My boyfriend has pretty severe depression. We've been dating for about six months and I have no idea what to do with regards to it. Constantly saying "I'm sorry" and "that sucks" makes me feel like a woefully unhelpful asshole, and giving him kind of optimistic pep talks just seems to make him more negative.
Back when I was depressed I always used my romantic relationships as a coping mechanism, but he mostly just isolates himself and it really worries me.
To the people here who struggle with depression: how would your ideal romantic partner help you deal with it? What makes you feel better and what just annoys you?
I'm a femanon, but listening when I need to talk about everything's making me depressed is helpful. Optimistic pep talks are typically pretty hollow and thus don't help. I just need to vent to someone who won't judge my feelings.
Telling me that mental illnesses aren't real will make me leave you immediately.
>>17134920
If I had someone I would want someone who is sweet, caring, understanding and supportive. If I had someone like that it would make me feel better.
What would annoy me is if they told me to cheer up or snap out of it.
>>17134920
Men have a habit of isolating themselves when they are depressed.
Just try to be there for him. Try to get him out of the house and into the fresh air for a good walk or a trip somewhere nice.
Give him some good experiences and some sunlight and some amount of happiness you can.
He is getting therapy right?
If not, that is step number one.
You should also talk to him, try to get him to open up if you can. It might fail. don't feel bad if it does. Try to keep him active. Don't suddenly do all his chores for him and cook for him all the time. Even if it is nice, it will become too much of a crutch.
Get him to do stuff, even if you have to nag him. Sometimes nagging can be beneficial, and anything is better than being in his bed alone with his own thoughts
>>17134920
>how would your ideal romantic partner help you deal with it?
They would go seek a mental health professional.
A relationship is not a substitute for good mental health. You are not equipped to fuck someone and treat them for depression at the same time, so, encourage him to see a therapist.
If he won't, break up with him. It isn't your job to take care of his health if he won't.
>>17134920
Femanon here, but here is what my boyfriend did or should have done
>don't mock me for my condition
>help me get professional help
>motivate me to do things
>make me feel loved
>spend time with me, even just laying in bed in silence
>listen to me
I'm sure you've been great this far anonette.
>>17134936
>Try to get him out of the house and into the fresh air for a good walk or a trip somewhere nice.
These are really good ideas, thank you!
>He is getting therapy right?
He's on medication. Of all the discussions we've had about his mental health, counseling has never come up.
>You should also talk to him, try to get him to open up if you can. It might fail.
This is my main issue, the conversations don't really extend past "I feel fucking depressed". I spent a good amount of time working on my self-awareness so I could learn what was triggering my depression. His seems to be random and I have no idea how to help him get a better handle on it, even though I desperately want to.
>>17134920
>dating someone with mental illness
i do admire your efforts and your seemingly genuine desire to help, but the only thing that can fix broken people is themselves
>>17134927
>>17134932
This
Guy here
Also i tend to bottle stuff up and it takes a long time for me to feel comfortable enough to open up
But the gf in just being there makes it easier
>>17134960
Therapy is number one answer to depression, some meds actually have depression and suicide as side-effects.
He might have issues from his past that needs to be addressed. But you are NOT a psychiatrist or therapist, and thus not really equipped to get him to open up. That's why you need a professional. But he himself needs to want it, that's where the nagging comes in.
Some men won't even go to the doctor about that strange lump in their scrotum until their wives have nagged them for YEARS. Men are stubborn creatures..
But if there is nothing like that, and his depression is clinical and without any reason, then you will have to get used to him feeling this way sometimes. Hopefully not all the time.
Was he like this when you started dating?
>>17134993
>Some meds actually have depression and suicide as side-effects
He claims they really help him. Any instances of him changing his dosage or stopping entirely has made him aggressive, clingy, or completely unresponsive to my texts/phone calls.
>Was he like this when you started dating?
He talked about being depressed but didn't start showing symptoms until a few months in.
The counselling is really good advice so I'll be sure to talk to him about it, he'd probably really benefit from having someone qualified to talk to about everything.
>>17134956
For me this is better than therapy
Im not saying therapy is evil but it wont help everyone
>>17134920
OP, I'm a senior male in highschool with some bad depression. Like your boyfriend, I tend to isolate myself, and have been pretty much without any friends for the last 4 years. My advice, let him know you're there to talk to, but don't force him to tell you anything. Also, hugs. You have no idea how much that can help.
>>17134920
i know someone who used to write that, its either passive aggressive or they only want to talk to u when they need u. severe depression isnt an excuse to disrespect someone through messages.
>>17135019
Therapy and support from loved ones are not substitutes for one another.
The first thing I asked my partner to do is to build some actual knowledge about depression and mood disorders in general. If I feel I need help in dealing with mundane things, I discuss first with my therapist about the best way to go.
>>17134920
My ideal romantic partner would follow me to the ends of the earth on my adventure for happiness. One of those physical and personal journeys of self discovery.
Bit I have that right now and it's great.
>>17134956
I Am a man and this is all I wanted, and it helped me. At least until she started resenting and evading me.
I dated a guy with depression and it was very taxing. Nothing I did helped, and in the end, I ended up feeling as miserable as he was. His negativity and refusal to accept my desperately trying to cheer him up was what ultimately ended the relationship. I just didn't want to keep dealing with it and make myself more miserable. Now that I've moved on all I can say is, I hated him. You can't always help people if they refuse your help. Good luck, OP.
