Any anons care to share stories where you were dating someone and only one of you had a job? I'm seeing a guy now that I really care for but the main reason I don’t want to commit fully is he doesn't have a job. I don’t mind treating him every time we go out, it's moreso the underlying contrast between my highly driven personality and his more laid back one. Curious to hear how that sort of dynamic has worked out for others, from either perspective.
>>17089844
If you have hesitations now, I can guarantee you that it will turn into resentment down the road. Your gut is telling you that you're going to be unhappy with having to pay for everything. And in all likelihood, have to deal with the consequences of a long term relationship wherein he has no ambitions or desire to get off his ass and contribute.
If I were you, I'd bail before I get any deeper into feelings for him. There are tons of men out there who you would be happy with, and who have the self-respect and respect for you to hold down a job and take care of himself.
If you need to ask then he probably isn't right for you.
It never works out in my experience. Eventually the person without drive feels like dead weight to the person with drive, and the person with drive gets tired of dragging them along.
If you feel like he's worth holding onto and you don't mind dragging him with you on your way up, it might work... it's not something I could bring myself to do. It gets exhausting.
>>17089856
as opposed to every other type of relationship, that always works out.
that being said,
>>17089844
hes not entirely wrong. you have an issue with his lack of drive. therefore its an issue. i personally dont mind when someone has a lack of drive as long as tehy keep busy in some sense. my ideal relationship is being the bread winner for a stoner.
Why not help him out and encourage him to get a job, or ask why he doesn't have one and if he's looking?
If you like him then give him a bit of time to better himself, don't just toss him away like everyone seems to be suggesting..
>>17089884
Yeah, true, I could have phrased that better. Most relationships don't work out, so what I said was silly.
This is one issue that can put an end to a relationship alone tho. Sometimes it's a bunch of a little things, or it just fizzles.
I find it hard to believe that someone would be completely without a job forever... Unless he's disabled or something? You're not gonna get unemployment either, unless you've worked before, in which case he has worked.
Anyway, either this person is a complete loser, wasting space and is supported by his family. Or he has some legitimate reason why he's unemployed.
>>17089913
I have. We have a bit of a history and I was definitely supportive, I even got him a shortlived labor gig before. I like helping my friends and family find employment but I can only give what's wanted, not force it.
>>17089991
He lives with his family and goes to school. I know it's a pretty common setup these days, and honestly I envy it a bit since I've been independent since 18 and been working my way through school.
He really is a lovely person, I just think he hasn't had a reason, or been forced by necessity, to change what's comfortable
If he goes to school, then what's the big fuckin' deal? I assume he's passing and on track to graduate?
>>17090040
>>17090044
Yeah this changes things... I'm assuming by school you mean college? Probably full-time? I knew lots of people who didn't work at all during college. I barely held together a part-time job and eventually was fired because of my commitment to school.
I think you need to slow your roll OP. Unless he talks about never wanting a job or something. But then why be in school?
>>17090044
He is, but it's a part time load at a CC and he doesn't know when he'll be done with his AA, while I'm doing 16 credits at uni and working 40 hrs/week.
>>17090060
He sounds a little unsure of himself, but that's understandable if he's kinda young, which it sounds like. How old are you goobers anyway?
>>17090060
>part time at CC
He might as well not even be going to school at all 2bh senpai
>>17090096
this
part time at CC trying to get an AA is just a fancy way of saying you're doing nothing and going nowhere
>>17090087
kek I certainly don't feel young but I'm 22, he's 24
I feel like, it's fine as it is now, and if he wants to make it more serious I'd want to firsy talk about some of his goals/help him figure out what they are.
>>17089844
That all depends OP. Is he trying to get a job, or have any interest in working? If that's something you value, it may be better to find someone who has more ambition. He may be jobless forever and you'll have to support him. But if you're okay with not being treated to things that cost money it doesn't have to be a bad situation.
>>17089844
It all depends on his situation. If he's literally sitting on his ass, hoping is viral videos blow up on Youtube, then yeah I'd break it. But if he recently got laid off, or goes to CC after a series of unfortunate events, then I'd stick with it for a little. As long as he doesn't mooch on you 24/7
I've always had a job but was recently fired, been unemployed for a month now for the first time in years. I recently graduated college but I always had a part-time job because I needed to support myself.
It feels weird for me now not working, I feel bad for my gf because we live together and she's the only one with income. I have savings to float on but no extra money coming in and I feel kind of ashamed and like I'm a bum. I've been applying to jobs and had multiple interviews but no offers so far. I'm pretty confident I will find something in the next few months or so. My gf has been very supportive, but probably wouldn't be if I wasn't at least looking for a new job.
I think the important thing is actually having the desire to make the effort. If he's in school at least he's doing something, though lots of people are perpetual students at CC just to make it seem like they're don't have no goals in life. My brother is about to turn 30 and is still trying to graduate college, I don't think anyone takes him seriously anymore.
Even a part-time job is better than nothing, and some people want jobs but just can't get them depending on their skill set or area they live in. The important thing is that there's actually a will or motivation to better oneself, or to just maintain the status-quo. That's the question you have to seriously ask yourself about him OP.
>>17089844
>it's moreso the underlying contrast between my highly driven personality and his more laid back one.
Sounds like you want him to change his personality for you, you sound like you are not ready for a relationship.
like other people in this thread, you will probably resent him for one reason or another if you commit. the last guy i dated didn't have a job but it was okay at first because we both lived in dorms. then we decided to move in together which was the biggest mistake. he would get a job for a week and then quit, which meant i ended up footing major bills like rent on my own (not to mention paying when we got take-out, groceries, etc.) as much as i loved him, that made me have a huge chip on my shoulder for the remainder of that relationship. even when he got a job he stuck with, he would spend his money on frivolous stuff and not bills because he had no clue how to budget (from going so long without having a real job).
tl;dr i don't recommend it because it happened to me and it cost me a lot of my money and sanity.
>>17089844
guy here, have a pretty unmotivated GF. It does cause resentment. You need to find someone with a drive that is more closely matched to yours, otherwise you will feel like you do all the work and that's not fair.
