What do you do when the love of your life doesn't love herself?
I made a thread about this before a long time ago. It was in regards to the same girl im in love with and now married. She never let me help with any of her problems. She would always tell me no when it came to me offering her gifts, or my efforts. She has gotten better at it, but there are still extreme moments.
My wife has chronic depression and anxiety attacks. You would think by now I could handle them, but each time they happen I am deeply hurt. I give my everything while I watch her cry and dry heave until she goes unconscious. The next morning she will wake up deeply depressed. This all stems from a shitty childhood she had where everyone told her she was ugly/disgusting/useless/not worth it. An anon gave me advice that she would eventually open up to me and let me help her. But it's still not happening and I'm becoming emotionally dead from how traumatic her panic attacks are on me. She makes a lot of decisions to force me away from her, this all stems from her feeling she's not worth my time. I feel alone in the marriage sometimes because of this. How the hell do I get this girl to love herself. I've showered her in compliments for 5 years now, I've giver her my genuine and honest love. She still can't even like herself. It's as if she's possessed by some demon who wants her to hate herself. What do /adv/?
By the way I don't think medication is a route, we've talked about it and the side effects are too much to try to cure panic attacks that happen once every 2 months.
you need to tell her how much it pains you to have to endure her negativity. if you continue to put her first, you might have have the deal with this for the rest of your life. are you prepared for that?
>>17091291
do stuff like cook together or pick up one of her hobbies. listen to her tell stories about why shes miserable.
medication is completely wrong i'm glad u guys are against it
>>17091339
I am ready to deal with it forever if that's what it takes, but I'd rather her be happy so.
>>17091354
We cook together every night, we tell each other stories all the time, and we do talk about her past and how unfair it was, but how now it's better and I'm not the same as the others. But it's almost like a literal possession. She can be accepting of herself until something happens like one of our fights.
>>17091291
i read something interested about bullying where youre supposed to replay the moment in your head with every single bit and dont skip any part, and then show how that couldve been your fault. it really helps you to stop hating that person. idk if thats retarded but that worked for me. i dont hate my self afterwards. i know this might sound rude to her but marriage is two parts she might be sad but she still has to do her part and accept that youre trying to help even if it didnt work(if you werent being pushy i assume).
>>17091439
Yeah I'm not pushy at all, but I'll have her try out what you suggested. Not sure if it would work, she can vehemently hate herself. And I totally understand and she is as well that she is leaving the responsibilities of marriage behind when she doesn't let me help ever.
Consider therapy. Consider couples therapy. Depressed people wear down those around them even though it is often unintentional.
You can't save people, you can only support them. That said, you still need to take care of yourself. I would talk to a professional and broach the subject of couples' therapy with her.
Is she on any meds? What's her treatment like right now?
>>17091469
She has no treatment, I do pretty well for her because I have pyschology experience aside from my actual career, but I'm never in the mindset of "fixing" her. As for couples therapy we don't really have any problems between us that can't be fixed by talking. The problem is how I am affected, which I can deal with, but it's due to her not being able to accept herself.
Going to bed, thank you for the replies friends.
