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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
So, I tried really hard to be normal, or at least good at being quirky and interesting, but I just fucking give up. I can't be either.
I honestly think I am right on the cusp of committing sudoku now. My depressive episodes, on the outside, don't seem to be getting worse, but on the inside they're becoming more intense as I get older. I've come to masturbate anally furiously; but I don't enjoy it, I don't even imagine someone else when I do it (I'm probably autistic), I just do it out of some instinct, like I need to punish myself. I barely get a boner from it.
I've fucked up basically everything in my life. I'm only 25, but whatever. Parents have been dysfunctional since before I was born, and there has been nothing but domestic problems since day one, with annual police involvement. Now they're old, and losing their mental capacities early, because neither of them took good care of themselves — feels like a huge chunk of my life will NEVER be reconciled now. Only had an internet girlfriend in high school (whoop-dee-fucking do), never kissed anyone. Way too fucking neurotic as a male to get one now, and I'm prudish as hell to boot. Escorts? Absolutely disgusting. Meanwhile I am incompetent at what I do as my career, because I don't really belong in it, because I spend all my time in escapist entertainment or reading books on intellectual subjects that aren't really geared for a poorfag loser like me (someone coming from serious Dough Re Mi might however). So, I don't know shit about survival in the 21st century, and I do know how to socially act but I am terrible at doing so. I'm also prone to laziness and intoxication thanks to my dumb Polack genes (not all Polish are this bad, btw).
I have lived my life so starry eyed and thinking that I will figure things out. But I don't think that I can. So now I am contemplating a move that will just be another effort from me towards letting down others.
Thanks for the ear/eyes. Now take care of yourself please.
>>17102600
The masturbation issue sounds like what commonly happens in depression (lost the ability to feel pleasure from it, becomes mechanical and compulsive). Rest sounds like depression too, go see a psychiatrist.
>feels like a huge chunk of my life will NEVER be reconciled now
>never kissed anyone.
>I do know how to socially act but I am terrible at doing so
Join the club, many of us had shit parents, especially eastern europeans (they don't call you a "lost generation" for nothing). Mine moved to the states and i was born there, but they were fucking awful at raising children. A lot of us are like this. Our parents built broken kids and we have to take ourselves apart and put all the parts back together properly.
>Meanwhile I am incompetent at what I do as my career, because I don't really belong in it
Then change it.
>on the cusp of committing sudoku now
>sudoku
Stopped reading here.
>>17102783
I'm actually from the US as well. Similar scenario. Good to hear I'm not the only one, I guess, but sorry to hear you have to deal with shit too.
>Then change it.
I'm trying, albeit slowly, since I'm lazy and obviously retarded.
What could a psychiatrist do in this situation, aside from give me pills? Not sure I could even afford one.
Thank you for the words, man.
You have depression, get a therapist and set to work on improving it.
Cognitive behavioral therapy cured me of my depression, I recommend it.
>>17103002
Wow fucking subtle
Thanks for saving me the read
>>17103008
You know I could give you advice but at the same time I feel like you're still gonna continue to be a lazy ass until you actually think ahead once in your life which will statistically probably happen when you fuck beyond bad .
If you still want something I'll post .
>>17103008
>What could a psychiatrist do in this situation, aside from give me pills? Not sure I could even afford one.
Diagnose you, basically, and decide if you need meds.
If those meds are refillable (not strictly-controlled), then they just write you the prescription once and you keep taking it to the pharmacy. Else you go to your family doc with it and have them write you prescriptions every 3 months (insurance always covers GP visits, some have limits on psych visits, eg 6 per 2 years).
They can also refer you to a therapist, usually a once-a-week thing. Therapy coverage varies a lot by insurance though.
Basically if you have insurance, you can afford it. If you don't have insurance, get it.
>>17103093
Meds are not going to help you OP. Only temporarily . Taking heroine might make your toothache or cut feel better , but it doesn't actually solve the problem .
>>17103048
I won't lie, I will probably sink into another episode of idle laziness soon. It seems to be a pattern for me. Laziness -> Depression -> Deeper Depression -> Megalomania -> Laziness -> etc.
However, my behavior IS getting worse, so I won't be able to follow this pattern forever, whether it's because I finally take significant action or because something horrible happens. Either way, all advice is welcome at this point. I appreciate it.
>>17103129
Alright , first off your life was fucked because of your parents . However , they will never apologize for it and you can't go back into the past , so you should not let things you no longer have agency over (not that you had agency over it to begin with ) bother you.
Your life is fucked right now though because of you , but that's good though - at least you can change . Stop masturbatting and stop drinking immediately . Realize that you are only doing these things to escape reality . You can ignore reality , but you cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality .
Ultimately you will not change until you decide to have a look out moment and realize how fucked you are right now (if you actually did you wouldn't be in this position in the first place ), from today take self responsibility for everything that happens in your life , everything . This is your second , real birthday . Disregard women , who fucking cares . Some people argue that they should find girls and fix their life . IMO you're is so shit you should just work on your life becoming stable .
>I'm prone to laziness
This is what I'm talking about assuming self responsibility . Prone ? Prone ? What are you, a fucking victim of your own free will? No. You wallow in pity because it's easier than investing yourself and making your life better , which is hard .
Go see a therapist . It helps some people as I can tell, but remember that only you can make the change in your life .
