Hey /adv/! Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this thread. I just want some different viewpoints on a circular issue I'm having in my relationship and maybe some way to possibly repair it. I have been dating this girl for about 15 months and things have been pretty good all and all save for a few rough patches. The problem is I have always felt I've given more in this relationship. I'm not a beta type personality and I don't worship women. When it comes to my relationships I try to treat the other person how I think they wish to be treated. The only problem is I don't really feel like that's reciprocated much in my relationship.
A recurring issue in our relationship is her inability to stand up for me to her parents. Which are very old fashion and controlling over her life. The amount of compromises I have made for this are innumerable, but I will try to list a few notable examples.
I had to move next door to her and now pay 600~ in living expenses just to live near her as we were 45 minutes apart before and her parents forbid us to live together as it would be "living in sin". I have had to maintain a fulltime job and not continue my studies in school due to this. She has full financial support from her parents and is having most of her school paid for by them so thats cool. I can understand she doesn't want to rock the boat but thats kind of showing of her priorities and I think about it a lot. I've had to put up with the uptightness of her parents and their expectations of me. I don't really behave like myself around them and neither does she. She has said a lot of bad stuff about me in the past to her parents when we were going through a hard time so her perspective of her parents is grossly skewed as she left out many details of her own participation in the issues. I am really just waiting on her to finish college my whole life is on hold for this girl. I love her and she's a fantastic person but I feel like she
>cont
>>17132640
isn't very appreciative of me. Not in the "Stacy" pretty bitch sense, but in the sense that she's a self centered millenial and can't take it upon herself to comprimise. Her family is running our major relationship decisions and its getting worse. I wanted to attend her Dr. appointment with her today and I wasn't allowed because her mother decided she didn't want me there. She has Lymes disease and I spend a lot of my time trying to keep her eating the right foods for her diets and make sure she's healthy but I am not fitting to visit the doctor? It's coming to a boiling point with me and I'm tired of discussing it I love this girl with all my heart but my biggest fear is I will have to walk away from her. She would be absolutely crushed but she's been way too unreliable and frankly I'm really pissed she's wasting all this time on a BA in forensic psychology just to cling to me with my "stupid mans job" once I get into a plumbing apprenticeship program.
I'm getting very depressed spend all my life working or playing WoW I have no social life because I moved out to a different city where I thought I would be integrated but ultimately I was spurned by her parents. I have an ok relationship with her parents they just secretly fucking sabatoge me when I'm not around and I'm so fucking over it.
>>17132645
The most major one was I had to bury the hatchet on a debacle where they thought my GF got bed bugs (they were rampant in ohio at the time) I am from a notoriously low income area although I only moved there a few yrs ago. The parents immediately assumed I was the culprit and treated me like utter shit. They had this huge panic (her mom is an anxiety ridden co-dependant so ye.txt) and fingers were not so subtly pointed. I tried to ignore her parents but they were so belligerent. They wound my GF into a huge anxious bundle and she has really bad issues with anxiety as it is. I had enough at this point and confronted it. All I really asked was who was thinking about how femanon felt. I was met with a response from her father "you're going down a path you don't wanna go down with me." I essentially just stared at him with a blank stare because I was unsure what to do at this point. My rational side was like just let it go but my more primal side was enraged. I didn't speak for the rest of the visit and this was AFTER I cleaned out her entire room moved all her furniture to the garage and moved every piece of clothes to the laundrymat and ran them through the industrial dryers I DID ALL THIS OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART WHILE BEING ACCUSED OF BEING A FUCKING PLAGUE BEARER! I really am a kind person but I have a boiling point and that day I had hit it and I literally would not speak to her father I had to show great restraint. I addressed the mother about it because the father is one of those "I'm the head of this household" types who cannot be reasoned with. and she just simply reinforced that it was his house whatever thats his wife thats fine. but when all was said and done and the exterminator came out and declared there was no sign of infestation outside of the fact that there were maybe 10 rolley polleys in her room which are what they mistook for bedbugs. I was told simply this. "Well you need to understand this was a stressful time"
>>17132656
I go home and steam on this for a few days. This is just one infuriating instance of dealing with her fucked in the head parents. They aren't evil people but they have really a really fucked up morality about them. They're kind and generous but they're so fickle and snobby. Just think your average middle class church going family.
>>17132659
What it comes down to is this. My GF refuses to stand up to her parents who run their fingers into every significant aspect of our relationship. Dad is pretty cool and mom can be nice but mom is essentially a co-dependent trainwreck and aims to micromanage her daughter with manipulation of withdrawing affection and being reactionary. I feel like she doesn't like me much even though my GF insists that her parents love me. I am in love with my GF and aside from all this shit shes a wonderful person but honestly I come from an incredibly proud albeit poor family of strong willed individuals and I was never raised to put up with this kind of shenanigans. I need some perspective because I can be bullheaded, stubborn, and incredibly spiteful if I think somebody is trying to attack me or be mean in general. I am le edgy Chaotic Good
>>17132640
I will also provide a brief list of other minor issues affecting our relationship.
>shes a shit house keeper working 40+ hrs a week I still come home and clean the house
>she doesn't like to cook often I tend to do a lot of that
>she doesn't have a huge sex drive bc lymes
>she uses stuff as a crutch and tries to avoid seeing things she can change but I think we can all do that sometimes
>she is incredibly particular over certain things that give her anxiety and allows it to control not only her life but our relationship
>she looks at me like lazy sometimes when I choose to jam out on WoW Bcuz depressed.
>I spend all my remaining money on recreation while her parents portion her just enough to live on.
>she sees all this and takes no stand for me that I am aware of.
>SHE ROLLS HER FUCKING TOILET PAPER UNDER INSTEAD OF OVER
>>17132680
On the positive side
>shes very caring and affectionate
>she understands things that irritate me in the world
>not feminist brainwashed
>she is very helpful with small things like helping me get ready for work
>we get each other's humor which is obscure at times
>she can also be very patient when she's not worked into an anxious stupor
>shes objective and willing to see her own flaws even though shes very slow to fix them
>She doesn't give me shit for not having an amazing job or career
>She's not the jealous type
>She's incredibly sentimental like me
>She's very kind and generous to others
>She is great at people watching.
>cute as a button
>doesn't bitch
>>17132700
Chek my dubs plz respond
TL;DR ?
I'm too lazy to read it all. I've read only the first post.
I think you should dump her or try to wait a few monthes if the cons you said turn out.
Oh and also you should tell her how you feel ; sometimes, it is the solution.
>>17132746
I have friend she just acknowledges its fucked and is very understanding about it but more or less shrugs. She acts as if her hands are tied. ty for respond mlem
>>17132750
Do you think she values more her relationship with you, her status as "in a relationship" (like just saying that she's in a relationship and has no feelings for anyone) or her family and traditional values ?
I think it's a fight between those three and if it's one of the two last, then this is not the best relationship you can find and you should seek another one/be single a while.
>>17132770
She truly values our relationship, but she's ultimately obedient to her parents. She's not willing to oppose them. It is an authoritarian relationship with her parents.
>>17132700
Have you talked to her about this shit? Give her an ultimatum because youre going to end up resenting her if you don't do something about your relationship
>>17132824
She prolly won't change her attitude towards her parents. You can't change people that easily. So either you're going to have to suck it up or break up with her. But talk to her about all of this before you do anything
>>17132837
>>17132831
The conversation has come up multiple times. The conclusion is nothing can be done and in a year and a half when her dad retires (stops paying tuition) we can move in together. but honestly it just makes me feel like our relationship is really fucking cheap and its worth about a year of college. I guess that side of it is me being a bit dramatic though. The main issue is the fact that she won't take any kind of stand for me at all. She lays on her back and lets all this happen so I am to wonder how reliable she is going to be in the long term if she is such a coward.
Dude... take this from a guy married 40+ years...
What you see is what you get. She lets her parents run her life and interfere with her personal relationships and that will not change. If/when you marry this girl you will be marrying her parents.
And the other things... cooking, sex, cleaning, the FUCKING TOILET PAPER, etc... These are not going to change. Again, what you see is what you get.
You can continue to try to get between her and her parents but you won't win. Every kid should love/respect their parents and you're going to make her choose between you and them and, especially with the influence they have over her, you will lose.
It's time to bite the bullet. There are other girls out there who can give you all the positives you listed without the shitstorm you're going through.
>>17132868
You're definitely right about her parents influence I think. and I am not one who can tolerate that so maybe it is time to stop it. I have a lot to think about.
