone beyond themselves.
I'm just... around. No real ties to anyone, not even my family (not anymore). I don't want to die - but if I did, it would make absolutely no difference.
I've waited far too long to actually start living. By now it'd be far too much effort, I feel, and... well, I don't even feel that much like it. It's weird. I feel like my existence is hollow, but whenever I think of what could complete it... I can't think of anything. Or at least anything realistically achievable.
I had a dream where I went over to your house and watched you sleep. That slender sickly body of yours, untouched and tiny. That warmed porcelain like skin, soft and glowing like a doll's that doesn't match your black insides, and crass demeanor.
In that illusion, I striped you naked, opened your thin weak legs just caressed you the way you do to yourself at night. Touched you with the strength you so envied, as I squeezed your tiny breasts. Then, I gave in to the anger, the lust, and just penetrated you with no feelings of regret, or shame. Engorged by the warmth of your blood, I just pumped in and out of your twisted body, and rejoiced in your moans pleasure and whimpers of pain. I have wanted you like this for over a year, but when we spoke I made no mention of it, no hint that I even cared about you.
Shame I can not longer even try. Such a pity that now we hate each other more than anything else. Part of me still wants you, not just physically, but also emotionally.
When I do this her, I always think of frail little you.
I will miss you, dearly, no matter the disdain between us. I'm a strange perverse way, I love you.
Ps. To my gf,
You're a good girl, far too good for me. It's a shame you're so naive and easily manipulated. It's a pity because I can see you fully are in love with me, but to me, you are only a substitute.
>>17142482
Congrats anon! I hope everything goes well for the two of you. Good luck.
I haven't been feeling all that well for a while now and I'm beginning to think that I may actually have a terminal illness. I am definitely not ready to die; I have so many goals. I've only told my sister and I don't have insurance= no doctor.
I hope I don't fucking die soon because that would really suck.
I think I'm mentally ill
I don't want to be mentally ill
I think I want to break up with you for a dumb reason.
I always knew you were short, but 4'8''?
I'm not tall at all at 5'5'', but I can't see myself having kids with you. I don't want to curse them, and likely they will end up short than myself.
That shit ain't fair to them. And I know you want kids.
>>17142694
awwww! thanks, anon. he's taking me for a trip next weekend and i'm not allowed to know where to. and he told me's going to propose to me there. i'm pretty nervous, kek
>>17142516
Belgium, the thing is that here you can be in a big city at one time, drive 15 minutes and be in the middle of nowhere. Basically the only thing to do here is go out and you can't do that where I am at the moment. I feel better though since I've made plans for tonight and I'll be out of here by six so I'm happy.
My girlfriend isn't communicating with me, posting on social media that she was happier a few years back, she's pushing me away and it's making me desperate. Confronting her with this is only making it worse. I think she doesn't love me anymore and I'm trying to salvage something that isn't there.
>>17142862
You're not. People that are actually mentally ill don't know they are.
If you're not feeling well, talk to a therapist about it.
>>17142691
Seriously, take your rape fantasies elsewhere and let your gf find someone with mutual feelings for her
I wanted to come see you today. Shall I stop using the back door? ;)
I fucked up in college and ended up being depressed for 3 years. Didn't care about my grades or my future I just wanted it all to end.
So now that I'm in an okay place mentally I have to deal with the consequences of not caring about my grades or future.
I was planning no applying to uni next year but I doubt I can get accepteded into anything that interests me.
No idea what to do with my life right now, everything sucks.
>>17142962
What town?
>>17143063
"Mentally Ill" is a meaningless phrase, especially on 4chan.
You people do realize that normal people can't stand it for 3 minutes here, don't you? And normal females can't take it for 30 seconds.
>>17143063
Funfact: This isn't a metric to measure mental health. Self awareness of mental illness can vary from totally unaware to totally aware, and isn't indicative of the presence, or lack thereof, of a problem.
Most advice you get on /adv/ about mental illness (like this fellow im repling to) is BAD advice. Ignore it and seek professional help.
I want to apply for a job that requires a secret clearance however I've lived the neet life for about 9 years so I can't even fill out a lot of the questions on the SF86 form. My only choice currently is to wait another 4 years while I finish my education and gain qualifications to fill out the references and other sections I don't have currently.
Congratulations on your relationship. I am genuinely glad for you, and wish you the best.
I will also patiently wait for you to talk about something other than your boyfriend for once
Tired of being used and becoming such a vulnerable person
feels like I got hit by a car. I didn't realize how much damage I was doing to my body.
>>17143446
perfect time to quit a low pay density, high physical demand job.
This is fucking confusing.
I have to be the luckiest man alive right now, so i was infatuated with a girl i saw on a online dating site, i was feeling shitty for weeks because she never replied, decided after a while to send a message again right now, She changed her intro, it says how she does not care about ordinary men and women and if she does not react to people its because she does not give a fuck about them.
I feel incredibly happy right now.
>>17143453
everything is fucking confusing. any semblance of sense is delusion and merely exists to prevent you from having an existential crisis. don't think too much.
>>17143450
god damn it, I have too much to do to have to sit in bed and recuperate from just generally pushing my body too hard.
You ready for me?
>>17143338
It's what people told me when I wasn't feeling like myself.
I didn't want to date a girl who was really nice to me, kissed me and called me the cutest guy she'd ever met. I snubbed her and I think I hurt her and I now really feel bad.
I really want to hug her now and tell her it's ok and that my life makes find it difficult to think straight a lot and makes me aggressive.
>Want a MILF so bad, so following anon's advice, I put a simple ad on Craigslist.
>"College guy (20) looking for older woman. I am tired of dealing with girls my age, so I'm looking for someone more mature."
>This girl (24) responds saying (subtly) that it's okay to meet right away if I know how to pleasure her, doesn't care about age.
>Sends pics but ask that I send her some of me in return
>Brunette, gorgeous eyes, 9/10
>Tells me she has a vacation week from the Air Force
>US Air Force
>I am from Spain, seems I fucked up with the area thingie
>Write to her, no photos, explaining that I am sorry to have bothered her, but I would have liked to know her, also that she has beautiful eyes.
>This girl writes another mail insisting that we should meet up as soon as possible, adds more pics and some nudes. Says she even can host.
Either she is extremely desperate or she is a neckbeard on a basement bullshiting me... but, fuck, I want to believe. I'd travel to the US just to smack that ass if I had the money.
>Realised that I still like a girl
>All the guys make fun of her
>I don't
>Talk to her out of the blue
>She still seems to like me
It's just so fucking nice to meet a mature 20 year old who can talk about something other than drinking, drugs, and video games whilst still being fun and engaging.
Oh yes, I am!
>>17139131
They'll never say yes if you assume rejection from the get go.
At the risk of sounding like a PUA, frame it.
>I am the shit, I don't need them.
>However, if they want onto the train of awesome, so be it.
>If not, fuck 'em.
You know something? I'm kinda glad that she was unable to make it today due to the graduation. She who have had today with the idiocy That occurred in the city
>>17144368
are you ok?
>>17144385
Stupid tablet and the keyboard.
I meant to say
I am kinda glad that she was unable to make it today due to the graduation. She would have hated today with all the idiocy that occurred in the city
I love you Kyla.
ohboyherewego.png
>childhood friend who is girl
>had pretty big crush on me for yeeears
>by the time we were 18 I was much more receptive, I'd wanted to reciprocate before but I was always distracted by life
>we spent a lot of time going on days out together getting to that relationship stage, some of my favourite memories
>some shit happened, I thought she was hanging out with a different guy, I cut off contact because I was pissed
>things were cold between us until a few months later, we kinda got over it
>I was now at university, was too busy to really focus on her
>she got into a relationship soon after; 2 years go by, she breaks up with him
>even during their relationship we went on a couple of coffee dates - felt kinda guilty about this
>we're now 21
>we've hung out a couple more times, was nice
That brings us to now. Recently I asked her to hang out during easter/spring break, she couldn't (at a different university and not back in town) but she invited/encouraged me to crash on a couch at her place if I get the chance to pass through the city her uni's based in, and said she'd want to meet up when she gets back to our hometown
I feel like I need a solid plan
>akward
>after certain events discussing sex and dating with women makes me really uneasy
>talk about dating and all that bullshit to seem like a normie but too socially retarded and undesirable to make any sort of effort
>tfw I'll just be making end's meat for the next few years
>tfw legitimately suspect I may suffer from a personality disorder that makes genuine emotional attachment, contributed to my habits and my little spurts of autosmo rage
Christian Bale is the sexiest man alive and he is the only human that I am gay for
I love you, but would it kill you to help out just a little bit? Today you went to your parents, when you knew I was planning on cleaning house. You told me you'd be back in time to "help" me make dinner, which consisted of you sitting on the couch as I finished cleaning and then cooked dinner. You wash clothes only when I've been too tired from work to wash them and you need clean clothes then you only wash your clothes. The only thing you did on a semi consistent basis was wash dishes. I clean the house completely, wash clothes and towels, pay and shop for groceries, cook dinner, pay for Internet, pay rent, pay electricity and water bills, and any other tasks that need to be done while working a full time job. You work a full time job, sometimes wash dishes, just bought a fucking expensive car, and pay for Netflix. Half the time I can't even sleep in my own fucking bedroom because I like to watch a little TV before I fall asleep. So I sleep on the couch in my own fucking house. I feel so underappreciated. You walk in with dirty shoes and walk across the white rug, tracking dirt everywhere, and only when you get back around the door do you think to take off your shoes. I don't understand what your problem is. You weren't always like this. We're getting married in 2 months, I already have everything (dress,etc) and you're acting like this. I don't even know if I want to be with you if this is the attitude you're going to have from now on. I don't know what to do anymore.
God of course nobody would be attracted to me, I'm so fat and gross but I can't fucking motivate myself to get off my ass and doing something about it. Maybe enough of this self hatred will do it.
I feel like I'm at a small turning point in my life, like letting the dust settle. I've felt this feeling before, but in the past they were exciting and were full of short-lived inspiration towards a 'new life', but this time it's much, much more mundane and things hardly seem any different. Maybe it's an indication that I'll finally escape my friends and carry on with what I'm actually interested in doing. It's amazing what saying 'no' can do. I almost can't believe I've been scared and bullied into being this vulnerable and manipulated in the past. I'm glad I got out of the house for a while and looked a little closer at their behaviour and gained a little confidence in my own. It really didn't take much and I'm shocked and how uneventful this all is.
Duck wh
Fuck what am I doing here? I'm watching a car. I'm waiting out this bitch. Listening to Otis by jay and Kanye. This is just weird. Fuck people are driving by me. This kind of pain is doable. I don't know this person at all.i don't like this person. But I'm fascinated. I have the right to be here,he didn't have to hate me. He doesn't. But he does. I have no one. Nobody will ever love me again. I hate him but this is better than that, help I tho k I'm going to get caught. Wtf am I doing
Even though I thought it was impossible to talk to you about any random topic, I fucking did it. You turned out to be kinda interesting and I'd really love to talk some more about stuff that doesn't involve that bullshit student committee. But even for a crush so sudden and stupid like this, I feel like I'm running out of time. You're in the middle of the program while I'm next to graduation.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't even try it because you're just a distraction from my past failures. But the other part of me wants to explore this weird attraction to you, even if it's just to know someone new.
I hope you don't even browse this site. Might be paranoid right fucking now.
I am THIS FUCKING CLOSE to killing myself right now. I've been hospitalized for previous (obviously) failed attempts, and I know just how bad it would hurt the few people I talk to. Yeah, I'm selfish as fuck. Honestly i'm ready to stop existing.
>>17140254
how the fuck did you get that from that?
jesus christ, go back to ESL, retard
I don't know what to say, and I have so much to sa y. I don't want to be, but I told her I would never off myself.
Grandpa had a heart attack. And no one wanted to tell me. I love him more than any other family member. I'm angry, angry that no matter how much i prove myself they view me as a child. ""We don't want you to worry.""
I found out from his hospital roommate when i visited.
Everyone's on the edge.
I feel angry, sad, and on top of that have this dreadful feeling of mortality knowing about even more family members with heart problems.
At least he's coming home tomorrow.
God fucking dammit why does this shit have to be so fucking confusing.
On Thursday, I went out with the chick I got a crush on, and we had great time, but for some reason, she seems to have started ignoring me utterly, and it is confusing the shit out of me.
God dammit.
>>17139087
I'm an extremely depressed, socially inept loner going through problems with my sexuality. I just want someone to take care of me that isn't my parents, like a boyfriend/girlfriend.
I know I said to finish it properly but I didn't mean it. Why did you block me? I didn't do any harm. I hate it. We've spoken and laughed together since then and both agreed we wished we could go back to how we were. It's been over 5 years and I wake every day with you in my head. I want you in my bed! I hate all the tears over you. I miss you. I love you. Please unblock me. At least take me on. Please love
I abandoned my life. And I regret it.
>>17139087
I am so fucking smart I make smart people feel like they are retarded.
I feel like a total pushover. I get nervous from bullshit. I wish I was mentally strong.
Not sure if depressed. Can't enjoy everything, can't sleep well, never ever had a feel of empathy, frequent suicidal thoughts and headaches remind me of this, but I still think that's teenager bullshittery. Won't attend to uni this year. Pure disappointment and failure.
I made out with a stripper at a strip club and she sucked my dick. It was great in the moment but I clearly have fucked up. I most likely have the herps no matter how many times she swore up and down that she was clean.
Oh well. I wasn't meant for romance anyway. Strippers and whores will be my sexual experience with women.
I feel like I should start taking Wellbutrin (also known as zyban, voxra and bupropion) again. It has helped me cope with depression and general laziness before. However I fear its side effects, especially the seizure risk. When I took it regularly over a year ago I had infrequent heart palpitations which scared me when they occurred. Could they get worse, I don't know. But I know that the medication helped me, better than any SSRI and such. I felt energized and could get tasks done. Nowadays I have to really push myself.
I can't relate to absolutely anyone. I just don't to care, I'm completely indifferent. This happens even if the other person seems to like me. I have people I would call friends but if they died or something else bad happened to them, it wouldn't phase me one bit. This is the main reason why, when there seems to be an outside force pushing us to be together, all my relationships die because I don't even think about that person ever.
The issue is that I wasn't like this in the past and I know how better life is when you do care for someone. I'd really like to care.
>>17146008
when there ceases to be*
me and my ex decided to meet at the end of the month at this beautiful lights festival in the city to end things on good terms, the "perfect final goodbye" as he put it. I was actually hesitant to even go but as the date gets closer the more I feel like I still have feelings and like I don't want it to be a final goodbye? This has really fucked me up and now I don't know what to do on the night. I was a really terrible person to him, even though I didn't mean to be. I really fucking loved him. He was like a brother to me. I have no clue what to do. Please tell me what to do, I've never been in a situation like this
>>17145987
Get evaluated by your gp, they can prescribe an electrocardigram to make sure your heart rythm is fine if you worry about it. I couldn't deal with the muscle twitching side effects.
>>17146008
Anhedonia. Depression.
>>17146050
Write two letters, one in which you just say how sorry you are and how much you want to get back together and another one where you say your goodbyes and wish him the best. You'll see what flows out and where your true emotions lie during the process.
I was raped last summer and no one knows.
>>17146062
thanks for the response, but I'm not depressed. I was in the past and I know the difference.
I can live my life normally and I'm mostly happy on a daily basis. My issue is that there seems to big hole I can't feel no matter what I do. This is heavily related to me becoming very cynical about people.
>>17146074
>My issue is that there seems to big hole I can't feel no matter what I do. This is heavily related to me becoming very cynical about people.
This sounds like a job for therapy rather than medication.
I never meet anyone I feel that way about, so I'm lonely as hell. Except him. But he probably forgot about me 5 years ago, so I'll have to get used to the idea of dying alone. I just want my life back
I'm still in love with a man that told me loved me years ago, and I didn't take it seriously, although I wanted to. I want him back more than anything in the world and I wish I knew if we had a chance to be happy together
FML
I'm looking for excuses to talk to this one girl who doesn't often start a conversation
I used to think she wasn't interested in me but one day she decided to tell me that she was there for me to tell her about my problems just because she saw me a bit sad once
But she never talks otherwise and she's pretty timid. I'm not that outgoing either so I'm not exactly sure what to ask from her
>>17145942
>I wasn't meant for romance anyway.
These feels.
>>17145942
Initials?
I hate that I'm terrible in conversation until I get to know someone really well, and then I can hardly be stopped. I'm very shy and if I have feelings for someone, it's really hard for me, especially in social situations. I wish I had more confidence
I want out of this dead end place, to start a new life again, but I know wherever I go, I won't get over it. The only solution is for us to be together but I can't make it happen unless I know they feel the same
I think that maybe it was for the best that she had her brothers graduation today. With how everything went, it would have probably turned her away completely. It was complete idiocy. One guy did not know how to get around in Midtown Manhattan, did not know how to buy Metrocard or even use one. If he was not there, then MAYBE it would have been acceptable for her to join us.
I would think it may be best to ask about how that graduation went, and just have a friendly conversation, and see where it goes from there. As we did "agree" to do something soon, but fucking finals, and graduations and shit prevents any real arrangements
>>17146008 when I was depressed, I felt numb for a few years. Didn't care about anything. Since my feelings returned, they've been intense. Not for everyone and I have to say, if I feel someone not caring for me when perhaps I thought they should, I began caring less about them too. I don't mean someone saying they don't care, because that can be a defence mechanism but actually showing they didn't care at all. Phases of depression can blunt the mood. Get some exercise a good diet and maybe medication for awhile if that's not helping
I hate that since I've been on this study, I haven't seen my new boyfriend (old friend) much. He really made an effort to see me every morning earlier this year but he feels like his disturbing me when I have lots of work to do. Actually, I do, but have a bit of unexpected time off and even when I'm working, I really want nothing more than a break to enjoy my hobbies, and also him. He's the best part of my life as well as my child. I need some time out, and time to develop our love life
>>17139236
Was alvin shitposting on the chan?
You sad sacks of shit. The only advice you all need is to stop taking advice and start doing what it takes to get you what you want. Stop being lazy. Stop being selfish shits who need instant gratification. Break down your goals into smaller goals, as small as you can.
Tick off every one after you get there.
Always assess all of your options and maximize them. The more fallbacks you have the safer. In the end though all the planning and intelligence in the world won't help if you don't put it into action.
>>17146540
And to the pansy boys I see on here... Stop seeking approval from others. Masculinity and confidence comes from within.
You need to be really comfortable with yourself and being alone. If that self isn't someone you can be comfortable with, work on yourself until you are.
Girls don't want a pretty boy or whatever the standards you're all into these days. They want someone that's tough, resourceful, can get things done, provide, intelligent, resilient.
Toughen up, emotionally, mentally, physically. It will come with experience and effort, trust me.
>>17146540
>>17146549
Can I do all this while taking anti-depression meds? Should I be capable of living without medication first, before pursuing my goals? Or does it matter at all.
My best friend, the girl I have feelings for, tells me that one of my friends is hot and would bang him, and tells me to say good things about her when i'm around him.
This fucks me up inside so much, if she ever manages to do something with him i'll be so heartbroken. Thank god he doesn't seem to care, but who knows
I'm not sure if I'm suicidal or just really bored
>>17146298
It's not so bad after awhile. It only sucks seeing all your friends getting in relationships and getting married and knowing you won't ever know what that's like.
>>17146881
If you're only fucking whores, that's why you won't know what it's like. Girlfriends can give great blowjobs too, and without the STD's. I'm making sure my love gets tested before his dick gets inside me without protection
>>17146956
I have no doubt of that fact, anon. I'm very confident that regular women can be very good at all of that. However, it's the romance part that I won't be able to overcome.
Good thinking! Stay safe anon.
i think my eating disorder is coming back
>>17140186
Roosa?
Hah, that's all you had to say?..
>>17146976
No, sorry.
So just browsing youtube I came across this extremely cute girl. Like 10/10 and then some. She's an "actress" but from what I can tell has only been in student films. She's also incredibly filthy rich and lives in LA. Almost all of her posts are sarcastic, ironic, or joke bragging but clearly actually believes shes that awesome. All she posts about is either acting, sex, and drinking but it's all behind so many layers of irony and sarcasm I can't tell if she's serious or not.
She has a few actually famous friends but does not have a large following on her twitter. She comes off as pretty fucking crazy though and full of herself.She also considers herself a writer and a poet but her art is fucking terrible and her poetry is what you would expect from your average college aged girl (25yrs old).
Heres the thing though. I see girls like this and it's obvious they would never even give me the chance to talk to them. I am overweight but far from obese. I am stocky build but I have a good ace and pretty eyes. I am also an expert and professional in all the fields she studies(except acting). I came from a very poor family and everything I have achieved has been through pure will alone instead of being born into success.
Basically I'm jealous. I have had to work for literally everything in my life and have achieved a level of artistic skill most people dream to have. With all of this I'm stil not good enough.for girls like that. I have known a lot of them. I'm really curious about what they actually look for in a guy or if they just do the whole "art thing because that's just what bored rich people do.
I was friends with someone for a year or so. We would talk a lot online, see each other in person every now and then, and things were seemingly fine. The year after that they just sort of drifted apart from me. They'd talk to me less, and when I see 'em in person they just kinda... seem less interested and less invested in this friendship.
And so it ended. Just a stranger now, I suppose.
>>17146073
Your rapist knows.
Still feeling great after being saved by luck yesterday.
Obsessing over her pointlessly for half a year has had nothing but negative effects on my life and i'm still too much of a pussy to ask her out.
I'm making the wrong moves. I keep triggering negativity. I want goodness only. I want her to feel like it's new and like she wants to see me again. I was so close. Now she's back to thinking she doesn't give a fuck about me.
>>17146062
Do I give them as letters? Or just plan my words out for how either situation presents itself?
I think it would be kind of pathetic to put my feelings in letter form.
I hate parties that are "for me"
I'm not a social sperg lord, I like going to parties, I even like hosting a party. I don't like them all the time, but I do enjoy the occasional shindig.
I fucking hate parties that are "about me". I hate the feeling of being paraded around and being talked about the whole time. I don't want a damn party and this week after gradaution has been like one long "Me Parade" I want to fucking tear my skull open and pull my brain out by the stem and throw it into a shredder. Telling people the same thing over and over again, "yes I got awarded this, Im interning here, probably gonna move there, blah, blah, doodie dooooo fucking shit, that's how it works in my field, bah bah fucking black sheep yankee doodle" again again again. Tell us again about how you went to school for four years like half the people in this country.
Fuck. I hate this shit. I don't like being congratulated, fucking leave me alone. I would rather celebrate with some friends in a bar or go on a fishing trip, fuck I hate this shit so goddamn much, just make this week over so I can get on with my fucking life, I need a goddamn Xanex or something and I don't even do drugs. Stop fucking asking me what little trinkets I want at the party, I don't want a party to begin with.
FUCKING MAKE THE WEEK END SO I CAN DRINK OR SOMETHING.
