23, m, good looks, university currently going well, by far not perfect but someone who's got his act generally together and constantly tries to improve, living in Western Europe, never been in a relationship
I recently realized that it's high(est) time for me to get out there and find the woman I'm looking for after years of ignoring this.
In HS, I just didn't really care about this sort of thing, then I was in the army as an officer, and for the next two years after that I was in a deep hole: I didn't know where I belonged, what I was supposed to do, I was desperate and lonely. But I didn't give up, I fought my way back and I'm currently studying at the University and in general I've never been better in all my life.
There have been many girls that have hit on me over the years but it either wasn't mutual or I just didn't care at that moment because I was busy hating myself and everyone. So, it's not that I'm not attractive.
Over half a year ago, I've met for the first time in my life someone that I thought who was perfect for me. There were so many women who liked me, but of course the only one I liked couldn't care less about me, even though she is a shy person and obviously never had a relationship before. She turned me down twice. I've cut contact now. The thing that really sucks is that she will be in mostly the same classes for the next 1.5 years.
I'm admittingly still reeling from this but I've pulled through more difficult times, and I'm certain that I'll eventually get back on my feet again, applying the lessons I've learnt from this, like before.
(1/2)
>>17059182
(2/2)
I'm at a point where I feel like I've finally something to give to someone else. I want to be there for someone else and I know that I can do so. But I want to find someone who hasn't been in a relationsship before like me. My self-confidence has improved drastically but I'm still afraid of being in a relationsship where "the stakes" are higher for me than for her. If someone has already much more experience than me, I fear that it will be much easier for the other person to walk away from a potential relationship than it is for me. Since I'm an idealist, I give everything I have when something/someone is important to me. And I am so afraid of getting hurt again after I've given it all to someone, so I want to minimize the risk.
You can laugh however you want and tell me how I'm naive but this is how I feel. I'm an idealistic idiot and I know I will never be happy if I give up in what I belive in.
But what I need is a plan to find someone with my values? How do I spend my time wisely, meaning in places where there are higher chances to find someone like that? Just chatting up all the seemingly shy women in my courses comes off as desperate and as a pathetic reaction to having been turned down.
I will be going to much more clubs and parties, etc, but I'm not sure if this is really the place to be.
Assuming that the women who haven't been in a relationship yet in their early twenties are anything like I was two years ago, they won't do much except go to school/university and stay the rest of the time at home or in their girl cliques. How could I find or reach someone like this?
The first thing that comes to my mind is going to church, since I live in a christian city, but since I'm not christian myself, I am not quite sure how this would be preceived, and also what social gatherings there are to meet such women.
>>17059184
>I will be going to much more clubs and parties, etc, but I'm not sure if this is really the place to be.
Nah usually clubs house many whores that have cheated on their ex and are looking for another dick to bounce on, or something along the lines. They may even have bf's already but love the attention - ie do not go for these fucking whores.
Terribly difficult to find someone your age that is a virgin. You probably want to go to church or something. But yeah , good luck OP to finding a girl that is above 20 and hasn't fucked 5+ guys in her life.
you ask out a girl.
After a week you tell her you're a virgin. Don't ask if she is, tell her you are. If she doesn't say "I am too" you break up with her. If she's a megaslut she might break up with you for it, but likely she'll just be like "aww" and say she doesn't mind, but isn't one herself. Break up with her. She'll call you sexist. That's fine, move on, find another girl.
Also talk to girls who are as young and you're legally allowed to be with.>>17059193
>>17059193
Well, ok. But I can't do something like that at my University. I can't ask several girls from my or other classes out and tell each of them that I'm a virgin. I'd be a total laughing stock once people start to talk amongst each other.
>>17059196
And where can I find such young girls?
Church.
Last 2 exs were Jesus freaks. Be warned that some are reformed and racked up quite a number before they chose to wait until marriage.
tl;dr
why do you need to be with a virgin?
>>17059182
Forgot about it.
Only women who are virgins at 23 are either extremely boring or ugly and fat.
>>17059433
I need her parts to synthesize anti aging serum.
>>17059433
I guess in the end, I have abandonment issues. It's a visceral fear of giving everything I have to someone, but that it won't be sufficient to make the person I like like me.
If she's already had relationships I fear that the relationship is more important to me than to her and that I will be terribly disappointed again.
I just don't want to be hurt anymore. And if there is for her nothing to compare things to, I woudl know that it's for her just as important as for me.
Also, there is the embarrassment to be sexually completely inexperienced. I wouldn't have to be if I knew that it's the same for the other person.
>>17059193
>you ask out a girl.
After a week you tell her you're a virgin.
This made me chuckle sensibly really
You ask a girl out and if she accepts you go on a date, most likely she will tell you to fuck off or perhaps "ohh...sorry id love to but my cat is in the oven and i left my curling iron in the dishwasher so you know...bad time"
>>17060096
I guess that's also the reason why've been a loner for so long. I rather be alone than being with other who don't accept me and then I would be hurt.
>>17059723
>extremely boring
Eh why is this even a thing as if me and everyone else on here isn't painfully boring too
Fuck it let's be basic and lay around the house in sweatpants watching old dvds
Boring is fine
>>17059182
>virgin
>traditional values
You do realize that the only reason why remaining a virgin is traditional is because people were married at 13, right? Sometimes after having known each other only for hours or not even having met.
In today's society, the norm is dating for years before marriage. The idea that you should not have sex before marriage is completely ridiculous in that aspect.
Either accept that your dream wife doesn't exist and you will die a virgin, or you grow up and stop being a faggot.
>>17060251
Oh they're out there just very rare. I think like 5% in the US. Basically sifting the dirt for a nugget of gold.
>>17060274
If being a virgin is the most important criteria to you in a girl, trumping all the other aspects... then you have some issues to sort out.
if and when there is an /adv/ sticky (please mods please) this question needs to be on it. I see it at least once a week.
OP if you want a virgin with traditional values, go to church. and lurk moar.
>>17059182
High school
>>17059182
i hate to break it to you but even if you do find a girl who is a virgin, she might not share your values and that's a reality you have to face. i was a virgin before i met my boyfriend and for the most part, it was because i had yet to meet someone who i felt that strongly about. for him, it's just you date someone and you fuck them. for me it means a bit more than that. but even if that girl that you meet is a virgin, she might not be one because of why you hope she is. also clubs are probably not where you want to be looking. i hate that it sounds stereotypical but it's kind of true. there's nothing wrong with what you want but it just means you have to be more discerning when it comes to the women you look for. a woman might ask you out, for example, and for her it could be her first shot at a relationship and she would want to make the first move. just a few things to consider.
>>17060305
How to get back in there without being a total creep?
>>17060300
As I said, I have no idea what exactly people do in a church. All I've been to are messes and those aren't exactly...popular with any age group, I'd say. What social events that I could be part of are being held in a church?
>>17060394
>a woman might ask you out, for example, and for her it could be her first shot at a relationship and she would want to make the first move. just a few things to consider.
Well, I hope I'm not that horribly simplistic and see things in black and white. Of course, (now at least) I look into the faces of the people around me and try to understand who they are. I wouldn't turn down a woman automatically just because she asked me out first or anything like that.
>you have to be more discerning
Yes, I know. But where to find them in the first place?
>>17060300
>lurk moar.
Well, as you said this is kind of a popular topic but I've yet to see another answer besides "chruch" in these threads. That's why I made my own thread.
>>17060463
And why do you think that is? Maybe it's because your entire premise is completely ridiculous? And that the correct answer is that you need to stop being an insecure manchild?
You have been told many times in this thread why your whole idea is stupid.
>>17060456
You don't go back to high school without being a creep.
>>17059188
It's even difficult to find a virgin that is 3-5 years younger than him, but much more likely. Younger women give you more of a window to have a baby too without rushing into things.
>>17059433
t. pic related
Only way is too find an asian online
>Fall in love (most people here say u cant love someone u never met though)
>Proceed to talk with her until the fact that your not together starts to eat away at both of you.
>????
Idk the next steps desu. I haven't lived them yet. But I don't think they are good.
I think the problem is that 99% of the time these threads are made by guys who didn't chose to wait - ie they always wanted sex but couldn't get it - now they want an attractive girl who had the option of sex but turned it down. That said I have actively turned down sex and
>>17060284
It's not -the- most important but it's in the top 3 and I would only take a girl with 2 or 3 partners max if other aspects were perfect.
>>17060456
>All I've been to are messes
What?
>>17062473
Sorry, English isn't my mother tongue. I meant whatever they plural of a mass is.
Maybe visiting Latin or Theology courses at my University is a good idea, too?
>>17061546
Thank you, senpai desu. Man, do I regret now every single second wasted on Video Games, cartoons and that garbage. I should have been learning all these life lessons before. Not now. But I have to say, in a way I feel good about this. Instead of just taking the easy route and accepting one of the girls who hit on me even though I didn't really care for them, I chose to take the route that makes me learn the most. I haven't had such a desire to work on myself in a long time.
The thing is, at your age, if she's never been in a relationship before, then she most likely won't be interested in a relationship with you, either. Well, if she's fresh out of HS or something and/or used to be the ugly duckling then it's possible, but you know how it is for girls. If she's not ugly there'll be a lot of guys hitting on her and at some point if she's not asexual she'll give it a chance.
Anyways, the way to go about it is always the same - meet more people, and I'm not talking about clubs, more like casual hang outs, coming to some home parties etc. The more people you meet, the more chances you have to meet a person that'll catch your interest.
I met a girl who's 22 and a virgin lately, she's been in one relationship which lasted half a year 'cause the guy decided he needs the sex and fucked another girl though, too bad now she wants no boyfriend at all. But either way, I met her through a party at another friend's place, and mind that she's the only one with that kinda values in the whole group of friends (she's the only catholic, too). We all get along just fine though since we're all artistic and have similar humor sense etc.
There are also certain hobbies that can be associated with being shy, for example, like teenage fans of animu and mango are often pretty shy and sometimes good looking and not completely fucked up in the head so you may want to prey on some 18 years old weeb who hasn't realized the powers of her vagina yet and join some online group (like on fb) centered around animu.
>>17063055
Indeed, a girl who is a virgin at that age is most likely so for wrong reasons. If she won't have sex 6 months into a relationship, few guys are willing to date her based on that alone.
>>17063094
OP here, and after waiting for so long, I couldn't give less of a damn if I had to wait another 6 months or a year for sex or not.
>>17059182
[haven't read responses yet, I will soon]
1) Live traditional values
2) Go to where traditional women are
3) Interact with them
At your age there are still plenty of women who are still virgins.
>>17059184
>The first thing that comes to my mind is going to church, since I live in a christian city, but since I'm not christian myself, I am not quite sure how this would be preceived, and also what social gatherings there are to meet such women.
Look for Young Singles groups - some Christian groups are open to what they call 'unequally yoked' marriages where a traditional-minded but non-Christian spouse is acceptable
>>17060251
>You do realize that the only reason why remaining a virgin is traditional is because people were married at 13, right?
That is a myth. Even in medieval times the average age of marriage for a woman was 18-22 (depending on region) to a husband 4-12 years older. the 'youthful marriages' were usually arranged marriages between nobles or the wealthy where a marriage would take place but the couple would not meet until they were 16-20 years old.
The exceptions were times of war when some marriages were young, but this was rare.
Further, the Church forbade marriage at 13! The canonical minimum age for marriage is 14 for girls and 16 for boys
>>17060274
roughly 10% of all people die virgins. If you remove celibate religious the remainder is about 8%
So about one out of every 12-13 people will *always* be a virgin.
Think about that next time you are at the mall or a concert
>>17063131
It's the uncertainty of it. With a girl like that it could take years to have sex. And when you finally do it could end up really lousy. And infrequent. That's why few guys would take that risk.
I think your best bet is to try and find someone who is religious. Are you planning on marriage with this person btw or do you just want to date/fuck a virgin? Because if it's the latter you're probably not going to get very far worth her. She'll probably have very high standards for that.
>>17063094
~16% of all 23 year old women are still virgins, according to the CDC and the GSS (as well as a few others).
>>17063140
OP here:
1) covered I'd say.
2) Where exactly are those, besides Chruch?
3) Got it. It's not that I have big problems with interacting.
>>17063153
Thanks for the information.
>>17063169
Well, it's hard to say if I want to marry someone I've never even met. But I'd not start something unless I really wanted to be with and be there for that person.
>>17063172
I have to wonder what the percentage of men is who are virigins at that age?
>>17063249
Church is a solid start. As I mentioned elsewhere social groups started by churches that do not require religion exist in many major cities.
And about the same percentage of men remain virgins
>>17063249
>2) Where exactly are those, besides Chruch?
I suggest Asia.
>>17062678
>I meant whatever they plural of a mass is.
Oh
Where are you from? In the US at least there are plenty of college aged Catholics that regularly attend Sunday mass, and plenty more that just go every once in a while. If that's not really the case in your country maybe going to a church wouldn't be the best idea.
>Maybe visiting Latin or Theology courses at my University is a good idea, too?
Speaking just from personal experience, theology and philosophy courses aren't usually the best places to find women. Not saying it's impossible, but those tend to be male dominated fields. Latin isn't really a very popular language either.
>>17059182
OP lose your virginity. Once you do you will realize how trivial it is. You don't want a bar slut, but you don't need a pure virgin either.
>>17063639
I'm in Geneva, Switzerland.
>>17063712
This.
>>17063140
If I'm conservative but not Christian, how would I pull it off?
>>17060178
Boring as in not funny at all.
When she opens her mouth and that boring voice hits you, when she doesn't have anything interesting to say, when she laughs at childish 9gag jokes.
I couldn't stand being with a girl like this.
>>17059184
Find a Muslim girl they are 98% virgin in Muslims countries and almost 50% would still be virgin in western countries
>>17064030
but they smell terrible though.
>>17064030
DISCLAIMER: a lot of them take it in the ass regularly and still proclaim themselves as virgins. christian girls do this as well, despite divine condemnation of sodomy
>>17064030
Most Muslim women are useless as a partner who are on your eye-level.
>>17059208
I know anon, that would be funny as fuck, can you imagine? Going around telling all the girls you're a virgin? Holy shit, anon, end it now for the love of God.
>>17064432
I guess you're right. I should stop being such a huge retard.
On another note, I might have stumbled upon the problem I suffer from:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder
>4.unwillingness to become involved with people unless certain of being liked
>5.restrictions in lifestyle because of need to have physical security
>>17064432
when I was in college I told one girl (who I was dating, to be fair) that I was a virgin.
I was single the next day and im still a virgin.
Shit got around too because I was never able to get another date after that
Op. I have 1.
We love each other to death and are really committed to each other....
She loves me to death
Idk tho 5 yrs later, I might just wake up next to her in bed and not feel 'it' anymore.
>>17059182
The only reason you'd want a virgin is so she doesn't find out how bad you are at sex.
>>17064628
Which is a valid reason in my eyes. Nobody's going to engage in casual sex with if you are bad at sex.
>>17064628
Believe me, my friend, my sex skills are the least important aspect in all of this.
It's more about the being able to trust someone.
>>17064626
What exactly is your point?
Starting by the church could be a nice option, but keep in mind that some of their values might be based on just believes rather than actual knowledge and ethical standars.
For a while I wanted to meet people through that method, being a virgin girl myself, but in the actual practice, trying to guide my values under the ideals of going to paradise didn't make me happy.
I'm pretty reclusive, so I don't get to meet many people. I enjoy hanging around with my friends, but sometimes the need of intimacy and a partner get me depressed from time to time. Being unable to form an ever lasting bond with someone, well, makes you question your actual value.
Being happy with what you have to offer, and finding someone who accepts it and gives you equally in return, being a virgin or not, could be the way to go. Good luck, OP.
>>17059182
I can't believe I'm replying to a thread like this again, but:
You are conflating virginity with "values".
Religious people often make this mistake, but you are not religious.
There are plenty of virgins for the wrong reasons (religion, withholding sex as a weapon to hold power in a relationships) and there are plenty of non-virgins for non-virtuous reasons (using sex as a weapon for power, because he/she hates self, rape, etc).
There are plenty of non-virgins who are still virtuous, i.e., had some relationships where she loved the guy, but it didn't work out, or screwed a guy once because she didn't want to be inexperienced, etc.
You should always be wary that someone's sexual history can end up being an indication of hurting you in a relationship, but that's true of EVERYONE.
So keep dating and don't let the virginity thing be a dealbreaker. It's unlikely you're going to be attracted to a promiscuous girl anyway. You'll probably end up liking and finding the cute shy girl who got dragged to the party by her friends. And ffs, not all leisure activities are sausage-fests or exclusive girl cliques. Find them. Participate.
>>17064687
>not a virgin
>untrustworthy
LOLOLOLOL PLEBS ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS
>>17064818
topkek
>>17059182
>How to find a virgin gf? How to find a gf with traditional values?
A time machine, perhaps?
1800's seems like a good time for you.
>>17059182
Honestly, OP, the idea that you want to meet someone who hasn't been in a relationship before reminds me of what almost broke up my marriage.
It's complicated, but the upshot is this: I harbored the mythical belief that the purpose of a relationship was so that two people can grow together. This is not actually true. The only marriages or relationships that last are those where people commit to grow as individuals who are willing to learn from each other and love each other no matter what changes occur. If you think that you will meet someone and, through your deep understanding of life, develop them into a more wonderful person, then you will not be falling in love with that person - you will be falling in love with the person you think they could be. And when they do not become that person, you will question what it was that you even saw in them. And you will be forced to either leave them or accept them. And this will happen many times throughout your relationship - possibly every day. That's what relationships are. Literally a daily negotiation of self and other, and an agreement to listen and understand and learn from each other.
Now, I really don't mean to sound like I know your intentions or come off like I'm judging you, but I can tell you that in my mid-thirties, knowing that we weren't going to have children, the impulse to "raise" somebody hit hard - and it almost caused me to leave my wife for a younger woman. And what I would have found was exactly what I had to learn by choosing to stay married: that you can never change other people.
The person you want, your "soul-mate?" That person is an ideal. And ideals do not exist in the physical world. This lesson is painful, and one of the worst that we're forced to accept in life.
So instead of looking for someone who isn't there yet, just focus on and accept the people who are there. Don't try to get into a relationship - nurture the ones you're in, and let them grow in to what they will.
>>17064621
When I lived in the dorms, word "got out" that I was a virgin. There was also this girl whose friends made fun of the fact that she was a virgin, and when her friends heard that I was, too, they basically told her she and I should hook up and just take each others' virginity. We actually talked about it, and we decided that that would be just weird and a stupid thing to do, but there was definitely a moment that if either of us really wanted to, we probably could have convinced the other that we may as well get it over with. So, I guess I'm just saying that the possibility exists that letting people know you're a virgin could potentially lead to them helping you not be. I don't know, it was the mid '90s, so maybe things were different back then. Just don't rule out any possibilities.
>>17064621
That's so fucking ridiculous
Feminists will defend this shit
Fuck women
>>17064030
In Muslim countries none of them wait they just get a fake hymen implanted before their wedding
In the west none of them do either theyre bigger sluts more than a pumpkin spice sipping white girl
>>17064931
Thank God some much for your advice. I really appreciate it.
>>17066005
Thank *you so much
>>17059723
I lost my virginity at 24 and I'm not boring, ugly or fat. On the contrary, I get a lot of unwanted attention and my boyfriend is mad in love with me.
and i know a few other girls who *may* have lost their virginity in their twenties and aren't ugly or fat.
>>17064931
>Don't try to get into a relationship - nurture the ones you're in, and let them grow in to what they will.
Well, I don't have that many female friend / relationsships I'm in right now. And I will not go back to my crush who turned me down twice in hopes that it will grow into something.
So, I feel it's necessary that I meet some new people.
>>17064818
Really though
Someone who hands out pussy to everyone who spends an hour with her in a coffeeshop doesn't respect sex. And cheating and divorce has skyrocketed.
>>17059182
>there have been many girls that have hit on me over the years but it either wasn't mutual
That's your problem.
Everyone thinks they're a better catch than they are. Everyone thinks they're funnier, more interesting, and better looking than they are. The girls who have been interested in you are the best you can do. 95% of women do nothing when they like a guy, just wait for him to notice her, if they came to you then they liked you a whooooole fucking bunch, more than any of the hot babes you were too shy to talk to ever would.
This is why everyone is always saying "lower your standards." If the only girls who liked you were ugly either make yourself look better or stop porn and masturbating cold turkey for months until you just want to fuck anything with a pulse.
>>17066273
>Everyone thinks they're a better catch than they are. Everyone thinks they're funnier, more interesting, and better looking than they are. The girls who have been interested in you are the best you can do. 95% of women do nothing when they like a guy, just wait for him to notice her, if they came to you then they liked you a whooooole fucking bunch, more than any of the hot babes you were too shy to talk to ever would.
This is why everyone is always saying "lower your standards." If the only girls who liked you were ugly either make yourself look better or stop porn and masturbating cold turkey for months until you just want to fuck anything with a pulse.
In HS I had an international fashion model who was missing classes because she was in NY or Mailand catwalking telling me that she loved me.
Three months ago I had another former classmate, who I'd say is easily a 9/10 personality / career /lookswise giving me clear signs. Every other man with a brain wouldn't have hesitated a single second. But I couldn't bring myself to act upon it,throughout the whole evening.
A month ago I was at the UN in Geneva for a project, where again excellent, succesful women couldn't give any clearer signs that they were into me. But I just couldn't muster the courage to plunge into things.
I am not saying these things to brag or anything. It's just that no matter how perfect a women might be in all other aspects if I can't be sure that my trust that I place into a person won't be betrayed, I can't take the next step.
The girl that turned me down twice, has considerable problems herself and I'm fairly sure she would be a worse partner then the three examples I just listed. But my fear of being hurt makes me forgo all of that for the goal of not being left alone again.
God, I am stupid motherfucker with issues. But I just can't help it.
>>17060134
You have to accept and truly love yourself.
>>17064628
Women with higher numbers are also more likely to divorce their husbands.
>>17059433
Not him but I figure bathing in their blood will grant me immortality.
