I'm 21, been with my gf for 2 years, I know it's not long for most but for me it's the longest relationship I've had.
We're looking on getting our own place soon and speak about spending the rest of our lives together.
My only worry is I feel as if I'm too young to settle down, I don't want to throw away my younger years but at the same time I don't want to throw away my best relationship for a few years of fun.
Basically I just want to hear both sides of the the story if people could tell me.
Is the issue that you find the relationship and this woman stifling? Or are you just feeling like you're "supposed to" be fucking random sluts at your age?
>>17131312
no matter what you choose, you are going to look back and have some sort of regrets. you will also have some form of joy. there is no right answer.
that being said, i think the biggest issue here is that you are operating under the assumption that you truly believe getting with this girl means being with her forever. this isn't the 1970s. moving in together no longer means the once inevitable getting pregnant and getting married.
im pro independence and think, especially in youth, you should wait til you actually 'settle down' before you settle down with a partner. i doubt at 21 you really know what much of life will have. im 23 and i certainly dont. i love my life as is but in 5 years its probably going to be really different.
>>17131326
I just feel like I've jumped into the relationship too early, all I see is my friends freely booking holidays and going out enjoying themselves and doing whatever they want whilst I don't book holidays with my mates because she doesn't trust them, don't go out to town unless she's with me, I've lost a lot of female friends that i chose to stop actively speaking to because she gets jealous.
Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining about doing that because I want to make her happy, I think I've just come to a point where I've changed my life so much to make her happy I forgot to have fun myself and I can feel what I think is my last chances slipping away.
>>17131339
See that's the issue, i have a lot to thank her for, she's helped me out in times where I could of been homeless, I can't just leave her because I want to go live "the single life" I know it's not going to be like the 70s where we are stuck together but i feel like if we move in together I will just be with her whether I'm happy or not because I owe it to her
>>17131343
>because she doesn't trust them
>they are girls
it is a little weird to go on holiday with girls without your gf. unless you mean its a mixed group.
still, sounds to me like you should leave her. you want the independence of youth, being able to just do something because you want to do it. not having to call your gf and ask if thats okay or check in. its freeing. its beautiful. it sfun. and i recommend it.
>>17131351
>here is the issue
>she helped me, so now im stuck with her until shes done wiht me
you can leave a person at anytime for any reason. consider the following
>staying with someone simply because you are obligated is actually UNFAIR TO THEM as well as to you
its more wrong to stay with someone cuz they 'helped you' then it is to break up wtih them despite them helping you.
you do not owe anyone a life long partnership. or any term partnership. its rather offensive really cuz it implies she cant handle reality and you have to make a fake one.
dont get me wrong, you love her, you care, but you are yearning for something entirely different. you are hoping to not be with her.
just break up with her mate.
>>17131356
Sorry I didn't explain myself, the Holiday I meant to mention was just a lads holiday to Amsterdam, I know it's unfair to stay with someone because I think I have to but there is a part of me that wants to be with her still because I don't think I would find someone who accepts me for me as much as she does and when I think of the relationship we Have and what it could become if I just overcome the these thoughts I'm having then I could have a great life long relationship
>>17131395
>the holiday was just lads holiday
why doesnt she trust the 'lads' then?
>i am conflicted
like i said in my first post, each decision will make you feel some sort of regret. both decisions will also bring you a form of joy.
the issue here seems to be that you are at a major step, and its harder to back out of a relationship when you are living together. you know this and this is why you are talking about it now. my thing is, if you are talking aout it on an advice board then it sounds like you WANT to leave her but are having trouble getting the balls to do it. waiting until you are moved in will only make it harder.
you want advice, and mine is to leave her. i dont know you or anything but what you've said, but thats my advice. if you think otherwise, stay with her. but again, obligation at the age of 21 is not healthy.
go be free, meet people, ladies, lads, mentors, girlfriends, friends, awkward friends you experimented your sexuality with while drunk. try a foreign prostitute. disappear for a week without ever having to explain what happened to anyone. spend an entire night doign somethign your girlfriend hate without having to think of her. spend an entire week just doing things you like regardless of what anyone thinks of them.
live your life. you're 21.
I broke up with my gf almost 2 years back. I haven't had sex since. But I'm super happy I broke up with her
if you want fun in your young years, she's the one for you if you can do that while being with her. if your idea of fun is something not acceptable while in a relationship, then you're not ready for a serious one. anything else, your girlfriend is the one for you if you can have that fun while being with her
>>17131410
She definitely does not trust my mates, she is convinced they will be the cause for me to cheat when I've had many opportunities to cheat I chose not to because I have respect for her.
I'm not wanting to leave her to go sleep around just the freedom to be able to speak to who I want and not have to worry about being accused of flirting with someone. And some of the stuff you said too haha, the fact that I could miss a holiday because she does not want me to go will upset me, but then I think me and her could go on holiday..
I currently am living with her and we are looking on moving into a place together, in about 3 months so I guess Ill just have to think it over, thanks bro
>>17131440
I'm biased. i was a in a situation like yours and chose the single life. been perpetually single since. I've had many fucking flings, but its been 4 years of extreme independence and i would not have it any other way.
whatever you decide, i hope you find happiness. like i said there is no real WRONG answer. good luck.
>tfw no anon to experiment my sexuality with after getting too drunk tho
>>17131343
it sounds to me like you're not as secure in this relationship as you should be if you're planning on the long term
you need to seriously consider a few things before moving in with her
>is this something you actually want or is it something you're doing because you feel like it's the right thing to do or what you're expected to do
>do you want to make her happy because you truly love her and her happiness is intrinsic to your own or are you making her happy because you feel like you're supposed to
>do you really see this relationship lasting forever or are you afraid to be alone
you're young, really young, and you're not going to be the same person in the next 5 or 10 years. moving in with a significant other is a really big decision and you need to be prepared that both of you are going to change, a lot
if you feel like you're not ready that's okay, best to end it now before you're looking at rent payments and split finances and silent resentment
being with someone for the rest of your life is a serious commitment that requires a lot of both parties, you don't have to be ready for it at 21
No is a magical word OP. She can tell you no to all the things you want to do, but you can't say no to the things she wants?
Why the fuck are you moving in together so young anyway? What's the rush? There's shit loads of time to get bogged down later on, why does she have such sway over your decisions?
