Sup /adv/ I'm sure there are at least 5 of this same thread here already.
To shorten the story a bit, I've been chasing a guy on and off since fall of 2013. I've finally come to terms with the fact that it's truly done, and never really "was", but it feels almost humiliating every time I think about it. Any way to attempt to kick the constant thoughts? Before you say it, I have lots of hobbies, friends I hang out with, things I'm interested in, etc.
To get it off my chest: (read or don't, I just want to ramble)
It started with him telling me he was in love with me, then ignoring me completely for a few weeks, then restarting that cycle continuously. We had a few episodes where'd he say we were together, at one point he lived hours away and we spoke every day, that truly felt like all of my efforts had paid off. Of course, that was over a year ago, and we just had another episode like that ending in him telling me there's no way we could be together due to his work (after I'd planned to visit him across the country). I really, truly give up now, but I just need tips or something on getting over it and accepting the fact that he lead me on.
I just don't understand, though. Why would someone spend so much time convincing another person they wanted to be with them when they very obviously do not mean it? It makes me feel like I'm crazy, I get these thoughts that we're "meant to be" and things like that, something very uncharacteristic of me. It's just that for three years I've thought of him so often every day, I can't seem to kick the habit. I'm generally very happy, but I want to stop wondering how he's doing, stop hoping one day he'll miraculously realize I care about him, etc.
I KNOW that one single person could not possibly be that special, especially if they fuck around with me like he did, but like I said, I just can't shake the feeling that he's "different".
God damn it.
Well, he is different. To you, at least. You've spent time with him and grown close. It's only natural that it is taking awhile to get over things.
And yea, I can see why you'd feel crazy. But I bet he feels crazy too. Between confessing his love to someone and then bailing for work, yea, he's probably fucking drowning in stress or confused as fuck about what he wants right now.
He's human too, ya know? He's probably squirming in his own way too.
Yea, it sucks it didn't work out. But you two had a good time together while it lasted, right? If it wasn't mean to be, it wasn't meant to be. No need to force things into place. Just be glad you had that brief time together. Wish him best of luck and then move on.
I say that last bit ironically, I guess. It will take time, OP. No matter what, it will take time. But you'll be fine.
>>17107082
OP i've been through this situation before and to get over it you need to know a few things.
> if he liked you he would have already dated you if it's been years
>don't trust the "oh i just am not good at relationships bs"
>it's a lie and he just doesn't like you.
>some people are sociopaths and get off on hurting people
>block him delete him don't talk to him
> he probably isn't all that
> love yourself enough to move on to someone who cares for you
>stop trying to justify his bullshit excuses
You don't need someone who doesn't know what they want.
If he treats you like this he obviously doesn't care.
I promise you OP my whole high school career i spent pining after some stupid nerd and recently a year after we graduatedd he tried to tell me he loved me. i rejected him and it never felt so good.
Please for the love of good just love yourself
there are plenty of others out there.
the feeling that you have that he's different is called delusion
>>17107109
What is ridiculous is that we were never "together". It's just been me chasing him and gambling with the whole "okay, he wants to be with me now... or not... okay NOW is the time!" over and over. This last time we spoke was the first time in six months and I don't even know why I broke no contact, but it's like everything came rushing back in.
>>17107111
Thank you, while being understanding helps once in a while, hearing the truth bluntly from an outside source is an eye-opener. I don't really talk to people irl about it because it just sounds so melodramatic (and is, admittedly).
>>17107082
You basically just have to accept that you'll never get any satisfying answers from him for your questions. You cared more and at this point nothing he could say or do short of actually committing to you will make it better. Delete him from social media, forget / lose his number, and try to appreciate what good times or feelings that you did have. Be open to finding someone else who maybe has some of the good qualities that drew you to this guy. Look up limerance online and assess how much of your feelings were a projection, and then accept that no matter how real it was, you can't change him. It'll probably always hurt, and you'll never forget about the feelings you had for him, but they will dissipate, and the frequency of your thoughts about him will slowly reduce.
>>17107136
Yeah, I know. I accept that now but I'm not sure where to go from here. I suppose I should just let myself hurt about it and move on on my own time naturally, but it feels pathetic to me that I do so many productive things and he's still in the back of my head at the end of the day AGGGH
>>17107082
This guy should write a book on how to give a lady blue balls
>>17107160
I fucking know right. I feel uncomfortably similar to one of those people who whine about being in the friend zone for years, lol.
>>17107174
but you fucked him though right ? he only gave you blue balls in your heart.
"meant to be" ... that's what people who stay together say when looking backwards in reflection. It's also what people dismiss when their relationship eventually fails. Remove it from your vocabulary, it is useless. There is only "Is" and sometimes even "Is" can change. For better or for worse, only invest in the truth.
>>17107082
i did this my entire 11th grade year with the girl that took my virginity.
the humiliation will go away eventually and the thoughts will as well. it just takes time. i fucked a few other girls along the way, too, which mightve helped.
turns out i was just measuring my self worth off of the amount of attention i got from a girl that was never worth much to begin with.
