Hi, thank you for taking time to read this weird and wonderful story about my journey. I met this girl on Skout from Turkey. We got close to each other, and decided to meet each other around Christmas time. We both committed to each other and told each other we loved each other and what not. However, we were both aware of cultural differences and traditions as she was a Muslim. We were meant to meet each other in August of last year, however I didn't have the money to do it, and I felt horrible for stringing her along but I did everything I could do to make it happen but didn't work. So I travelled over for her birthday which was on Christmas day.
From the moment I arrived I felt that something wasn't right and on the second day, she broke down and said we couldn't have a relationship because we lived too far and too many cultural differences. She said to me that she was holding me back and to not wait for her.
The rest off the time I was there we got increasingly close to each other, cuddled each other and held hands. It felt like having a girlfriend and she initiated everything. I have had several girlfriends, but nothing felt anything like the time I spent with her. We left on brilliant terms, and agreed to meet again in the future.
Ever since, I have tried to move on but it's really difficult because she told me that if I started dating someone else, she can't promise that she would stay in contact with me anymore and I don't want to lose her, because I have that attachment still. We still write to each other daily, and there was a phase there where she was really busy and didn't write to me at all, so I was under the assumption that I was annoying her and interfering with her life so I told her that I wasn't going to write to her anymore unless she initiated conversation. She got really upset. I asked her if she had met someone new, or had a boyfriend and she said no and that I should know that. She returned the question to me.
I said No and she appeared to be much happier. I just told her that I was really confused at the moment, and she said that I couldn't imagine how confused she felt too. I don't how to interpret this situation, or just say screw her and move on, but I don't want to make a mistake I would regret either.
Please give me some advice because I don't know what to do
Can you think of any way to make it work? Being in a similar situation, I feel for you. ):
Whatever you do, do not press her to turn her back on her beliefs/family/culture/whatever.
A friend back home married this Muslim girl and her parents disowned her. Long story short, she has clinical depression now and he wants to end it but he's afraid she'll kill herself.
If it's just not possible OP, then at least try to explain it to her rationally that if an oppurtunity for happiness presents itself to either one of you, that it would be silly not to take it, as you both deserve it. Who knows, later on in life when you have the means or are better equipped to deal with such a situation, things could change. If I believed in a god I'd pray that you two end up together.
I didn't pressure her, get mad at her or anything. I told her that I understood and said to her that I hope she finds the right person in her life and she got very emotional and started crying. She would randomly start crying on a lot of occasions while we were together. Before I traveled over, she said that the only way we could be together properly would if I became a muslim and I told her I would do that. I know it sounds a bit much, but I have been with girls and all I worry about is being cheated on and I hated having that anxiety, but I never had that with her because.
She showed me her college work while I was there and everything she based it upon was travelling and working in Ireland and having a life here, I just don't understand why she would change her mind like that. When I asked was it because of what her friends and family were saying to her, she admitted that was one off the reasons because they couldn't believe that I would remain faithful. Would I wait 7,8,9 years to be with her? Yes, I would
Move on dude. There's no way it's gonna work out.
>>17071514
Don't listen to this faggot.
If you really wanna try to make it work, I'd suggest discussing talking to her family with her. If she feels like it might be worth a shot, get a good fuckin' speech ready for when you next visit, because I can tell you, Muslim families tend to guard their daughters. Be a man OP! Show that you can commit and earn their respect. Being willing to convert swings the odds in your favour. Note that converting doesn't neccesarily mean that you yourself will have to follow the religion if you don't want to, I doubt it'll be a problem. My mom converted but she doesn't give a fuck about Islam and I myself am an atheist.
I guess it's her fault really, I just didn't want it to feel like a waste off my time completely =/
>>17071385
She is hideous OP, you can do better.
>>17071544
please fucking kill yourself
actually no, don't. wait until you end up with a woman who has her self worth so wrapped up in her personal appearance that when she eventually breaks down during a mid-life crisis over her fading beauty and then cucks you
then
kill yourself
>>17071533
I met her parents. I was meant to fly out on new years eve, but got snowed in so my flight was cancelled for another two days. Her parents invited me to their house, which I found unusual for Muslim parents to do for a Christian boy. The girl told me that her parents loved me, and they told me that my parents should be proud off me. It was an interesting experience, and I did use that time to show them that I only ever meant respect towards them and their daughter.
>>17071553
Then I don't understand. What is the problem here?
>>17071544
I think on the contrary, your opinion matters little to me. All I know is that when I was with her, there was no-one else I could look at but her. Beauty takes shape in many different forms, so keep your opinion to yourself
>>17071385
You two look good together. I have no real advice other than to say I hope it works out for you guys.
>>17071564
The problem is, she effectively ended things with me. Then treated me like her boyfriend for 5 days and said I was her best friend. But when I raised the question if she was dating someone else, she got offended and told me that I should know she doesn't. She told me before that if I find someone else, she can't stay friends with me so I don't have a clue where I stand
>>17071553
Then probably you waited to long to ask her to get engaged? Muslim families don't want people to date for years leading to nothing, especially when the granddad of her Cousin Mustafa offers to give them a share in his business if he marries that dude instead.
"she told me that if I started dating someone else, she can't promise that she would stay in contact with me anymore "
>>17071583
Make her make a decision.
Say to her that you'll either be with her, or cut contact.
And don't fucking make it an empty threat.
>>17071586
That was the plan originally, then she told me that we were better to wait until I converted and all this other stuff because her family wouldn't be happy about it. I said fair enough, I guess I made allowances for this really but I just wanted to make it work you know?
It's just a question of why would she string me along still, and message me every morning before I wake still and compliment me if she didn't want anything to do with me? And why would she threaten to never talk to me again if I met someone new? I feel that she's testing me for some reason
>>17071593
I think it will boil down to this eventually. Sometimes I wish she had just met someone else so I could move on a lot easier
>>17071629
>to wait until I converted
>having to convert for a girl
>considering converting to a backwards religion you are not convinced by for a girl
Ok. Forget the bitch.
Probably was a ruse only to get you to convert anyhow.
>>17071636
>I think it will boil down to this eventually.
Not eventually.
NOW!
You only drag on your misery for longer.
>>17071629
>we were better to wait until I converted
Does not sound good. You might end without your head.
Why do you people do this to yourselves? I know you all like to shit on religion, but the Bible had it right when it warned against being unequally yoked. Don't put yourself in a position where feelings could develop if you know with certainty there are things that will keep you apart upon which you cannot compromise, ie converting to Islam.
>>17071650
I will say it to her, it's nearly been 5 months since we've met and we talk everyday still. I'm 26 years old, I don't plan on dragging this on forever.
>>17071670
I heard that from a lot of people. I don't create a prejudice against people because a minority have created a wrong impression.
>>17071673
We only talked to form a friendship and it turned into something more. Christianity is like Islam, they just have different beliefs and Jesus was a prophet for them aswell. So we do both believe in the same God, it's just written differently. Remember, religion was man-made, I see it as something that humans created for comfort so they don't feel completely alone in this universe
>>17071707
You're Kafir to them. Look in their book what they do to a kafir. I'm not a prejudice person myself, just factual.
>>17071707
>Remember, religion was man-made
If you believe this, you are not Christian. The belief that Jesus is the incarnation of God who died for your salvation and the belief that this is fiction are mutually exclusive
>>17071629
Being a Muslim girl its very easy situation for me to understand SHE IS NOT TESTING YOU FO SU actually most probably she loves you but her fear of losing her religion is getting in way you have to understand religion is big part of our life basically its our lifestyle even if a Muslim who doesn't practice Islam very keenly but have hopes that they would sometimes in life would seriously practice it and allah would forgive them and all but she knows one she married you she would become a different part of society her future generations would have no relationship to her family (like spiritual or cultural gap would develop ) Turkey is quite modern Muslim country there parents do not mind dating their children as in Pakistan india or other middle eastern but all Muslim mostly believe in a meaningful relationship of your daughter like not just fooling around
So give her time and help her in all this she is just having hard time choosing btw you and her whole life spent beliefs and traditions
>>17071707
>they just have different beliefs and Jesus was a prophet for them aswell.
Jesus is god in Christianity, just a prophet with them.
Salvation comes through faith in Christianity, through good works with them.
It ain't the same mate.
That being said:
Converting to them as well means getting circumcised, you realize that?
>>17071726
This
Want to know why she is cutting you out? The parents.
>>17071746
I believe that Jesus did exist, there's alot of evidence to back this information up. I'm a scientist, and it's an opinion but I would never bash a person for their beliefs because I could be proven wrong in an instant. Religion has been used as an issue for abuse to others throughout human history. If religious values were truly reflected there would be no war, poverty or discrimination.
>>17071752
That's what I think is the problem, that the religion difference is a big factor in this. I could tell that she did love me, because it's something that I felt when I was with her, and she said told me she loved me when I was there. She seemed really upset and would start crying out of nowhere. She had my name saved on her phone as "My everything" and when I told her she should change that, she burst out crying and she was in the bathroom for half an hour. I just hate how religion can be used to prevent people from being together, I didn't go there to seduce her or have intercourse with her because I respected her beliefs, and respect Muslims. I went there for a meaningful relationship and so did she, but people strongly influenced her decisions. I just don't want to be blunt and tell her to make her mind up or i'm gone because I don't know how that could affect her. She doesn't deserve that pressure
>>17071810
That's what I think myself to be fully honest with you. It's not fair on her though
>>17071752
I'm a Turkish girl who doesn't give a shit to religion. My husband is a German Christan, well I live in Germany so no wonder. Just wanted to show that were not all the same. But you're right even the anon with the disowning story. I know a girl who got disowned because her husband is German too. Well as the first grandchild was born everything was forgotten. Now the families are very happy together.
Even my family would make some comments and my mom whished we would marry religiously too but I didn't give a shit. After 10 years everyone shuts up eventually and everything is fine one way or another.
Also OP be aware you'll have to get rid of your foreskin if you really want to convert.
>>17071629
>And why would she threaten to never talk to me again if I met someone new?
Because she loves you and it would hurt her to "see" you having a new girl. Also the new girl would get jealous you shithead. You can't see exes and old loves if you're committed to someone.
>>17071885
Would it be worth waiting three years to see if she'll decide to give this a proper go? To be honest, i'd be hurt to see her with someone too, but your right, if either of us started dating someone else, that'd be that.
>>17071878
Why would they disown somebody over their love choice. I understand that the parents wouldn't be happy about the situation, but if somebody loves someone, that should be their choice, as it was obviously yours. She's very close to her parents and family, I just wish sometimes I could say to them that I'm not here to ruin her life or beliefs or culture, but to be a positive influence in her life. It's a really shit situation =/
>>17071820
Belief in the existence of Jesus is not what sufficient for Christianity. It is belief in the deity of Christ. You are awfully dense, especially for a self proclaimed scientist. Maybe this is why the parents don't like you
>>17071553
I'm a Muslim, and I'll explain this pretty clearly.
No matter what the parents say, inside, they're thinking that you're going to fuck and dump their daughter, and make it impossible for her to do anything with her life. She's thinking the same thing. She obviously likes you a lot, as do the parents, but they're all fearful that you'd something like that.
As a rule of thumb, I assume white folk aren't truly Christian and fail to follow their faith until I hear or see proof otherwise. You have to understand, while most people in the west claim to be whatever faith, they fail to follow most of its tenets. In high school, I got so many giggles for being a virgin it's unreal. In the army, as a potential officer, I'm still getting giggles, but I don't care. These people are trash to me, because they have no sense of justice and have all but lost their faith. The latter doesn't bother me so much, as the former. The former is a problem, because these people talk about casual hookups and god knows what else, and I find it sickening that someone would use someone else like that.
I hope from this wayward babble you can get some useful information.
>>17071944
They probably wouldn't disown her, because as you said, they welcomed you into their home and broke bread with you, but they're definitely going to be worried you're going to pull a pump and dump, and then their daughter's future going to be in tatters.
>>17071878
>Also OP be aware you'll have to get rid of your foreskin if you really want to convert.
That's bullshit. I've got mine. That's just your local belief.
I don't know what each particular family believes in, though.
>>17071960
>As a rule of thumb
So, when you say you're a Christian, it probably has little weight to them, because the west is essentially only Christian on Christmas.
If you're a truebeans Christian, virgin, et al, then there's no real problem, save preference. But I don't know what they're thinking, I'm not the bloody parents.
Anyway, I should really get some stuff done, OP, so I'll take my leave.
>>17071949
Hey, everything is based on a theory. Theories can be disproved in a second, and happens regularly. To be honest, humans don't have a fucking clue about anything and we're blatantly destroying this planet. I've come across alot of Christian who use it to just show face, yet their the least charitable people you would ever meet. The parents did like me,but I can't just walk in their and go completely against their believes, that's something the girl and her parents would have to do mutually. If they figure that i'm the right person for her in the end, then it'll show that regardless of a persons original perception of a race/culture, that you can't judge a book by it's cover
>>17071385
The girl said to me that she wished I had gone to her Uni because we could hang out everyday.>>17071960
That wasn't my intention in any shape or form, when my friend asked me was I going to bring condoms with me, I said no, because I'm not going over there for that reason. I can't paint this picture to her parents however and of course their going be protective, it's natural and i'm just some foreign westerner that appeared out of nowhere to meet their daughter. But I don't think that there's anything that I could have done to be honest. I worked my ass off to save the money to be there, bought her a present which she loved only to be left confused as hell because they weren't willing to accept me for who I am even though she loved me
>>17072003
>I am Christian
>but I don't believe what Christianity says is real
You are so stupid. You are comparable to people who say they are vegetarians, but they'll eat pork, fish, and poultry.
You either believe a thing or you don't. You are the one trying to 'show face' by claiming one thing then claiming the opposite when asked for details.
lol scientist.
>>17072060
You're stupid. I was christened in a Catholic church, that therefore makes me a Christian unless I denounce my faith, which I haven't.
Christianity is based on Jewish beliefs up to the point in which Jesus was born and became our Savior. There's evidence that Christ was born and died, and is reflected in most religions around the world, that's proof.
To not question our existence makes you just as stupid.
>>17072099
You have such an intellectual void that you are now trying to criticize me for beliefs I have not even espoused.
> I was christened in a Catholic church, that therefore makes me a that therefore makes me a Christian unless I denounce my faith, which I haven't.
So is it the act of being christened or is it your faith that makes you Christian?
And you HAVE denounced your faith in this very thread. You have clearly stated you do not believe it is real and that all religions were created by man.
Now you find yourself in this position where you are desperately trying to perform mental gymnastics to reconcile two things that are mutually exclusive in an odd attempt to justify a relationship with this girl. You need to accept the truth of who YOU are and what YOU believe. Why do you bother claiming to hold a particular faith if you don't accept its very foundational tenets? What do you get out of it? Are you trying to hedge your bets in case God is real? Just in case you have to stand before the almighty at the end of your life?
To be clear, I am not criticizing anyone for their genuine faith. I don't give a single shit about which religion you want to claim so long as you are honest about it with yourself and with others.
>>17072158
I've to be up for work in 6 hours. Goodnight
>>17072034
I know, you seem honest, but they're still going to have doubts.
I don't know what you could do, either. You could always try moving - perhaps their apprehension stems from the thought of their daughter being really far away?
