How do I get women to hold a conversation with me? I've got tinder along with a couple of women I've met in real life. I try to ask questions to get them talking and to show genuine interest im their life/personality. If/when they ask me questions I try to answer in a way that leaves the conversation open to for more questions or just continue in general. However, most often what I see is that I eventually end up carrying the whole conversation getting only one line responses until she stops responding all together. This hasn't just happened once it's been a consistant problem I have. I haven't had a conversation where a girl seemed genuinely interested in talking to me since I broke up with my long term ex. I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong.
>>17073493
Are you incredibly boring? Do you do anything interesting besides, say, play video games or watch anime?
>>17073506
There are people interested in that kind of convo as well.
>>17073510
Not the majority, and very unlikely on Tinder.
>>17073506
I'm a sailor and spent the last 3 months traveling through hawaii along with a two week dry dock in san francisco. For 4 months before that I was in a paramilitary school for sailing. Now that I am home I've returned to my main passion which is competitive martial arts. Along with this I also do some longboarding, hiking and recreational shooting. I've got what I thought were interesting hobbies and experiences but I guess not.
>>17073493
the most important element to any human interaction ever is simply chemistry. and you cannot control chemistry. it is just how you happen to react to people and they happen to react to you.
another thing though
>i show genuine interest in their life/personality
kinda hard to believe since you admit to orchestrating the situation. cant really be both. considering they are unresponsive its hard to believe you really feel generally interested in them as opposed to feigning interest. perhaps treat women more casually instead of TRYING to get them to conversate and you might have more luck.
i dont recommend tinder at all though for the following reasons:
>>17073535
dating apps are toxic. consider the following
>people use dating apps because they arent having much luck in real life
>they go to a dating app where they are introduced to an entire smorgasbord of men who want nothing more than to bang and/or date them
>after just one day they will have seen everyone in their area
>within one week they would have talked to everyone they are interested in
so anyone who has been using the app for more than a few weeks clearly has some sort of issue. likely, they are the female equivelent of what i discussed in my first post.
they want a 'bf' but because they have a very specific idea of what a bf is, they arent finding it anywhere. instead of seeing if they have real chemistry, they are simply walking down the aisle, trying to figure out what is the ONE thing at the groccery store they can buy, based solely on pictures and labels.
if a woman is on tinder for too long, they are losing their ability to feel chemistry.
you as a man can fall into a very similar pattern here, but with the added harshness of constant rejection.
it is an app made for people who want to date, yet no one seems to have success there for very long. that should tell you something.
>>17073526
they are interesting in theory, but a girl has no reason to be interested in them, especially if you are rather boring. you might have a few good stories, but after sharing those its not like a woman can be like 'WELL JUST TELL ME MORE'. you described man hobbies that most girls will never try, and a career most women will never even understand. describing it doesn't make you itneresting just cuz its unique. many men will talk to you cuz those sort of things itnerest men.
got a picture of you? seeing what you're working with can help too
Can you give an example of your questions and the one-word responses?
>>17073535
>hard to believe since you admit to be orchestrating the situation
I resent that. I ask about their life because if I'm going to try and spend time with someone I want to know what they are passionate about. Though I guess maybe it might come off as feigned interest.
I will admit I'm kind of awkward so while I do try to be casual Im noy exactly smooth. It's also hard when I cant get past small talk because I of the aforementioned one line responses.
>>17073541
>man hobbies don't interest woman
I'll keep that in mind. Here's a picture of me though
>>17073543
Give me a sec I'll go find one
>>17073555
>i resent that
you shouldn't. you admit twice now that you arent actually genuinely interested. you cannot be genuinely interested in someone you dont know.
you are genuinely interested in getting to know SOMEONE. not them. there is a difference. and thats okay. the problem is they just arent feeling it from you. they may not be giving you a good chacne. but you can't magically open that option up.
99% of initial contact is feigned interest. chemistry and a quick commonality is the best way to go. but those are two things that cannot be faked.
my advice:
>dont just hit on a woman
its no secret that women are the ones who are approached, and they make decisions on which men to keep in their lives. that being said, desperately drooling over each and every girl as if they are a potential love interest is silly.
give yourself more value by not letting a woman sway you on first impressions alone. before you ever begin to say anything remotely flirtatious, talk to the girl. see what she actually acts like when you interact with her. have a normal conversation. if there isnt anything special there beyond her looks, friendzone her. or simply stop talking to her. you do not need to hit on each and every girl that looks good enough to be your partner.
doing this gives you more value, and the psychological effects are great. in addition, women will take you more seriously. instead of being 1 of 500 men in new york who went straight for the kill, you took the time to get to know them. whether it goes anywhere or not, this approach also just gives you practice talking to girls in a casual context. its less pressure than trying to impress them.
>>17073565
>I'll keep that in mind
you should. think of it this way: if itreally interested them, they'd try it themselves.
as a man you are more open minded about the world. i dont even mean that to negatively slander women, cuz im pretty feminist to be honest. but men and women simply have different prioirites and interest. we are becoming more and more similar by the decade as culture shifts, but even when we reach the maximum similarities, there will still be some gender differences.
as a man i can walk into a bar, meet a guy who is obsessed with legos, and just appreciate his passion even though i fucking hated legos growing up. the reason i can appreciate this though is because his passion mirrors my own. women often do not. think about this: when you ask a woman about her passions, how often does she really bring up something that you consider passion worthy? again just gender differences, but very little of what htey say you might actually think 'wow i wish i was passioante about that sort of hting in that sort of way'.
even if you exclude gender differences, women tend to be less passionate in general. they are more content living life as it is happening and thinking about life over all. whereas men who have a passion tend to build life around said passion. so much so tha ttheir dating life reflects it as well.
rambling at this point but you get the idea.
>>17073543
>>17073565
>>17073565
you are reasonably attractive. nothign to do a double take ove,r but you arent turning women off with your appearance. but i can see why a woman wouldn't have immdiate chemistry with you, as a lot of that is attraction based.
>>17073578
this is a good example of what im talking about. with women and passion though. i dont know hwo here brought it up, but at the end of the day you cannot be mad at someone (especially a woman) for not being interested in a movie she ahsnt seen
>>17073526
>military stuff
>more military stuff
>get home for military stuff (martial arts)
>more military stuff after (hiking, shooting)
Gonna be honest, girls don't really care about any of that. Unless they are also outdoorsy which isn't all that common for girls. If you can find a girl that has a lot of pics hiking/climbing/ect then you will have a lot better chance.
Who is your favorite author?
Who is your favorite band?
Who is your favorite artist?
Who is your favorite poet?
What is your favorite poem?
are you funny?
Do you have any creative skills? (women love creative men. And funny men)
Do you have any pets?
>>17073588
She told me she was raised on old/silent movies so we were talking about the ones we had seen.
>>17073595
>do you have any creative skills
Come to think of it the only time I got a decent conversation out of the girl in rhe pic above was when I was talking about my time in drama club in high school
>>17073596
and thats great, but when asked she gave ery short answers. which likely means she isnt that passioatne about them despite what they say.
imagine those girls who say they are passionate about hte enviornment and never actually do it? its kind of like those 'geek girls' that never actually get more than a minor look into their supposed interest.
women often take everything 'casually' and claim its something big to them cuz they dont have anything big to compare it to. her extremely minor interest in silent films is probably one of the biggest details of her life. but its so full of many many things that that isnt saying much.
her 'passions' to her are what your 'casual itnersets' are to you, essentially.
>>17073603
relatable experiences are the best. even talking about classes they hated is godo cuz its somethign to talk about and relate over. most girls did something like theater, so its an easy thing to latch on to.
it sucks we cant all just be gay, cuz you sound (and look) like a catch OP
>>17073611
>it's a shame we can't all be gay
Ironically I've been hit on exclusively by gay men in the past 6 months. It's kind of frustrating.
>>17073619
i dont blame them. i had a military bf and its great. perhaps im biased cuz i grew up in a military family, but being military strips away certain comforts. even if it sjust boot camp you've gone thorugh something that no one else can understand. it makes you a little less robotic, a little less artificial.
you've experienced something more traditionally human. its something i appreciate to say the least. to be honest i often wish i did four years just for that experience myself.
>>17073603
You should try POSSIBLY taking acting classes or improv classes or whatever if you actually enjoy it.
This really isn't dating advice, just sorta in general. I'm a strong believer in the creative hobbies and interests. It's just going to help you be a better person.
Also, it gives you a point of common interest with friends and relationships. The thing about most women is they are incredibly fucking boring and they have absolutely nothing to talk about. They are just dumb and boring. But if you were to talk to a girl that does a lot of outdoor activities the odds of her being interested in not only your stories, but telling you her own. If you are into drama, you'll be able to meet other people that are into it as well. When meeting new people you really need that core interest in common to amp up the chemistry. And since most women react positively to the creative arts, if you also are into them you will up your chances a whole lot. But I still think you should try to find an outdoorsy girl. They exist, I know they do. They also tend to be a lot fitter with great figures. But they also tend to be a lot more intense... like... super intense.
I'm an artist. I have an air of mystery about me and my art that makes me incredibly attractive to women. I am not a good looking man. I' have a very average face and I am overweight but I have never had to look for girls. They always come to me. Chicks fucking love artists. The better an artist you are the more attractive you become. Doesn't matter if it's poetry, writing, painting, photography, acting, whatever.
Also girls love funny guys. If you're funny, they will be laughing and having a good time. Even if you aren't pretty or interesting. All they remember from the date is how much they were smiling and that's a good thing.
>>17073632
I should probably clarify I'm not military. Im merchant mariner with the seafarers international union. The lifestyle and the school I attended were paramilitary though.
That said don't regret it. People don't believe me when I tell them I've been institutionalized but now that I'm home I spend a lot of time sitting at home wondering what I'm supposed to be doing. I still wake up a lot of times at night thinking I'm late for watch or that there's a fire or something. Enjoy the comfort of life you live now
>>17073644
>creative hobbies will make you a better person in general
normally i agree with this, but its normie advice. military life is kind of a 'creative hobby' itself. its hard to understand if ur pure civilian, but the military lifestyle works so well for people because you are constantly escalating learning and improving, much like in a creative hobby. of course trying this stuff doesn't hurt, especially now that he s a civilian (though id put serious martial arts training up there as the same benefits of a creative hobby) but while most normal people are missing htis kind of personal growth in their lives, military life tends to have it inherently.
>im an artist. i have an air of mystery about me and my art that makes me incredibly attractive to women.
i think you might give yourself too much credit. a pretentious artsy hipster may attract a pretentious artsy hipster. that doesn't mean chicks love artists. most find artists to be rather annoying. but pretentious artsy girls like pretentious artsy boys. its how that works.
most people (especially women) just see it as cringe worthy that an adult takes his hobby that seriously and thinks highly of himself because of it.
>>17073644
I suppose but living in a small town and not being in college sort of limit my options there. I wouldn't mind a girl who shares my outdoors interested but in my experience they tend to be try hard pretend rednecks (which is silly because I live in new york) and that's kind of off putting to me.
>>17073653
>im not technically military
same diff man. you got the experiences. its a different lifestyle than most people feel. i got a fraction of it just by being a military kid.
>enjoy hte comfort of your life now
i fully intend to. as much as id like that experience i dont see myself going for it any time soon. truth be told i probably couldn't handle it unless absolutely necessary.
either way, it sounds like you do need something to kick your life, cuz you are used to that constant escalation taht comes with the military life, the constant 'heres your next misssion' sort of deal (for the kids we just have the 'you are moving in XX amount of time, prepare for that').
so a creative escalating hobby, a sort of art, could help. could be soemthign as manly as carpentry or as technical as programming, or artsy as painting, or filmmakign or drawing comics or what have you.
as long as you got something with goals and getting bigger.
>>17073660
>small town
>new york
but seriously
>try hard pretend rednecks
even a lot of dudes are this way to be honest. you can hold out, or you can settle. i advise holding out. better to do what oyu want on your own / with friends than it is to try and figure out how to be happy in an entirely new life just to keep a girl around.
just my thoughts. i must sleep now.
night dude. good luck
>>17073663
New york state, not new york city.
>>17073670
new york state is exactly 3 feet by 4 feet. thats only 12 square feet. 99% of which is new york city.
what i mean is you are close enough to an urban placethat your dating pool shouldnt be inherently limited to locals. people from fuckin jersey commute there for work. its not ideal but you are in a better situation than many in that regard.
all this being said, i really must sleep. night man. good luck.
>>17073674
Alright. Thank you.
>>17073541
This is a stupid post. How are you even supposed to know if someone is boring if you refuse to give them a chance and actually talk to them?
This "get my attention" stuff is exactly why apps like tender don't work for most people. This is a stupid game for these people, and they just want you to put on a god damn show for them.
>>17073681
>this is a stupid post because other peopel dont get to know people well enough
what? how is the post stupid. i pointed out what you said.
>how are you even suppose dto know if someone is boring if you refuse to give them a chance and actually talk to them
you arent. which is why its up to you to try and give people a chance. the problem is most people on this app dont give you a chance. they feel like they do but they know pretty fast they arent into you.
>this is a stupid game for these people
which is essentially what i said. it makes them toxic. my post is not stupid for pointing this out. you are agreeing wiht what i said.
>>17073655
Martial arts and military training is not going to give you nearly the same benefits as a creative hobby. I don't think anyone would consider martial arts an intellectual hobby. It's great for personal fitness and a healthy mind but you aren't going to be questioning what it is to be human while punching someone in the throat. They are both great things to be doing but they aren't nearly the same or a replacement for one another.
Also, depending on how serious you take it... art is far from "normie".
As for the comment about me, you have no clue who I am. I would say most artists are pretty much useless hipsters that aren't all that good at what they do. As for being "cringe worthy" you're basically straight up retarded. I'm a professional artist that makes more money an hour than most people earn a couple days. I'm reallllyyyyy good at what I do. When I do talk to girls that message me they straight up have a panic attack because I'm practically a celebrity to them. More times than I can count someone will screencap me saying hello to them and sharing it on their blog because they are that excited I talked to them. I highly doubt that's ever happened to you and I doubt it ever will. When it comes to art and artists you're very very ignorant.
>>17073660
I feel you about that. I come from a small rural town and I am living there now (taking a life break). The people here are... well... they are hardcore rednecks and hillbillies. You should really move sometime soon if you feel like your choices in friends and relationships are being limited. if you move to a city that has any sort of national park or mountains (like SLC, Denver, Seattle) you will meet a lot of awesome outdoorsy girls as well as artsy girls. It's much harder to meet someone in a small town. Especially someone of interest. Most anyone with ambition in their lives move away from their small hometown as soon as they can. Not saying EVERYONE does but yeah.
>>17073700
>martial arts are not an intellectual hobby
>implying I'm not a huge judo nerd and read the great jiggy shiggy's philosophical writings
"Judo teaches us to look for the best possible course of action, whatever the individual circumstances, and helps us to understand that worry is a waste of energy. Paradoxically, the man who has failed and one who is at the peak of success are in exactly the same position. Each must decide what he will do next, choose the course that will lead him to the future. The teachings of judo give each the same potential for success, in the former instance guiding a man out of lethargy and disappointment to a state of vigorous activity.Walk a single path, becoming neither cocky with victory nor broken with defeat, without forgetting caution when all is quiet or becoming frightened when danger threatens."
>>17073700
Side note, since you're still here can you tell us who you are since you are apparently a famous artist?
>>17073742
>reading the writings
>writings
>Although KanÅ promoted judo whenever he could, he earned his living as an educator
>educator
Yeah the martial arts isn't the intellectual part there.
>>17073742
I'm not even "famous". I'm a bit known among artists though.and some nerdy people. I posted my work on V the other day and people knew who I was instantly.
I like the anon part of 4chan. It's why I'm here. I get to say things as I would be able to without people screen-capping my every word and documenting it. So it's gonna stay that way.
>>17073753
>martial arts aren't the intellectual part there
Jigoro stated clearly in "kodokan judo" that his n da trial arts training was directly related to his life philosophy. The name judo itself reflects this. Ju means soft, gentle, maleability. Being able to adapt basically. Do means the way, the path, or the principle.
And I'll respect your anonymity I was just curious to know.
