Daddy issues
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Hello, this is my first time on /adv/. I am a twenty year old male who is doing very well academically within a highly valued business study. I am also setting up my own business at the same time and moved put of the house when I was just 18 to another part of the country. However, when I spent a weekend (or, in rare ocassions, a week) at the elderly home, my father is far from being a friendly figure to me.
It is the little things. Usually I try to do some nice things, like getting food for the bbq or taking the pillows down form the attic for the outside furniture because the winter has ended or I help to do other chores and things. Generally, things that are nice and arent expected of me.
However, instead of a thank you, I always get criticised or followed up with some command. "Did you close the doors correctly" "did you put the empty bottles in the glass container" "well took you long enough to help". Always spoken in mildly annoyed tone. Never a thank you.
But when my fat, ocd plagued, anti social bitch of a sister (who has openly stated to leech of my parents till she is at least 23 and has no idea what to do for education after high school) does something, its all praise and halleluja.
For example: I had made the table ready for dinner and after dinner my father said I had to help putting everything in the dishwasher. I stated that maybe my sister could help, as the only thing she had done is come down to eat. "No I am asking you anon, not your sister" a fight ensued and even mother backed me up (she usually just keeps quiet in fights between me and my father).
This might all seem petty to you, but this is a general theme in my life. And these little things add up to a lot, as I feel my father does not like me at all and has no respect for me. What can I do guy? I already tried talking to him but he either starts gas lighting or he trivializes the issue. Like I am some kind of moron, while I am probably the smartest guy in the family. Any other tips?
persnoally I'd suggest to care about what your family thinks just about as much as you care about what any random person thinks.
But, if you think the situation is somehow salvageable, the one best thing you can do is one evening you sit them up at the table and talk all this shit through. This really needs to be not a casual "so i was thinking", but, "please come and sit, I have things to talk throough". It's insanely difficult to do, and I wouldn't expect just anyone to do something like this, tho. I know I probably wouldn't.
My bets are on the fact that your father is a dick, or is generally a bitter person and you should not give him all the power he has on your happines.
Even if he's not a bad person, he's probably disconnected and unable to express his feelings. That's a toxic thing, and you should just stay away.
One general tip that applies is try to look at your situation from outside, besides from the inside of your situation.
Source: I'm just a stranger on the internet.
Since your mother backed you up, perhaps this is something you could discuss with her? You could tell your mother what you just told us and ask her what she thinks of it. Does she thinks you're raising a fuss about nothing? Did she notice that you are not thanked properly for your good intentions? Does she also have the feeling that you're treated unfairly? Can she think of any reason why your father would act this way toward you? Does she agree that there is preferential treatment towards your sister? As the long term partner of your father she is the one who knows him the best; does she have any suggestion on how to approach the situation and talk this out with your dad?
>>17111593
An ageing man beginning to feel his powers wane looks at a younger man at the peak of his.
Do you think that a bit of resentment - not at the boy but at the unfairness of life - might ensue?
>>17111945
I think it's this, OP. You're probably better and more responsible then your dad ever was, and he's insecure.
That or he knows that you are the one that's responsible so he's trying to toughen you up and get you used to being treated unfairly so you're able to deal with the bullshit of life or employment.
Just my 2 cents. It's probably a mixture of both since well balanced parents reward their kids for being well-rounded. But some people just don't know how to do that
>>17111630
>>17111667
>>17111945
>>17112497
>>17111630
>>17111667
>>17111945
Thanks for the tips!
1) your dad isn't supposed to be your friend, he's supposed to be your dad
2) your sister clearly has infinitely lower expectations from her parents than you, so of course it's a bigger deal when she manages to actually do something
put it this way, do you want an incompetent retard handling your dish washing? because I don't
>>17111593
Your problem is you are acting nice, but people think you are a pushover.
Start talking shit to your dad.
>>17112609
If humanity works like this we might as well nuke ourselves.
