My boyfriend doesnt seem to want to talk to me anymore. Before anyone says it, no I dont think hes cheating on me because he is a shut in who doesn't seem to be interested in people in general.
If it was always like this then I would understand, but for the first few months we were constantly skyping, he was staying up late to talk to me and we would talk about anything and everything. We're ldr but we've seen eachother quite a bit and he spent a few weeks with me recently.
Its like he isnt interested, everytime we talk it feels forced and I'm starting to give up.
I dont know what I can do to try to better the situation.
I've tried talking to him about it, he doesnt seem to think its a problem and puts it back onto me for not coming up with conversation topics. Its almost as if hes gotten too comfortable with me and no longer goes out of his way to talk. Our conversations are basically "what are you up to, cool, I'm going such and such, how was your day?, im going to go play a game now'
He is always playing games, which is fine with me but he doesnt tell me hes going to, so im waiting by my phone for a text message back for an hour.
I just dont know what to do anymore, its to the point that I no longer try to put aside time for skype calls because hes too busy on games, and I dont want to take his mic away while hes raiding or whatever.
Anyone have any adivce that isnt 'dump him!'.
I want to try all possible options before ending something I've commited to because I do love him.
>boyfriend
This is an internet thing right? You have never met in real life?
>>17132488
>We're ldr but we've seen eachother quite a bit and he spent a few weeks with me recentl
Long distance relationships aren't actual relationships, they're just a way to pass time before finding a real connection with someone.
He seems to have known that, why didn't you?
I had a relationship similar to that but we did see each other every weekend at least
I hate texting and writing non stop in general and she was the peeson who never had an opinion or was interested in anything really
I was always guilt tripped into texting with her even tho i said i dont want to
I was interested in her yes but not to text all day long and do nothing
When she was at my place it was different because we could cuddle and play stuff together
You cant blame him really if you have nothing to talk about and for introverts like that its really hard and exhausting to keep a forced connection through constant shallow texting with people
Comfortable is good at least for him
>>17132497
We meet for a week every month. If we never met then I would be of the same opinion but hes the one that went after me, i wasnt the one chasing him.
We've been talking about moving in together and we both made steps to start making that happen, its the last 2 months or so that its just sort of dissolved. I am trying here and I still want this. That is why I'm asking for advice on what to try to keep this.
>>17132503
It wasnt like this in the beginning, or even half way through out this relationship. I would be happy just sitting in a skype call while we both do our thing and not even talking yet it feels like he doesnt even want that.
I just asked if we could talk tomorrow, his reply was that he might be going shopping tomorrow so we might not get to talk.
I hate writing about this online but I dont like involving my friends or family in my relationship because it creates bad one sided opinions
He is an introvert and he needs a lot of me-time.
Talk to him instead of us.
dump cunt.
>>17132516
This whole thread is asking HOW to get him to talk. I try to talk to him, I get a one sided conversation. He shuts down even more when i try to talk about why there is no communication anymore.
Have you read my thread at all?
How ld is this ldr? Is it just a couple of miles to the nearest city?
>>17132525
10-12 hour drive away
>>17132523
I already told you, he is an introvert and you can't just magically make him talk.
Sometimes we feel like talking, sometimes we don't. There can be weeks in-between them, even more..
That's the kind of person who he is and if you are trying to change that, you are basically asking him to be someone he is not.
Either understand that and get used to it, or find someone that would fit your "pay attention to me at all times" unrealistic quota better.
>>17132485
Why don't you start playing games with him?
>>17132533
As i said, for the first few months he wasnt like this. He was constantly talking and calling, actually making conversation instead of barely talking to me.
He came up for a week for my birthday and we only had sex once. That to me is a big red flag because we used to have sex alot.
I have been backing off and giving him space for him to come to me, but he doesnt.
I dont think wanting communication from my boyfriend is an unrealistic quota..
He talks to his friends in skype calls more than me.
>>17132541
Trying to pick a computer that isnt potato but I know nothing of gaming comps.
I have asked him to help me and again, he doesnt seem interested.
I brought it up to him recently and he said there would be no point of me trying to play games with him because i wont be able to keep up.
>>17132548
Okay thats a dick move
My ex wasnt a smart girl or a skilled person at anything but rithm games on her phone
I helped her make a cheap ass pc, gave her some of my stuff, asked my friends to give me some old parts that they dont use and i made her a pc thst could hold a mmo, portal 2 and a game like diablo
I had to explain everything 100 times, calculate every part of the game for her because she cant math for shit but she liked it and i liked she was spending time with me
Look OP maybe he's down for some reason, try talking to him about it again, ask him if there is something you can play together and if he srsly gives you you aren't as good as me answer tell him hes being a dick a d that you are trying to make it work
Ask a friend or two to help too
>>17132542
well, maybe you are a boring cunt and you don't realize that yourself.
Don't you have friends on your own? why don't talk to the instead of your boyfriend while he is busy.
If he doesn't make you happy and doesn't want to talk about it, just dump him and find someone else.
As I see it, he is taking you for granted and doesn't think putting effort on you is necessary anymore. Not to mention he thinks you are too stupid to even be worth to play video games with.
Also, when he inevitably tries to get you back, just ignore him. He would fall in the same trend once he feels comfortable again. Just forget about him and cut contact.
>>17132548
You should just break up with him to be honest, doesn't really sound like he wants to spend time with you.
>>17132559
I played runescape with him because its the only thing that ran on my shit laptop and it was good for a while, then after 3 times playing he said there isnt a point in playing with me on it because it's just leveling, which i get but fuck, im trying arent i? I started getting into it and I liked spending time with him.
>>17132565
I have friends, i talk to my friends and hang out with them. He seems to always be 'busy'. I dont think its cunty of me to expect base level interaction with someone who not 2 months ago said wanted to move in with me and made efforts to slowly make this happen.
>>17132585
how old are you?
how old is he?
>>17132591
I am 20, he is 24. Does this make any difference?
>>17132585
You're trying and that should matter the most
You even liked it and a big difference is when a person you like does it because they feel that they have to and when they like to
Sorry but he's just being a dick to you
My friends knew my ex sucked at games but they would all play with us because she was my gf at the time
>>17132596
Meh not a big difference
>>17132596
Actually it does.
You sound like a whining 14 yo.
But through this thread and seeing how old are you and still don't knowing what best for you, just blow my mind.
Maybe your current bf is the best you could get or even what you really deserve because you really don't seem to be offering much out of this whole thing.
Communication is the base of a good relationship. I find it mild of you trying as much as you can to make it work. But open your eyes already and realize that you can't make this work by your own.
Keep trying. That's the only thing you can do really. But set yourself a deadline.
If it doesn't work by then, you should seriously start reconsidering your choices in life.
>>17132604
I just dont know what to do. Ive messaged him saying that i love him, but if this relationship isnt something he wants then he needs to tell me because I need communication from him.
Does anyone have any other ideas on how to talk to him?
He's comfortable with you. He probably doesn't feel the need to put on the level of extra interest and courtesy when you guys were a new thing and the prospect of sex was enticing.
In simple terms, this is the real him, and he's taking you for granted. You can fix the latter, but the former is what it is. You can't change people at their core.
>>17132610
You cant do much online if he doesn't want to thats the point
Be direct. Be blunt
Tell him if he even cant respect you trying that you will leave him and do that
>>17132608
>i find it mild of you trying as much as you can.
What?
>>17132616
How can I fix him taking me for granted?
The lack of talking would be fine irl because we would still be in the same room together and around eachother daily.
>>17132617
I hope what I sent is blunt enough. Dont want to hit him with a bigger wall of text then i alread have.
Your relationship can't survive off communicating alone. You need quality time together.
To him, you are nothing but a voice. He sees you sometimes, but you don't really exist inside of his world. You need to make impacting memories, this is extremely important.
I was in this EXACT same situation. He started doing all the shit your boyfriend is doing, and finally left me because he said not being able to see me made him feel like shit. We're also 20 and 24. The only reason we haven't given up on each other is because I'm moving to his city next week for school.
>>17132627
You fix him taking you for granted by leaving him. Even just a break. Be upfront about why you're doing it, that you don't feel valued or appreciated when he leaves you hanging to play vidya and you want to get your head on straight.
Then don't text him. Let him come to you and apologize, he'll have to make a conscience effort to change.
Be warned, that will probably work, but there's a non 0 chance that he'll lose his shit and scream and shout (in which case, big loss) or he'll shrug it off and find someone else.
>>17132627
Ok, you are just stupid.
You can't "fix" him. That's who he is.
He acted different at the start because he wanted to get in your pants.
Now that you are literally begging him to pay you attention he doesn't have to make any effort into getting what he wants.
Have some self-respect and dump his sorry ass. That's what he deserves.
what don't you understand about all of this?
>>17132636
He just came up for my birthday and we went away for 2 days on a holiday and had sunset spa in a hotel room, the first time we met i went down to where he lived and we visited 2 theme parks. Then the next time I went down we did ghost tours etc explored an abandoned jail and visted another 2 theme parks.
He came up for a month for a job interview and we had lord of the rings marathon which is one of his favourite franchises etc.
I would like to think those were all impacting memories.
>>17132639
I dont think he would come back if I did that.
>>17132654
This reply was to >>17132638
>>17132639
Another poster said i could fix him taking me for granted which is why I asked.
>>17132627
Sometimes people dont see things until they hit them
I cant read people for shit but thats blunt enough yes
Also those things together you did
Yes those should have had an impact on him
But you do need more time together
>>17132657
He is bad for you.
You don't want him in your life.
Stop pretending he is something he is clearly not.
He wouldn't be ignoring you and making you feel unwanted otherwise.
Understand you life would be better without him.
The saddest thing is that if you don't him he would just shrug it out, you may then find someone else and then your ex would want you back and you would be upon him in a heart beat.
That's how stupid you are. Mark my words.
>>17132673
I agree on the more time thing. Stuffs going on in my family and its pretty shitty at home right now. I just would really like form him to try i guess.
My dog died the day after my birthday and my family is falling apart and he was the only good thing that was left, but its like theres a barrier i cant break through.
I had told him when he was up that when we're apart it feels like he doesnt care and his retort to that was if he didnt care he wouldnt have flown up for my birthday. Which is fair in his way because its true if he didn't he wouldnt have.
Just, I dont know. Ill have to see if he even responds tomorrow.
>>17132674
Bet youre great at parties
>>17132686
I get it
When i was with my ex her dad was divorcing her mom and they both abused the girl for being useless in their eyes and because she will never be smart enough to do anything
But man was i there, if she called me at 4 in the morning id pick up half dead and go pick her up on the train station to get her away from the rain and have her cry for hours
I didnt have to but i did
Your bf doesn't seem to want to or even care about it that much and i bet that hurts
But even i had times when i was like him, worse even whwn shit hits the fan
You sent him that text, wait it out and see what happens, if he doesn't care just move on for your own good
>>17132686
I really like how you ignore every single good advice you were giving in favor of false hopes that will never live through.
This is what you deserve. A life with an asshole that doesn't appreciate you.
Have fun being dumped by a much younger gal in a couple of months and realizing how are you wasting the best time of your life with an moron.
>>17132707
I will try to take your advice. I dont want to leave him though, in person its alot better its just over the Internet that hes like this.
>>17132712
>have fun being dumped by a much younger gal
Do you mean beinv dumped FOR a much younger girl?
>>17132727
Being*
>>17132727
But in all seriousness if he wont do a thing and you cant live together or make it work move on
Best of luck
Ok thanka guys.
Ill see what he says when he wakes up but Im not going to throw this relationship away.
If nothing changes over time though I wont be able to keep going like this so ill make it very clear with him that we need to communicate.
