You know what to do
I am probably loosing it, but I have followed my gut to be friendly and invite her to hang out with some friends. She is busy then(Bros graduation and finals, just a bad time to arrange stuff.) but we agreed to do something soon, but it ended with me telling her to text me when she wants something, and she replied telling me to do the same.
I am probably a bit hopeless though as I am kinda still hoping that she will reach out to do something. Though I know it won't happen
I'm talking to her and it doesn't seem like it's going well. My body is cold almost to the point of being numb. Fuck, this sucks.
Reading all these articles on the USD collapsing on the 28th has me feeling like total shit and i'm not sure if it should.
Im 19 and i already hate the world. Mental issues since i can remember myself. Too smart to not think about all the shit around me and all the shit people do. Study music and think about it even more since i write my songs with meaning. Abuse drugs just so i can feel death and hide in it. Not scared to die, just dont want to hurt the people around me. Lied to everyone about my drug use for half a year. Found a new girlfriend that actually cares about me, even tho im pretty much gonna be a vegitable for atleast 2 months from today. I hate myself for that, for wasting her time with someone who finds happiness in death. 4th day of withdrawal from coke, speed and mdma. I just want to snort untill i die, but i promissed. Its so fucking hard to keep it, im losing it and that makes me hate myself even more. I have my first therapy session since i was 14 in 5 hours from now. Im scared that she will tell me im a junkie, or a waste of air. Im so fucking scared that the girl that decided to save my fucking life is gonna have to tell her friends she dates a former junkie. My parents think its just some mild depression because im too scared that telling them what a piece of garbage ive become will make them worry. I have my own buisiness on top of the music studies and i make enough money for everything but im still not satisfied. I hate myself for having more than others. I just want to die, but i cant. I just want to be a drug abusing piece of shit untill i die, but i cant. I just want to trust someone but im ill. Im fucking ill. I hope the therapy helps me because my whole body is aching like every blood vessel in it exploded and the blood is ripping me apart. I have to do this, ive always been strong, ive always succeded in making others happy, I CAN FUCKING DO THIS. But why? Why try so hard to live a life stripped of joy, its hard sometimes, to not know if someone will cry when your day comes, its hard trying to kill myself and then calling an ambulance cus im affraid
>>17131606
Im affraid they love me and im too ill to see that. I have everything yet i feel like i have nothing. A friend of mine commited suicide and i remember the days i would fucking sit in the darkness of my closet and talk to him like he is there. I miss y ou so much man, i dont want them to miss me too. Please help me, someone please help me. Im a fiend.
>>17131523
Yeah, you probably are losing it. You've been posting that for a few days I think. Chill out and find something else to occupy your mind with.
Now that I'm older (edging closer to 30) I find myself drawn to specific kinds of people, specific looks and ethnic groups, and it makes me feel like a piece of shit for being so shallow and selective. I've been alone for almost a year now. I fear I'll never be satisfied.
I miss him like hell. I feel so fucking lost without him. I just feel... dead inside. No one can hold a candle to the light he brought into this world. And now I will never hear his laugh again, never feel his hugs, never feel him hold my shoulders and tell me, "Hey, Anon, look at me; I love you." I don't know how I can go on without the other half of my soul. It feels as if nothing will ever be okay again.
Keep having dreams of killing myself, or at least trying to.
Most of it consists of my mom distracting me and talking me out of it.
>>17131633
Also feels bad a girl will never think about me this way
>>17131633
Yeah... Yeah. It hurts. It hurts like no other. What's worse is becoming strangers again. I'm talking to my ex like it was back when I first met her as if I'm trying to court her again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSdELZxEnHY
It's long, but my friend linked this to me a while ago when I broke up but I watched it and cried like never before. It helped a lot but the feels were too heavy.
I hope all the dumb females who fall for my ex enjoy being cheated on at least once a week. I can't help them all.
How can you be so cruel?
>>17131702
I know I'm cruel sometimes but it's just from all the bitterness and hate I have
inside me
I do it to drive people away because when they get to close they see how I really am and run away, and that's worse than just having them think I'm an asshole
:(
I think there's something wrong we me mentally. I doubt that it's anything more than a basic lack of sleep, but even still, it's fucking with my life. After Thursday, I have to change, and I know I'm up for it
>>17131702
The world is full of hatred and cruelty. But you need only take from the world what you choose. Be in the world, not of it.
>>17131713
>excuses
There. I did it. Spoke to her again. I have no idea what's going on now. Did it do ANYTHING? AT ALL? God....I'm not done yet. This will be a process, but how long will it take until I reach the end? Will it even work? That's the agony of it.
Pretty messed up to invite my sister out but purposely neglect to invite me. Not that I'm the type to make a big deal of it, but you guys are pretty snakey. She sees it too, as well as another friend. I might show up, whether you guys want it or not. We'll see
It's so hard unlearning hating myself. It's so fucking hard. But I made the teensiest progress a few weeks ago. After hours of crying and thinking "I'm stupid/worthless" etc I finally forced myself to think "So what are you going to do about it? So you can stop thinking these things?" And so I've started going to the gym every other day. I feel good being exhausted after a workout. I dunno how getting swole will help every other part of my shitty life, I just like running and that burn from lifting weights.
But these thoughts still plague me 24/7 and I hate it. It's do fucking hard getting rid of self-hatred when you've had it most of your life. And sometimes I'm really afraid I'm going to lose the battle and just kill myself one day.
How come every time I try to admit my feelings for somebody, it blows up and I get treated like a monster, a burden that must be dealt with? Why can't I finally find somebody that sees my feelings as not a curse, but a blessing? I have spent the past 8 months of my life trying to show you that I care, while not being clingy or shallow or a dick, and this happens? I'm fine with the rejection, I understand that your feelings are just as important as mine, and there would be no use in forcing anything, but why the buildup? Just when I finally thought things were going great between us, that I actually had a chance, everything gets flipped upside down, and all I hear is the gossip on how just because I care I must be "in love with you", and how I should just stop because even though I've thought things were going great over the last few months, and you made it seem like that too, in actuality you just see me as annoying, and not perfect enough for you. As I sit here cold, hurt, and alone, I just have to say; I'm sorry for having feelings. I'm sorry that apparently I'm not allowed to be a normal human being to you, but instead a placeholder for all that is repulsive. Have fun with that douchebag who doesn't care about your thoughts, your dreams, your smile, who just wants to use you and break you. I'll be right here, lying sleepless in my own pathetic life.
i don't know how to end a relationship (or if i want to) with my supervisor at work because i have some deep or love for her (hell, we even said it to each other a few times) but she keeps me at arms length just for fun. we've both kinda moved on, constantly get on each other's nerves, get possessive of the other but i know she's just stringing me along. she's a flirt and another thing that gets me is how easily she dates and gets laid while i struggle hard for nothing. i really need a new job.
>>17131779
It's a scary thought for sure, but the fact that you want to improve says so much. Keep on keeping on dude.
I really do want to leave everything behind me. All the discourse that I have encountered tears me apart each and every day.Whether it be the decision of letting go of my ex or leaving my friends to suffer within their own conflict.
I've been trying to get over my ex. She broke up with me weeks before out anniversary day. People say, "Oh it takes lots of time for that. Just distract yourself." It is quite difficult to do so for me. A huge part of my life is somewhat still there but decaying. That meaning, everyday, I live with the difficulty of attempting to avoid bringing her up or not interacting with her every time we see each other. I truly want to talk to her about the relationship's loose ends and all, but I'm being a coward. A coward that runs from the fear of getting hurt even more.
While this is going on, I also have money problems in my household. I might lose my house, move to a different location once again and begin a new life once again with the unfinished burdens of my previous life. I hate this so much. My father and mother yell at me because of shortage of funds. They're taking money from my accounts too just for us to survive for another month.
I know that my friends have to deal with their problems by themselves. Although, as much as I want to leave them be, I simply just have this nagging feeling that they would end up in the grave. Given the situation, I'm already trying to prevent three guys from committing suicide. I really don't want these guys to suffer anymore. I do my best to help them enough to the point where they should be able to stand on their own but with this process consuming most of my attention, I'm neglecting myself. My own problems. I can't tend to them. I'm putting others ahead of me. I'm hating myself more and more each day. Thinking about the reason to why the hell I'm just avoiding my own problems for others. There's still more to the discourse train of my life, but that's the highlight of everything so far.
>>17131780
Are you sure you're only showing as much as they are? Also, your life partner will not pose that problem to you, so just know these people definitely aren't "The one".
Your words are suddenly echoing in my head. I offhandedly asked you what your wife was like and you said, "Well, she makes me happy and I love her." and you went on to talk a bit about her personality. I remember the general details of what you said, but nothing exactly like that first line. I don't know why. Maybe because it was equally as sweet as it was soul-crushing despite it only being a nine word sentence.
It's kind of funny. She sounded a lot like me, minus the social anxiety and absurdly high levels of introversion.
>feel lonely in the romantic sense
>think to myself that I probably could and should do something to change that
>remember all the failures, and that nobody would ever want to be with me
>go back to feeling lonely, but this time without the feeling of wanting to change it
I feel like a rat in a cage. I feel like I'm driving myself crazy.
I've battled depression, anxiety and paranoia for years. Some days are better than others, but they all seem to leave me disappointed. I'm honestly exhausted and too tired to really convey an articulate rant.
I'm a really uninteresting person. I'm another generic introvert.
At this one place, long ago I met a lot of people. One of them was an introverted girl. She didn't talk much, she was really unpopular. She didn't seem to have many friends.
At some point we were few and she talked to me. We were ok with each other. After a while I met more people and gave up on her. She seemed to still try but at times I saw her face and her reaction to me getting away from her.
One random day, way after that I remembered her. I regretted my past with her. She contacted me, as if I wished for her to come back. It was almost creepy, how she managed to find me just after thinking of her.
We talked to each other and nothing much went on. We met by some circumstances at a place and she only said hi. She wasn't my concern that day, something really awful happened.
She texted me, told me to tell her all of my problems. I did. I opened myself up to her. Personal problems and all. Things I wouldn't tell my best friends. I haven't got the courage to talk to her again. Even though she said she'd be always there for me.
>>17132108
You need to talk to her again. It's rare that introverts actually develop a connection. Yes, it's made as a romantic love story in media but the reality is it's stupid rare because it's two autistic people. You're lucky to have this. I don't know why you'd disregard her the way you did but you should be appreciating your blessing more.
I want you to realize you're acting like a child.
What I asked for was not unreasonable.
I seriously hope you'll reread our conversation tomorrow and it was just you being drunk and that was why you went into passive aggressive mode.
I don't know what we're doing because this is obviously not going to go anywhere, but I really enjoy your company.
I still want to go to San Diego. And when you said that I thought maybe you're going to tell me you love me.
>>17132131
I know why. It's because I've been a mess and most people have better expectations of me. Most people, her included, see me in a better light than I would deserve. So I know my own flaws.
Back then when I was talking to her frequently, I couldn't help but feel some attraction. I was attracted to some other girls but didn't have much of a chance so that was ok, but this was different, it seemed to just go back. So I considered that I wasn't prepared and it would end up being worse if I went that way. I ignored her willingly.
The problem now is that I didn't change much. I didn't improve on my insecurities. Some would say I have gotten slightly worse. She came out of the blue now, as if she was giving me a second chance. I didn't think much of it because we had very few conversations, I tried asking her out but things happened. Now this event, I thought she didn't even consider my presence. Before I went back home I thought to myself "oh well, it's not like I had a chance" and then that happened.
And I told her afterwards that just like she was there for me, I would be there for her. That I wouldn't forget her. Now it's a difficult situation where I don't know what to talk about, what to tell her. She didn't usually tell me anything about herself, we both are having kind of boring lives at the moment.
I just can't come up with it.
I have another case of the feels today
I thought I didn't need you some time ago and I still believe that
but today is one of those days I wish I had someone
and if I did I still wish that person was you
its probably just the inherent isolation of my situation, and that isn't going to go away, so I hope the feels will at least fuck off, because I shouldn't need anything
as an aside, I noticed something today I wish I hadn't, and I don't know if I should give in to it
anyway, I know you aren't thinking of me, but I wish you were, because right now I'm thinking of you
I am disgusted with myself and the way I act. I need to do something about this, but I've become quite impulsive over time. I can't shake this feeling that something bad will soon happen.
I want a bf so much it actually hurts
>>17131780
you're not trying to do friendship first right
because that would be the reason people react the way they do
as in, they're not interested but now they also think you were just friends with them because you're attracted to them. or now they have to deal with the awkwardness that comes from having a friend attracted to you
this is why some guys always say to make your intentions to someone known right away
I am tired of Operating Systems class at effing 7 am
4 year relationship gone in the blink of an eye. The first year I was in love with the idea of being in a relationship while she genuinely loved me. Then she got sick and had to have surgery so I drove her to work every day and during that time I grew to love her for real. By the 3rd year she gave up on modern medicine and got heavy into holistic healing and energy crystals and angels and stuff. She was convinced I had a demon attached to me and that now it's haunting her. That on top of a tarot card reading saying we wouldn't be together and her new white light meditation, coven support group caused her to break up with me last week. I don't miss who she became but the girl I was with for the first 3 years. I miss taking care of her and holding her. Not drunk yet but siting here finishing this bottle and thinking about going upstairs, going in the gun safe and saying fuck it I'm done. I've been in 3 major relationships and countless flings and I'm done. I'm done with life. I might post something on my facebook page or write her a letter saying I hope she finds herself and that I will always love her in this life and the next. I love you Patty. I'm sorry I couldn't follow you on your new journey. You were it and I lost you.
My gf is a fucking bitch sometimes
>>17132294
Girls posting shit like this is getting more frequent...
Outside in the real world, I'm also noticing girls are more friendly, less feminazi and man-hatey, and actually go up and talk to guys to try and get their attention.
I'm understanding what /fit/ talks about when they say '"miring" and shit and I'm not even in great shape.
What the fuck is goin' on? Why are girls more hard up now?
Literally just a few years ago, literally every woman I knew would say shit like "men just want one thing" or "men are pigs" and shit, they'd be bitchy as hell and would treat any man that bothered to speak to them like he was a creep.
Have you done it? Have you finally deterred 90% of all men? Is that why you all so desperate now?
Honestly, I'm questioning whether or not I fell into some alternate reality this shit is getting so frequent.
I finally understand
The word "literally" is over used. It makes people sound like Valley girls when not used correctly.
>>17131713
That's a lie, you only doe that because you enjoy watching people getting hurt and you know it !
Forgetting you seems so impossible, the thought hurts and I feel anxious. I need help. It hurts so much
>>17132383
I'm a guy
kek
>>17132383
we're not desperate for your dick if that's what you mean. or your decidedly unpleasant demeanor.
Every once in a while...
I have to stop and ask myself:
What the fuck?
Am I dreaming right now?
Is this shit for real?
Why is shit so crazy sometimes?
Why do so many people separate sex from love as this there is no connection. I know there is. I've had sex without love and love without sex. I happen to be madly in love and now I want sex to complete the deal. We already have an amazing chemistry, like none I've ever experienced. I wish people would understand that sex when there are mutual feelings involved is the most wonderful experience. I can't wait! I hope he continues pursuing me. I want to know the long and beautiful relationship we have made together
>>17132186
Initials?
>>17132186
Sounds like she was a last resort for you
Give her the chance to find someone who's really into her, not just 'she'll do for now, because I can't do better'. No one wants to be choice number 10 etc. it's n fair when they could have a fulfilling relationship with someone on an equal level. If it didn't happen due to insecurities that's different but it sounds like you were not as interested in her as others
I'm in love with his man and he never had a lot of confidence but I gave him a real boost and to me he is absolutely gorgeous, although he didn't ink so. It's strange because I secretly dint have much confidence either and don't think I'm anything special but he made me feel like I was gorgeous too. I love the person he is. I love everything about him. Absolute adoration. He's all I need in life to be complete. He's my only love. I can't settle for less than him. I never met anyone else so similar to me in my life. We have an intuitive connection that's quite out of this world
Meeting up with an ex-love interest at the end of the month to 'end things on good terms' or whatever, at a really cool lights festival in the city. Not sure what to do or how to feel about this. Suggestions? Like I literally don't know what to do on the night or what I'm expected to do or why they agreed to meet up with me since i was under the impression they fucking hate me
I feel like I am losing my sanity. When I am alone sometimes I lose control and I start to scream, hit the wall until my hands hurt really bad. And for a while now I just cant study properly I dont have motivation and even if I find I tend to get distracted by every single thing and it all goes to waste. I feel like everything I make is a mistake , nothing is okay. People I meet are either annoying to me are complete idiots. I havent been happy for more than 8 hours since last summer. And by reading what I just wrote I sound like a complete asshole....Fuck
He probably doesn't remember my name anymore and when he tracks me down, he's just curious. I wish it was because he was still in love with me. Or maybe he just said said that to get a reaction. I'm so fucking lonely. I wish we could just be together properly, all this dancing around and ambivalence. I'm learning to trust him and I'm falling in love with him all over again and I'm scared that if it goes wrong I'll completely fall apart without him. My feelings are too strong
>>17132514
Develop an opiate addiction.
>>17132518
I dont wanna become a junkie
At some point I developed a big crush on you. I didn't realize it til you said something about some girl liking you, then I got this sudden intense desire to grab you and just SQUEEZE.
I don't mind giving you advice about girls, because there's no way anything would happen between us anyway. But Google's predict a reply just recommended the reply "Love you, too" this morning. Fuck you, google.
I hate single women who are not virgins. You are garbage and your behavior is destroying civilization.
>>17131612
Anon, you might need some Zoloft or something.
Fap, then go to sleep. If you don't feel better when you wake up, call a hotline.
>>17132414
Sometimes yes
Other times no
There are situations when being cruel gives me pleasure, especially to those who have done me wrong or I feel have not been given their due. Sometimes you have to take actions in to your own hands, you can't always wait for karma, you have to be the karma.
The best part is watching them fall.
I remember when a "friend" kicked me in the balls and told me not to nark when a teacher came up, but he never apologized. Later that day he was benching and I stomped his tiny little dick and balls. Sometimes I think it's wrong but then I remember what he's done wrong, especially to me that's not just the balls thing.
Fuck em, he never did shit for me or helped me get laid or anything, I always had his back but he never had mine, and we'd known each other for 10 fucking years.
>>17131612
What makes you happy ?
I'm in two bands and write all my own stuff. We've started to be noticed by people that have made it in the music industry which is way beyond anything I thought possible but it annoys me that friends and people I know don't really notice us or give us any credit for what we do as much as other bands that don't put the same feeling into their music as we do but have plenty of money, resources and production contacts that enable them to produce their sounds professionally. I just want people to see us live and they'll know how good we are. I'm fed up with hearing run of the mill, shallow, average music that dominates the music scene only because it has the resources to do so
>>17131618
I never posted this before
The other guy just has a very similar situation.
>>17132534
I sure hope there are exceptions, like faithful widows and women who were in a dedicated long term relationship only to have had the man fuck his coworker in the store office because "strange is strange" and 7 years is "too long"
I loved it when when you wooed me to forgive you for the distance and the pull of my emotions into you. When you ran your hand along the inside of my thigh, when you kiss me. Your seduction is too perfect. Please touch me again. Im mad about you
>>17132534
And that attitude is why women don't want to have sex with you, stop acting like you can control the actions of people,
>>17132534
Civilization was always shit.
I'm a girl. A skinny one. I can't get fat or muscle, no matter what I do and yes, I tried 1 month mcdonalds and pizza hut and didnt get a single extra Kilogram. Yet I wanna break his face so badly. I wanna make his face deformed forever with several punches and kicks. I wanna be a man for one day, full of testosterone pumping into my muscles, a really big man and kick his face in in a way he will never ever bully anyone else, in a way he will never ever even consider getting out of his house, in a way he will lose all his joy to live. I wanna break his arms too. Better than that, I wanna break his spine just around the right place so he can never move again. I want him alive and suffering for all he did to 30 of his "friends" just to feel good about himself. Not even 2 fucking psychologists could help me, I'm seriously about to lose it, but if I use a weapon, I'm afraid I could kill him.
My gut tells me that I met my soulmate. If there is someone who completes me more then I'm not sure I want to meet them.
I had a dream about you last night. You came home and started cooking... I was playing with your dog and would ask me to hand you things. I looked out the window and saw the guy who tried to rape me explode into nothing. I went back to the kitchen and you smiled at me. I'd never been so happy.
Please come home safe, i miss you so much.
My paranoia is getting worse. I'm scared almost constantly that my girlfriend hates me, my friends thinking I'm stupid and incompetent, and I don't want to be told by a counselor to "just breath". What do I do?
>>17131803
I'm in this exact situation. I don't know what to do, though.
She has a boyfriend, too. I really want a better job where I make more money, but at the same time, I want to stay with her and be with her.
Fuck, I would throw it all away just for her to date me
When we have sex or I'm giving you a blow job and I start to get tired I think about killing people
It makes me really excited. I almost told you this today, but even when you pretend the other things I've said don't bother you, I can see in your body language it makes you uneasy
I've never even thought of doing that sort of thing to you, so it's not like you have to worry about that. Though I know it must have crossed your mind, especially when you made a point of saying you'd thought out how, in any situation, you felt you were big enough to over power me
I remember thinking that was a weird thing to say, but I understand. You know I'm impulsive and you think I'm unstable, so the possibility seems more real to you
I'm not like that, though. I don't even like gore. I'm just curious. I want to know what it feels like. Especially if they were one of those strange, predatory old men who try to flirt with me. To see how vulnerable they'd feel when they realize the role was reversed, to see what their body language is like in those last moments... would they be helpless? Would they accept it? Will they struggle, by instinct? I'm so curious and so fascinated by the thought
I think sometimes, you aren't sure if there's anything to be afraid of. You assume I'm just being edgy. I wish you'd listen to me honestly, and tell me what you really think, so I could understand how your mind works, too
I don't really get it. Why talking about things like that bothers you, and when it does, why you pretend it doesn't. Does it make you feel weak? Or are you just pretending it bugs you, and deep down we all think like this?
I don't really understand serial killers though, either. I don't understand why you'd want to keep 'trophies' or be around the rotting corpses. I think it would be an interesting thing to observe in the process, but I'm sure I'd forget what it feels like after. So maybe they're just trying to remember the feeling? So they don't forget it, too?
I think I'm an alcoholic.
Fuck.
>>17132186
Talk to her about anything. Just a hey what's up what's new kind of thing.Literally anything as long as you make a conversation oout of it.
Don't listen to >>17132491 he's fucking retarded.
>>17132529
At least you'll have your sanity.
I haven't felt this insecure in a long time.
>>17133197
Sooner or later the addiction will take the sanity....but still temporally euphoria... I dont know man...
I'm in love with my best guy friend, I'm almost positive he likes me back, yet I'm still too much of a chickenshit to say anything.
I gave her my heart. She drank all my blood, spat on my face and left me for another man.
A manipulative, unstable, ugly mess of a man.
>>17131513
Sharpie up the pooper.
>>17131606
>My parents think its just some mild depression because im too scared that telling them what a piece of garbage ive become will make them worry.
Same, man. I don't want other people to share my burden, I want to carry it all alone. I deserve it.
>Why try so hard to live a life stripped of joy
Because even if we can't be happy, we can at least help other people be happy. Isn't that the right thing to do, after all? Isn't that what all those heroes do, the ones we all looked up to as kids?
>>17131612
Just keep hanging in there. The withdrawal will pass, and you'll feel a little less shitty.
>>17132131
>I don't know why you'd disregard her the way you did but you should be appreciating your blessing more.
Not that anon, but I've done the same. It's hard to decide to reach out to people. I've spent my entire life trying to convince myself that I'm a real man, that I'm strong, that I'm tough, that I can push through the pain, that I can fight my demons alone, that i'm not lonely, that I don't need friends, that I'm fine, etc.
And even when I look at my phone and think "maybe i should say something", i just imagine her smiling, chatting with friends, or laughing at some joke, and think "No, I shouldn't bother her. She's probably in a good mood, would be wrong to spoil it."
Really wish this wasn't the only location available for me to transfer to. I really hate when I hear everyone conversing. I hate it because when I go back to join in, it just gets quiet. I don't really get it. Our staff has taken to me well. It's only my equals that seem to do this. Makes me think someone has present some preconceived idea to these people and they've kept to that idea. I dunno but it is awfully discouraging.
>>17133443
Presented*
I hate my fucking husband.
Any and every cry of help I give out is never answered.
Perhaps I'm just that pathetic.
>>17131513
I PRAISE THE LORD EVERYDAY
FOR DISCOVERING MGTOW!
rdy 2 die
>>17131513
I wanna fuck my ex in her dirty asshole while shes tied up and her G cup tits are hanging there.. just the moment I guess
>>17133465
I pray to the lord everyday
that you hugboxing losers go away
>>17131513
I hate my mother bc she threw out my father and talked shit about him like my grandmother.
She took away a father figure. Im 21 now and I feel like im edging towards becoming a full blown criminal just because I missed crucial father mentoring since 9 years old
It made me bitter and I have no hope for this world.
At first I didnt know what was the source of my hate, but now I know.
My mom literally fucked up a part of her kids lives. She shoupd haveyust get him to some rehab of sorts. He is a genuinely good man. He had undiagnosed ADD and self medicated.
She got together with a fucking jew for a year or two when I was 11.
I had to and still am learning to be a man by myself, they brainwashed my sister into hating my dad, she is now a birderlineddrug head.
I have become cold and I know the source, really just waiting on my inheritance. Fuck these bastarfs how can someone do that.
I hate 99 procent if peoples guts
This world is a layer of hell.
And im just gonna become a rich bastard and fuck hookers and humiliate them.
>>17133525
>i'm another manchild who refuses to take responsibility for himself
lot of those these days
I can only be interested in girls that are my type, but they are so rare over here.
I want to cuddle and fuck my ex-girlfriends sister. I really want her.
Problem is that they're well in terms. Plus I broke up only like a week ago (relationship was practically dead for the last couple months) and already want to ravage her sister. I admit to having feelings for her for months prior but still.. it's painful, knowing it would be immoral to advance so soon.
How long should I wait minimum before making moves? I'm pretty sure her sister likes me back, but is held back by the awkward situation. Anyone had similar situation?
I'm also friends with their brother. He didn't mind me breaking up with her sister, but I don't know how he would react knowing I'd love to fuck his other sister too.
>>17133544
Im just a fucking mirror in the box baby. I dont believe in responsibilties. I like responses better. Thats the point of my story. Im a mirror.
A lot of these it doesnt matter how your life has fucked you up, take responsabilties and put energy in believing the world could be so wondeffull and good and get exploited by the wolves..
Yeah I dont think so
>>17133395
>No, I shouldn't bother her.
You can't think like that. Think of it as people like attention and the concern of others. They like to feel like someone cares so you talking to them would only boost their mood, EVEN if you're a stranger. The only time this isn't the case is when the person outwardly dislikes you.
>>17133603
If the sister's down to fuck, fuck her. You're single and it's fair game.
>>17133603
Wait longer than a week. If you have no intention getting back with her then just do it, but wait longer than a week. If you're really trying to be a good person, give it a month. If not, I'd say 2-3 weeks is fine.
>>17133266
I'm in almost exactly this same position, except the roles are reversed. She's the best friend I've ever had but I'm scared shitless of losing her due to trying to take things to the next level.
GOD I HATE BEING ALONE
Im not one those 3/10 kids that spend all their days in our doing nothing. Im not fucking ugly im super social with fucking every one and openminded about everything. I fucking play guitar and and go to art musuem SO WHY THE FUCK AM I SINGLE.
I only want somebody to spend my time with. I feel like being in a shithole with no fucking way out. Every one keeps telling me it's a matter of opportunity but FFS this is the same BS people told me 7 years ago when i was still letting my mom chose clothes for me bc i had fucking no taste in anything.
Goddamn im in a situation where i don't know if i want to date a girl bc i find her attractive or just but I HATE BEING LONELY.
No one seems to realise how the fuck this shit is hurting me bc being single is not suppose to be a big deal. But for christ sake can't i have this at least once in my twenties I want a real realtion before i end up being an old shitbag.
When i can still feel cool while doing circle with a joint. While i can still be immature like every GODAM GUY OF MY AGE
>>17133597
Same here
Everyone around me graduating in 4 years like perfect students, I still have 2 years left because I changed majors, overwhelming pressure and expectations from my parents because I'm not graduating as well makes me want to grab the nearest escape bag.
You fucking piece of shit
I'm going to stab you someday and you're going to regret it so much
ugh
I hope you die a slow and painful death
I just want to trip on acid and take some time to self reflect but I'm in love with a girl I can't be with who loves me back and I have an irrational fear of being gay despite not being attracted to guys. Idk why I think this way but idc I just want to be with this girl
Fucking too worried to trip atm because I'm scared one of these issues will come up in my mind and I'll have a panic attack
I have a psych appointment soon and the whole concept is unnerving to me. I also feel ike I'm going to get ripped off.
Usually the person I'm talking to PAYS ME to talk about myself not the other way around.
I have a feeling they are going to get more out of it than I will.
i have a huge slit accross my arm and i tell everyone who asks about it that it got cut in shipment, or that a cat scratched me. I don't own a cat, and cardboard boxes arent too sharp, are they? I have slits all across my thighs and im pretty sure they will scar. I counted them, its just about 100 in total. At some point i think i was aiming for 100 as if it was some sort of landmark i could take personal pride in. I took antidepressants about 2 months ago for the first time ever and had my first ever panic attacks. They weren't out of fear of getting into an accident, or panicking because i didnt think i'd turn in a paper on time or anything. I had them because i would start to think long and hard about if i was going to die alone, if i am likable by any means, if i was worth living, and every single time the answer i came up with was no. That's why they happened. I quit cold turkey like i was told never to do and now the mask i put on in public is stronger than ever. I parked in my driveway after work one day and sat in my car talking about why i want to kill myself and how i would do it, and not even 30 seconds later the mailman walked up to the front door to deliver a package and i was all smiles. I even joked around with him and he left laughing. Then i went right back to making the plan.
I basically fall in love with anyone who gives me attention and take it as a devastating breakup if they go a week without talking to me. I'm defective in so many ways. I'm 20 and I feel like its time to give up, but i don't believe in life after death, so i stave off the urge enough to go to bed and wake up the next morning.
sigh
the following sentence has no purpose nor sense
>>17133987
That's not a nice thing to say to someone. What did they ever do to you?
>>17134062
People don't realize how a huge underlying factor of depression and all this despair and sadness is actually because they're actually really selfish self-centered people. Try not thinking about yourself and your happiness as the only meaning in life and just try living just for the sake of living. You're essentially self-imposing these problems. It's unnecessary. Don't think of yourself so much. Don't center your existence around yourself so much and just live. It sounds weird maybe to you but that's how things are. If you are seeking something so badly that you won't get right away, it results in sadness.
>>17134103
Worst and most wrong advice I've ever seen on this board in the years its existed, and that says a lot. Depression is not the result of being self-centered or selfish, and it is in fact, not even an underlying factor.
t. A guy who actually went to school for psychology instead of reading the internet.
I'm fucking tired of everything. I have no future, i'm fucking stupid. I blew all my chances for a brighter future. I do not know what to do anymore .
>>17134119
I'm not stating it as a fact or generalization, I'm saying a lot of people focus on themselves so fucking much that it results in depression. Perhaps not clinical, but it does contribute. I don't care if you went to school. It's a simple realization. Some people, and I know a few, base their mood and happiness so much on themselves that it causes them great sadness.
life is shitty, i want to suicide but im to much of a pussy. i hate myself so much. i dont know how to deal with this shit.
>>17134132
You'd think your right, and without the expertise the half-assed logic does sort of make sense. But the withdrawal into the self, and the building of all the self-central thinking is caused by depression, it doesnt cause it. People can also be that way without any depressive issues, its not a catch all.
That is to say, it is a symptom that the person may have depression. It does not, and never will be a cause for depression.
Now, constantly comparing yourself to others, and being very self oriented in regards to how you measure toward the world and such can make one unhappy, yes absolutely, but it has not, will not, and never has been a cause or contributor to depression. At most, it may make a minor case of depression worse because you pick at all of your own faults, but it alone would never even be near a basis to cause actual depression.
Depression isnt a magic word for every kind of sadness there is, and sadness doesnt necessarily lead to, or equate with depression. Part of why people dont do what they need to to treat depression is because of people like you parroting horrible opinions and misusing the word, which makes them believe not only is it their fault entirely, but it is also that theyre a shitty awful selfish person. Which obviously helps things alot, doesnt it?
>>17132383
Everyone is lonely, anon.
Girls who act man hatey are often also lonely or in shitty relationships.
It may also be an age thing. Girls in their late teens go through a man hating phase because they are anxious about what it might mean to be a girl dating a guy- like will they end up losing themselves in a relationship or will the guy not respect them if they lose their virginity?
Girls become a lot more chill about guys once they have dated and made friends with more men in their early 20s.
>>17134062
Anon, you might need to check and see if you have BPD.
If you do, you can get special therapy for it or read the books if you're an amerifag and can't afford it. It helped me so much after they told me that's what I have.
>>17131513
>>17131513
my life is in shambles. i'm a failure at everything i do. my wife is unhappy in our marriage. we're seeing a counselor this evening.
i want to die.
>>17133597
I feel the pain
work is stupid
>>17132962
Get help seriously. The fact that you're even thinking of hurting people this way is wrong. Don't hurt anyone. Get some counselling instead
I love you. I want a monogamous relationship with you, you're everything to me. I have friends and a life with other aspects too, but my love life is you and what we have. I hope you understand. I hope you want the same thing. I accept your wish. I feel like we are so perfect for each other, heart, mind and soul. Sweet love, I'm so happy to be with you. Complete. Thank you for coming to me. This is why I let you go, to give us time to know how the other really felt. I know I love you. I always have and I always will. Thank you for everything. Let me know love
>>17134103 >>17134132
What you're referring to is common to people with cluster-B disorders, sure.
The problem is that it doesn't apply to every depressed person, not even close: eg many people with some cluster-C issues tend to pathologically focus on others and neglect or devalue their own well-being, ie the exact opposite. And for those people, such "advice" is incredibly counterproductive because they'll take it as proof of the self-hating bullshit their anxious mind already comes up with: that they really are terrible people, that they don't do enough for others, that they're too self-centered/selfish, that they only think about themselves, that this is all their fault, that they deserve to be miserable because they haven't given or done enough to deserve happiness, and ultimately that they should kill themselves and do everyone a favor since they'll never be a "good person".
Such people actually need to learn to stop basing their mood, self-esteem, and life plans/goals on other people, and to focus on what's called the "self" in psychoanalysis: their own feelings, their own needs, their own wants and desires, etc.
With >>17134062 it's impossible to tell unless they post a whole lot more (though my gut says neither is applicable).
Try not to say shit like that before knowing the situation better, it can do a lot of damage.
I sent Boko Haram to blow up a Hotel where illuminatis were having a lodge meeting. Because a guy called Mazaher Mohammed parents were there, he was sent by the illuminatis to kill me/poison me/inject me with HIV/etc...
Moreover, illuminatis tried to kill me even before I went to Australia to study 8 years ago many times. And my government was just watching and fapping. All are illuminatis.
Yes am terrorist in the eyes of illuminatis, but I only terrorise people who terrorised me, illuminatis.
But I will keep fighting for truth and freedom of my soul.
Everything fell through and now I have to suck up my pride and try to get a position back at my old mcjob.
It stings. A lot. At least if I get it back I can be around a friend or two. Better than remaining unemployed I suppose.
why can't it all just be a dream
I know I'm too fat for you to love me. It's kind of amazing, really. I was practically drowning in men when I was thin, but no one likes a fat girl. No one has hit on me in almost a year. I almost want to say sorry for it, because you've given me every indication that you like everything about me except my body and that makes me want to apologize. I'm sorry we're so perfect for each other but I'm too fat to be attractive. I'm sorry I'm not losing weight fast enough, and that by the time I'm thin I'll be hours away because I'm moving this year. I'll always think back on these times and wonder, "What if I had gotten my shit together sooner?"
Maybe I'll come back one day and get that closure in the form of a one night stand, or maybe by then you'll be happily with someone else. Time will tell.
>>17133999
hm your first initial?
>>17133999
Sort yourself out first. Never go into a trip with baggage or at least make peace with yourself first.
All of my bad trips happened when I hastily jumped in without preparing myself first. Usually a week of solid meditating and confronting my current issues lead to good trips.
i've been feeling out of it since you've been gone. like, i've been more clairvoyant in a way.
after that guy tried to get in my pants against my will, i've been planting scarecrows and totems in the yard. i really can't wait for you to get home... i was so happy when you were here. now things are just getting too fucked up... i'll be so happy to see you again. i'm glad your dog protects me.
What happened between us the night we were drunk and arguing loudly? When that all calmed down and we were nearer, it feels like something happened
My dream of the perfect match was real
Ŵe are real
When we're together, I feel, I love to be alive!
ne day me and my co workers have a meeting. aparently one of us has to stay an hour later and change our schedule from 7-4 to 8-5. everyone wants me to volunteer because I live the closest to the jobsite. I really don't want to do that because I love getting out at 4. worker 1 and 2 are treating me badly saying I'm messed up for not volunteering because they have to deal with traffic on the way home and I don't. Its not my fault they chose to live so far. the senority ladder goes like this. Boss>worker2>me>worker1.
What should I do to keep my schedule of 7-4
it always seems regardless of how hard I work, I always just make enough money to continue onto the next month. I can never earn enough to buy healthcare or a car. Ive actually been ashamed to try to meet anyone and have a relationship because I have so little to give and am unimpressive.
I was raised by my aunt and I look at her and how hard she worked, only to see the government and insurance companies con her out of everything they owed her. Shes going crazy now and I found out she was planning on selling her house and moving in with someone. Im really worried that shed do that because i think inheriting her house and car is the best chance I got to having basic things Id need to start a life.
Im nearly 30 and I feel like I haven't earned anything above what I had when I was 16 and started working.
I miss you. You may be ugly but at least you would make me happy, but you''ll never give me a second chance, it's ok, enjoy your vidya and don't get more fat.
>>17134265
Initials?
At the end of June I think I might become an hero.
At least that way I can leave some money to some people who need it and I can finally go knowing that although I'm a horrible piece of shit, there was at least one good thing I did.
It took you three fucking weeks of daily chatting to mention that you had a wife, but by then I'd already started having feelings. I'm lonely as fuck, haven't had a boyfriend in years, and have nothing to offer yet you got my hopes up with the flirting and cute words and telling me that I'm too perfect to be real. Then you drop that bomb on me.
Now, I'm fighting with myself on whether I should still talk to you or just stop, but you're the only companion I have left. Keep talking to you = keep hurting. Stop talking to you = back to being lonely and worthless. I may be lonely and hate myself, but I'm not a home wrecker. I do have some pride. My brain knows what to do but my heart just won't let the fuck go. If I didn't like you so much I'd hate you right now.
All of my friends are vine-spouting DUDE BRO jocks that I hate, but I get along with them oddly well. I meet a lot of girls this way too.
I bandwagon along because my other option is to hang out with autistic spergs, just like me.
I'm fucking losing it. Is that what happens when your cram to much information and knowledge of different things, and different standpoint of the things. I have came out the other side very opinionated and kind of a dick. Especially to liberal types. They literally make me sick to my stomach now. And I have been watching to many illuminati videos and reading on the Roth child's while still reading the Bible alot. And learning about snakes n shit. Plus all the white hate lately has turned me into a rascist. (Maybe that's from pol idk.) Idk. I'm cracking up.
Also I have 3 kids a wife and mortgage 3 cars 2 shit jobs fuck grass to cut, decks to build. Plumming to fix, etc..Fuck me. I quit drinking 6 months ago. Not a drop since I wonder if part of my mental state is part of the cleansing. Ahhhh bb fuck it. I know one thing. I was raised to fight as a white boy in a black hood it's just natural to be aggresive. And I feel I could snap on so.eone any momment. I smoke the best weed on earth continually. I have for the past 20 years. That only distress me for a few minutes. So yeah. Thanks for this thread. Jesus take the wheel.
i'm growing really fucking resentful of him. like this hatred is consuming me. so, we had a fight, i didn't talk to him for 3 weeks, and then when we did lay it out, i told him what was wrong. he told me things he wanted to change about me. so i did, i asked him out, because all he had wanted was exclusivity.
so here i am, almost a month in, and he still hasn't asked to see me. sure we message everyday, but i had stressed that not spending time was what led to the blow-out.
well, it's clear. he is more than fine with getting his way, but me? i deserve nothing, and shit, it's not like i said i wanted to spend every day with him, i like my independence, he knows that.
and i'm not even sure why i had expected him to go out of his way, to see me.
he doesn't want me, he just doesn't want me to be with anyone else.
so fuck it, fuck it all, i'm ending things with him.
>>17133987
Go ahead!
Then you'll be back in prison where you belong for the rest of your short-ass life.
why did things have to end up like this? for the second time im left with no roof over my head and and nowhere to go. this time i know its going to be some much worse. i wish somehow, someway life didnt have to turn out this way. sometimes i just wish i was born into a more fortunate family and i couldve been under much better circumstances. seeing myself type these things just makes me feel so fucking pathetic. god i want to die
I fucking love Diablo incense and there isn't a damn thing you can say to stop me.
I also love watching people trip the fuck out on youtube/irl
>>17133877
Ahh man exactly. He's literally one of only people I can stand being around for prolonged periods of time. Part of me wants to spill out my guts, part of me is too terrified to say anything because I don't want to lose one of the best friends I've ever had. O.o
>>17134827
You sure he's not sitting at his computer right now thinking the exact same thing about you?
i want you so bad right now....
it's the depression and loneliness talking... but i need you.
>>17134849
It never works that way anon. You should know by now.
>>17134939
No you don't, yall need fuckin' Jesus.
Nah, but seriously. You don't.
>>17131513
My friends don't respect me. It's something I've come to realize in recent months and it really fucking sucks knowing that people that are important to me couldn't care less if I'm around. When I do hang out with them, I sometimes tend to be the butt of the joke and they fuck with me, but always felt that it was because I was able to take it, since I take myself less seriously than they do themselves, and I did fuck with them on occasion as well. I guess I was naive not to take it as genuine disrespect.
>>17134265
Holy shit, you just slapped love all over the place in there, huh. Oh yeah, that's not off-putting at all. I'm absolutely positive you don't want to kill me in my sleep, and consume my organs so that you can be, "Closer to me".
Seriously? You have me sit through 30 minutes of your pimple popping video fetish, but the moment I just mention that I like watching miniature food channels suddenly I'M the weird one... and don't even try to save your ass by saying "it was just sarcasm." BULLSHIT. You didn't express any insincerity through your tune. Not only that, you are THE most judgmental person I know! So excuuuse me if I thought you were being serious.
>>17132453
Derealisation
>>17135029
seriously?
my GF would do that shit all the time. I would say "that's weirrddddd" and she would take it so fucking seriously.
it's a joke. Get over it.
>>17134941
Says whom?
I've been doing less everyday. But it doesn't bother me. It bothers me that it doesn't bother me. I keep thinking about things I could be doing. But I'm ultimately just sitting there thinking. I'm not sure what I'm doing. There isn't much I do for fun or look forward to. But I don't want to kill myself. I used to have a problem with just existing. I got over it and I'm now just indifferent. Fuck life. It's boring.
>>17135117
Life's alright, anon. Society and social constructs are boring. You've just got to crawl out of the shit, and into the fresh air.
>life is great and I love it
>cozy and happy with job and place
>family problems seemed to have dissipated
>increasingly worried coworkers might know I post on 4chan, a site for japanese cartoons and dysfunctional looser adults
>lyfe
>>17134954
Dont respond to me nigger head
Dear mr F.B
What a guy I am.
I go with you, cook us taters, help you climb, and your little friend, who hasnt even known you as long as I have, accuses me of being a theif?
Ive never told anyone this, but on that night, that little fucker THREW OUR FOOD OFF THE CLIFF AND MADE IT LOOK LIKE I ATE IT. I know I lost my temper but he even called me fat. Im not fat. And you tell me to go away, without question?
Are you serious? What made you trust him(them)? Do you know what he did to you? He wanted you dead.
Then after I save you, carry you up the damn mountain, and try to save your life, thats when you realize i'm your best friend. This is ridiculous.
Why did you have to leave me, I still love you.
S.G
I am a huge pussy and cannot bring myself to ask out my friend of 5 years, mainly because 2 of our other friends have and he rejected them both because the first was batshit crazy and the second was unattractive and I don't want to believe I'm better than them and that I would have a chance where they didn't and I deeply fear his rejection even though I know he wouldn't make it into an issue in our friendship.
Batshit crazy desperately wants us to get together so that she can live vicariously through me since she's engaged now, and unattractive still has it bad for him but is being mature about BC pushing us together, although I can tell she is hesitant/jealous. She isn't vindictive or resentful, though, and because we're friends I would hate to feel like I was hurting her or going behind her knowing full well she has feelings for him. This is one of the main reasons I haven't confided in either of them that yes, I DO like him. They both think I'm not interested. BC was rejected years ago. Unattractive was rejected around October, I think. I've had a thing for him for about a year now; no one in our friend group knows about it.
tl;dr - My friend and I both like the same guy but I am too scared of his rejection and of hurting her to make a move.
I feel to scared to approach everyone because I think they immediately judge me as a titanic idiot upon seeing me, but whenever anyone talks to me they seem to think I'm pretty nice, if a little awkward and quiet. I try to keep that in mind when I want to talk to people, but if I see even one person I know and I'm in the middle of something else, even something as simple as getting food from a cafeteria, I try to hide or avoid their gaze because I tell myself I know I'm a bad person and that I'm not supposed to talk to anyone.
I've been trying for months to get out of this loop, but nothing helps except repeated exposure to the same people in small amounts every week or so, when it comes to feeling comfortable around people. I still end up avoiding those people though, and I've been getting violent thoughts more often. I'm worried that if I don't get some sort of regular social interaction soon I'll try to hurt someone
>>17134941
Yeah, i guess.
I wish there was some site where we could all somehow confess our secret love for people and both be notified when its mutual.
Too bad some nignogs would probably fuck it up by pretending to like everybody to mock and bully people.
>>17135173
Oh man I know these fucking feels. Posted >>17127258 in the last letter thread.
How long have you been this way? Many years for me, since 7th grade or so.
Don't have any violent thoughts myself though, i actually really like to help people. That's why i'm on this board so much.
We haven't spoken in quite some time now, which is why I lurk /adv/ often. I read letters and pretend they are from you to me. Realistically, I know some other poor bastard wrote them to someone they miss, but imagining you wrote them for me brings me immense comfort.
I know Im pathetic for doing so.. but it was the only way i could fulfill my "you" addiction. You've always been my drug. So when things were over.. what else was i supposed to do? You can't just quit a drug you're addicted to. So this is where I get my fix. Trust me, Its never as good as the real thing, But its better than nothing. Pretending you're still apart of my life is the only thing t hat keeps me going. Id be dead if I admitted to myself you are gone for good. Besides, pretending is the only thing I'm good at: pretending I'm fine, pretending i don't love you, pretending I'm happy.
God fucking damn it I miss you. Please come home to me.
>>17134337
>>17134162
I just got learned.
>>17133887
Desperation is unattractive and pathetic
>>17135244
I feel and do the same, anon, my ex used to give me this feeling in my stomach I only now get from letter threads. I've been here doing the same shit for 6 years
>>17135279
Will I ever stop missing him, anon?
>>17135136
Pretty sure my coworkers know I browse. Not like they know what 4chan is anyways.
>>17134701
Why the end of june?
>>17135261
Speak for yourself.
>>17134677
Fuck u. I'll fatten up if I want, fag
>>17134677
I wish I could just speed through the getting to know some great guy right. I need my cunt fucked but my values and needs require a decent relationship before that. I need cock so badly right now. I'm worried I'm going to make a stupid decision because I'm just that thirsty. Masturbation isn't cutting it. Need. Thick. Cock.
>>17132893
This one has been the most interesting
>>17135330
same
I'm fucking grumpy and tired every day because you inconsiderate assholes are up late, loud, slam doors, yell, etc. I didn't even know a person could make such a racket at midnight preparing a sandwich in a kitchen, but you guys somehow make it sound like guns are being fired and plates are breaking.
You gripe at me for being 'grumpy' and not wanting to do shit when I get home from work. I tell you the reason why and then get up in the middle of the night to remind you to please be quiet. What do I get?
>At Night: "Dude, chill out. Jesus. We'll try to be quiet man."
>ten or fifteen minutes of silence then they continue to be loud as fuck
>At Day: "Dude, [anon] is acting like a dick today. What the fuck is his problem?"
>get told constantly that I'm being a grumpy dick when I'm just tired and want to take a fucking nap
>>17135330
................D?
worried your tits and ass won't be enough for me sexually. I need a thinner face and body for me to fuck and see whenever you're being a whore. low key extremely sad you're fat and happy with it.
okay story time.I know this girl right, i call her the goddess,because,god damn shes fine.Like,super fine.well anyway. Idk why but i messaged her via facebook and she responded to me.lolok.then, the next thing I know,im meeting up with the goddess and giving her 100 bucks,im about 99.999999% sure she has a bf,but i might blaze her out tomorrow. but for real though i gotta get laid again before i
>>off my self.
>>17132951
go to the psych
>>17132453
Is this real life? Is this just fantasy?
>>17132514
Are you me? Cause kinda feel the same.
Pls pup come lay with me :(
Need to eat a gun.
I compulsively download images off 4chan into 1 big folder going back at least 8 years. I always think I'm going to sort them, but I never do. I don't even go back and look at them, why the fuck do I save them? Send help
>>17135464
Wow. ThAts mean as fuck. Damn you better look good/have a great dick/make lots of money/deal drugs to justify that shit. Yoh are serous girl nightmare territory, bitch.
>>17135464
Let's see your fat cock then.
If I actually had a backbone I would have broken up with you already. I've been trying to be supportive because you have bad drug habits. Yet, you know you were going to be drug tested before your state mandated drug rehabilitation.
This relationship is toxic to me and I really don't see you changing as a person anytime in the near future. Fuck you.
>>17135542
save meeeeeeeee
I hope you're not trying to lure me to you through the power of sex. Do you take me for Her? I'm not completely asexual but most of the time I'd rather be playing kid's games than banging, no offense. I guess I'm a little, uh, frigid.
I wish I could slap you ate everything you've put me through. It's ironic because I told you in the beginning what I need and don't need. It's like you purposely fucked with me.
>>17135570
so I'm shallow as hell, sue me
>>17131513
I have the most beautiful boyfriend ever.
I'm so happy I could finally open my heart up to him and get past my insecurities of being abandoned.
the way his nose wrinkles when he smiles throws me over the moon.
I love that he calls me mommy and I hope he will forever.
He's so soft and cute anyone would be lucky to call him theirs.
Im so happy I let myself feel love for someone after so long, I thought I never could again
>>17135599
After everything*
>>17135601
Still waiting on that fat cock of yours.
>>17135294
If I do anything now, I leave nothing to no one.
Has to be June.
I mostly use sex as a way to get what I want or as a way to reward good behavior. Ideally I'd have sex once every two weeks or so, the rest of the time I'd prefer to masturbate.
>>17135599
Maybe she cared about her needs more than yours.
>>17135610
Whore
>>17135614
It's a he. And he most certainly did. I did the opposite.
>>17135615
I meant in the context of a loving relationship.
>>17135608
meant to reply to that other post saying I better be the richest man.
not so much you.
because my dick isn't too fat.
if you want to see it so bad I'm home alone all night though
>>17135623
Ahh, it isn't too fat? You'll stay unfuckable forever with a pencil dick and a shallow though process. GG
>>17135621
O OK nvm
>>17135623
why stay with someone you aren't attracted to? thats suicide
I lack self control in my habits. I wish I could change who I was.
>>17135610
You sound like a *great* fuck, ho.
* *sarcasm
whenever im with my boyfriend I want to be naughty, he doesn't feel the same as often because his drive is lower.
I feel bad for sexualizing him so often but I can't help it.
>>17135632
looks like a white knight wishes he could get pussy too episode
>>17135636
because she's heaven and everything good in my life.
I'd just prefer she started trying to be healthy like me. I'll probably get over it I wouldn't ever say this to her face because it's only a big deal for a second.
>sitting at the bar
>dude in his 60s next to me glued to his smart phone
>something I've tried to avoid doing because it's a Millennial stereotype
>>17132962
Common curiosities for people. Not really any need to talk to your partner about it unless you plan on acting on them. Which is probably why he gets uncomfortable when you try to talk about it. And as for trophies, it's more like souvenirs. Whenever you travel or have a meaningful outing for you, you want something to take home with you to help you reminisce about your experience when you're feeling nostalgic.
>>17135669
oh so you do love her? what you said made you sound like a sociopath that only uses her for sex.
have you tried working out together?
>>17133863
>>17133867
I already talk to the sister almost daily (she's based, plays dark souls and feels home in the kitchen, great person overall) It's a shame I didn't meet her earlier so things could be easier.
I'll wait a few weeks to not feel so guilty. At least I can play DS with her.
>>17133603
think of it in this way: you're going to ruin their family dynamic if you jump your ex's sister. do you really want to be a homewrecker based on your sexual desires that will just wayne in time? Why not fuck someone else?
>>17135623
ew, what a fucking loser creep.
no wonder she's fat and happy and with it, who the fuck would want to impress you?
>>17135702
also if you think it wont mess up things talk to your ex just to make sure, she might be okay with it afterall. communication is important in this kind of situation. Talk to her brother too.
>>17135330
Make sure to clean up your slime trail when you're done you gross pig.
>>17135702
>>17135707
That's the worst case scenario and what I fear. I don't want to be that guy.
But I can't help it. It isn't just about wanting to have sex with her. I have intense feelings for her (have had for a long time) and would like to see how far they go. I want to make her feel good and happy. Especially since her ex was a manchild who couldn't appreciate her at all.
It's very delicate situation. In the end she may choose to stay "loyal" to her sister and deny her feelings for me, which I would understand but be very sad to hear.
>>17135741
its not only the worst case scenario but also the most realistic scenario. you could try fucking someone else in the meantime to see if your feelings for her sister are actually real vs you just being on the rebound right now
>>17131513
Im 21 , went down the rabbit hole.
Its never been the same.
All around me I see bullshit, worthless work to trap me even more in this bee hive. And idiots watching evil propaganda everywhere.
Im and growing more desperate everyday. It feels like im stuck and there is almost no way out, except death, maybe..
Im screaming on the inside and literally went full psycho mode inside because of tgis awesome planet.
Im only running on the thought of getting rich.
I went to the doc 2 days agobc I want a solution to what going on in my head. Im losing more and more focus and spiralling down. I told her all of it, from my fucked sleeping pattern wearing me down since about 2 years. But lately its getting out of hand. I know I hacent done anything but lack energy to do so only to not being able to sleep and not getting anything done because of lack of focus and rest.
She just asked questions, seemed to not take it seriously took my blood only to ship me off with you have vit D shortage get some....
Will anyone ever take me serious or do I have to just jeep on being fucked for everyone to see and no one helping? They just say you should just sleep, but I JUST CANT... Im just wrecked. With long periods of drowsy anxiety only for it to keep my mind racing so I cant sleep.
She didnt even want to give me sleeping pills or gave me options for a psychiatrist ....
Its starting to look like im just ment to die or rot and everyone doesnt care.
I keep string but im exhausted, unfocussed, not helped by a doc when finally having energy to go consult one..
My god fts. But alright I should just go see another doc or go back or whatever.. Hhhhh... its irritating tf out of me.
Anyways good luck guys and girls.
I really think you could have done better and been way happier with me. I think he's not really fucking worth your time, dude's much more manchild than me- and THAT'S hard to be. But, I mean, I guess i'm not as attractive as I used to be, somehow. That hurts. It really does. Fuck.
I care for you way too much. It's stuopid really, this is a crush I didn't even want but it ended up as something so strong. Why? You're replaceable, everybody is. But I can't... I can't stop thinking about you. ANd now, I can't stop thinking about you and him and it keeps me up at night. This was the last thing I needed.
Dumbasses tell you " follow your heart".
Well, fuck them. I didn't want any of this. I want you, but I don'tw ant to go after you.
I've been suicidal since I was 15. Used to cut myself often, and made at least 2 serious attempts at ending my life between 15 and 16 (during my parents divorce). I stopped cutting only because I could see how much it was hurting the people around me and I was tired of hiding the scabs, but the suicidal thoughts never really went away.
I took up riding motorbikes 50/50 as both a 'healthy/normal obsession' (riding's the only hobby I have outside of vidya which had consumed my life to that point) and because I can ride them like a have a death wish.
It turns out I'm a pretty good rider. I'm almost 27 now, riding for 10 years and never had a major crash. Thanks to the focus it takes to ride a bike at death-wish speeds, the suicidal thoughts have actually gotten less intense and much less frequent, to the point that it's more just an idea that crosses my mind, rather than actually thinking about it.
I found out yesterday about something that happened on the weekend that I'm not even comfortable discussing anonymously, which is big because this is normally the only place I can ever share my truly deepest feelings.
Now this whole past day, I can't stop very seriously considering riding fast into a solid wall with no helmet on. Luckily my bike was in for a service today. My mind is all kinds of messed up right now and I just don't know what to do but bottle it up at the moment.
>>17135805
>Im 21 , went down the rabbit hole.
21 here too, I know some of those feels.
>>17135805
>She just asked questions, seemed to not take it seriously took my blood only to ship me off with you have vit D shortage get some....
Don't worry, they have to do that first. Basically it's to make sure you don't have something obvious and easily treatable, such as a thyroid issue: hypo mimics depression and hyper mimics mania and ADHD.
And nobody gives a shit about vitamin D, on most screens at least 2/3 of americans come up deficient.
>Will anyone ever take me serious or do I have to just jeep on being fucked for everyone to see and no one helping?
Sometimes you have to get fucked quite a lot. It took most of a year for me to get diagnosed even with narcolepsy, and that shit's pretty obvious: it's just that it took them most of a year (and 15 medications) to realize it's not psychiatric and send me to a goddamn sleep specialist to get tested.
>They just say you should just sleep, but I JUST CANT... Im just wrecked. With long periods of drowsy anxiety only for it to keep my mind racing so I cant sleep.
Yep, that's what anxiety does to you. That's why the "take this sedative before bed" regimen is so popular: they tried it on me about 5 times with different drugs (eg xanax, seroquel, trazodone), but all of them just fucked my sleep even more. I sleep better on amphetamine than on xanax.
You on the other hand, probably need the xanax. They'll put you something like it sooner or later (that or ambien/lunesta).
>She didnt even want to give me sleeping pills or gave me options for a psychiatrist ....
Shouldn't start fucking around till the blood comes back, in case it's endocrine or rheumo (you really don't want to go through a year of psychiatric funtime then find out at the end that you have a thyroid problem instead).
Good luck to you too man.
I've posted this everywhere but I don't know what to do without trolls responding.
I have been with my GF (Long distance) for 1.5 years and happy.
It's also my birthday next week and she's sent me stuff already.
Last night out of nowhere she seemed sad and I asked what was wrong, she said "the distance". So I promised her we would be together soon and it will be worth it and then I asked her if she loved me and she said "idk" which crushed me and was very blunt but then was less blunt later on. She wouldn't even show her face on Skype.
So I open the stuff she sent to me early and find out that it's a small bracelet and cute stuff like a card saying "I love you lots xxx".
What do I do? I don't know what's wrong.
Could she just be a little depressed?
>>17136048
>She wouldn't even show her face on Skype.
Sounds like she was sucking off some dude off-screen. What other reason could there possibly be?
>>17136051
Kek I mean I could see all of her except face when we were talking.
I've been trying so hard to be more social, but every time I put myself out there it goes poorly. My therapist keeps saying I'm doing fine, that social anxiety twists your thoughts and makes you feel like something went worse than it did, but how am I supposed to feel like I'm doing a good job or passing for normal when people either ignore me or will flat-out say that I'm weird? People don't give any indication of having any interest in what I say.
I don't think therapy is helping. He's not teaching me to be less repulsive, he's just teaching me to be outgoing. Whatever it is about me that makes people think I suck is still there. I'll make a joke in line with the ones other people in the room are making and nobody will laugh. I'll give my thoughts on something everyone in the room is giving their thoughts on and everybody will ignore me while acting like comments others made a few minutes later expressing the same thoughts are really insightful.
I'm not even sure why people don't like me. Am I autistic or something?
>>17136039
Are you a guy or a gal? Interesting to compare subtypes of depression.
For me, first wanted to kill myself at 11. Never cut myself or did any parasuicidal shit though, i hid it all inside. Still do.
First hinted about it to my parents at 17, confirmed that they're shit at love/help/support/etc. Dad basically called me a weak neurotic sensitive feminine pussy, mom is in denial and keeps saying i was a "happy kid" and she "didn't see any signs".
Makes me kind of sad that a miserable 10 year old can put on a fake smile and fool everyone so convincingly, even his own mother. Haven't told them jack shit since, live alone now.
I wonder if we can call this phenomenon "overt" (yours) vs "covert" (mine).
If you don't mind talking about it, how did you start cutting yourself?
I'm wondering whether most people primarily learn it from others or come up with it on their own.
Sort like with schizophrenics and smoking: finding a biological component to this could hint at new treatments and medications.
And again if you don't mind, these are painful questions: how did you try to kill yourself? What went through your mind at the time? Was it planned out in time, or more of a spur-of-the-moment thing?
>>17136048
>She wouldn't even show her face on Skype.
Because she was crying.
>What do I do? I don't know what's wrong.
Neither do we, we ain't clairvoyant. You're stuck buddy, especially at a distance.
Are you actually planning to move together soon or is that just fantasy?
I'm scared of intimacy. I don't think I'm ready.
>>17136067
At least you have a therapist.
I'm just the same with social anxiety, like the way you describe it could just as well be describing me. (With people ignoring you, have you considered that you might just talk too quietly? That's what I always tell myself..)
>>17136039
That's me and for the first time in my life I've started thinking about seeking professional help. Would you recommend it, do you think it actually helps even a little bit? Or is it just a waste of money?
>>17136070
Thank you anon
>because she way crying
That makes sense, I'm just not sure if that would be why. When we talked she definitely sounded like she was.
We were planning to move together soon but the problem is that we go to colleges hours away from each other. I'm about to get a car too so I even said I'd see her every week. (Right now every 4 because school but I Skype as often as I can)
I think it might just be a little depression? She had never said or expressed it like this before and I still think she loves me and she had already planned to see me in 2 weeks and sent the birthday stuff I mentioned.
I'm not sure what to do. I am waiting for her to wake up right now and talk to me because she said she didn't want to talk last night.
>>17131513
I'm the reason George Lucas sold star wars
>I saw him while waiting around at a busstop
>me"Hi"
>He looked at me kind of funny
>him"Hey man."
>We started an awkward conversation
>I honestly didn't recognize him at first and was just board
>We exchanged names
>I thought he was some old dude with Alzheimer's
>Said he was bluffing
>Showed me a picture of him dicking around on the set where I think they were shooting hoth seen
>It's actually him
>Gotta choose my word wisely
>"You ever fuck one of the actors?"
>God fucking dammit
>He started a story about his "storm trooper" experience
>Went on really fucking long
>Bus has gone by twice now
>him"She wore that helmet the rest of the day if you can believe."
>me"I didn't know you could do that with cum."
>him"I bet you don't know how to do much of anything with cum."
>We laughed a little
>him"Seriously though, if you tell anybody I'll sue you."
>me"Okay then."
>him"Hey kid do you think star wars was actually good?"
>I think I'm going to piss myself
>me"It's alright."
>I'm a pussy
>him"I can't keep this shit up."
>me"What?"
>him"Fucking star wars that's what."
>him"All I ever get is people kissing my ass or calling it shit."
>me"Okay."
>him"IT'S NOT OKAY!"
>Bus docent even stop this time
>me"Then why don't you give up?"
>him"I can't do that! It's like killing a child.
>me"Why not give it to someone who can take care of it?"
>him"Who could handle something so important? Who would continue it for future generations?"
>me"What about Cartoon Network?"
>him"That shit didn't go so well did it?"
>me"I liked it."
>him"Are you kidding? They burly had the money to make it let alone produce movies in today's world."
>me"What else is there?"
>him"What about Disney?"
>me"All they do is make shitty reality shows with bad acting"
>him"And nickelodeon?"
>me"Give it to Disney for gods sake give it to Disney."
>me"They can beat that dead horse back to life."
>him"Maybe you're right."
>Mfw starwars could have been a nick series
>>17136067
Same here, but some people (always older people) do like me. My tips: always compliment others, always redirect conversation back to their life, don't talk about yourself unless asked, be willing to do things for them. People my age think I'm weird as hell but older people love the way I indulge them and want to spend time with me.
I've fallen for someone I met on 4chan. We've only spoken through text and I don't know what they look like but I'm 99% sure it's another girl. But I feel like I'm in love with her. I want to make her happy. I want to hold her in my arms.
>>17136070
I'm a guy.. I don't really mind talking about it anon, as I said at least until yesterday I was barely thinking about it anymore so most of the painful memories are long in the past now.
I wouldn't really call mine in general 'overt' though it was I guess when the thoughts first started, in a generic 'cry for help' kinda way, which I never got. But since probably 17 I haven't cut myself at all, just had the thoughts, I'm certainly not overt about it anymore.
That's actually an interesting question about how I started cutting, I've never really thought about it that way but yeah, I guess I 'learnt' it from my first girlfriend, I saw the scabs on her arms and remembered how it just made me want to help her.
>I don't really mind talking about it anon it's just long distant memories
yeah I started typing out how I tried to kill myself and what i was going through at the time, and I just couldn't get through it and had to delete it all so uh sorry bout that, I thought I'd be more ok with it lol
>>17135023
It's his choice, I thanked him for coming to me. I love him very much. I would never harm him or try to make him love me. This is why I let him choose. I'm not the person who wrote about wanting to harm people. That was weird. I'm just in love and there's no one else. Don't worry. It's not about you
>>17136078
Bump
What do?
>>17135748
You're probably right. I'll give it time and try to enjoy being single. But honestly, I've liked her since meeting her. I think I'll regret not telling her my feelings at some point. Now is not the time though.
I think the people on /adv/ are generally smarter than people on /b/ but somehow infinitely more annoying and less mature, which is really saying something. If this is a snapshot of the concerns of twenty somethings then we are absolutely fucked.
Been around 1,5 years since I broke up with her and she found someone else in no time while I'm still alone. I was the one who broke up with her but now I kinda regret doing it (mainly because things could've worked out but I was a pussy and decided to take the easy way out.) I'm tired of being alone, heck I want a long term relationship. I feel like I'm kinda wasting my college years being stuck up on the past and failing to find someone new. Maybe all I need is a little more patience, maybe finally this summer I'll find someone new. :|
>>17136067
>how am I supposed to feel like I'm doing a good job or passing for normal when people either ignore me or will flat-out say that I'm weird?
If your brain decides went badly, you'll feel bad. Otherwise, you'll feel good.
The catch here is that the less your reward system responds to social interaction, the less you feel a primal pleasure rush, and the more involved your conscious mind is in the evaluation process. Unfortunately it has unrealistic standards for "social success" due to the staged bullshit we see on TV and in movies. It's judging you against people like my grandfather, a silver-tongued social magician who can turn even his most hardened enemy into a drinking buddy with just a couple jokes.
On a tangent: this is why we really want to find a "clean" version of entactogens/SNDRAs (like MDMA, aka Ecstasy): these drugs basically force neurons to release much more of the relevant chemicals, so normal people take them for fun to make social interaction (especially sex) more pleasurable. That's why X makes them run around talking to and hugging strangers.
You're not autistic in the classic sense (brain extensively rewired), but there's a working hypothesis that people like you (and me) have a particularly weak social reward response, and that a future entactogen could be used to make us feel what raging extroverts feel when they interact with people.
This would be fun, of course, but it'd also fix dilemmas like the one you're in: you'd make progress 10 times faster due to how strongly the reward pathways pump up motivation and learning, and you'd even enjoy it.
Unfortunately that's probably 10-20 years off by my guess, since every single entactogen discovered so far is unacceptably neurotoxic, most pharma companies have given up on finding a safe one.
For now, listen to your therapist for a little while longer (give them at least 3-6 months imo).
If you aren't happy with your progress by then, find a new one. They ain't created equal.
>>17136112
i'd like to think that the people concerned about bigger issues are already out there either voicing their opinions (which they wouldn't need to secretly vent on a mongolian falconry forum..) or doing something about it
>>17136067
>how am I supposed to feel like I'm doing a good job or passing for normal when people either ignore me or will flat-out say that I'm weird?
You stop relying on validation and learn to personally gauge how you're performing.
>>17136112
Don't worry. It's only a snapshot of the type of twenty somethings that actually come to 4chan for advice. The minority that need to be anon because they don't feel like they can talk to anyone they know... Especially so in the vent threads.
Most twenty somethings are okay. I think. Well at least I'm pretty sure most of them are good enough at dealing with these seemly minor concerns, that they don't need 4chan /adv/
But for those of us that do.. Especially those that come to vent and share secrets they can't even tell their friends... It really helps.
>>17136120
I'm not even limiting this to bigger issues. A lot of this stuff is high school level irrelevance. I don't understand how a lot of what's said on here even forms in peoples' minds to begin with.
You should not be concerned with a lot of this stuff past 20.
>>17136074
>Would you recommend it, do you think it actually helps even a little bit? Or is it just a waste of money?
Not that anon, but it's rarely a waste of money.
Therapy can be, if you run into a shitty therapist: psychiatrists had to graduate med school so it's rarer to run into a truly stupid one.
On the other hand, a great therapist (pic related) will make much more of a difference in your life than a great psychiatrist, since shrinks (like any docs) just consult you for a little while then throw you out, therapists sit with you for an hour or more at a time working through your problems in detail.
Either way, do you think you're better off trying to fight your demons alone? Like pic related says, any help is good.
>>17136092
Don't worry anon, you've been quite helpful.
>>17136125
Sounds good in principle, but that anon is just starting to learn social skills. They have no idea how well they're doing. It's like asking a beginning piano player to judge how well they're playing a piece without relying on the audience's reaction.
>>17136112
This isn't a snapshot of their concerns, it's a snapshot of the concerns they feel like they can't share with others.
Hence all the romantic advice shit and reproductive health questions.
>>17136126
>Well at least I'm pretty sure most of them are good enough at dealing with these seemly minor concerns, that they don't need 4chan /adv/
Don't be so sure about that. Posting on /adv/ is healthier than many other coping mechanisms (eg drinking, violence, drug abuse, passive-aggressive behavior, reckless driving...)
>>17136133
Examples? Pretty sure the high-school shit is from actual high-schoolers
I'm a 25 year old failure. I have given up on my life, i have no hopes, dreams, or aspirations.
>>17136156
>This isn't a snapshot of their concerns, it's a snapshot of the concerns they feel like they can't share with others.
This, pretty much. Hence, all that "irrelevant", "high school level" shit people simply feel afraid to be judged for.
>>17136170
>i have no hopes, dreams, or aspirations.
Did your childhood self have any?
For now, go fulfill those. Make that 8-year-old kid proud.
You'll think of some new dreams eventually.
>>17136170
I'm 26 and have been feeling the same way for the last 2-3 years. You've just gotta keep pushing through it. It hasn't got better for me yet but I'm sure it will.
Maybe take up riding motorbikes, it's a great distraction because it requires a lot of focus on keeping yourself alive, and that's a good habit to keep intact when you're feeling like this.
>>17136170
Tad bit early to be giving up.
>>17136268
When i was 8 i was grieving because my dad had just killed himself. I didn't have an abusive upbringing, my family loves me, i don't drink or do drugs. I'm just broken.
>>17136212
>>17136207
I appreciate the sentiment but I'm not going to make any steps toward bettering myself.
I don't have a license to drive, i live at home, i wok a shitty part time job. I'm actively going to therapy and talking about my situation with friends and family but nobody wants to accept that someone can just say "I gave life a good ol' college try, and I don't like it."
I've tried medication but that wasn't helping me, and my doctor told me that based on my family history (mom, dad, and even younger sister) all deal/dealt with depressive tendencies so i'll probably struggle with it for my whole life.
Based on what i've had so far, another 60~ years of living in constant emotional and mental torment doesn't sound ideal.
I moved to a new city to be closer with family. I honestly believed I might never see them again and finally after all these years here they are. My brother has been depressed for awhile so I thought maybe I could help him with that and my sister has always done this thing where she tries to make her life sound more exciting than it really is.
And its actually really boring here. Like they dont do anything and they dont have any goals. Life is really dull and simple. Im afraid by being here Ill end up the same way. I can already feel my intelligence slip away since I dont need to use it anymore and ive gotten fatter too since everything is so abundant and simple.
I dunno. Its a change from living life out on the streets and kinda a blessing, but this easy simple life just seems to dull my senses and I cant relate to people who complain about what I think are trivial things.
>>17136294
You can't base the future on the past. You never know what might happen.
I guess I was lucky that I got my bike license before I gave up on everything, because they are the only thing that gets me out of the house at all. If you can manage to motivate yourself to do one thing, I would highly recommend getting a license and a bike. It's a great way to pass the time while you wait to see if the future has anything better in store, and it requires full concentration , so much that you forget for a while how pointless everything seems.
