What is the best way to get to college with my current situation
Tl;dr I fucked up my gpa (1.8) in community college by dropping out of my whole semester 3 times in a row (20 years old)
So basically something really bad and shameful happened in the very beginning of my senior year. It wasn't a loved one dying or anything so I don't have any real excuse to give anyone. But as a result I couldn't handle school and didn't really care anyway because I was pretty set that I was going to kill myself. I did well in school before that but I just barely didn't fail so I didn't make it into any colleges at all.
Being at home/in my general area just makes me miserable and I need to leave.
So a few months after I enroll at community college. I did fine got As and Bs the first semester. But midway through the second semester I became suicidal and depressed again and just stopped showing up because I figured I'll kill myself soon. I try to discipline myself not to do it again but it happens once more.
I was able to find a job and it should be enough to move out on its own, but I really want to go to college as soon as possible which I know probably may take a while.
So basically my options are:
1.
>get apartment while working full time
>go back to community college part time
>build up gpa
>transfer
2.
>stay at home
>go to community college full time again
>try not to fuck up again/kill self
>raise gpa and transfer
3.
>get into art school that doesn't really care about gpa
>move away
>raise gpa
>transfer
4.
>Go into therapy for your depression so the cycle doesn't start over again.
>>17104637
1.
You need to learn discipline and structure, and having to pay for your own home and show up to work every day will help build that discipline. Go back to college in a year, or possibly even later than that if you still feel you can't commit to it and do well.
>>17104640
I had been going to therapy for like 2 years but I just can't open up to/trust anyone. I had been seeing one guy for 2 years and even then I would just clam up and couldn't get anything out so I decided to stop going because not only could I not improve the original depression but I couldn't improve how closed off I am either
>>17104651
Trust yourself. Believe in your own strength, that your depression is unjustified and is a result of your body holding you back like the sac of flesh it is.
Actualize yourself. Instead of wishing you could stop procrastinating, don't force yourself to do what needs to be done, but focus instead on something small. Cleaning your room. Brushing your teeth. It's the small things that will help you survive, not the big things. I am also a frequently depressed person but living by these principles has helped make the dark times not so dark.
Also read David Foster Wallaces the depressed person all the way through, it's really a great peice on your expectations of yourself
>>17104637
>So basically something really bad and shameful happened in the very beginning of my senior year.
Storytime?
>But as a result I couldn't handle school and didn't really care anyway because I was pretty set that I was going to kill myself. I did well in school before that
Many of know that feel. I was a straight-A student my entire life until i just couldn't keep it together anymore in 11th grade (depression and anxiety had started in 6th). I dropped out and spent most of the year with psychiatrists and therapists, they couldn't fix it. They ran out of meds to try and eventually gave up, wanted to commit me but I said "fuck no" and went back for senior year.
Then I dropped out of 2 different colleges.
Now I'm in med school.
Hasn't gotten better but I'm still alive somehow. Eventually someone will make a breakthrough and figure out what I've got and how to fix it. At least that's what i like to tell myself.
>Being at home/in my general area just makes me miserable and I need to leave.
Why exactly? Think through this. This feeling may be the urge to isolate from others, and it needs to be fought or else it will impair your judgement. I'm speaking from experience: it convinced me to go to the worst college that accepted me because it was in the middle of nowhere, and then to go to med school in europe instead of the US. Both were incredibly poor decisions and I deeply regret them.
>So a few months after I enroll at community college. I did fine got As and Bs the first semester. But midway through the second semester I became suicidal and depressed again and just stopped showing up because I figured I'll kill myself soon.
I know that feel. First semester 4.00 GPA and highest exam scores in the class, second semester nothing but Fs and dropped out. Twice.
What are you planning to major in, and what career path? Can't make a plan without knowing where you want to go.
>>17104862
>Why exactly?
Living with parents caught in the middle of a 10 year long (and counting) divorce and are always trying to get me in the middle some way or the other. Plus a lot of people involved in the event live here and makes me feel very ungood.
What are you planning to major in, and what career path?
Originally I was planning on going for my Masters and going into practicing psychotherapy or maybe going into teaching or research but I think I want to go into computer programming
my older brother is a programmer and has been giving me some advice. He was telling me there were some 'bootcamps' can provide some decent training/opportunity despite some of them being scams. One of his employees went through one. Which, although I would prefer not to go to on the grounds of not being scammed/falling for the meme, but I don't deny I am considering it.
>>17105152
>Living with parents caught in the middle of a 10 year long (and counting) divorce and are always trying to get me in the middle some way or the other.
Ouch. Why's it taken 10 years? Normally this drama should have settled down now that you're 20 and can be involved in the decision-making process.
>Plus a lot of people involved in the event live here
What event? Usually not as embarrassing as a depressed mind can make it out to be.
If it's something like rape, have those involved been brought to justice?
As for programming, yeah it's a pretty decent career, considered it myself. The bootcamps are usually considered pretty useless from what i've heard. Not big boosts on a resume.
A bachelor's degree can help substantially when it comes to finding a job, and most CS majors i know got hired part-time well before graduating. Also helps that you can learn most of the skills at home, and no graduate admissions pressure means you can get by with low grades and extra semesters.
>>17104862
I just wanted to chime in to reply to you. I screenshot your reply because your story gives me a little hope. Thanks for typing it out!
>>17104637
I am literally on the same fucking page as you I swear to god dot on situation
>>17104637
Professor writing here.
Your options show some clear thinking and can all work. I offer some additional thoughts.
Your first priority should be to get your head clear so history doesn't repeat itself. That might involve counseling or therapy.
It might also mean that moving away might help your mental and emotional health, as long as your old problems aren't replaced by new ones related to loneliness.
I'd suggest a different CC from the one you failed at, just to give you the feeling of starting fresh.
And I can offer this bit of encouragement: University admissions offices LOVE "I wasn't mature enough then but I've grown up now" stories. Do well at CC this time and your past failures won't hurt you at all.
>>17105892
>Ouch. Why's it taken 10 years?
They are just fucking crazy I don't know how they ever got together to begin with. They are perfect opposites in almost every way. There is a lot more to it but its not really relevent
>What event? Usually not as embarrassing as a depressed mind can make it out to be.If it's something like rape, have those involved been brought to justice?
It wasn't a rape or anything. It was actually 100% my fault although it was someone else's conscious decision to "pull the trigger" and set everything into motion and I did deserve it
>>17108361
this guy checks out
>And I can offer this bit of encouragement: University admissions offices LOVE "I wasn't mature enough then but I've grown up now" stories. Do well at CC this time and your past failures won't hurt you at all.
can confirm they will totally go for that, helps they don't really care because outside of top schools asses in the seats is their goal they aren't really looking for reasons to refuse to admit you.
anyways all the things >>17108361 said sound good. but so does the idea that you living on your own and working might be a quick way to get your head straight. prof isn't wrong though that you could also end up feeling very alone and isolated and easily back in depression mode...
only you know yourself well enough to make a decent guess as to what is the safest route
