I need some insight on this. So basically my husband of five years and partner of almost eight years has crippling ADD. Depression, anxiety, low self esteem and so on.
I love him so much, he is my best friend and understands me better than anyone. We have a massive history and in general our relationship is really good. I am always happy to see him, and we usually have a blast during the weekends.
He has never ever betrayed my trust or done anything to harm me or make life difficult until now. Six months ago he "forgot" to pay some loans, and when I asked about it he said it was "fine". Then month after month he said it was "fine" and then when I started randomly going through is mail just to make his desk neat I discovered it. He was getting in fair amount of debt. He could have just asked me for the money, I could have payed it! But he didn't. We managed to pay all the debt, so that deal is sorted.
But this makes me question everything, I don't know what to feel. A part of me loves him more than everything, another part of me feels betrayed. Why would he do this to me? He feels really awful and traumatized by all of this, and is really ashamed of himself. I don't understand, what did he think would happen? Can I really blame this on ADD?
Why would he start lying to me after eight years??? Doesn't make any sense.
Haha you're dumb
>>17108750
seems like b8 or you are retarded
>Why would he do this to me?
do you seriously think that this had anything to do with you? like if you were a diff person it wouldn't have happened? pls stop
i'm not sure how this is such a problem, you guys talk, you make sure he understands how fucked up that situation was for you and how much it freaks you out. you find out from him if he'd prefer to promise to never let it happen again and not change anything or if you need more access/oversight to his financials bc sometimes he has a tough time keeping with it.
or you guys work together to implement some tools (there are apps for budgeting, paying bills etc) so that he is a lot less likely to fuck up
but if your position is from boo hoo its about me and how i was betrayed. i'm just stunned at how stupid that sounds
women are a fucking meme
He probably felt too ashamed to ask, I wouldn't worry too much, just keep reassuring him you've got his back no matter what. When my boyfriend has a problem he finds it hard to ask for help because / he's the man and he's supposed to not need help//
I don't think this is a problem unless you're frustrated by having the initiate conversations about his feelings, but I'm telling you now that a man who doesn't need prompting to talk about his problems is just as much of a drag
>>17108857
He lied straight to my face and has never done that before. I know people fuck up, but It just seems strange that he would do that. It's not like him at all.
>>Why would he do this to me?
Actually I mean't why would he lie to me to mess up our relationship, why would he do that?
>if you need more access/oversight to his financials bc sometimes he has a tough time keeping with it.
He actually took the initiative to let me help him with that, so that's a good sign. We have always been able to see our accounts. But I don't really "check" what he does because I trust-ed him. Never needed to do that until now really.
On top of all of this he has been acting really strange lately. More quiet almost mute, honestly worried.
>>17108868
I think you are right, he doesn't like to talk about his problems or feelings. He CAN do it, but he doesn't like it much. And he tends to avoid things he doesn't like.
If his motive was pride I guess i can forgive it in time. I know he doesn't WANT to mess up our marriage.
You should fuck nigger cocks if you're that shit at relationships pathetic roastie
I don't understand why I am the dumb one? I am not psychic you know. Maybe I forgot that advice think the only solution to problems is getting a perfect partner and braking up if they aren't perfect. Or sad virgins posting.
>>17108877
>why did he lie and say things were fine?
are you really having such a hard time with the why? did you ask him? let him know that the bill thing isn't what bothers you just the fact that he told you it was ok when it wasn't.
i can't believe you've never found yourself in his position. you've fucked up. and your caught out for having fucked up. and you just pretend if you lie about fucking up somehow a solution will present itself or the problem will go away.
come on now OP. this is not some kind of obscure and unusual psychology
>On top of all of this he has been acting really strange lately. More quiet almost mute, honestly worried.
well you should probably sort that shit out. clearly something is wrong so your going to have to figure out what it is. i would hope over the course of 8 years you don't need an anon advice board with help.
that's the thing OP. I literally cannot imagine the type of person who is in a 8 year relationship that would think, you know who might have insights into this person i've committed to spending my life with? people who have never ever met him...
there's a reason that its all forever alones and virgins and confused teens asking for basic shit on here. its because thats the kind of simple shit that you might get useful guidance from random anons on
my impression? you are incredibly dense or you literally aren't trying at all to put yourself in your husband's shoes or you have managed to just not know him at all over all this time.
>are you really having such a hard time with the why?
Actually I am, I never been lied to before. Then again he hasn't fucked up before, so it's not unforgivable. It's not just that he lied, but what if he is changing? What if there are more lies? What if I actually don't know him as well as I thought? You think you know someone and then they lie. It's not some strange human psychology in general, but I thought he was better than that. I thought he wasn't a liar. Having a hard time trusting him now, that's a new thing for me. On top of that his fuck up costed us 1 356,15 $ dollars. The whole summer is ruined, meaning we have to go into survival mode. It's not that bad, some people are homeless not going to act like a princess because I can't afford a new phone or whatever. I stopped bringing up that fact because I know it will make things worse for us, but i am still sour.
I still don't understand why I am dense, then again If I wasn't "dense" then I would understand what you mean :P
>you literally aren't trying at all to put yourself in your husband's shoes
Hmm not sure if I am able, this might be the problem. I don't have ADD. Why can't a grown ass man pay his loans on time? It shouldn't be that hard. Maybe I lack empathy or something.
>>17109237
He lied to me for six months and got more and more debt. How is that not about me? It affects us, him and me. He lied on PURPOSE, he shouldn't have done that to me. But he did. How is that not a big deal?
Are you going to say "oh he has issues, so it's not about you". You could apply that to any problem that mentally ill people have, I guess that makes it okay then? I don't really buy the "life is hard, so it's okay to lie to you" part.
So if i started to lie to him on purpose and get debt and not tell him it would be okay because I have issues? I would just be a lying bitch and a traitor right?
It's never okay. Explain how this isn't about me? This affects us so obviously it's about me also! Relationships are built on trust I don't care how fucking depressed you are or how many issues you have, involve me instead of shutting me out and lying to me. For fuck sake! I mad.
